The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

I’m a Compulsive Overeater.

People who meet me are taken aback if I mention that I am – present tense – a compulsive overeater. “But you’re not fat!” they protest. Yeah, and Joe the alcoholic who hasn’t had a drink in twenty years isn’t drunk, but he’s still an alcoholic. My last eating binge was twenty-six years ago.

I’m going to pause for a minute and just breathe that in; I forget sometimes the enormity of it.

I hated my life when the food was out of control. The up-and-down weight was part of it – it’s embarrassing to see someone at one size in June and be a whole different size in September – but the real agony was the bondage. In contrast to popular belief, there is no freedom in turning into the drive-thru when part of me didn’t want to but a stronger part really did. I was a slave to trying the next diet just because it was Monday (despite that I hated diets and knew they didn’t work). When it got bad enough, I knew that even if I would never be thin, I had to find a way to be free.

Fast-forward two decades – I’ve been both free, and thin, for a really long time. Free is better but I won’t lie: thin is nice, too. I no longer diet or agonize over food. Sometimes I eat too much, sure, but I’m never “going off” of something because there’s nothing to go off of. I look healthy and normal. But while I am healthy, I’m not normal. I’m still and always will be a compulsive overeater.

So how have I come to this place?

> Rather than think of it as a negative thing, knowing and readily admitting what I am is the path to emancipation. It tells me that I need to take the following things seriously to maintain the gift I’ve been given.

> Having some kind of spiritual life. I’m no Mother Theresa, but without contact with a higher power, I’d still be looking for God in a bag of Doritos. Willpower runs out. Spiritual power doesn’t.

> Willingness to help other fat people. I can feel bad for the homeless, the terminally ill, or victims of domestic abuse. But other than giving money, I can’t do anything for them because I don’t understand their experience. I do understand hiding food, stealing food, bingeing alone, and hating myself later. Nobody can help an addict like another addict, and helping others improve their lives makes me want to keep doing the same with my own.

> Eating within some gentle, flexible parameters. For me, that’s pretty much three meals a day, because if you only start to eat three times, you only have to stop three times. And, for the most part, natural foods. Anything beyond that gets diet-like and crazy-making. I’m a vegan and I know that helps keep me thin, but I wasn’t able to let go of animal products until after I was able to stop succumbing to the compulsion to eat just to get a fix.

That list may seem simple, but if I were to give up on any of them, I’d almost certainly binge again. This is who I am. I could reject my spiritual life and not turn to drugs or gambling; I don’t relate to those. Cookies, however, I get.

This is a syndrome. Overeating and binge eating are the extreme end of it. When I don’t want to go to the gym for days, I’m not overeating, but I’m in the syndrome. When I want to stay in and watch TV instead of go out to a networking event that would further my career, I’m in the syndrome. When I’d rather eat alone, even the most nutritious, moderate, and beautifully balanced meal ever prepared, that’s the syndrome.

As an imperfect person, I dance around with that syndrome. I recognize it and, thanks to that list I’m committed to, it hasn’t in all these years gone as far as gaining back weight (I’m sixty pounds lighter than I used to be) or even to a binge. But weight loss isn’t the point. I’ll say it again: I’m a compulsive overeater. That fact will remain as long as I live in this body and have this brain. The point is that I used to think it was curse, but now I understand that it’s a gateway: to understanding myself, to plugging into the endless energy and wisdom of a higher power, and to being of use to others in the world.

Victoria Moran (http://www.victoriamoran.com) is a holistic health counselor (HHC, AADA) and the author of books including Creating a Charmed Life, Fit from Within, and The Love-Powered Diet.

This week’s guest post is from an unusual source for FGG: a personal trainer who helps celebrities (including Leonardo DiCaprio, Audrey Tautou, and Colin Firth) get into camera-ready shape. Cornel Chin, author of Celebrity Body on a Budget, talks about what it’s really like to train like a celebrity and shares some more practical body toning moves for the rest of us.

