The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

I’m a Compulsive Overeater.

People who meet me are taken aback if I mention that I am – present tense – a compulsive overeater. “But you’re not fat!” they protest. Yeah, and Joe the alcoholic who hasn’t had a drink in twenty years isn’t drunk, but he’s still an alcoholic. My last eating binge was twenty-six years ago.

I’m going to pause for a minute and just breathe that in; I forget sometimes the enormity of it.

I hated my life when the food was out of control. The up-and-down weight was part of it – it’s embarrassing to see someone at one size in June and be a whole different size in September – but the real agony was the bondage. In contrast to popular belief, there is no freedom in turning into the drive-thru when part of me didn’t want to but a stronger part really did. I was a slave to trying the next diet just because it was Monday (despite that I hated diets and knew they didn’t work). When it got bad enough, I knew that even if I would never be thin, I had to find a way to be free.

Fast-forward two decades – I’ve been both free, and thin, for a really long time. Free is better but I won’t lie: thin is nice, too. I no longer diet or agonize over food. Sometimes I eat too much, sure, but I’m never “going off” of something because there’s nothing to go off of. I look healthy and normal. But while I am healthy, I’m not normal. I’m still and always will be a compulsive overeater.

So how have I come to this place?

> Rather than think of it as a negative thing, knowing and readily admitting what I am is the path to emancipation. It tells me that I need to take the following things seriously to maintain the gift I’ve been given.

> Having some kind of spiritual life. I’m no Mother Theresa, but without contact with a higher power, I’d still be looking for God in a bag of Doritos. Willpower runs out. Spiritual power doesn’t.

> Willingness to help other fat people. I can feel bad for the homeless, the terminally ill, or victims of domestic abuse. But other than giving money, I can’t do anything for them because I don’t understand their experience. I do understand hiding food, stealing food, bingeing alone, and hating myself later. Nobody can help an addict like another addict, and helping others improve their lives makes me want to keep doing the same with my own.

> Eating within some gentle, flexible parameters. For me, that’s pretty much three meals a day, because if you only start to eat three times, you only have to stop three times. And, for the most part, natural foods. Anything beyond that gets diet-like and crazy-making. I’m a vegan and I know that helps keep me thin, but I wasn’t able to let go of animal products until after I was able to stop succumbing to the compulsion to eat just to get a fix.

That list may seem simple, but if I were to give up on any of them, I’d almost certainly binge again. This is who I am. I could reject my spiritual life and not turn to drugs or gambling; I don’t relate to those. Cookies, however, I get.

This is a syndrome. Overeating and binge eating are the extreme end of it. When I don’t want to go to the gym for days, I’m not overeating, but I’m in the syndrome. When I want to stay in and watch TV instead of go out to a networking event that would further my career, I’m in the syndrome. When I’d rather eat alone, even the most nutritious, moderate, and beautifully balanced meal ever prepared, that’s the syndrome.

As an imperfect person, I dance around with that syndrome. I recognize it and, thanks to that list I’m committed to, it hasn’t in all these years gone as far as gaining back weight (I’m sixty pounds lighter than I used to be) or even to a binge. But weight loss isn’t the point. I’ll say it again: I’m a compulsive overeater. That fact will remain as long as I live in this body and have this brain. The point is that I used to think it was curse, but now I understand that it’s a gateway: to understanding myself, to plugging into the endless energy and wisdom of a higher power, and to being of use to others in the world.

Victoria Moran (http://www.victoriamoran.com) is a holistic health counselor (HHC, AADA) and the author of books including Creating a Charmed Life, Fit from Within, and The Love-Powered Diet.

Someone at FGG may have a slight addiction to Gilligan & O’Malley PJs

A recent Ask FGG covered plus size lingerie, and this week, we’re tackling a related reader question:

I’m a size 22 and need to find some cute PJs that don’t cost a fortune or look like something my granny would wear. Help!

