The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Are these Shape-ups fat-girl friendly?

Dear FGG: I keep seeing ads for all these shoes that tone your body just by walking in them. Do they actually work? And are they safe for overweight women to wear? I’m afraid I’ll topple over!

Lately, it’s hard to miss commercials for either the new Sketchers Shape-ups or Reebok’s EasyTone fitness footwear. Although designed very differently, both are based on a similar concept (decreased stability is used to engage and challenge muscles) and are promoted as a faster way to achieve a toned butt and legs, while also losing weight. To test these claims, I trotted into two local shoe stores for some fat-girl field research, where I spoke with a shoe-fitting guru for scoop on whether these shoes live up to their hype.

Sketchers Shape-ups

Although you can purchase these puppies in every style from sandals to boots to standard athletic shoe, two different staff members at my local Lady Foot Locker assured me that the rocker technology on all the shoes was the same — a claim the Sketchers web site seems to reinforce. The signature curved, rocking-horse nature of each Shape-ups sole is designed to mimic the effect of walking on soft ground, where your heel sinks in and your muscles have to work to stabilize the body with each step. The unique design also gives the shoes a platform-like look and feel, adding a couple of inches to the wearer’s height.

After lacing up the black & white “Strength” models a clerk brought out at random for me to try (a design I’d actually consider owning — plus a name that matches my shoulder tattoo), I completed several laps around the store to get a feel for the shoes. Although I felt the “soft sand” comparison immediately, the shoes weren’t uncomfortable to wear; at no point did I feel as though I’d fall over — due to my weight or otherwise. Wearing them definitely forced me to pay attention to how I was walking, which likely affected my posture for the better. And whether it was just the increased emphasis on my stride or the actual science of the shoe, I did feel my calves working harder during the five minutes I tooled around the store.

Ultimately, although I remained curious about the Sketchers and would have loved to give them a lengthy, in-home test run, two things would likely keep me from purchasing them for myself. First, the price tag was steep–$110 for a pair of shoes I couldn’t see myself wearing everywhere due to their just-plain-weird profile. But more importantly, the shoes didn’t seem to offer any allowances for the way my feet behave when I walk. The straightforward arc on the shoe is made for people whose feet land 100% straight ahead and flush with every step, where some people (myself included) have feet that land at an outward angle, and others walk pigeon-toed. Additionally, I could occasionally feel my foot coming down along the outside edge of the sole as I strode, leaving me to wonder if I might at some point hyper-extend or turn my ankle in shoes designed to channel me into walking in a way that conflicted with my foot’s shape and natural tread.

Reebok EasyTone

Rather than an elevated rocking-horse arc on their soles, shoes in the Reebok EasyTone line instead employ what the company calls “balance pods” on the sole and heel to create instability. I took my questions about this shoe straight to an expert — longtime professional shoe fitter (and surname-phobic) José of family-owned and operated Murphy’s Fit shoe store and athletic wear in Evanston, IL. Settled in a comfy fitting chair (which moments earlier had been occupied by local nightly news anchor, Mark Suppelsa as he laced up new kicks), I asked José directly, “Are these types of shoes safe to wear, or will they make a person — especially an overweight person — feel too unstable?”

With a wry smile (I’m guessing he’s fielded this question often lately), José told me I’ve essentially answered my own question with just one key word: Unstable.

Using my own worn-out gym shoe to demonstrate, José walked me through his expert opinion on “toning” shoes: “Only eight percent of people will actually see any real benefit from these shoes,” he said, pausing to laugh at my stunned reaction. “Eight percent of people strike on the outside [of their foot] and stay on the side. They’re called ‘supinators.’ They tend to have a high arch and don’t require a lot of stability from their shoes because their feet never cave in when they walk.” As it turns out, because they keep their weight on the outside edges of their shoes — where the EasyTone balance pods meet regular sole — “they’re the only ones who would ever see ANY results from this shoe. For everyone else, it has the potential to be dangerous.”

