The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Ahhh… by ktpupp

With warmer weather (hopefully) just around the corner, many of us have turned our thoughts to how we might de-winterize our bodies and minds. To that, we say: Spa day, anyone? Before you schedule a luxurious rubdown, some TLC on your piggies, or even (gulp!) a bikini wax, check out this insider advice from our pampering pros. We asked the embarrassing questions so you wouldn’t have to – just consider it our “Spring Forward” gift to you!

Love is blind… and so is massage

One of the most difficult obstacles for many overweight women in terms of self care is embarrassment over their bodies, or fear that their medical professional will say or think something hurtful about their fat. While individual people can occasionally be insensitive enough to prove us right, professional massage therapist Nicolette Becker, of Chicago’s Thousand Waves Spa for Women, sends a clear message.

“I think the most important thing for people to realize is that your massage therapist couldn’t care less what your body looks like,” Becker says. “We aren’t there to judge you. We just want to help you to relax and feel better.” The irony, she says, is that many first-time clients let their nerves undermine the point of the massage. “The more you worry about your body and having someone else seeing and touching your body, the harder it will be for you to relax. And therefore, the less you’ll enjoy the massage.”

To alleviate some of the anxiety (and help you enjoy your well-earned hour of pampering!), know what to expect from your visit. A good therapist will spend a few minutes speaking with you before beginning your massage, asking about any problem spots or injuries. Becker cautions to always disclose any illnesses, skin conditions or rashes, and to not be insulted if the therapist asks if you’re pregnant; this is routine and important for your care. After this mini-consult, you’ll be left for a moment to disrobe and get on the table, beneath the sheet or towel provided. (Note: some tables are heated; if you prefer more, less, or no heat at any time during the session, be sure to let your massage therapist know). During the massage, your therapist will only remove the covering from the body part she is working on, and your private parts will never be exposed.

Becker says she is constantly asked if it’s okay to wear underwear. “You can wear whatever level of clothing you are comfortable with and the therapist will work around it,” she says. “It’s always okay to wear panties, though if they come up really high, your therapist may have trouble reaching all of your low back.” Skip the fancy undergarments, because anything you wear may come into contact with massage oil. Comfort is key here, because your therapist wants you to relax and enjoy the massage. “However,” Becker points out, “the more clothing you remove, the better your massage therapist will be able to work. Bras do tend to get in the way, since they are right over where the majority of the knots are located.”

For comfort during your massage, Becker suggests placing rolled-up towels under your shoulders while prone (face down) if you’re larger chested. Bolsters (long, cylindrical pillows) are also a big help under the ankles while prone, and under the knees while supine (face up). I’m large chested and swaybacked, and I’ve found the bolster makes all the difference in taking pressure off my lower back.

If you’re still nervous, Becker says, “the most important thing to remember is to breathe. Taking nice, deep breaths is the easiest way to relax your body. And if your mind keeps going to worries about your body, you can distract yourself by counting your breaths. Inhale for a count of five and then exhale for a count of five and repeat as long as necessary. It is hard to think about anything else while you are counting.”

And while good hygiene is always appreciated by your therapist, “Don’t worry if you accidentally fart or if your stomach gurgles,” Becker concludes. “It happens all the time.”

Prevention: the key to a pretty pedi

Nothing puts me in the mood for spring like soft feet and a brand new paint job on my toes (preferably in a deep burgundy color). Even if many of us are still a few months away from beach weather, spending an hour indulging in a massaging spa chair getting our toes sandal-ready helps bridge the gap to warmer days. And if your tummy makes bending to paint your own nails difficult, then a pro session is that much more important.

However, before you plunk yourself down in the first strip-mall nail salon you spy, do some research to ensure you don’t walk out with ingrown toenails or a nasty infection from contaminated foot baths or instruments. Basic observation and a few simple questions are your best allies here. Is the pedicurist licensed? Do the surfaces of the salon interior appear clean and hygienic? Do the technicians sterilize instruments and disinfect foot baths between patients (or use disposable tools), or is it an assembly line operation that rotates new clients into the chairs immediately after they’re vacated? Trust your eyes, your gut and the recommendation of a trusted friend or review web site.

Another way to help safeguard against infection: fight the knee-jerk reaction to shave your legs before heading to the salon. Because shaving opens your pores and can cause tiny nicks and cuts, your freshly shaven legs are a magnet for infection. The best option is to wait until after your appointment to shave, but at minimum allow a full 24 hours between hair removal and pedicure.

Other tips from the pros: Bring your own instruments to be absolutely sure you’ve got the hygiene covered. Many salons will let regular customers store their own files, clippers, etc. in small, individual boxes or cubes so they’re ready for next time. And logic dictates that the earlier in the day you arrive, the fewer feet will have already sloshed around in your foot basin.

If you’ve had a bad experience with spa hygiene or are otherwise germ-phobic, consider grabbing a girlfriend and some at-home spa products and trade off pampering the other’s piggies. There might not be a massage chair involved, but you won’t need to tip her, either.

The facts of wax

First of all, let’s dispel the notion that fat girls can’t get their business waxed. According to the delightful (and proudly plus-sized!) Daniela of Daniela’s Facial Studio in Chicago, the only thing standing between you and a neatly groomed (or completely bare) nether region is a knowledgeable and experienced esthetician.

If you’ve never had the pleasure, basic bikini-area hair removal involves removing your clothes from the waist down, reclining on a waxing bench or bed, and going to your happy place for 15-45 minutes while the esthetician uses either soft wax, hard wax or a combo to remove as much of the hair as you’ve requested. Some girls opt to just clean up the areas not covered by their favorite undies or bathing suit, some ask to have their pubic hair sculpted into designs, and others go for the full Brazilian, which removes even the smallest fuzz from your inner/outer labia and — yes — the area between your cheeks.