This is one I was excited to take on, because after years of wearing men’s flannel PJ pants and over-sized t-shirts, I discovered Gilligan & O’Malley at Target. They’re often much cheaper than Lane Bryant, where it seems the pickins have been slim in the PJ section in their stores lately, too (or is that just me?). Many of the Gilligan & O’Malley pajamas come in a stretchy, silky polyester/spandex fabric that is absolutely divine against your skin. They come in feminine, flirty styles (as opposed to the more matronly offerings many retailers reserve for plus size women). Even better: they’re generously sized. I wore an XXL pajama set (listed as a size 20 online) while pregnant with my third son and pushing a size 24, and I purchased two pair of XL when I was a 22 and they fit comfortably (though I’m not particularly large-chested, so you’ll want to compare these sizes yourself).

The runner-up in the cute plus size pajama department: Wal Mart.

We’re already in love with their affordable-and-cute Danskin Now workout wear, and while I haven’t tried out any of their fabrics, there are quite a few styles to choose from at a great price point – and they go up to a size 3X.

What about you, readers? Find any generously sized, slinky, feminine or sexy PJs for a song lately? Tell us about it in the comments.

I am . . . tired by thewaltonsare

As a writer with a strong visual side, I’m often drawn to images paired with words, provided they don’t unintentionally veer into SNL parody territory. This week’s photo, plucked from the talented pool of our FGG Girls Flickr Group, hit the mark perfectly: it’s lovely, compelling, and I think we can all relate to the feelings expressed here, including the part about being tired! (For some quick pick-me-ups, check out our Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Superhero).

I strongly believe that the labels we bestow upon ourselves are powerful – whether they’re pragmatic, positive, or negative. Self-talk runs deep, girls: If we tell ourselves we’re unlovable or unworthy or unsuccessful or unlikely to–whatever, really–we’ll probably prove ourselves right. Conversely, if we tell ourselves we’re adorable and lovable and deserving of happiness, I guarantee you we’ll be more likely to find those qualities reflecting back to us. No, whispering nice things to ourselves is not a magic cure-all, and yes, elbow grease is necessary to bring our affirmations to life. But if our labels are bringing us down or no longer serving us, perhaps it’s time to write some new ones and try viewing ourselves in new ways.

How about you, girls? What words would you post beside your own self portrait? Are they descriptive of your roles in life, or do they capture your physical or emotional traits instead? Are there any new ones you could add or old ones that no longer fit (kind of like that skort you just found in your summer clothes bin)? Share your thoughts on self-talk and labels in comments. And if you decide to make your own self-portrait (our Guide to Sexy Self-Portraits contains tips for great selfies of any type) accompanied by words, be sure to share it in our FGG Girls Flickr group!

After a week of coffee-and-granola-bar breakfasts, I’m dreaming of spending Sunday morning languishing in bed for as long as possible, only heading to the kitchen when hunger calls to prepare these amazing Whole-Wheat Oatmeal Pancakes. We discovered this recipe one weekend after debating the nutritional merits of pancakes and trying to justify a high-calorie, carb-heavy (but uber-yummy) breakfast that would leave us hungry again within a matter of hours. So, I searched online for ways to improve upon pancakes beyond simply switching to whole-wheat flour.

Happily, this wonderfully nutty, nicely textured recipe from Epicurious was one of the first recipes I came across, and it includes both oats and wheat flour. Know what that means? These pancakes will not only satisfy my occasional pancake craving, they’ll hold me over until lunchtime while helping manage my cholesterol levels–a pretty sweet deal!

We usually top these with bananas and either a drizzle of syrup or a dollop of freshly whipped cream. They’re wonderful either way, and this weekend I’m going try slathering some peanut butter under the bananas for an extra protein boost. I’ll bet these would also be great with blueberries or strawberries, too – I can’t wait to experiment on another relaxing Sunday morning!

Don’t fret if you don’t have buttermilk on hand or are reluctant to buy a big container you’ll never finish -  just make your own!

Whole-Wheat Oatmeal Pancakes
(adapted slightly from Epicurious)
3/4 cup oats (regular or quick-cooking)
1 1/2 cups plus 2 tablespoons well-shaken buttermilk, divided (or make your own)
3/4 cup whole-wheat flour
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
1/8 teaspoon grated nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 large egg, lightly beaten
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 1/2 tablespoons packed brown sugar
sliced bananas

Soak oats in 3/4 cup buttermilk (30 minutes for regular / 10 minutes for quick-cooking).