[We probably don't need to tell you this, but you should check with your health care provider to ensure these moves are safe for you to perform]

Training to become super-fit like a celebrity isn’t on every woman’s to-do list. While some women want to lose weight, others simply want their clothes to fit a little better or to be able to catch the bus without panting and sweating. But even if you’re not interested in having an “Oscar-ready” body, you may still secretly be wondering what holy grail of exercise celebrities seem to have found that the rest of us haven’t. In truth, celebrities live in the limelight and are constantly under scrutiny, and the dangling carrots of fame and fortune play an important role – where choosing between shedding some extra weight vs. a $10 million movie deal provides powerful motivation.

But don’t be fooled into believing that even the most fit celebrities are doing exercises different from what you may be doing at home or at your gym. Trust me on this: there’s nothing new in fitness–no magic machine that shakes you like a smoothie blender or stretchy cable apparatus that pulls you like a medieval torture device. The biggest difference is that famous people are probably exercising more often and under professional guidance. Many celebrities pay very generously for the right advice and service. They hire personal chefs to serve up their favorite foods, nutritionists to advise their chef what to prepare, and a trainer to do all the fitness thinking for them. All they have to do is show up and perform (no pun intended).

My book, Celebrity Body on a Budget, is designed to encourage people to try working out like a celebrity without having to spend top dollar on nutritionists, trainers and personal chefs. Even if you have no desire to whip yourself into a frenzy worthy of Hollywood, you might find a few new moves to shake up your regular exercise routine–or kick one off if you’re currently sedentary.

Here are a few simple moves that can be easily incorporated into your daily life. I’ve chosen exercises that don’t require a lot of getting down on the floor and back up again, which can be challenging if you’re substantially overweight, but that will yield visible results over time if you’re doing them at least every other day.

UPPER BODY MOVE: ANYWHERE DIPS

The triceps (rear upper arms), also affectionately known as ‘bingo swingers’ or ‘bat wings,’ is a troublesome area for many women.

The Dip exercise is perhaps one of the best moves, which can be performed against any safe, fixed bench, desk or chair. Think kitchen counter top, work desk/station, park bench, or waiting room bench–most places have a fixed surface. Simply face away from the surface, place your hands hip width apart and keep your knees slightly bent. Then, bend at your elbows to lower your body to no lower than a right angle. To extend up again to the start position, just extend the arms again avoiding locking out the elbows. Try 10 repetitions and work up to 20 reps. Progress up to a couple of sets of 15 reps, then 18, then 20 etc.

MID-SECTION MOVE – THE T.V. PULL-IN

This little discreet number is perhaps one of the simplest exercises, yet it offers a big payout in terms of benefit. This can literally be done anytime and anywhere-sitting, standing, kneeling or even lying down. It works the main core muscle (Transversus Abdominis), which is the main muscle responsible for keeping you upright and maintaining a flat stomach.

All that is required is a little practice, as it’s a bit tricky if you’re new to it. As you take a deep breath in, draw in the area of your stomach situated between your navel and your upper groin. Pull in this area as if drawing in toward your lower back. Hold for 10 seconds, as you breathe out slowly for the same amount of time. Repeat three more times. As you improve, try holding for longer intervals. Try this several times a day, while standing waiting for the kettle to boil or waiting for a bus or train.

LOWER BODY MOVE – DOUBLE STEPS

A great habit many people adopt is taking the stairs instead of an elevator or escalator. To further boost that benefit, try taking two steps at a time instead of one. By doing so, the quadriceps (front thighs) and gluteal muscle (buttocks) are engaged and are worked 50% more than if taking one step at a time. If the steps are not too steep, you may wish to attempt taking three steps at a time. As a safety measure, just ensure the knees are not bending more than a right angle or 90 degrees to avoid undue stress to the knee area.

Cornel Chin is a fitness expert to the stars with over 20 years of experience as a fitness professional. He integrates his diverse background to create an all-encompassing approach to fitness. Cornel is credited for getting Leonardo DiCaprio into shape in double-quick time for the film The Beach, and, as a leading fitness expert, he is a frequent guest on numerous television and radio shows throughout the United Kingdom. Cornel has also been featured in, and regularly contributes to, a host of leading international publications.