Depending on the location and your preferred look, you may be given a disposable paper thong to wear in order to provide guidance for your esthetician. Daniela estimates the elastic waist in an average paper thong accommodates a size 20/22; if you’re worried it won’t fit, bring a cheapie thong along and pitch it at the end of your session.

Heated soft wax is smoothed on with a spatula or tongue depressor, then removed with strips of paper/fabric. Hard wax adheres only to hair, not to skin, which makes it preferable for use on delicate inner bits. While currently very trendy, an all-hard-wax removal is more expensive and takes much longer. Tweezers are sometimes used for cleaning up remaining stray hairs.

In the hands of an experienced esthetician, Daniela insists, “The majority of people say, ‘that didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.’” She recommends taking two Ibuprofen about 30 minutes before your appointment and trying to avoid scheduling during times when you’ll be more stressed, because skin clenches the hair more tightly when you’re nervous. “They make a big deal about [the pain] on TV. That really pisses me off.”

Still, big girls do need to be handled with care

“With overweight clients, there’s a much higher incidence of ingrown hairs or chafing, even if your thighs don’t rub together. Chafing holds onto wax for dear life,” Daniela explains. Because it can be difficult to remove wax from chafed areas, a provider without experience working on larger women could panic and not know how to handle the situation. Additionally, heavier clients tend to perspire more before and during a session, and skin must be very dry for successful removal. Daniela is adamant on this point: “If you call a salon and they say they don’t use — and reapply — powder before [soft]-waxing each section, I would go somewhere else.”

Hair removal is all about making the skin as taut as possible – even if it doesn’t come through the door that way. Since most of us have areas of stretched-out skin from weight loss, weight gain or pregnancy, this means you should expect to be an active participant in your hair removal – holding skin tight, lifting a hanging stomach, pulling your thigh aside, etc.

“I’ll have clients hold everything,” Daniela says. “Sometimes I’ll have them hold [a section] one way while I’m pulling the other way, just to get the skin as tight as possible. The more [an esthetician] holds and asks you to hold, the better the job will be.” Daniela swears this is the key to effective waxing that doesn’t leave you sore or purple afterward.

A matter of trust

So how do you locate a trustworthy provider in your area? When you don’t have your own experience to draw on, Daniela says, “The best thing to do is rely on advice from a friend or consumer reviews from sites like Yelp, Citysearch or Insider Pages.” Also, while there are obviously exceptions to the rule, larger salons or chains frequently hire recent graduates. If an esthetician isn’t yet seasoned enough to have experience working with multiple body types, Daniela cautions, “You can easily have a situation where that person has no idea what to do. They need to know where to pull and what to hold.”

Before you book an appointment, check out Daniela’s preparation advice and don’t hesitate to ask to speak to the esthetician and clarify any points that worry you. Ask what type of wax they use. If it’s a larger salon, inquire whether they have robes in extended sizes (Thousand Waves doesn’t wax, but their robe sizes extend to 2X). And if you’re considering an all-bare look, don’t shy away from asking one of the most frequent questions I’ve heard: “Will they ask me to get on all-fours?” (For the record, Daniela’s answer surprised me! ) “I don’t do it that way, ” she chuckles. “I have them lift the leg as far back as it will go, or lie on their tummy and spread their cheeks apart.”

Wow. Don’t say we won’t go to any length to get you girls the real deal on any topic. On that note, ladies, go forth and spa!

Share your spa experiences – good, bad, ugly, or beautiful – in the comments. Still have hair-removal questions? Post them in comments and Daniela will tackle them individually.

Image from a Cornell University Library collection (circa 1920), demonstrating correct posture

If we had a dollar for every time someone ordered us to stand up straight, we could probably treat our girlfriends to a round of caramel macchiatos at Starbucks. Turns out the straight-backed drill sergeants in our lives were on to something, since poor posture can lead to a host of physical problems – from misalignment to pain. Bad posture also feels yucky, and let’s be honest: it doesn’t look all that great, either. The extra pounds we carry coupled with today’s increasingly sedentary and stressed-out lifestyles means we fat girls need to pay extra attention to this issue. Good thing we spoke to a few experts skilled in several disciplines, who give it to us (ahem) straight on how to regain and maintain great posture.

“Many people predominately drag their bodies and lead with their heads,” says Liz Weaver, a martial arts instructor and founder of BreakPal.com, a  site dedicated to “workplace wellness” through better body positioning. While we’re naturally supposed to walk from the heel of the foot to the ball of the foot, many of us walk head first with our backsides sticking out. “This wears out your lower back because it’s in an unnatural position,” she says.

Ginger Garner, a physical therapist and founder of Professional Yoga Therapy Studies, sees similar imbalances in her female-focused practice, along with sloping shoulders, weak upper back muscles, tight chest muscles, and excessive rounding of the upper back. “These problems can be caused by ‘occupational  hazards,’ from ill-fitting desks or chairs at work to carrying or nursing children to everyday tasks like housework,” she says. When you add extra pounds to the mix, a few unique problems crop up, such as excess sway in the lower back and strain on the upper back due to larger breasts. “You have to work harder – against a heavier body – to correct and keep good posture,” she says.

