The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

This Image by Shavar Ross makes us wonder: Who was Oscar wearing?

Sunday’s 82^nd Annual Academy Awards broadcast drew attention for its many firsts. In addition to Kathryn Bigelow’s history-making win as the first female Best Director, Geoffrey Fletcher became the first African-American to be recognized with a screenwriting Oscar with his adaptation of Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire. Had Lee Daniels won the Best Director category for Precious, he would have been the first African-American to receive the honor.

Despite the focus on the (long overdue!) breakdown of these racial and gender barriers, many FGG readers may also have found themselves quietly (or not so quietly) cheering the bold, beautiful fat girls who represented so well at the Kodak Theater. The night began with Mo’Nique’s gritty poise during her Best Supporting Actress win. Viewers were then treated to Queen Latifah’s statuesque turn introducing the Governor’s Award ceremony clip, and – of course – the radiant sparkle of industry newcomer and Best Actress nominee Gabourey Sidibe, who seemed to be a magnet for telecast and paparazzi cameras alike. As I watched each of these captivating women rock their respective red carpet finery, it got me wondering:

“Which designers were lucky enough to dress Mo’Nique, Gabby and Queen? And – more importantly – has the time finally arrived for the fashion industry and media to give plus-sized beauty its due?”

Research on the first question was easy; news sites and blogs couldn’t wait to showcase photos of these ladies, as well as the stories behind their full-figured fashions. Although rumors had swirled around Sidibe’s gown options in the weeks preceding the ceremony, she eventually settled on a gorgeous blue Marquesa creation with short sleeves and diamond floral detail. (She also referred to her dress as a “money shot,” which made me gasp… and then giggle.) Having proven herself a savvy red carpet vet over the years, Queen Latifah opted for a one-shouldered dress in lavender satin by Badgley Mischka. Mo’Nique chose the periwinkle color of her Tadashi Shoji gown (and the gardenia in her hair) in tribute to Gone with the Wind star Hattie McDaniel, who wore a similar look in 1940 as the first African American actress to receive an Oscar.

As to the second question – Are high-profile designers and the media beginning to acknowledge that fat girls exist and shop outside of big box stores? – well, that’s a bit more complicated.

There has definitely been lip service paid of late to including representations of “nontraditional sizes” in fashion shows and magazine spreads. For the second consecutive year, designer Mark Fast featured plus-size models in his runway show at London’s 2010 Fashion Week. America’s Next Top Model has begun to cast contestants who don’t wear a size 2. Both V and Glamour recently touted issues showcasing models in extended sizes. Sidibe herself donned fashions ranging from off-the-rack at Torrid to designers like Monif C. (who helped us answer a recent “Ask FGG” question) during her awards season appearances. And another of Hollywood’s current darlings, Christina Hendricks of AMC’s series Mad Men, is as unapologetically voluptuous as she is talented. (Word is that her recent New York magazine cover sent the entire male population of Time Out New York’s offices into a buzzing frenzy that lasted days.) Yes, there are ripples of positive trends out there.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to overlook the “…but” to most of these encouraging stories. As a result of the decision to include size 12 and 14 models, both the casting director and a stylist quit the Mark Fast show backstage. Hendricks has gone on record as saying she gets frustrated by the consistent emphasis on her body, as if her curves somehow eclipse the need to acknowledge her work on one of television’s most critically acclaimed shows. And while fashion spreads and runway shows (and Tyra) may be slowly opening their doors to larger sizes, the fact remains that “plus-size” in fashion speak doesn’t correspond to the tags in the back of your IGIGI dress or my Venezia jeans. Because straight sizes don’t usually extend past a 6, anything above that can be considered “plus” – meaning you’ll often see a model wearing a size 8 or 10 being billed as “plus-size,” despite the inconsistency with real-world sizing.

Still, any opportunity for girls ages 7 to 75 to see diverse body types represented in the media as both beautiful and viable has to be considered a step forward. On Sunday night, 41 million viewers saw that three of the women occupying these physiques are intelligent and talented, funny and dynamic – just like those of us who spent the Academy Awards in our pajamas instead of couture. So, reader, whether you’re an actress or an architect, your challenge this week is to hold your head high and tackle your calling with confidence. Give your next boardroom presentation with the poise of Mo’Nique, channel Gabby’s exuberance the next time you find yourself in a new setting, and let your laugh and smile come as freely as Queen Latifah’s whenever possible. After all, each of us represents in her own unique and stylish way.

