The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Joyful jumping image by Midnighteskye

If we are indeed measured by the quality of our friends, I have to admit that I’m one of the luckiest women alive. Not simply because my friends are all rock stars (who happen to come in every curvy shape and size imaginable) but because various studies indicate that having friends carries myriad benefits, including helping us live happier, longer lives. Every funny text message, chat over coffee, morning walk, thoughtful item in the mail, and annual girlfriends’ getaway in my life seems to reaffirm this idea.

How do you know someone is your friend? Recently, I’ve had talks with my middle-school-bound son, who has come to me with questions about friends and peer pressure. My short answer to him sounds much like my feelings about a life partner: you know someone is your friend because they act like a friend. It really is that simple, and the same thing goes for guys/girls who don’t seem that into you–move on, because someone who is into you will be proud and happy to show it – and will do so, often. Friends who are the real deal? They leave you feeling lighter, happier, and better all around. The ones who do the opposite probably need re-categorizing.

Given the awesomeness of my gal pals, I’m planning on making it well into my 90s. How about you? What are your friends like? What’s the best lesson your friends (or ex-friends) have taught you? If you’re lacking in the friend department, why do you think that is – and what are you prepared to do to change that? Perhaps we can help in a future Ask FGG entry – so ask away!

I am . . . tired by thewaltonsare

As a writer with a strong visual side, I’m often drawn to images paired with words, provided they don’t unintentionally veer into SNL parody territory. This week’s photo, plucked from the talented pool of our FGG Girls Flickr Group, hit the mark perfectly: it’s lovely, compelling, and I think we can all relate to the feelings expressed here, including the part about being tired! (For some quick pick-me-ups, check out our Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Superhero).

I strongly believe that the labels we bestow upon ourselves are powerful – whether they’re pragmatic, positive, or negative. Self-talk runs deep, girls: If we tell ourselves we’re unlovable or unworthy or unsuccessful or unlikely to–whatever, really–we’ll probably prove ourselves right. Conversely, if we tell ourselves we’re adorable and lovable and deserving of happiness, I guarantee you we’ll be more likely to find those qualities reflecting back to us. No, whispering nice things to ourselves is not a magic cure-all, and yes, elbow grease is necessary to bring our affirmations to life. But if our labels are bringing us down or no longer serving us, perhaps it’s time to write some new ones and try viewing ourselves in new ways.

How about you, girls? What words would you post beside your own self portrait? Are they descriptive of your roles in life, or do they capture your physical or emotional traits instead? Are there any new ones you could add or old ones that no longer fit (kind of like that skort you just found in your summer clothes bin)? Share your thoughts on self-talk and labels in comments. And if you decide to make your own self-portrait (our Guide to Sexy Self-Portraits contains tips for great selfies of any type) accompanied by words, be sure to share it in our FGG Girls Flickr group!

Spring color pop courtesy of molmanik

Black, chocolate and charcoal may be flattering and slimming wardrobe staples, but after a few months of winter, a girl’s wardrobe could use a little something-something. Brighter. Cheerier. Bolder. So when those first sunny days arrive, I start jonesing for color – which makes this week’s adorable and inspiring Photo of the Week an obvious choice.

Last week, we challenged you to spring clean your closets. I did, and it was alarming how many ill-fitting, “safe bet” garments I’d been holding on to for months or years. The up side: now there’s room to shop for some vibrant, fun pieces that highlight my curves! What about you? Did you ditch any of your “Someday Syndrome” clothes and make room for new styles and shades?

Girls, spring means it’s time to shop for COLOR. And whether you’re craving pastels, jewel tones, neon or all of the above, share your latest fab finds in the comments – the brighter, the better.

Love Thyself by JamieBates

I love visiting our FGG Girls Flickr Group. There’s so much color, honesty, life, and courage among the images displayed there, and endless great ideas for self portraiture. We have several girls (myself included) who are doing a year of self portraits, a great way to get to know your physical self over the course of a year. Why not give it a shot yourself?

I tend to post images for “Photo of the Week” that I keep returning to for one reason or another, and this was one of those photos. Not only is it bold and beautiful, but it makes a statement about self-love. Most of us arrive loving ourselves just fine, and somehow as the years pass, the outside world sends us different or conflicting messages until one day, some of us end up forgetting how awesome we really are. Also, women are often socialized to be compassionate caregivers, which sometimes pushes self-love to the very bottom of our daily “to do” lists. Obviously, not all of us struggle with self-love; I know a handful of women who light up any room they enter. They’re all different shapes, sizes, and ages, but their common trait? Self-love.