The good news is, absent any structural problems or medical conditions (check with your doc if you’re at all unsure about making any new moves) you can improve your posture relatively quickly by switching out some bad habits for better ones. Personal trainer Elena Ciccotelli (aka TrainerDiva) knows all about forming good habits in her work with clients. “It takes your body about 300 repetitions to form a new skill, and about 5,000 repetitions to reformulate a skill,” she says. “This explains why it takes such a long time to break bad habits, so be patient in your quest for better posture. It’s completely possible to transform slouchy shoulders into sexy, confident shoulders with a lot of practice.” And once you’re there, “good posture is actually easier to maintain than bad posture,” says Garner.

“I use the term ‘body geometry’ to help my clients visualize their best posture, the position that will have them feeling their best throughout the day,” says Christine Binnendyk, a master Pilates trainer at the Nike World Headquarters and author of the forthcoming book Ageless Pilates:

Imagine a rectangle over your torso. Your shoulders should line up to form the top edge; your hipbones line up to form the bottom edge. If one hip rides up, it’ll displace the shoulder on the same side. If your right shoulder rides up, you’ll shift your left leg out to counterbalance that shift. Over time, these little changes and counterbalances add up to major energy drain. Level out your rectangle, and you’ll be better balanced and more energetic.

“Good posture has nothing to do with pulling the shoulders back,” says Garner, who suggests another simple way of thinking about – and correcting – how we stand. The key, she says, is “engaging the transverse abdominis (TA) muscles by drawing your belly button into your spine without moving the spine and drawing the shoulders slightly down and shoulder blades down into a V-like shape. This will help engage the proper stabilizing muscles of the spine.”

“Posture is about body awareness, which means just being mindful of your body,” says Weaver. “Just pay attention when you’re really into a project, and listen to what your body is telling you. If you have pain in an area of your body, it’s trying to tell you something.”

Here, we share some common posture problems and our experts’ tweaks. Keep in mind that you know your body best, so avoid any new moves that don’t feel right from the start, and check with your health care provider, both to rule out any structural or medical causes of poor posture, including scoliosis, and to get suggestions on an appropriate posture expert for your needs, which may include a chiropractor, physical therapist, or other professional.

If you sit all day

Strengthen the legs

Girls, are you sitting down? Of course you are – everybody is nowadays, whether at work or surfing the ‘net or watching TV at home. But wait till you hear this: “People who spend the better part of their days sitting end up with weaker leg and glute (butt) muscles,” says martial arts instructor Warner. “But those muscles are there for a reason, and they’re bigger for a reason: to work harder and to do bigger jobs.” Yes, you heard it here first: we’re supposed to have strong, muscular legs and glutes! (Take that, mass media ideals!)

Warner suggests practicing the “horse stance,” (here’s a video demo by Warner, with an added Tai Chi breathing technique, and here’s a detailed written explanation to help you visualize it). “Your legs and glutes will start to burn right away, and that’s how you know you’re doing it right,” she says. Warner suggests getting up and doing the horse stance every 30 minutes if you work in an office, for about 60 seconds, shaking your legs and walking around afterward (don’t overdo it, of course, depending on your fitness level). You can do the horse stance at the kitchen counter while cooking or get up and do it during television commercials each evening. “A 60-second interval a few times a day will make a tremendous difference,” she says.

Support your core

Ciccotelli recommends an isometric, or static move called the plank (here’s a video demo). By holding your body in this position (while remembering to breathe, since the tendency is to clench and hold the breath), your body is engaged by working to hold you off the floor. She suggests starting with 10 seconds and working up to 30 seconds at a time. If your lower back hurts in this position, lift your pelvis toward the ceiling so your body creates a V. As your abs and back become stronger it will become easier to position yourself in a straighter line.

Find your ideal chair

“Because we spend so many hours working, which in our society now includes a lot of time sitting, a good office chair is essential,” says yoga therapist Garner. “Good” doesn’t have to mean dropping a grand on an Aeron chair, however; finding a chair that fits you and your computer setup is what matters.

Garner’s tips for finding the perfect chair:

*The feet should reach the floor, or you can place a footstool under the chair so your feet are completely supported
*The chair should not have a solid low back support – good chairs will actually have an adjustable back rest that moves up and down or a cut out where the buttocks can stick out through the cutout – hence providing the proper curve for low back support
*Forget the arm rests–you don’t need them. Save yourself $50 or more and don’t bother with them, unless you are actually going to sit in the chair, rest your arms on them, and do nothing at all.
*Look for a short seat pan (where you rest your bum). It’s usually too deep for women of average height (meaning less than 5’7”). This will prevent problems like sciatica, which is common for smaller women who get stuck in typical corporate chairs built for men.

After reviewing “literally thousands” of chairs online, Garner found her perfect chair for 70 dollars. “It has a padded backrest and seat pan, adjustable height for workstations of different height or different work requirements, a “cut out” for the bum, and a short seat pan (it’s a stool, so it’s actually round!)”

Ciccotelli suggests using a stability ball instead of a chair “as often as possible to improve your overall balance, stability, and posture.” Just be sure to find one you can sit on comfortably without rolling off.

Work your upper body with Pilates at your desk

Dumbwaiter: “If your shoulders droop a bit forward, Dumbwaiter is for you. Sit or stand tall; glue your elbows to your ribcage with your palms facing up. Keep your elbows at your sides as you rotate the arms outward, like you’re serving a drink to people on either side of you. This move draws your shoulder blades together, while opening your chest.”

Wings: “Do you hike your shoulder up whenever you’re reaching for something? Wings is for you. Set yourself up like dumbwaiter, but with your palms facing down. Keep your shoulders low as you float your elbows wide — it’ll seem like you’re flapping imaginary wings. This move loosens up the muscles aroung your shoulder blades, allowing you to reach your arms more comfortably. It helps in eliminating neck tension and shoulder strain.”