OhLaLa by Midnighteskye

Two of my friends attended a burlesque-themed wedding last weekend, and I couldn’t wait to pore over their photos from the occasion. The images were striking — so many exuberant women and men dressed to express themselves and ready to celebrate, body issues be damned. Not the typical notion of a marriage ceremony, to be sure, but there was something honest and refreshing about seeing girls of all sizes looking carefree and vital in their corsets, garters or camisoles. This got me thinking:

Where can a girl shaped like me find something sultry to wear, even if there aren’t any burlesque-themed weddings in my immediate future?

Boy, do I have some sites for you (okay, us). The fashion statements made in those wedding photos reminded me that although we’re often encouraged to associate luscious lingerie with a seduction scene, there are plenty of reasons to keep a few daring pieces in your boudoir. If your social circle skews a little more traditional, don’t sweat it. You don’t need a bare-most-of-it nuptial occasion – or even a specific audience – to enjoy donning a bit of silk or lace. As Peony pointed out in her most recent Sex and the Single Fat Girl column, sometimes pulling out the garters or a slinky cami happens just for you. So whether sleeping in a luxurious chemise helps evoke sweet dreams or you’re looking to add a bit of secret-weapon “oomph” under your interview suit, try one of these venues to connect you with your sensual side.

(Disclaimer: Lingerie = body parts. Be sure to click the following links from a location that won’t get you fired.)

Hips and Curves

From baby dolls and cami/short sets to costumes and garter belts, this diva-licious supersite is a treasure trove of all things sultry. A girl could easily lose track of time time paging through the many options here, including three pages of widely varied bustiers and corsets. Bonus: The thorough sizing page includes a terrific explanation of how to select the right corset measurement.

Torrid

Known for its bold, colorful and often goth-inspired dresses, separates and accessories, Torrid also offers an array of similarly styled bustiers, teddies and chemises (like the black & white one I coveted upon sight). Sizes range from 00 (comparable to size 10 or Large) to 5 (size 30/32 or 5X), although not every size is available online.

Plus Size Plum

The brainchild of former plus-size model and writer for BBW Magazine Deborah Friedman, Plus Size Plum prides itself on offering a high-end customer service experience and hand-picked selections of intimate apparel. We found it notable for its mix of wild (an entire page of body stockings!) and mild (babydoll & peignor set).

Lane Bryant

Many of us have shopped the LB for denim, sweaters, tees and career wear, but their lingerie department is also worth a look. In addition to corsets, camis and negligees for every modesty level, you’ll also find specialty bras and the frilliest of panties.

Lingerie Diva

An impressively diverse plus-size section features everything from basics and bridal lingerie to vinyl and leather. Lingerie Diva also offers the largest array of full-figured garters and hosiery that we found, but read sizing info carefully — many styles are only available in a single “Queen” option.

Frederick’s of Hollywood

You wouldn’t know it from the models featured in the the company’s catalogs or web listings, but Frederick’s offers a decent selection of its lingerie, corsets, bras and panties in plus sizes. Some items fall decidedly more on the costume side, but there’s also a handful of very basic pieces like the renaissance corset or the satin cami & short set, both available in sizes up to 3X.

Tell us where you’ve found the pieces in your wardrobe that make you feel especially sexy, classy or adventurous. And don’t forget to send along your own burning questions to letters@fatgirlsguide.com for inclusion in an upcoming “Ask FGG” column.

Between the Seats by SC Fiasco

When Southwest Airlines booted writer/actor/filmmaker Kevin Smith from his buckled-in seat aboard an Oakland-to-Burbank flight on Saturday, Feb. 13, the question of passenger size vs. seat size was catapulted into headlines. Again. Some readers may remember that Southwest drew a lot of (positive and negative) attention in 2008 with the announcement that it would begin actively enforcing its longstanding “customers of size” guidelines on flights. Simply put, the policy states that anyone who cannot comfortably lower both armrests, or who encroaches on another passenger’s space while seated, may be asked to purchase a second seat and/or wait for a later flight with more space. United Airlines instituted a similar policy last year, and many other airlines (AirTran is one notable exception) maintain some rule regarding passenger size and seating encroachment.

With so much recent press on the topic, it’s no wonder many of us are more nervous than ever about flying. And yet, a girl has places to go, right? While the troubling lack of consistency with which the rules seem to be applied means that any one of us could find ourselves in Smith’s shoes with zero warning, we think the best defense is a good offense.