More, please.

What about you, readers? Do you struggle to love yourself, physically and emotionally, or are you pretty happy with the way you are?

Image by thewaltonsare

In my part of the world, winter is begrudgingly giving way to spring, and I know some of you readers on the other side of the globe are about to ease into autumn. Whether your days are getting shorter and colder or longer but cloudy and rainy, this is a great time of year to don some comfy clothes, grab a hot beverage, and dive into a captivating read.

Since my mom brought home my first Nancy Drew novel, I’ve been a fan of mysteries and just recently devoured Laura Caldwell’s Red Hot Lies, a zippy and entertaining, but meaty enough to feel plausible novel set in my favorite city, Chicago. The absolute very best book I’ve read in years was Tana French’s In the Woods, also a crime novel but it’s a true genre buster set in Dublin and written in a deliciously lovely voice. I recommend it to anyone who loves great storytelling, regardless of genre. I also enjoy travelogues, especially funny ones like Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods. Tide, Feather, Snow by Miranda Weiss was a lovely book about life in Alaska, and I got a kick out of Street Without A Name by Kapka Kassabova, the author’s tales of growing up in Communist Bulgaria, which was as fascinating and witty as it was poignant and sad.

What about you, girls? Have you read anything you simply couldn’t put down recently? We’re always looking for great titles related to body image and self love, but whatever you’d like to share from your recent reads, post them in the comments.

Plush Series by zerbetron

Regular FGG readers know we’re fans of self portraiture as a form of creative expression that can often guide us toward self acceptance. Loving our physical selves isn’t just an issue for fat girls, but let’s face it: most of us grew up surrounded by a distinctly different female ideal than what we see in our lives or in the mirror each day. In fact, it’s tough to find a television series or movie featuring overweight or even simply curvy characters who aren’t wise crackers, buffoons, or villains. Notable exceptions: Sookie St. James from Gilmore Girls, Lt. Anita Van Buren from Law and Order, and Medium’s Alison DuBois–can you name any others?

That’s why we’re always excited to see someone celebrating her curvy self, as so many of you do in our FGG Girls Flickr group. Perhaps if enough of us do this, the idea will catch on that every woman’s beauty is unique and worthy of appreciation – regardless of her dress size.

In what ways can you celebrate your distinctive physical self? Share your ideas in the comments and in the FGG Girls Flickr group. In addition to daily self portrait project I’m doing this year, I’ve started wearing tops that accentuate my lovely waist, and I’ve also started buying scented bath and shower products as a way of being sweet to the skin I’m in. What about you?

Image by A|ina

I’m not sure, but this may be the most adorable image in our FGG Girls Flickr group to date. But “adorable” doesn’t quite cover it: I love the sass and sensuality depicted here, the confident curves, and the bright pop of coral color. This photo is also a great example of how to craft a fun, sexy self portrait that tells a story while leaving an element of mystery: what expression is she wearing, and what lucky person gets to lick that spoon? Next time you take a self portrait (if you’ve never taken one, what are you waiting for?) find a way to incorporate some of these elements and see your curves in a new light. For inspiration, there are plenty of great examples in our FGG Girls Flickr group.

Chicago photographer and artist Alina Smith, the subject of this week’s self portrait, is a good friend and a regular FGG reader. When she’s not taking lovely self portraits, she creates fine art images for clients using film and a variety of photographic processes. As with baking cookies on a winter afternoon, there’s something uniquely satisfying about creating things by hand. Smith takes her creativity a step further by exploring media and photographic processes that are falling out of favor, as others are doing through the resurgence in popularity of Polaroid and Lomo cameras. (Check out this gorgeous collection of Polaroid photos, “For the Love of Polaroid“  by another friend and FGG reader, Bonnie Underwood).

A few years ago, I started baking cakes from scratch for my husband’s birthday, but in recent years I haven’t taken the time. I miss getting “into the zone” while working with my hands to create something I simply can’t get at the grocery store. And while it’s hardly a lost art, I’d also like to finally start a vegetable garden this year, including asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, herbs, and fresh greens using heirloom seeds where possible – just like I did with my father and he did with his mother. One of our missions here at FGG is to encourage everyone – ourselves included – to live our lives to the fullest, and that includes periodically stepping up and snatching items off that “someday” list.

I’m going to pull gardening and baking for special occasions into my here and now. What about you? As the hours of  daylight slowly lengthen and we can almost sense those first whispers of spring’s arrival, what can you uncover, create and put out there into the world using your own two hands? Share your ideas and projects in the comments section.