Behind the wheel

Yet another way in which we sit all day, for many of us while driving to and from work. “Pretend your shoulders are pinned to the seat,” says TrainerDiva Ciccotelli.

Take it easy while texting

“Many people don’t realize there is a strong connection between neck posture and back posture,” says Ciccotelli. Even slightly leaning your head forward for long periods can negatively impact posture (by causing rounded shoulders and improper trunk stabilization). Unfortunately, this is exactly the head position most people use while texting, so she suggests keeping your head up the next time your mobile device dings.

One easy way to lighten your load

Keep only essential items in your purse; who wants to look like a bag lady, anyway? If you simply must lug everything with you, Binnendyk suggests a messenger-style bag that crosses the body, or splitting your belongings into two bags while traveling to balance the weight evenly. “If you need to lean, it’s time to purge,” she says.

The Well-Endowed Pain in the Neck

“Every gift comes with a bit of salt, doesn’t it?” says Binnendyk. Sometimes, large breasts come with neck and back pain, so a proper bra fitting is essential. “Well-placed straps in a good foundation garment will make a world of difference,” she says, adding that sexy bras are fine for a night out or a romp around the bedroom, but stick to functional comfort the rest of the time. “Think about it this way,” she adds. “If the girls are riding higher, it’s easier to stand up straight. The less forward lean that you have, the less back and neck pain you’ll feel.” After bra shopping, try the Dumbwaiter and Wings Pilates techniques 3-4 times per week.

Lacing Up by libraryann

Ah, New Year’s resolutions. Hard to avoid this time of year, we know. We also know that many of you are probably resolving to be healthier, regardless of what page just turned on the calendar or whether or not weight loss is part of that goal. That means savvy fat girls will be looking for New Year’s specials on gym memberships. Here’s how to get started:

First, work your brain

It’s common for women to worry about whether or not they “belong” at a health club because of their size. When we did a shout-out on Twitter seeking tips for fat girls looking to join a gym, one girl wrote:

Always be skinny? I hate how all the thin, toned people stare and wonder why I’m going there – well, duh!

We’ve all been to that gym, right, girls? And it’s no fun, we know.

Aside from telling you to generally avoid “meat market” health clubs in favor of one where people of many shapes and sizes are welcome, when you do settle on a club, here’s a new attitude to bring to this particular dance: nobody cares that you’re fat. There, I said it. Oh sure, some people do. Like, say . . . insensitive jerks. And as with fat people, jerks are everywhere, including at health clubs, so it only makes sense that we can make room to coexist.

We get that not all health clubs are created equally, nor do they have the same clientele. My small town rec center is worlds away from the ’sweaty, svelte singles’ club I belonged to in Chicago in my 20s. But many people I’ve talked to – fat, thin, male, female – who work out regularly say they’re always happy to see overweight people at their gyms because it’s good to see people taking care of themselves. So pack the attitude that “shame ain’t worth as much as you think” into your gym bag and start shopping for a place to work out.

And maybe times are changing – more of us are overweight in general, after all. However you may feel about The Biggest Loser, one former contestant maintains that this television show made it acceptable for fat people to work out in public. And that’s a very good thing. You can probably guess our attitude about this: act as if you belong wherever you are – fake it till you make it, if you must – and you’ll be one step closer to finding a gym that fits your needs.

Remember: the customer is always right

And in this case, you are the customer, not the other way around. “I think the phrase ‘joining a gym’ is inaccurate,” says Janice Kay Smith, founder of A Woman’s Gym in Chicago. “You’re really choosing a gym. If people take that view, they will be more particular and look closely at a location to see if it’s what they want.” Smith recommends asking yourself if this is an environment that’s going to make you feel comfortable. “You’re bringing them money,” she says. “It should be your attitude that they’re lucky to get you.”

Tee, our resident gym rat who has inspired over 30 people in her community to work out with her, had this to say about sussing out a new place. “When you walk in, ask for a tour, and mention that you’re trying to get in shape (or stronger, or whatever you biggest goal is) but that you’re not sure how to get started,” she says. “If they jump on it with excitement and start offering up ideas and options, that’s a great sign that you’ve got a fat-friendly gym. If you get the deer-in-the-headlights look, or a few polite smiles and nods and then back to the canned speech, keep looking.”

Commercials and ads will also give you a clue, says gym owner Smith. “If they only show slim women moving really fast, then that’s probably what the clientele will be like.”

Aim for variety

There are so many options available today, from no-frills, neighborhood Curves-style gyms to full-scale fitness centers. If you’re not yet in an established routine and haven’t found your favorite activities, go for something with more to get into than just your garden variety treadmills, bikes, circuit training area and classes. Athletic clubs often offer more, like racquetball, batting cages, volleyball, spinning, punching bags, ropes, a climbing wall, etc. Once you get comfortable using the gym in general, you’ll likely find yourself curious about some of these. Without those options, you may get bored and be tempted to use that as an excuse to stop going. Commit to exploring and experimenting with classes, equipment, boot camps and everything else the gym offers. Mixing up your workout and getting some fun sports action in there when you’re ready can boost your results fast.