Be informed. Do your homework before booking a flight and select the airline with the pricing/policy/accommodations combo that makes you most comfortable. Locating each airline’s approach to larger passengers can be a bit tricky (search for links to “special assistance,” “travel policies,” or “services and information”) but most web sites have them listed somewhere. Sites like Seat Guru will tell you how many inches of seat width and leg room to expect on the many types of planes each airline employs. Southwest’s seats are a uniform 17” wide, while many seats on AirTran, JetBlue, and Midwest measure 18”. That one extra inch may not seem like much, but for those of us with wide hips (*raises hand*), it might mean a more comfortable flight.

Once you’ve selected an airline, know your rights as a paying customer. Familiarize yourself with the specific travel policies and have a plan for the day of travel, including how you’ll handle the situation if your size should come into question.

Be proactive. To better the odds of adjacent empty seats, book flights during off-peak travel times whenever possible (Monday afternoon through Thursday morning, or early morning/late night).  When selecting a seat, opt for a window or aisle to minimize the number of shared armrests. For whatever reason, the size debate seems to keep coming back to armrests, the distance between them, and their ability to be lowered completely and “comfortably.” So let’s work with that: board your plane as early as possible, buckle up and lower the darn armrests for the world to see. You can always ask your seatmate to raise the shared one(s) later if it makes more sense.

If you know you need a seat belt extender, ask the flight attendant when you first board the plane. S/he will usually have several in the cabinet up front or will ask for your seat assignment and bring one to you. If you don’t realize until you’re seated that an extension is in order (don’t panic — belt lengths differ from plane to plane and sometimes from seat to seat), just press the call button or ask an attendant as they pass to do a luggage check. In my experience, every flight attendant has handled the belt situation discreetly. The important thing is to be confident and assertive, approaching the request for a belt extender the same way you would if you were asking for a pillow, blanket or extra napkin. There’s no shame or worry needed here; you’re just meeting a basic need.

Be honest. If you truly know in advance that your body’s dimensions and comfort requirements are going to significantly exceed the boundaries of a 17″ or 18″ seat, do yourself a favor and buy the second seat — preferably by calling customer service and being up front about your needs. Be clear about why you’ll require two seats together and ask how that reservation will be guaranteed and handled on your date of travel. Some airlines (including Southwest) will refund the cost of the second seat if the plane does not fill, while others (like United) will waive the standard call center fee. It’s not a perfect solution, but it will ensure your comfort and safety during the flight and it minimizes the potential for unpleasant surprises once aboard the airplane.

What say you, readers? We’d love to hear your opinions, recent airline experiences or flying tips in comments. And watch for a full-length Fat Girl’s Guide to Traveling in Comfort in the coming weeks.

Flamenco cape by Felt Inspired

This week’s Ask FGG feature is brought to you by FGG’s newest contributor, Angela. Angela writes from Chicago, just down the road from FGG editor, Toni, and we’re excited to have her on board. Look for more great stuff from Angela next week!

Up front, I’ll confess a wee bit of envy for readers who can pull off this look, because it’s not for everyone (read: makes me look like a fabric-draped box with feet). For the rest of our less vertically-challenged readership, the retro look of ponchos and capes – which reappeared on runways for the Fall 2009/Winter 2010 seasons – offers interpretation in endless fabrics, patterns and trims. Best of all, many retailers are currently offering end-of-season closeout pricing, yet these pieces will still work in your wardrobe as the weather (hopefully!) transitions into spring.

A quick background: The poncho/cape/capelet genre can blend together based on designer and style, but a poncho at its most basic level is a large sheet of fabric with a center opening for your head. It drapes in front and back and may be open on the sides. Capes tend to be more open in the front and fasten at the neck or shoulders. Instead of sleeves, they may have holes or slits for your arms. A capelet is an abbreviated version of the cape and sits on the shoulders. All three styles are frequently offered in a generic, single size.

We found a better selection of true plus sizes in capelets as opposed to capes, possibly because of the poncho/cape definition overlap. Our hands-down favorite: the adorable, gray tweed Polyanna capelet, $19.95, from – who’d have guessed? – Goodgoth.com in sizes up to 4X. Another favorite, though described as a poncho, has a definite cape-like look: B & Lu’s hooded, 2-button Solveig Poncho in chocolate brown, $32, is available in sizes 1X-3X and features pleated detail and metal buttons.

In the poncho category, the unique buttons and comfy feel of Pure & Co.’s plus-size urban poncho, $169, caught our fancy. Available in sizes 1X-3X, this stone-colored, hooded number is hand-knit from 100% cotton and looks cozy enough to chase away even Snowpocalypse-level doldrums.