Dangerous? Really? “Sixty percent of people strike in the back [of the foot] and roll through at least partially before their foot caves toward center,” said José. These are “pronators,” and I’m apparently one of them, although my feet don’t roll in until the very last minute. “The [EasyTone] shoe isn’t stable for pronators because of the placement of the [balance pod] ball. These people need stability when they walk so they don’t injure themselves.” The final 30% of walkers can be described as “over-pronators” who tend to have flatter feet and lower arches. According to José, these strides don’t strike at the back but instead roll inward immediately, thereby also requiring a shoe with stability. While there’s no “weight limit” on either type of shoe, the unstable feeling they create could be hazardous to anyone more prone to falling or turning an ankle — big girls included.

Ultimately, after trying out the Shape-ups and getting schooled on pronation statistics as they apply to EasyTone designs, I felt very comfortable with my final shoe purchase — a running shoe designed for pronators, complete with a 1/4″ instep wedge to provide stability for my “ballerina feet” (as José described them). While the flashy gimmicks and promises of faster/easier/better toning and weight loss may be alluring — and the shoes may actually work for some — don’t forget that tried-and-true fitness tips are tried-and-true for a reason. Have your feet professionally sized and your walk (also called ‘gait’) evaluated, then invest in a pair of shoes that  provide support where you need it. . . and use them — often!

Have you guinea-pigged a pair of toning shoes? Tell us why you love ‘em or loathe ‘em in comments.

Cute, casual pants are a great staple for every wardrobe

I’d describe myself as less “fashion challenged” than “generously erring on the side of comfort.” Jeans or capris + long- or short-sleeved tees = one happy me. I do love finding unique, feminine blouses and dresses for special occasions, but for everyday? Low-key is my fashion mantra.

Sometimes, however, too much of a good thing can backfire, as it did for me in recent years. Gaining over sixty pounds while having kids caused me to take the whole comfort thing too far, in part because I was very, very tired and also because I had to re-learn how to dress my post-babies body. Where I’d always worn tops for a small chest and bottoms for a flat belly, I now had an entirely new shape to adorn (turns out baggy, curve-hiding clothes made me look heavier, not smaller). Writing for and editing FGG has helped me upgrade my fashion sensibility from a slouchy, “who cares” attitude to one that proves that casual can still be cute. Also, since learning to dress to flatter the body I have now instead of pining for those pre-pregnancy days, shopping has become fun again.

That’s where these Mona pants by Gloria Vanderbilt® come in. They’re versatile (easily dressed up or down), they’re comfortable (smooth, lightweight, stretchy fabric) and they’re flattering (able to leap my curves in a single bound while also forming a nice, straight line without tapering into the dreaded “mom jeans” territory). More to love: in addition to these straight leg pants, the Gloria Vanderbilt® Mona is also available as Capri pants and Bermuda shorts, they come in sizes 16W-24W and as of this writing, all are on sale at Kohls.com.

Tell us, girls: Have you learned any new tips on how to dress for your body type? Found any cute, casual plus size styles on sale? Share the stuff you love in comments.

It’s a terrific time of year to be a foodie. Even the smallest, most modest farmers markets and roadside stands are brimming with vibrant, fresh fruits and vegetables. It’s always exciting to spot pints of ruby red strawberries among these spring arrivals – or to visit a farm and pick your own. Beautiful, juicy and tangy-sweet on their own, their flavor blossoms over ice cream and shortcakes, in cakes and pies and when blended into frozen yogurt (keep an eye out for a super-easy frozen yogurt recipe in an upcoming Foodie Fridays post). If simplicity is your thing and you’re seeking something less time-intensive than a pie but dressier than plain, fresh berries, these pretty little gems may be just what you’re looking for.

Ricotta & Cream Cheese Stuffed Strawberries are a wonderful way to dress up strawberries without compromising the integrity and beauty of the fruit when it’s in season. The filling is easy to prepare and you can make it even lighter by folding in a little freshly whipped cream just before filling the strawberries. I usually decorate mine with a single chocolate chip, but you can also dip them in chopped nuts or chocolate shavings. However you decide dress them up, every mouth-watering bite will capture the essence of sunny spring afternoons.

Ricotta & Cream Cheese Stuffed Strawberries
24 strawberries
1/3 cup cream cheese (reduced fat works fine)
1/3 cup ricotta cheese
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 tablespoon powdered sugar
24 chocolate chips

Wash, hull and dry strawberries. Combine cream cheese, ricotta, vanilla and powdered sugar until smooth. Using a Ziploc bag with a corner snipped off or a piping bag fitted with a medium tip, pipe into strawberries and cap with chocolate chips.