Bring a friend

Tee was adamant about this tip: “I’m sure myriad studies have been done about how long people stay at a gym when they have a workout buddy vs. solo, but I can tell you from my own and many of my gym partners’ experience: I stay almost twice as long and have a whole lot more fun when I’ve got somebody to keep me company.” As with choosing the right gym, be sure to find the right workout partner for you. A Woman’s Gym owner Smith agrees. “Sometimes a buddy will make people get into the gym, but some people just talk to each other instead of working out, or if one doesn’t come one day, then the other won’t come,” says Smith. Her advice? Don’t partner with complainers, excuse-makers, or buddies who will drive you straight to Dairy Queen afterward.

If you don’t have a friend willing to go, or all your friends are thin and/or not into working out, then put an ad in the activity partners section in the community area on Craigslist. Be specific about what you’re looking for, including your schedule. And be sure to adhere basic Internet safety rules, like choosing a public place ( like your prospective health club) to meet for the first few times.

Take it for a test run

One of our fans on Twitter said it best:

Take advantage of free trials/passes before committing! Attend class, use sauna, etc. Don’t like the vibe? Keep lookin’!

“Before joining, stop by the gym at least twice at different times of the day to see what kind of crowd they get,” says Tee. “If it’s all gym bunnies and meatheads, you may want to look elsewhere.” Another Twitter fan wrote (and made us giggle): “Try to join a physical therapy clinic where they can specialize for weight issues and not everyone is a tiny workout whore.”

Check to see that the club has the types of activities that are right for your fitness level right now – including checking out basic and beginner classes, if you’re completely new to exercising or haven’t worked out in a while. Finally, if you need accountability, sign a contract. But try for six months instead of a full year, and then at the end of your six months, negotiate a better deal for staying on.

Ask for personal service

In the ten years since A Woman’s Gym opened its doors, Smith has designed tailor-made workout programs for each of her clients. “It has to be that way, because it’s my name on the door. And if a workout is not customized, they’re not going to keep coming,” she says. “If they think they might not have it down, or they might hurt themselves, or they’re doing it wrong, people are not going to come back.” If your prospective health club doesn’t offer personalized service, ask about the rates for personal trainers, and keep in mind that it might take more than just the standard, free one-hour session to get into your groove. Smith suggests asking for the best personal trainer for your needs and goals.

Finally, here are some more tips and tricks from our fabulous FGG readers from Twitter and Facebook – thanks for sharing your know-how with our readers, girls!

You just have to own it…your size, your fitness level, your life. Hold your head up, go there for yourself and no one else. Respect yourself for doing something for yourself. Push yourself as far as you can go, and compare yourself to no one. You’ll see more improvements quickly, recognize every one of them and build on them. Have a sense of humor. And if you are self conscious, join a women’s gym. Don’t try and do everything in your first visit…don’t expect to accomplish what you did 20, 30, 100 lbs ago. You’ve got to build to that. Above all…just go, girl.

If you are looking for a new apartment, make sure it has a gym (safe and well-lit). You will save money and it’s closer. No excuses.

Resist the urge to compare yourself to other women in the gym (I have to remind myself of that). Drink plenty of water and keep a small towel with you during your workout to wipe away sweat.

Now grab a gym bag, some affordable but cute workout clothes, and start your search. If you find (or have already found) a place that feels like home, tell us about it in the comments.

(We probably don’t need to say this, but just in case: you know your body best, but it’s a good idea to check with your regular medical professional to get the green light before starting any new workout routine).

Open call for Biggest Loser, by Pierre Lascott

We don’t typically cover weight loss on FGG because, let’s face it, you can’t throw a Weight Watchers cookie very far without hitting a diet or weight loss web site. It’s unoriginal, it’s redundant, and in the end that stuff usually does nothing for our body image and self-esteem.

Instead, we focus on how to enjoy a fun, active, enriching and rewarding life now instead of waiting until you’ve achieved some magic, “when I’m ______” criteria. And it’s in that spirit, not the deflating spirit of “self-correction,” that I’m posting this guide. Stay with me.

I’ve seen five or six episodes of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” and I have markedly mixed feelings about it. On one hand it’s inspiring and the human stories are fascinating. Who wouldn’t be moved by those transformations, and by what they suggest about our own possibilities?

On the other hand, it’s disconcerting. Losing that much weight in such a short a time period isn’t healthy, the sequestered and intensive means by which they do it aren’t sustainable in the long term for most people, and the show is set up to be as melodramatic as possible. During every episode I’ve gone through bi-polar spells of disgust and intrigue.

I mentioned to a friend a month or two ago that it would be fun to take what’s great about the show, like the teamwork, the relationships and support, the mental rigor, leaving behind the drama, the backstabbing, the unhealthy obsessions – and create a small group of our own. We were in a rut, wanting to get back into shape but feeling uninspired. My friend said, “Why not?”

And that was all it took. Over the next few weeks I placed ads on Craigslist for people with at least 50 pounds to lose, set up a local web site and NING social network, got a gym to sponsor us with deeply discounted membership and other perks, and then waited until kick-off day on January 1, 2010. I crossed my fingers that at least 15 people would show up.

I walked through the gym doors that morning to a crowd of more than 30 very excited, motivated men and women ready to dig in. And dig in we have. The outpouring of support from sponsors and the gym staff has been incredible, and the group has already started bonding into friendships with a mischievous twist of healthy competitive spirit. I couldn’t be more pleased.

Many organizations have started hosting biggest loser-like competitions for employees, but if yours doesn’t, or you’re not working,

We defined group criteria
My friend and I felt that to be most able to identify with each other’s struggles and to feel most comfortable in a group, it made sense to recruit people who had a similar amount of weight to lose. We decided 50 pounds was a good number, and was doable and healthy in six months for a person committed to those goals. And we wanted committed: no wishy-washy, victim mentalities to drag down group morale allowed. Each member had to commit to attending at least one of two official monthly meetings (one of those would be a weigh-in). Those requirements, and being at least 18 years of age, were our only criteria.