Meanwhile, whisk together flour, baking powder, baking soda, cinnamon, nutmeg, and salt in a large bowl.

Stir egg, butter, brown sugar, remaining 3/4 cup plus 2 tablespoons buttermilk, and oat mixture into dry ingredients until just combined. Do not over-mix.

Heat a griddle or large, heavy-bottomed pan over medium heat until hot and lightly brush with oil. Working in batches, pour 1/4 cup batter per pancake onto griddle and cook until bubbles appear on surface and undersides are golden-brown, about 1 minute. Flip with a spatula and cook other side, about 1 minute more. (Lightly oil griddle between batches.)

Yield: 8-10 pancakes

Looking for more great recipes? Visit my blog at
http://culinography.wordpress.com

super gurrl by JamieBates

We’ve all been there: Saturday morning’s long, impatient to-do list competes with the more compelling siren song of a warm blanket and a good book. Or a jam-packed day at the office – complete with a two-hour lunch delay to solve the latest crisis – burns this morning’s stockpile of energy down to embers. Or on the one day you get to sleep in, the kids decide to wake an hour and a half early to place an order for Mickey Mouse pancakes. While everyone faces days that test their endurance, the extra weight (and sometimes the negative self-talk) that fat girls carry in addition to our everyday burdens can make it tough to find an energy boost when we need it. Next time life demands a Superwoman setting, try refueling your energy reserves with one of these techniques.

Move it or lose it

It doesn’t take a physicist to grasp that whole “a body at rest stays at rest” law of motion deal. The more we sit without doing something active, the more inclined we are to. . .  sit without doing something active. So get up, already (this is one of those times when I need to take my own advice). Push back from the cube desk every 30 minutes and walk a lap around the office, fill your water bottle, etc. Set an egg timer and clean like crazy for exactly 10 minutes. Do five of anything resembling a jumping jack. Walk for just five minutes, then assess if you want to continue moving. For many people, the simple act of getting the blood flowing and the heart beating a little faster is all it takes to shake off the afternoon drag.

What’s your cup o’ tea?

When faced with an early morning or tough afternoon, many of us automatically reach for the caffeine boost of coffee or soda. Next time, consider swapping that Diet Coke for a cup of tea, which can provide energizing benefits without dehydrating you or posing caffeine’s risk of addiction. Popular choices include rooibos tea (antioxidant-rich and said to help soothe headaches and muscle aches, as well as improving digestion) and teas made with spearmint (light, refreshing taste and benefits said to include improved digestion and a limiting of excess hair growth on women – bonus!). Check out TeaBenefits.com for ideas about the tea that best suits your health and mood.

DIY mantra

Stuart Smalley had “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” My best friend posts song lyrics or Bible verses on Facebook when she needs to pick herself up or focus. As ridiculous as it sounds, my own “daily affirmation” came from a fortune cookie I received last summer: “You are capable, competent, creative, careful. Prove it.” (I figured if a cookie takes the time to call you out in no uncertain terms, it’s probably wise to listen.)

Having a mantra doesn’t have to be boring, trite or sound like a corporate mission statement — it’s simply about identifying what drives you. What’s the motivating force behind your job, your activities, your relationships or your choices? Are you working toward a family? A home? Better health? An established industry name? If you can connect to the root idea of what makes a task important, you may be able to find the reserves to push through it with gusto.

Make like Gumby

Back in November, Tee published the (awesome) Fat Girl’s Guide to Stretching and we learned how easy — and energizing — it could be to incorporate basic stretches into our daily routine. All those expert tips and sage advice? Still true! the important thing to add is that regardless of your lifestyle, whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a student, a high-profile corporate exec, or working two jobs to pay rent, simple stretches are a take-anywhere, try-anywhere cure for flagging energy in just a few minutes. You don’t need equipment and you don’t need total privacy (which is more than we can say for the next tip) or intensive training, because moves as simple as neck stretches and shoulder rolls provide big benefits and can be done right from your desk.

Gimme an ‘O!’