Not feeling like “the fat friend” all comes down to attitude

A funny thing happened when I began brainstorming for this week’s Guide. I asked several of my fat-girl friends (FGF) what stressful situations they’ve encountered while out with thinner friends. The outpouring of ideas was great! They hit me with suggestion after suggestion, while I raced to get everything down. After telling them how awesome their lists were, I turned to the flip side of the question and asked how they’ve dealt with these challenges.

And. . . *crickets*

Okay, ladies, you’ve made yourselves clear. We have lots of insecurities and challenges when it comes to socializing with our skinny friends, and not a lot of ideas for how to deal. Hopefully, some of this week’s tips will help turn that around.

Scenario #1: Dining out

This topic definitely struck a nerve with my FGF posse. It seems when dining with skinny friends, we can feel embarrassed about squeezing between tables to take a seat. We worry about ordering without our friends commenting on (or just thinking to themselves) whether we are/aren’t/should be trying to lose weight. And when our dining partner wants to sit in a too-small booth, some of us squeeze into a space where we’re uncomfortable while others feel shame or embarrassment upon insisting on a table.

It’s worth noting that many of us wouldn’t think twice about these situations if we were out to dinner with overweight friends. Think about it: When you meet up with a fat-girl friend for dinner, do you feel embarrassed about requesting a seating arrangement that makes you comfortable? I don’t. I feel completely comfortable speaking up for my needs and just requesting a table (or a chair without arms) when the host seats us. I also notice that I think about what I order and how I eat it in a completely different way when I’m with thinner vs. overweight friends. I’m more self-conscious with skinny friends; I eat slower, more deliberately, lest they think to themselves, “Well no wonder she’s fat. . .”

So maybe the answer is to approach meals with friends — big and small — the same way. From a place of confidence, strength and openness. Offer to make the reservations at a restaurant that has food choices you feel good about. Simply tell your friend you’re more comfortable at a table. Or ask if she minds scooting into the chair that has to be reached by slithering next to another pair of diners. And if someone comments on your food in any way that makes you uncomfortable (even if they’re trying to be supportive), it’s okay to be polite but firm. “I’d rather catch up than talk about food,” or “I’m just ordering what feels right today” should be enough to end the questioning clearly and directly.

And in instances where none of the above suggestions sound like winners, try my best friend’s idea: “Skip the meal entirely and plan a non-food-related activity, instead.”

Scenario #2: Movies, concerts and sporting events

Ah, stadium seating. Always a wild card when it comes to bigger bodies finding a comfortable (or even tolerable) fit. While most newer theaters have made their chairs roomier and included armrests that can be raised, the default for most arenas and stadiums is still fixed armrests on narrow seats (Anyone who has ever attended a Cubs game or an event at Detroit’s Joe Louis Arena can vouch for their examples as confined spaces). Another good example is floor seating at some concerts, which consists of those little, armless, plastic folding chairs. As one of my friends said, “What do you do when you feel awkward about bleeding into your smaller friend’s seat?”

First of all, some of these situations offer ways to be proactive. Be the one to select where you sit in a movie theater, and pick a seat on an aisle where you can raise the armrest or lean toward the aisle if you feel squished. Or swallow your pride and simply ask your friend if s/he minds that you raise the armrest between you. I can almost guarantee that this is a bigger deal in our heads than it is for those we hang out with, so don’t be shy about asking for what you need to be comfortable.

Similar suggestions apply when choosing seating for a sporting event or concert; aisle seats always allow a little extra breathing room, although they might also include a fixed armrest even if others within the aisle raise. If you luck out and end up with an extra seat next to you, ask your friend if s/he’d mind you sitting next to the empty.

Beyond these little (and sometimes obvious) fixes, there aren’t any magic solutions here. If your body’s bigger than the tiny seats, you’re likely to spill a bit into one direction or another. This is a classic case of mind over matter. Rather than being embarrassed about whether you’re in your friend’s space, remind yourself that you’re both out enjoying your favorite band/team/actor and your friend wants to be there with you. Really, what’s a little hip rubbing between friends? So much better to have the body contact there than with the creepy guy next to you with his chest painted in the team’s colors.