While we’re always big fans of Etsy, the handmade marketplace offers two great reasons to surf for ponchos. Not only are several pieces offered in straight-up plus sizes (the largest we found, sized as Large-5X, is crocheted in solid black, $34.59), but many sellers can also tailor-make your piece using your own measurements and color preferences, as is the case with this belted, felted merino wool poncho, $118. Other styles, including this softer, crocheted look with scalloped edging, $55, can be adapted to fit 2X or 3X sizes. Just be sure to read descriptions thoroughly, as tagging anything without a defined size as “plus size” seems pretty common.

Finally, girls who’ve been burned by “One Size Fits All/Most” tags over the years should take heart – and pay close attention to the garment’s actual measurements. The poncho’s inherently exaggerated dimensions mean that the OSFM sizing may prove spacious enough in the waist, hips, bust, etc., even on designs not specifically cut as plus sizes. That’s good news when the potential find is as cute as this gray/green/black jersey concoction with accent scarf, $80, also from Etsy. Decorative ties cinch the waist for a less boxy look, and the garment’s width measures 68”.

Readers: Share your favorite cape choices and poncho picks in comments!

Designer Monif Clarke knows a thing or two about dressing up our curves

Dear FGG,

HELP! I always have a hard time finding tops and dresses to fit my large chest. By the time I actually find something that fits me on top, I’m swimming in it on the bottom. I’m desperate for tips on what styles to wear!

I learned the hard way that dressing my pear-shaped bod in baggy, straight tops made me look like this, so it took some trial and error to find clothes that flattered my body type. But even on my biggest, non-pregnant days, I maybe make it  into a C cup, so I turned to an expert to help us answer this question: Monif Clarke, CEO and Designer at Manhattan-based Monif C. Plus Sizes

FGG: What are some common fashion mistakes you see large-chested women make?

MC: I am large-chested myself and I think the biggest mistake we make is not wearing the right size bra. Sometimes women come into my plus size boutique in New York, and when I take a look at their bra that they got for $20 at their local mall, I tell them it’s so important to invest the money to go to a bra shop, get fitted, and buy the right size bra. [FGG here: I've had great luck with Nordstrom for personalized bra fittings]

FGG: How important is a good bra, and can you suggest any brands to our readers?

MC: A good bra is very important because it will improve posture, make your clothes look nicer, and help alleviate the additional weight from our large chests. I don’t have any particular brands I love, but I do shop quite a bit at bravissimo.com. [FGG here: Readers, if you have any faves, we want to hear from you in the comments on this one!]

FGG: What should busty girls look for in tops and dresses that will fit and flatter their curves?

MC: I think that we look great in wrap tops and dresses, and V-necks are universally flattering. Often when women are large-chested, the chest pushes out the dress/top, which can make her look like she has no waist or hips. I think it’s important to look for dresses with empire waists and wraps to highlight your waist. Also, short jackets with curved seams are great to pull in our figure at the waist.

FGG: Do any fashion lines – from budget buys at Wal Mart to high-end couture – really “get it” in terms of fitting bigger breasted women?

MC: As a large chested woman, I’ve never really felt too limited to stick to particular brands for clothes. I think rather you want to look at an entire line of clothing and figure out what pieces you can pick out of the line to highlight your curves. For example, when I shop, I usually look for fitted dresses or fitted tops to wear with A-line skirts. I try to minimize volume on the top half of my body and concentrate it in the lower part of my body to avoid looking bigger on top.

FGG: Anything else you’d like to add?

MC: There are more options than ever for large-chested women to find bras that are pretty and supportive, and many more options for clothes out there, but we have to be willing to seek out these options. When designing clothes for Monif C. Plus Sizes, I always make it a point to pay attention to necklines as well as things like the width of shoulder straps on a dress, so I can know it can universally work for all women. We recently expanded our product line and are now designing plus size swimwear for sizes 14 – 24. One of the main features of the swim suits are halter neck ties, which work especially well for large-chested women because they help to “hoist” up the girls in the swimsuits.

Thanks for your insights, Monif, and for creating such vibrant, fun, and fashionable clothing in our size! Readers, we know we’ll be hearing from you on this topic because you always seem to know the best places to find fashion that actually fits our figures. Share your favorite finds and tips in the comments.

Group spinning, by Kj

Thank you for your site – I’m really struggling to accept myself, and my family is all thin which makes me feel judged all the time. Do you perhaps know of a weight rehab place I could go to to help me lose the unwanted pounds? I just know I cannot do it alone”

Going it alone when you’re trying to lose weight is tough (we know, we’ve tried). But I actually don’t recommend weight camps or rehabs because most of those give you situations and tools that aren’t available in everyday life — like being secluded to focus only on weight loss, planning your diet for you, giving you access to 24/7 exercising. Those things will help anyone shed pounds in the short term, but because it doesn’t fit into our real everyday lives, that won’t last and you may (like most do) end up gaining it all back quickly and then some once you’ve graduated.