We’re no longer in the Victorian age, ladies, so I’m just going to say it: orgasms are good for us. Whether achieved solo or with a partner, the release of endorphins orgasms provide is similar to that of a runner’s high, and the benefits include everything from reduced stress levels to pain management to curbed appetites. Not bad for something that feels great, right?

It may seem counter-intuitive to recommend an activity that provides such deep relaxation (and frequently, sleepiness), but a clear mind and a 20-minute power nap will often do wonders for both attitude and productivity. Plus, not every burst of energy is physical; feeling empowered and energized can just as easily be a mental strategy. How much more confidence and enthusiasm do you project when you feel good about yourself and your body? And what better way to connect with your body’s innate awesomeness than through some, shall we say, quality time and a toe curler (or two)? I rest my case — and ask that you not try this in the office.

It’s essential

Aromatherapy evokes or enhances different moods through scent, either in the form of candles or essential oils. Small amounts of the concentrated oils can be sniffed from a vial or jar, applied to pressure points like the temples, feet, or wrists, or heated in a diffuser to fill a room with fragrance. To revitalize and energize, consider scents like tea tree, mint, basil, lime, cedar, rosewood, ginger and frankincense. Oils and candles are available at retailers like Bath & Body Works, as well as smaller, niche stores and online vendors. Check out AromaWeb for more information.

Pump up the jams

Over dinner last month, my 50-something friend Iris confided the secret of her recent weight loss and sudden take-no-prisoners approach to life: Quite simply, she got a new attitude. “It’s Patti LaBelle,” she said with a grin. “I get on my treadmill and as soon as ‘New Attitude’ comes on, I’m ready to rock!”

Whether your own musical magic trick is an “anthem song” like Iris’s, or just a tune that takes you to a particularly confident, empowered time and place, music is a powerful tool – so make it work for you when you need it most. Flood your headphones with the iPod mix of songs that always gets your blood pumping (mine always includes “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles). Or choose a song with lyrics that speak to your mood and blast it while you work, cook, drive, fold laundry, or just sing at the top of your lungs.

Judge if you will, but all it takes is the opening pulse of Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” to remind me of the 4 a.m. lakefront reality check/pep talk delivered by a dear friend last summer. In a moment of flagging confidence and confusion about the future, he helped me cut through my fears and self sabotage as Gaga wailed and waves crashed in the background. A year later, I still play that song when I need a reminder that Mike was right and everything’s “gonna be okay. . . (just dance).”

Regis, I’d like to phone a friend

If you’ve read this far, you may have noticed that I frequently mention my friends when I write–they’re my extended (and surrogate) family and, often, my inspiration. Our friends are able to see the amazing qualities we possess but can’t always acknowledge in ourselves. So it stands to reason that these are the same people who may have a motivating trick or two up their sleeves when we’re feeling drained. Reaching out to a friend via phone, text or e-mail takes only moments, but the belly laugh or the calibration with your truest self that s/he provides may be what you need to feel rejuvenated.

How do you stay energized? Where do you turn for an energy boost when you most need it? Tell us in comments.

The cautionary tale of Wounded soldier by twodolla

As my college friends gathered this weekend to help celebrate my birthday (thanks again, guys!), we excitedly planned our get-togethers for the next several months: Birthdays. Weddings and babies. Pool parties. Camping. All of this outdoor fun brought to mind an age-old fat girl challenge:

Where can I find a portable chair that won’t fold like a bad poker hand when I sit down?

Many of us know the only thing worse than mentally assessing the hip room of every portable camping chair at an outdoor gathering is perching daintily upon a cheapie version and praying that the recommended weight allowance is accurate to the ounce. Actually, there is one thing worse: that horrible moment when dainty doesn’t cut it and said chair unceremoniously dumps its occupant onto her bottom. Ladies, I have heard the sickening CRACK! of a breaking chair, and my goal today is to help ensure none of our readers ever has to do the same. So if you’re an outdoorsy girl seeking comfort, stability, and subtle design (read: NOT the chair equivalent of a muumuu), try taking a load off in one of these tush-friendly finds.

If possible, test Goldilocks-style until you locate “just right.”