We defined challenge parameters
Like the show, we wouldn’t be relying on the highest number of actual pounds lost to determine the winner, but the percentage of body weight lost. Each month the biggest loser that month will receive a sponsored prize, and the grand prize goes to the person who loses the highest percentage of body weight overall by the final weigh-in.

We also decided we’d split the group into teams to get people fired up and accountable to a group. That turned out to be a good move: as soon as we started planning team challenges, the buzz and activity in the group went WAY up. Winning teams get prizes for the whole team – like dinner out, or free haircuts from a local salon.

We set the group up to revolve mostly around two things: a NING social network and the sponsor gym, with some extra activities like hiking, bowling and healthy dinner parties set up separately.

When setting member dues, we we needed to decide if we’d charge only what the gym was charging us – $25/month per member for full access – or upcharge to cover time and administrative details. Because there were few if any other expenses associated with managing the group, and because we wanted as many people as possible to be able to participate, we chose not to charge more than the $25. That made logistics easier, too, as the gym collects payment automatically and we just need to show up.

We spread the word far and wide
We drew up flyers and left them at libraries and on post office counters, we created a basic web site and placed ads in Craigslis’s community groups section, then we emailed all our friends and family and recruited them to email theirs, too. The more the merrier, and we knew the more people we had involved, the less chance there was of the group fizzling out within the first few weeks.

We created a sponsor kit to get local businesses excited
The Biggest Loser is a national hit, and achievement against the odds for people in transformation is addicting to an audience. A local version of that combination with a well-thought-out plan and good materials was compelling to sponsors, and we’ve brought some great ones, including Subway, on board. We gave them each a sheet with the prize slots we still needed to fill, along with recommended values for each, and let them choose what best met their goals and budget.

For their sponsorship, they’ll receive a linked logo on our web site, mention in all our materials and press releases, and an invitation to each weigh-in, including theirs, where they can present their prize to the winner in person.

We got busy getting busy
Nothing is more motivating than seeing other people in action and enjoying it, and energy begets energy in a bonded group. We injected lots of energy into the initial weigh-ins and “before photos” to be sure we didn’t lose momentum during everybody’s “ugh” moments.

Then we wasted no time getting our “gym legs” – setting up small group meets, signing up for classes together, showing each other how to use this piece of equipment or play that game. The more we work out together, the more we WANT to work out together – in fact, I’ve been to the gym every day this week and have yet to not run into at least a couple of other group members while I’m there. I predict big successes for this group.

It’s now taken on a life of its own, and I’m loving it. I’ve made 30+ new friends, have new partners in crime for things I want to try but felt too self-conscious to do in the past, and have a whole team of people pulling me on, and vice versa, should the urge to give up set in. No matter who wins six months from now, in less than a week we’ve all changed course of our lives.

So if you’re looking for an engine for your own efforts to get in shape, why wait? Pick up the phone or open up a blank email, recruit a good friend to help, and get busy planning your big win. And when you get sucked in and start having a great time, too, we’d love to hear all about it.

Ready…set? GO.

I realize that not everyone owns an iPhone, or even wants to. But one look around any public space and you’ll notice that like it or not, the smartphone is here to stay. The good news: the technology is rapidly advancing in terms of performance and the array of inexpensive downloads (known as “applications,” or “apps”) available to users. These babies are only going to get better, faster, and able to perform more tasks to simplify and amplify our lives. Even if you have no immediate plans to purchase an iPhone, there are some good web sites associated with some of these apps that are worth checking out.

Shopping – Red Laser is the first app I discovered (thanks to my friend Jennifer) that made me feel like the new millennium had finally arrived. Sure, we don’t have jetpacks or flying cars (yet), but we can use our phones to scan stuff to compare prices! That’s close, right? Okay maybe not, but still . . . it’s a simple, cool, useful app you can use to instantly comparison shop in ways we’ve never really been able to do before. The down side: it only compares prices among a set amount of retailers, but I’d watch for this one to expand. For groceries, Grocery IQ and Shopper are handy grocery list apps (I use Shopper but wish it had a menu planning function) and Relish has a seriously delicious-looking app for meal planning and shopping (and making our foodie columnist Michelle drool) and Big Oven has a free app that lets you browse their burgeoning recipe database.

Nutrition & Fitness Tracking – Not all of our readers are looking to lose weight, but for those who are, the SparkPeople iPhone app received props from our readers when we gave a shout-out for faves on Twitter. Membership on SparkPeople is free, and it works a lot like Weight Watchers, My Food Diary, and other sites that allow you to track food intake and exercise – and it’s free! (We love that!). Speaking of Weight Watchers, members can take their points with them via the Weight Watchers Mobile app, which is also free.

Health & Wellness – hLog is a comprehensive app that tracks your overall health, including medications, sleep cycles, and other information.  GoMeals helps diabetics track nutritional information, find nearby restaurants, and record daily food intake. Diabetes Pilot allows users to record blood glucose levels, insulin doses, and produces trends summarizing your diabetes care. There are even apps to track your menstrual cycles – yes, really. For time zone and otherwise numerically challenged people like me, this is ideal (though I just circle the date on my wall calendar). iPeriod estimates your future periods and also helps you predict ovulation, for girls who are trying to conceive. New millennium, indeed. ShapeWriter is a company dedicated to making typing easier and more intuitive. For those of us with tendonitis and carpal tunnel syndrome, having easier ways to type that put less stress on overused tendons is definitely worth considering. Finally, I use Ambiance daily for relaxation while meditating and background music while working, and there are tons of white noise sounds to help you get to sleep.