We are thrilled to introduce our newest columnist, Charlie O’Hay, who will be writing from a guy’s point of view each month starting in January.

Charlie is a published poet whose work has appeared in over 100 literary magazines, including Gargoyle, The New York Quarterly, and West Branch. He was awarded a fellowship in poetry and literature from the Pennsylvania Council on the Arts in 1995. He currently works as a freelance advertising copywriter and manuscript editor. He is married to Cecily Kellogg of Uppercase Woman and dad to a dynamic, beautiful daughter. Charlie blogs at It Ain’t All Pizzas and Cream.

Let’s extend a warm FGG welcome to Charlie! If you’ve got any questions for him ask away in the comments.

FGG’s Toni reaches for mind-body awareness

The human body is home to both our mind and our muscles, and if you’re on the road to a healthier lifestyle, getting the two in touch with, and ultimately in sync with, one another is an important step. We all know that our mind controls our muscles in daily activities like moving our arms and legs for walking, but what many don’t know is that the conscious mind is not required for those processes. That means most of us need to focus specifically on connecting them.

One of the easiest ways to train a mind-body connection is by doing simple, daily stretches in front of a mirror. The key here is to focus on and visualize each muscle, or group of muscles, during every stretch. For each of these, focus on keeping the abdominal muscles gently contracted at all times.

:: Stand in the center of a room with adequate space around you. Keep your feet flat on the floor and raise both arms over your head, reaching high to the ceiling. Hold for eight seconds.

:: Keeping both arms up, reach to the ceiling with one arm at a time, feeling the stretch from the shoulder. Pay attention to the feeling of your muscles as they stretch from your arm down your back.

:: With feet firmly planted about shoulder width apart, keep your arms stretched to the ceiling and slowly twist at the waist, to the right and then to the left. SLOW is always the key to proper stretching, as quick movement can result in injury. Be sure your twist stops at a comfortable position, gently testing your flexibility. You should be able to feel the upper muscles in your back flex from the shoulder to your waist. Focus on how each muscle feels as you stretch. Even better: try to count the number of muscles that are moving as you stretch.

:: To add the legs, resume your original stance with your arms stretched to the ceiling, and roll slowly up on the balls of your feet as you continue to stretch each arm independently upward. You should be able to feel the hamstrings in the back of the thigh and the calf muscles in the lower leg. You should also feel the stretch in the smaller muscles of your feet. Be aware of your rib cage and abdominal area as you reach upward. Hold this stretch for about 20 seconds.

:: Very slowly bend at the waist, stretching both arms down and toward the floor. Feel your hamstrings (back of the thigh) stretch and the quadriceps (front of the thigh) slightly contract. Don’t force the arms down, but instead let them hang limply, along with your head, allowing your body weight to pull you down. Pull your abdominal muscles in toward the spine and feel the stretch in your back muscles. Hold this position for about 15 seconds. The abdomen is the center of the body and provides tremendous strength for the back. This stretch can be a great stress reliever, one that’s easy to do any time of the day.

:: Slowly roll your body back up to a standing position by contracting the abdominal muscles and feeling each vertebra in the spine move into place until you are fully upright. Once up, stretch both arms straight out to the side of your body and slowly rotate them in a small circles from the shoulder – ten times forward and ten times backward. This simple “mini-stretch” is a great start to preparing the muscles for daily activity.

Whether you’re sedentary or moderately active or an athlete, consistent basic stretching is a good way to start and end each day. Getting in tune with your muscles is critical in establishing good posture, health, and both mental and physical strength at any size – and for overweight women can become one more step to increasing strength, mobility, flexibility, protecting yourself from injury and preparing your mind and body to enjoy years of active companionship.

Lynda Lee Smith is the author of “Playing the Hand You Were Dealt…And Achieving the Body You Were Meant to Have.” Her book is available at online bookstores now.

Dara Chadwick’s book, “You’d Be So Pretty If…”

This week’s guest post comes from Dara Chadwick, a journalist who writes about health, wellness and psychology. We asked her to write about her journey to self acceptance after landing a sweet gig with a national women’s fitness magazine.