I’d like to throw out a key “don’t” here, too: avoid the temptation to make self-deprecating or outright negative remarks when in these situations. It’s fine to keep it light, but there’s no need to tear yourself down in order to make yourself heard. People come in many shapes and sizes – that’s just part of life – and we each have a right to be comfortable and treated with dignity and respect wherever we go, and trusted and true friends will get behind that 100%.

Scenario #3: Girls’ Night Out

Whether it’s a bachelorette party or just a night out with the girls after a long work week, the GNO can be a double-edged sword for fat girls unless it’s approached in just the right way. On the plus side: Hello? Great times with your good friends! On the down side: Potential body image doubts raising their heads when faced with cute clubbing clothes or while perching on tiny-seated bar stools.

The best defense here is to put your most fabulous foot forward. Choose an outfit that makes you feel confident, sexy or drop-dead gorgeous. Play up your favorite asset with a top that flatters your cleavage, make up some seriously sultry eyes, or bust out your hottest pair of heels. This isn’t about comparing yourself to other friends — or party-goers — of different sizes; it’s about looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, “Damn, I’m hot!”

Once you look the part, it’s easier to feel the confidence — fake it ’til you make it, right? There are other small things you can do to make the night more comfortable. Offer to cruise direct the activities and choose a restaurant or bar that has seating and a layout that doesn’t put you on edge. Ask if you can reserve a table or a large booth for your group, then make sure to claim a comfortable seat upon arrival. And if the activities involved aren’t necessarily your thing (dancing, karaoke, etc.), you can either be the supportive one who cheers the others on while holding down the fort, or you can do the FGG thing and make a conscious choice to step outside the comfort zone and try something new for just one night. Get up and dance to your favorite song (no one is watching you, anyway — they’re all too busy with their own groove!) or hop on the mic with your BFF for a duet (trust us, no one expects karaoke to sound amazing).

The key is to keep yourself in the moment. Remind yourself that this is your chance to let loose and enjoy work-free, kids-free, responsibility-free bonding time with your friends. How often does that come around? And why in the world would you want to pass that up or talk yourself out of enjoying it?

Scenario #4: The shopping trip

For some fat girls I know (myself included), shopping can be a very emotional experience. Under the best circumstances, it can be tough to keep a positive attitude as you come face-to-face (-to-face, if there are three-way mirrors involved) with your body and the areas you feel less-than-confident about. But when a thin friend suggests shopping together, a whole new set of challenges come to light. Will it be embarrassing to tell her you can’t wear anything from her favorite store? Will trying on outfits together make you focus on your body in a negative way?

First and foremost, let’s get real for a moment: Your friend knows you’re overweight, so going to a traditional-sizes store with her won’t suddenly “out” you as a fat girl. She may not have a clue about what size jeans you wear or how you envy her ability to pull off pencil skirts, but she knows you’re not supermodel-skinny. . . because she sees you. In addition to knowing that you’re hilarious/sarcastic/a terrible driver/whip-smart/loyal/great at playing the drums on Rock Band, she also knows you’re overweight. And you know what? She doesn’t care. I truly believe that coming to terms with this fact is the key to maintaining open, healthy and supportive relationships with our skinny friends. And I say that from a “do as I say, not as I do” place — because God knows I’m still working on it myself.

So when your friend wants you to help blow her paycheck at Nordstrom, take the invitation at face value — she wants to spend time with you and she trusts you to help pick clothes that make her look her best. You can approach the situation from standpoint of fabulous personal shopper (keeping the focus on her purchases, and maybe just trying on some knock-out accessories for yourself), or you can suggest hitting a few stores that sell the clothes you love, as well. I’ll admit right now that it’s been years since I’ve dragged a “skinny” friend into Lane Bryant, but I’m wondering as I write this what’s taken me so long. Some of the most supportive and “Ang positive” people in my life are those who wear a size 6 or 10. They’re among the first to remind me of my best attributes (both physical and otherwise) when I’m feeling down, and they’re huge champions of me leading a confident, happy life.