Good Eats – Urban Spoon offers city-specific restaurant recs, and I love the simplicity of TripAdvisor’s Local Picks. And not to tempt you Starbucks addicts too much, but they have two positively dreamy apps: one to find the nearest ‘bux and another to record the balance on your Starbucks card. Hello Vino is a free app that pairs the perfect wine with whatever you’re dining on at the moment.

Just for Fun – I may have an addiction to Words with Friends (a Scrabble knockoff with a social networking twist) and Crosswords, but they’re relatively healthy and inexpensive brain workouts compared to my former Starbucks jones. The Gratitude Journal and Vision Board apps are not only a blast to use, but they’re a perfect way to kick off a new year by giving thanks and dreaming big. I included this one just for Tee: Star Walk is a stargazing guide that shows phases of the moon, meteor showers, and constellations. Tell me that isn’t fun! And just today, I just discovered the Lego Photo app, which instantly turns your photos you into bright plastic brick works of art – for free.

Before You Buy - Talk to your friends and ask them about their favorite apps – a fun rite of passage for new iPhone owners. You’ll be sure to get an earful and/or an inbox filled with suggestions. A quick shout-out on Twitter (using Tweetie2, my favorite Twitter app) asking people for their favorite apps related to any topic under the sun will net you at least a few good responses. Also, read reviews before you buy and write them afterward; developers want to keep customers coming back and will listen to your requests for tweaks and additions. Finally, many apps associated with social media sites are free – like the flickr and Facebook applications, allowing you to bring your friends with you wherever you go.

So, girls: dish on your favorite iPhone apps, fat-girl-specific or not. And from all of us at FGG, have a wonderful new year!

FGG’s Toni reaches for mind-body awareness

The human body is home to both our mind and our muscles, and if you’re on the road to a healthier lifestyle, getting the two in touch with, and ultimately in sync with, one another is an important step. We all know that our mind controls our muscles in daily activities like moving our arms and legs for walking, but what many don’t know is that the conscious mind is not required for those processes. That means most of us need to focus specifically on connecting them.

One of the easiest ways to train a mind-body connection is by doing simple, daily stretches in front of a mirror. The key here is to focus on and visualize each muscle, or group of muscles, during every stretch. For each of these, focus on keeping the abdominal muscles gently contracted at all times.

:: Stand in the center of a room with adequate space around you. Keep your feet flat on the floor and raise both arms over your head, reaching high to the ceiling. Hold for eight seconds.

:: Keeping both arms up, reach to the ceiling with one arm at a time, feeling the stretch from the shoulder. Pay attention to the feeling of your muscles as they stretch from your arm down your back.

:: With feet firmly planted about shoulder width apart, keep your arms stretched to the ceiling and slowly twist at the waist, to the right and then to the left. SLOW is always the key to proper stretching, as quick movement can result in injury. Be sure your twist stops at a comfortable position, gently testing your flexibility. You should be able to feel the upper muscles in your back flex from the shoulder to your waist. Focus on how each muscle feels as you stretch. Even better: try to count the number of muscles that are moving as you stretch.

:: To add the legs, resume your original stance with your arms stretched to the ceiling, and roll slowly up on the balls of your feet as you continue to stretch each arm independently upward. You should be able to feel the hamstrings in the back of the thigh and the calf muscles in the lower leg. You should also feel the stretch in the smaller muscles of your feet. Be aware of your rib cage and abdominal area as you reach upward. Hold this stretch for about 20 seconds.

:: Very slowly bend at the waist, stretching both arms down and toward the floor. Feel your hamstrings (back of the thigh) stretch and the quadriceps (front of the thigh) slightly contract. Don’t force the arms down, but instead let them hang limply, along with your head, allowing your body weight to pull you down. Pull your abdominal muscles in toward the spine and feel the stretch in your back muscles. Hold this position for about 15 seconds. The abdomen is the center of the body and provides tremendous strength for the back. This stretch can be a great stress reliever, one that’s easy to do any time of the day.

:: Slowly roll your body back up to a standing position by contracting the abdominal muscles and feeling each vertebra in the spine move into place until you are fully upright. Once up, stretch both arms straight out to the side of your body and slowly rotate them in a small circles from the shoulder – ten times forward and ten times backward. This simple “mini-stretch” is a great start to preparing the muscles for daily activity.

Whether you’re sedentary or moderately active or an athlete, consistent basic stretching is a good way to start and end each day. Getting in tune with your muscles is critical in establishing good posture, health, and both mental and physical strength at any size – and for overweight women can become one more step to increasing strength, mobility, flexibility, protecting yourself from injury and preparing your mind and body to enjoy years of active companionship.

Lynda Lee Smith is the author of “Playing the Hand You Were Dealt…And Achieving the Body You Were Meant to Have.” Her book is available at online bookstores now.

Last week, we covered why meditation is great for us fat girls’ minds and bodies. This week, we get down to the nitty gritty and share how to meditate, with a few resources to get you started, with the help of yoga teacher and author Kate Hanley. A contributing editor at Body + Soul magazine and founder of MsMindbody.com, Kate specializes in making yoga, meditation, and breathing accessible and relevant to our million-mile-an-hour lives.

FGG: How often should we meditate, and for how long per sitting? Can you suggest ways to find pockets of time, and modifications on how to sit – can we sit anywhere, or even lie down?