When it comes to family television viewing, there aren’t always a whole lot of great choices, but one show my family’s been enjoying together is ABC’s “The Middle,” a half-hour sitcom that features a “middle-aged, middle-class” mom in middle America. My kids think it’s a riot and I’ve found myself giggling at the over-the-top adventures of the show’s characters — especially the mom, who’s just trying to hold her head above water on most days.

I’ve had lots of days like that. And they really used to bother me. But happiness, I’ve discovered, is in those “middle” places.

See, I’m a former member of the “I have to be perfect” club: brilliant career, model children, blissfully happy marriage and spotless house. Oh, and a fabulous body, too.

Are you done laughing yet?

I can tell you that I have achieved all that “perfection” exactly zero times in my life. But that didn’t stop me from trying — or from beating myself up about it. The focus of most of my efforts was usually my body; after all, eating and exercise were totally under my control, right?

There was a time in my life when my quest to improve myself was serious business. I’d restrict calories, I’d exercise for hours and otherwise find ways to punish myself for not being “perfect.” My body may have been smaller, but I was never quite satisfied with where I was. In my mind, there was always room for improvement.

Secretly, though, I longed for a day when I wouldn’t have to care anymore.

While meeting the demands of two young kids, a husband, a job and a house, that day arrived. I didn’t care anymore. With no time to exercise, no energy to make a healthy meal for myself amid diapers and baby food and bottles, and no shortage of guilt at the idea of putting myself first, I let go of my chase of perfection.

And I do mean I let go. But that didn’t make me happy, either.

It wasn’t the extra flesh I was carrying or the bigger jeans I was wearing. It was knowing that I just wasn’t taking care of myself. Not exercising and not caring at all about what I ate didn’t deliver the freedom I once thought it would.

My life was out of balance. I’d gone from one extreme to the other.

In 2007, I signed on to write the Weight-Loss Diary column for Shape magazine. I worked with a life coach, a trainer and a dietitian to meet my goal of getting myself back to the weight I was on my wedding day. Each month, I was photographed and had to write about my “successes and failures.”

By the end of the year, I made my goal weight. But a funny thing happened along the way.

I’d started out with near obsession: I never, ever thought I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight. But as my kids — who were then 11 and nine — watched me hit the gym for a couple of hours each day, drink protein shakes and carefully monitor every calorie I consumed, I realized that I’d see-sawed back to the other extreme. And that wasn’t good.

That wasn’t the mom I wanted to be.

But here’s what was good: By the project’s end, I’d reconnected with my body. I remembered how good regular exercise made me feel. I realized how much better I felt when I ate healthy foods. I had a great dietitian who taught me all about moderation and helped me learn to bring balance to my food choices — knowledge I still use every day, two years later.

When my year with Shape was over, I made a conscious decision: No more extremes. These days, I eat what I feel like eating, when I feel like eating it. I don’t belong to a gym anymore; instead, I mix up my routine with walking, running, dance classes, yoga, biking — whatever I feel like doing. But I do something. It’s not about getting smaller, or changing a single thing: It’s about me, living my life in the healthiest body I can have — and showing my kids that you don’t have to be “perfect” to be happy.

After all this time, I feel like I’ve finally found my “middle” place — that balance between healthy self-care and accepting the body I have. I’m not striving for elusive perfection, but I’m not neglecting my body’s health either. Landing squarely in the middle, I’ve reached that body image milestone I’ve longed for my whole life: Contentment.

Dara writes about raising body-confident kids and making peace with our own body image demons at You’d Be So Pretty If (one of our “We Read” picks), and you can purchase her book here.

We’ve gotten several fun responses to our request for a monthly male columnist. Keep ‘em coming our way! We’ll make the (difficult) decision on who gets the spot on December 1, and get started shaping that column right away for its January 2010 debut. If you’ve already sent your email in (thank you!), we’ll be responding to everyone with any questions, clarifications or request for more information a little later this month.