Isn’t that really the bottom line? Our friends are our friends for a reason. They love us. They want the best for us. And they don’t care if we wear a size 2 or a 22, as long as we’re happy and healthy and we’ve got their back just as strong as they have ours. One of my dearest friends from high school — someone I’ve known for almost 20 years — recently thanked me for sharing my honest feelings about her wedding in a recent FGG post about being a bridesmaid. She said that article and this site have opened her eyes to some of the experiences by (and views about) overweight women that she never knew existed. I’m wondering why it took me 20 years to open up to this wonderful woman in my life, and I challenge each of you to take the smallest, single baby step this week to do something similar in your own lives.

How have you made peace with hanging out with friends of all sizes? Tell us about your logistical tips — or Jedi mind tricks — in comments.

Still image from the Lane Bryant commercial-turned-Internet-sensation

I guess size does matter. No, I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the new Lane Bryant TV ad that has stirred so much controversy. Seems that women parading around in their underwear is fine with television networks, so long as those women have slim-hipped, prepubescent bodies. But when you throw a few voluptuous curves into the mix, the TV execs start to panic. According to Lane Bryant, both Fox and ABC initially refused to run the ad. And though they later relented, the whole issue raises questions about both the interplay between media and advertising and the narrow definition of beauty in America.

Since this column is called, “It’s a Guy Thing,” let me say first that the model Lane Bryant uses in the ad is HOT. Even my wife thinks she’s hot. Now that we’ve established that, let’s move on to the whole beauty standard issue. I assume we’ve all seen our share of Victoria’s Secret ads, which are equally racy – if not moreso – than the content of the Lane Bryant commercial. Yet I’ve never heard of a network exec balking at the idea of running one the Victoria’s Secret ads.

The Lane Bryant commercial, on the other hand, presents a woman–a voluptuous woman, a la Rita Hayworth. I have to wonder: would today’s networks run an ad featuring Rita? How about Marilyn Monroe? Raquel Welch? When the American beauty standard transitioned from Welch to Twiggy, I can remember my dad’s disappointment. In response, he developed a crush on Lynda Carter. Hell, I had a crush on Lynda Carter. And by today’s standards, even Ms. Carter, in her 1970s Wonder Woman glory would be considered “plus sized.” Now that, to me, is the definition of insanity.

I’ve got to wonder what kind of nation celebrates violence during prime time viewing but wags a shaming finger at a generously curved woman embarking on a lunch date in her underwear and raincoat. If anyone can explain that to me, I welcome the attempt.

For a small but incisive reminder of how little has changed in the last 25 years, we need look no further than the 1980s sitcom Designing Women, whose star Dixie Carter recently passed away. I can remember co-star Delta Burke’s admonishment: “I’m not fat, I’m voluptuous” in the context of one of the show’s episodes. Despite the uproar of applause that followed, it remains a message some network execs have yet to process.

Sarongs spice up a curvy girl’s summer wardrobe (Image by Gummo)

Dear FGG: I love the look of sarongs as bathing suit cover-ups, but they never wrap all the way around my hips, and either one thigh or my whole front is left totally exposed. Am I stuck with “one size fits most” but not me?

I share your pain. “One Size” anything — especially items designed to wrap around the hips, where my body is its fullest — always leave me feeling like I’m trying on doll clothes or shopping in the junior’s section. The good news for full-figured girls with hips, thighs, butts and tummies is that we can absolutely get the comfort and breezy, flirty look of a sarong in sizes that actually fit. All it takes is a bit of savvy shopping.

The sarong (or pareo) is one of the most basic pieces of clothing you’ll encounter; ultimately, it’s just a long, rectangular piece of fabric — that’s it. The creative aspect of the garment comes in both how it’s worn (as a skirt, as a dress, as a cover-up) and how it’s tied. Full-length (to the feet) sarongs are usually about 44″ long, while knee-length skirts stop at about 22″.

As with any plus-sized garment, the key when you’re shopping for a larger sarong is to check the sizing carefully. For example, we found knee-length and ankle-length options at Swimsuits Just For Us, but the widths are 52″ and 56″, respectively, which the site lists as fitting sizes 1X-2X. If your hips are well within those measurements or you don’t mind your skirt being substantially open on the side where it ties (and thus not providing 100% coverage), these options are probably just fine. Other sarongs might be advertised as plus-size but don’t offer width measurements, which makes them risky for larger hips and thighs, as well. If you’re ordering online, make sure you understand and feel comfortable with the return policy when you order in case the garment doesn’t fit.