Instead, I’d recommend hooking up with some local people who also want to lose some weight and forming a small group. Both Toni and I have had GREAT success with this approach recently! I highlighted it in a recent post here.

You might even be able to get a personal trainer to sponsor you and/or your group with free nutritional and fitness lessons. Just be sure that anything you do to lose it is something that’s also available to you to KEEP doing/using/relying on after you’re done with the initial loss.

Your turn, readers. What tips do you have on ways to stick with healthy lifestyle changes long term?

Photo by Mike Baird

This question landed in our inbox this morning, and because time was of the essence, we decided to (ahem) gallop with it:

Hello! I was wondering if you could help me out. I’m going horse riding for the first time for a hen’s weekend and am more than a little anxious about it. I’d really appreciate any and all advice.”

This isn’t the first time we’ve received a question about horseback riding, particularly whether a bigger gal might be too much for a horse to handle. We poked around online a bit and found that there is some controversy in this area; obviously people of all shapes and sizes can and do ride horses, but in the equestrian community, opinions can be pretty strong about how big is too big, but reading between the lines it seems that it is possible to ride responsibly if you’re overweight.

We spoke with Mary Midkiff, founder of Women & Horses,™ which covers female-specific training with an eye toward the care of and empathy for the horses while riding. Many big, tall men ride horses, and we wondered whether this was analogous to a 250-pound woman mounting up, and Midkiff agreed. “You could hurt the horse if the horse is too small,” she said. “For a person of that size, I’d want to see them on a draft horse or a draft type horse–in other words, a heavy-boned, bigger horse.” Before riding, call and ask if there are any weight limitations for riders, because every place will have horses of different sizes and abilities, and every stable will have different preferences about riders’ ability levels and size.

What to wear

We’ve all seen cowboys riding horses, and cowboys (and girls) wear jeans, right? Not if you’re a beginner, says Midkiff. “They’ll rub you around the knee, calf, and upper thigh, and the seams at the crotch can be uncomfortable over time.” She suggests investing in a pair of plus size riding tights, or if you’re not sure you’ll be riding often, wear pants with a straight leg that stretch well with some padded bicycling shorts underneath. “Some women are embarrassed to wear riding tights because they are tight and they do show a lot, but you can wear a longer shirt or jacket over them,” says Midkiff. Skip the yoga pants or boot cut jeans if you’ll be riding English style (as opposed to Western style–read about the differences here), to prevent getting caught in the stirrups.

There’s a reason cowboy boots have heels, and so should your footwear when riding. A shoe or boot with a 1″ heel will keep your foot from sliding through the stirrup, so leave your gym shoes at home. Some Western saddles have toe guards, but unless you know your stable will have them, don’t count on that. Midkiff insists on protective headgear, too: “There are equestrian-specific helmets that meet the safety standards for riding and run in the $30-50 range,” she says. Most, if not all outfitters provide helmets, but Midkiff suggests bringing a bicycle helmet along just in case. Finally, here’s where having an Enell or similarly structured, high impact, minimum bounce sports bra will serve you well, because there will be bouncing–even more if your horse decides to trot, canter, or is spooked.

Before you ride

Horseback riding doesn’t just bounce your jiggly parts, it also works your inner thighs in ways most other activities don’t. Therefore, stretching the inner thighs is important and warming up the core muscles with some pelvic tilts is a good idea, too.  “Always ask your outfitter for a mounting block or to stand on a hay bale – something secure and sturdy – to help you mount the horse,” says Midkiff. “For one thing, you don’t want to stand on anything unstable where you can lose your balance, and if you mount from the ground, you torque the horse’s back.” A good outfitter will demonstrate how to mount and then help you properly–and safely–climb aboard.

After riding

If you’re sore after riding, Midkiff recommends a hot bath with bath salts to soothe aching muscles. Expect soreness in the inner thighs, glutes, and piriformis muscles. “You’re doing a lot of gripping with the inner thighs just naturally while riding,” says Midkiff. “So when you get off, you’ll feel like one of those bowlegged cowboys.” For bruises, she suggests arnica gel or lotion, which you can find at most natural or health food stores.

Girls, share your own experiences with horseback riding in comments, and if you love horses, too, consider contributing to an organization right in Toni’s back yard, the Hooved Animal Humane Society.