Obviously, the best option is to check out your prospective chair using your body’s own specific dimensions. Fold & unfold the chair, try sitting in various positions (fully reclined, leaning forward, legs crossed or propped up, etc.), and stand up using the armrests as leverage. Pay attention to whether the armrests’ support bars or their grommets pinch or dig into your thighs; when they’re iffy after a five-minute test run, imagine how uncomfortable you’ll feel during an evening in front of a bonfire. Overall, look for a chair that feels stable no matter how you sit. And don’t forget to pack it back into its carrying case and try hefting it before you purchase — folding camp chairs shouldn’t be a “team lift” item.

Coleman makes several models that should accommodate plus-sized users without drawing attention to them, such as the Coleman Elite Cooler Quad Chair ($34.99, Target), which lists a weight limit of 325 pounds and features a cooler built into the armrest (brilliant!). You could also try settling into the Coleman Lumbar Chair ($21.88, Wal-Mart), which offers extra lumbar support and a weight limit of 350 pounds, or REI’s Comfort Recliner Chair ($59.50), with a 325-pound capacity and a seat back angle that invites you to prop your feet up and get comfy. The highest weight rating we found during a search of major retailers was the Coleman Max Sling Chair ($26.88, Wal-Mart), which accommodates 400 pounds. Unfortunately, the downside to in-person shopping is that selection may be limited; individual store locations may not carry these heavy-duty models, or may have just a small quantity or selection in stock.

If you can’t try it yourself, read specs & reviews carefully.

If you’re willing to gamble a bit with ordering online, the seating possibilities are almost endless — just be sure to research carefully and read any available customer reviews. Remember that it’s not just the weight capacity of a chair you need to assess, but its seat width and how the armrest support bars are positioned, as well. And to reduce the likelihood of chair legs sinking into soft ground, opt for models with wider “feet” at the end of each chair leg.

Online sellers offering robust chairs range from well-known retailer Dick’s Sporting Goods to LivingXL (which offers plus-sized products in many categories) to niche sites like Koolest Products, notable for a wealth of “extreme” merchandise. We liked the unassuming nature of the powder blue, heavy-duty Quik Chair from Dick’s, which subtly and inexpensively ($24.99!) seats users weighing 500 pounds. LivingXL offers a similar model with a few color choices and a higher price tag ($49.99), as well as the largest portable chair on the market — a 1,000-pound capacity model with 30-inch-wide quilted seat ($99.95, or $139.95 for the canopied version).

For truly indulgent R&R, go for the bells and whistles.

With a capacity of 400 pounds, LivingXL’s Suntracker® Swivel Chair ($169.95) rotates a full 360 degrees and includes a built-in sun visor. And the aptly named MaXXDaddy Monster Folding Chair ($149.99, Koolest Products) boasts two cup holders, a magazine pouch, a detachable/adjustable footrest and a pillowed headrest that cushions your noggin, hammock-style. All this, and it accommodates 800 pounds in an extra-wide, 25-inch seat, to boot. A friend purchased this chair (in purple) a few years back, and lo, it was good! At one point, I believe he considered ditching his couch and replacing it with a fleet of these puppies. The only downside was the rather prominent MaXXDaddy logo. . .  and the stampede that ensued whenever my friend vacated his seat for a beer run. With comfort that legendary, though, you may not want to leave your new chair, either.

Tried one of the chairs we mentioned? Want to share your experiences with a different model? Tell us in comments.

Spring color pop courtesy of molmanik

Black, chocolate and charcoal may be flattering and slimming wardrobe staples, but after a few months of winter, a girl’s wardrobe could use a little something-something. Brighter. Cheerier. Bolder. So when those first sunny days arrive, I start jonesing for color – which makes this week’s adorable and inspiring Photo of the Week an obvious choice.

Last week, we challenged you to spring clean your closets. I did, and it was alarming how many ill-fitting, “safe bet” garments I’d been holding on to for months or years. The up side: now there’s room to shop for some vibrant, fun pieces that highlight my curves! What about you? Did you ditch any of your “Someday Syndrome” clothes and make room for new styles and shades?

Girls, spring means it’s time to shop for COLOR. And whether you’re craving pastels, jewel tones, neon or all of the above, share your latest fab finds in the comments – the brighter, the better.