Here’s the original post:

We’re starting a monthly column in January covering a guy’s point of view, so consider this post a call for male guest columnists. Are you a fat guy facing the same challenges as our female readers? Would you like to write about sharing your life with a plump partner? Are you a single male who prefers curvy women, and would like to talk frankly about dating and sex (no fetishists, please!) Did you once judge fat people until you fell in love with or became one yourself?

Wherever you fall along those lines, all we ask is that you’re a great storyteller, can balance candid and sometimes humorous discussion with professional, respectful content, and that you have a solid sense for your platform. If that’s you, drop us a line and tell us a little more about you and what you’d like to write about each month. We’ll select the best man for the gig on December 1 and announce it here.

Ladies, if you know a guy who’d be great as a monthly FGG columnist, send them our way!

Questions? Ask away.

Jenny and fellow actor, Ben, during a show. Photo by Ron Zambor.

Greetings from LaLa Land,

I’m a working actor right now, which is awesome and amazing – I know how lucky I am and relish the work, and the great cast and people I get to work with.

A couple of weeks ago one of my fellow cast members, Ben (pictured above), booked a film. We all congratulated him and told him we’d miss him. A colleague asked him what role he would be playing. “The asshole friend,” Ben replied. “I always play the asshole friend.” I pointed at myself and said, “The sassy friend.” We high-fived. But it led me to think about yet another interesting thing about this business: typecasting.

Do you ever wonder why a particular actor is doing yet ANOTHER romantic comedy (or action flick or any other formula genre)? It’s not because we shoehorn ourselves into a favorite role and refuse to step out of it, it’s because that’s what we’re almost always offered. Portia De Rossi as the ice queen. Kate Hudson as the cute, quirky girl-next-door. Even the character actor whose name you don’t know, but whom you always see playing the harried mom or sassy secretary. From the A-list to the working stiffs, every one of us has been branded with a “type,” and that’s what we’re expected to play.

And yet typecasting is an equalizer – because no one escapes it. If you want to work as an actor, you have to embrace who this business thinks you are on-screen. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told how wonderful or beautiful or talented I am, “but ____.” Bottom line, they don’t want a fat girl. Every actor I know has their own version of that story.

That’s part of what got me into the writing side. My writing partner and I were tired of the lack of diversity onscreen, and we’re not alone: everyone involved in preproduction seems to have the common goal of portraying life as it really is, cast with normal, everyday people, not models. One of the things we want to see happen through this screenwriting project is almost unheard of: a story in which the fat girl gets the guy. As our director, Patrick, pointed out: girls of all shapes and sizes get the guy in real life, but you don’t often see it happen on-screen. So while the fat-girl character in the film we’re writing has elements of the sassy friend, the harried mom and other similar characters that I’ve played, this time we gave her a love story.

It rails against type, but I’m willing to chance it.

And so was my current director. For the show I’m working now, I wasn’t cast because they needed a fat girl, which is what usually happens, but solely because the director liked me and thought I was talented. So I have had the privilege of creating a character from scratch on this one – a role that wasn’t written for a fat girl, and provided the challenge of being completely unlike other roles I’ve had. And I’m having a blast. My character, Kitty, jumps into every fight scene, and even gets to make out with a hot Brazilian guy (lucky me!).

It’s a rare gift to be cast on your talent and not your looks in this business, and though putting on the wig, jewelry, heels, makeup, and taping my breasts into my tarty hot pink bra every show takes forever – I have a whole new respect for drag queens – I relish every chance I have to inhabit this layered and human character who is not defined by how she looks. Ben’s not playing the asshole friend this time, either, in fact, a lot of the cast are playing against usual types. And you know what? We’re still a huge hit. As of this weekend, “A Big, Gay, North Hollywood Wedding” at the Crown City Theatre is the #1 show on GoldStar.com, L.A.’s big ticketing web site, and we’re about to extend…again. Just goes to show that stepping out of the types created for us, and that we create for ourselves, doesn’t mean risking success.

Fingers crossed that the film I’m writing does as well!

- JENNY