I’ve seen a study that suggests that you need to meditate for at least 20 minutes at least four times a week to reap the kinds of benefits I mentioned in the previous post. That’s basically every other day. You don’t need to be alone in a quiet room—you can meditate on your bus or train commute, or while you’re waiting to pick up your kids from school. If you’re the antsy type, you can also choose to go on a 20-minute walking meditation, which is basically walking very slowly with your attention focused on the physical sensations of the ground under your feet, the feeling of your body weight shifting, the feeling of the air on your skin, the smells you notice. Or you can do a similar practice while you do something mundane and unavoidable, such as washing the dishes. You simply have to set an intention to use that activity as a time to immerse your focus on what you’re doing—not composing your grocery list.

That being said, it is nice to dedicate at least one formal time a week to sitting in meditation. You don’t need to get all pretzel-y on the floor if that’s dreadfully uncomfortable—try sitting in a basic cross-legged position on one or two firm cushions so that your hips are higher than your knees. Or sit in a hard-backed chair. You do want your spine to be straight—assuming some basic form signals to your brain that this is different than just zoning out. You can meditate while lying down, so long as you aren’t so tired that you drift off every time. Sleeping is an important self-care practice, but it ain’t meditation!

Over the long-term, your practice will take different forms. You might get on a kick where you are really loving your quiet alone time and find that you do most of your meditating on your cushion (or chair, or floor) at home. Some times you will be lucky to eke out 10 minutes here and there. Even during the crazy times when you get no time to meditate at all, when you do come back to your practice, all the effort that you’ve put in up to that point will be holding your place in line so you don’t have to start from scratch all over again.

FGG: Can you share a couple of basic meditation techniques?

KH: The most basic meditation technique is to focus on your breath. You can do this in a couple of different ways; try a few so that you have options at your disposal:

· As you inhale, think “inhale.” As you exhale, think “exhale.”
· Count your exhales. When you get to 10 start again. (This gives you just enough of a task to make it a little challenging—when you come to and realize you’re on breath number 45, you’ll know it’s time to rein it back in and start again.)
· Hone in on the physical sensations of breathing—the air moving past your nostrils, the movement of your ribcage as you inhale and exhale, where in your body you feel the breath flowing.

No matter how you choose to focus on the breath, when you notice that you’ve started daydreaming, silently say to yourself “thinking” and get back to following your breath.

You can also focus on a particular word or phrase, otherwise known as a mantra (which translates as “tool of the mind” in Sanskrit). Your mantra could be something formal and spiritual-ish, such as “Om” or “Amen.” But it can also be any word or phrase that has particular resonance for you. The only true requirement is that the words you repeat are meaningful to you. And try to leave any negative words out of your mantra. For example, thinking “no fear” places a lot of emphasis on the word fear. Instead, flip it to something more positive, such as “brave” on the inhale and “confident” on the exhale.

I like using the word “now” – it helps you not spend your time on the cushion anticipating the future or rehashing the past. Try “happiness” on the inhale and “now” on the exhale. This phrase can also help you remember that happiness isn’t conditional—it’s not reserved for when you lose weight or achieve some other goal, it’s basically now or never, because now is all we’ve got!

Here are some other inhale | exhale word combos to experiment with:

Acceptance |  Now
Big body | Big heart
Clear mind | Open heart
Here | Now
Love | Now
Peace | Now

Feel free to develop your own words or phrases that hold personal meaning to you.

FGG: Are there any great resources for beginners – iPhone apps, DVDs, books, CDs, web sites?

KH: Check out Sharon Salzberg. She’s wonderfully plain spoken, and she’s no 90-pound nun either. She’s a real woman with a real body and it’s a total inspiration to see how comfortable she is in her own skin.

The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh is fabulous at explaining how to turn your entire life in to an opportunity to practice meditation. Hanh is a Vietnamese Zen Buddhist monk who has been living in exile since the 60s when he traveled to America to denounce the Vietnamese war. He’s the closest thing we have to Gandhi, and he often travels the U.S. giving talks. It’s worth seeing him in person—keep tabs on his whereabouts at PlumVillage.org.

I love the guided meditation and visualization CDs from Belleruth Naparstek. These are a little woo-woo, with pan flutes in the background, but there is something about this woman’s voice. She helped me through my 72-hour labor, my friend recover from breast cancer, and another friend not lose her mind while on bed rest. She’s got a CD for nearly every ailment at HealthJourneys.com.

And if you’re Type-A, check out Meditation in a New York Minute by Mark Thornton. He teaches CEOs how to meditate, and he’s very approachable and down-to-earth.

Mental Workout is an iPhone app with guided meditations written and led by Stephan Bodian, author of Meditation for Dummies. (You can also download sessions as individual MP3s). Full disclosure: I haven’t tried it, but if you find yourself in the doctor’s office with a long wait ahead of you, listening to one of these could be a lot more productive than flipping through US Magazine.

Thanks, Kate for making meditation so appealing, like a free mini vacation just for us! We can all use a little of that in our lives.

Toni here: For my recently adopted meditation practice, I love the Ambiance iPhone app, which is also available in a free “Lite” version in the iTunes store. You can choose from a variety of natural sounds (“Forest Rain Inside Tent” is my fave) and original, soothing music from what I like to call the “yoga class” genre. You can make custom music and sound mixes and even better, you can set a timer to fade out after a set amount of time – a soothing way to ease out of a meditation session.

Girls! Whether you’ve been meditating for years or these guides have inspired you, we want to hear your stories. If you’re feeling stuck, unsure, or have any questions, post them in the comments, too.