Because the sarong is so versatile and designed to work with extra fabric, a wider-than-necessary purchase isn’t a terrible thing, so err on the side of extra inches rather than something that’s too small. We like the look of the double-layer sarong pareo wrap skirt from Sabine Silks ($39.99 in sizes that fit up to 6X or 24/26) and the basic colors (and sale prices) of the georgette styles from Sassy Sarongs (66″ wide, from $29.99).

If you’re feeling more of the traditional Polynesian vibe and want something brighter and more floral, options abound at Feedora. Finally, don’t forget to check out our old friend Etsy, home to a number of the most reasonably priced finds in made-to-order dimensions. My favorite was this 70″ x 42″ hand-dyed batik print for only $30 (I’m a sucker for the color combo of chocolate brown and aqua), but you may prefer the same dimensions in orange or purple. — or possibly even this black & white silk ($58.00; 66″ x 26″).

Whichever sarong you choose, this fun and flexible garment that can be worn any way you feel most comfortable and attractive. Have fun experimenting with styling until you find the pattern and tie configuration that’s right for you.

Have a lead on a great source for sarongs that fit or the most fat-girl-flattering tie style ever? Share it with your fellow readers in comments.

Bikes have never been cuter – or more comfortable! (Image by ubrayj02)

From remakes of old skool flicks (including the recent redo of A Nightmare on Elm Street) to the return of skinny jeans and ballet flats, it seems everything old really is new again. Sometimes, as in the case of the latest trend in bicycling, this is a very good thing. Search for “retro” or “cruiser” and “bike,” and your browser will display a two-wheeled blast from the past. I don’t know about you, but my first thoughts when I first saw Tee’s Craisglist score of an Electra “Twiggy” was: that seat looks COMFY!

Before I began bicycling regularly, I dreaded that first ride of the season because my butt would be sore afterward (even though I always recovered by the second or third ride). According to Tee, this isn’t as much of an issue with the wider, springier (literally) cruiser bike seat. That was a big deal for her because getting back on a bike after many years can easily be discouraging if your butt is sore all the time. This style of seat also mitigates the “butt overflow” factor common with today’s standard bike seats — a nice boost for both comfort and self esteem.

Because road bikes tend to feel flimsy and intimidating to girls who haven’t been on a bike in a long time, cruisers offer a bit of brawn to support a big girl who wants a leisurely riding experience. Cruiser bikes marvelously mesh mountain bike sturdiness with road bike agility while allowing riders to sit upright instead of hunching or leaning forward as riders do on more athletic styles. Plus, they look both cool and stylishly cute and come in fun, flirty colors like ivory, pink, and powder blue – and we know it never hurts to look adorable, even while bicycling.

Designed for recreational riding, cruisers are also less complicated to operate than bikes designed for distance or rugged terrain. They can handle city streets and a gravel country road equally well, making them a good transitional bike for those who want to move on to more athletic models at some point. There tend to be fewer gears and some models come with pedal braking systems, which might feel more familiar for more tentative riders to operate. Most major manufacturers like Schwinn and Trek and outfitters like REI offer cruisers in a range of prices, but don’t forget to check Craigslist for gently used bikes – Tee found hers for a fraction of the retail price. Big box retailers like Target and Walmart also carry cruisers at lower prices, so there’s something for just about any budget out there.

Tee says she loves all of the great comments she gets when she rides around the streets and trails of Reno. “Everywhere I go, people LOVE this bike and smile and wave and comment on it, which ends up feeling a lot better than the ‘fat girl on a bike’ looks I expected I might get.” This is the perfect time of year for a leisurely ride and for getting out and looking cute – and cruisers offer us fat girls the perfect excuse to ride in safety and style. If you’ve been hesitant to try bicycling for a while, consider testing out a cruiser and seeing if you won’t love one, too.

Girls, have you embraced the retro cruiser bike trend? Tell us what you think in comments. And if you find yourself jonesing for a new bike, check out the Fat Girl’s Guide to Cycling for tips on getting started.