The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

My Memento, by russellorama

Another tough choice this week, so many great photos to choose from (including lovely Valentine flowers and pants-free cookie-making!), but this candid, unabashed image was instantly and irreversibly magnetic. I especially love the confluence of elegant and alive here – I wish we’d see those two intertwined more often.

What makes you smile a mile wide, throw your head back in laughter, or squeal with delight? Show us this week in the FGG Girls Flickr gallery!

Photo by {Pauly}

I really enjoy the raw honesty and natural beauty in {Pauly}’s self portraits on flickr. It takes a certain amount of bravery to be open and real in front of the entire Internet, let alone to do so every day for a year. When this photo landed in the FGG Girls flickr pool, I kept returning to it. I think there’s a vulnerability and openness there that we can all relate to – and that perhaps we wish we could reveal more often ourselves.

Are you the fat girl who’s quick to crack a joke or make a self-deprecating remark before someone else zings you first? Are you “large and in charge” in order to avoid being perceived as lazy or weak, when inside what you really want is to let someone else take the reins once in a while? Perhaps you’re the type to hide or turn your head when someone points a camera lens your way? Maybe none those issues affect you, but you’d still like to explore ways in which you can be soft and real while still feeling safe. In the bathroom mirror, or with a trusted friend (how about in a bathroom mirror with a really trusted friend), or perhaps in a series of self portraits, like one FGG Girls flickr group member who is doing a series of weekly self portraits as a way of getting reacquainted with herself.

When, why, and how do you allow yourself to feel vulnerable or to be your true self? Tell us in the comments section, and if you decide to edge out of your protective zone – even if just a little bit – in this regard, come back and let us know!

from CurvyAmazon

FGG Girls’ Flick group newcomer CurvyAmazon gets bold and playful with some hot pink for an 80′s themed birthday party – demonstrating that theme parties can be a great way to experiment with fun, attention-getting outfits you probably wouldn’t be caught wearing in public any other time. It’s as though just the idea of a party gives us permission to be sexy, free-spirited beings, vs. feeling like we ought to cover up and spare ourselves and everyone else the sight of our curves.

While we’d love to get the whole plus-size community out from under that presumption, if a theme party is what it takes right now to have some fun with fashion, go for it! And if you can’t find one to hit with your bad, newly liberated self…why not throw one? Valentine’s Day is just around the corner; invite your 50 closest friends and require that everybody wear red. Then get creative!

Thanks to everyone who submitted photos this month! Our group is growing and we love seeing your faces over there. If  you haven’t joined already, get on over there.

And finally, congratulations to MidnighteSkye for winning this month’s photo challenge with her January 10 Photo of the Week, “Make a Statement.” Nice shot! Send your mailing address to letters@fatgirlsguidetoliving.com and we’ll send off your prize!

And thanks to everyone who’s participated in our photo challenges each month since we launched last summer. We’ll continue to do a Photo of the Week each Monday beginning this week (vs. Sunday), but we’ll no longer be choosing one monthly “winner” from those. We love all the photos you’re adding to our Flickr group, so keep ‘em coming!

Incomplete Self byTinyBeauregard

This one was just fun. And cool. And the fact that the printed image (what we see) was less of herself than the negative (what’s really there) was a nice metaphor for how we often see ourselves vs. how we truly are.

What funky image can you create of yourself that speaks to the subject of body image? Get your photo in at the FGG Girls Flickr group before next Sunday for a chance to win January’s prize. If you need a little inspiration, Jamie Bates and MidnighteSkye are already hot on that trail with some great examples.

Cinderelly, Cinderelly from midnighteskye

I was once as guilty as they come when it came to hiding  behind drab, mousy, baggy clothing. For years after I gained weight I kept only tans, blacks and grays in my wardrobe…maybe an occasional pair of blue jeans. I wanted to attract no attention. Color, especially bold color, was out of the question.

It’s only been in the past two or three years that I’ve started coming out of that shell. First it was sage greens, then golden yellows, then, in 2008, after a lifetime of fear and loathing, I finally embraced the color pink. Oh yeah. So when I saw the bold colors in this photo, and the carefree way Toryanni played it, I knew it was this week’s photo.

What about you? What bold moves are you making this year? Show us over at the FGG Girls Flickr pool, and enter for a chance to win our monthly photo prize.

Photo by Midnighteskye

**Be sure to read today’s entire post for the results of our Eden Fantasys Giveaway**

We have several new photos and members in our FGG Girls Flickr Group (welcome, girls!). This image by Midnightskye caught my eye when I visited the group recently (where we have a great discussion going about photo post-processing basics if you have any tips and tricks to share).

I thought, “She looks like me!” when I clicked over to view the photo. The description says, “I know I have stretch marks, I’m a big girl, I was going to edit them, but they are a part of who I am.” Yesssss! That’s the attitude we strive for here at FGG. But even Tee and I aren’t “all moxie, all the time” (though we do strive for “most of the time”).

I have always been self-conscious of my stretch marks, and I think seeing someone put them out there with neither apology nor shame tugged hard at the pull chain to my light bulb. I immediately recalled a favorite quote, which comes from the brilliant television show The Wire, when Walon (played by the awesome Steve Earle) says to Bubbles (played by “Why does this man not have an Emmy for his performance on The Wire?!?” Andre Royo):

Shame ain’t worth as much as you think. Let it go.

I may have fallen out of my chair when I heard that line, because I’ve felt ashamed of my body since hitting puberty. I started dieting at an age (12) and size (5) where I had no business doing so, because all of the girls and women around me were starving and hating on themselves, including my mother. It’s really only been over the past year or so that I’ve started actively working to appreciate my physical self, stretch marks and all – including ditching the little self-deprecating remarks about every self-perceived flaw. Because those “flaws” are indeed a part of who I am. I’m even putting myself out there more than ever this year by doing a year of self portraits – some candid, some artful – as a way of taking my self back. I might even muster the courage to strike a pose like Midnighteskye some time in 2010 (sorry, Mom!).

What about you? I know that body shame is not the sole province of fat girls (my skinny friends worry over their post-baby stretch marks, forty-something crow’s feet and southern-facing breasts, too), and many of you simply adore your curvy selves. But for those of you struggling with shame in any area of your lives, can you get inspired to put yourself out there more this week and drop-kick shame to the curb? I challenge you do to ONE THING this week that nudges you to “let it go.” Post a photo that represents this act to the FGG Girls Flickr Group or post a comment telling us how you did.

Special Announcement! We have a winner of our Eden Fantasys giveaway! Our random drawing from commenters who mentioned chocolate is Fat Nurse! Congratulations, girl! You are the lucky owner of the “Better Than Chocolate” clitoral vibrator (now there’s a phrase I never envisioned writing in my career). Tee has emailed you so we can send it your way. Congratulations! Thanks to everyone who played along!

In her element: Snowface, from Toni

I loved this the moment I saw it, and while Toni and I aren’t eligible for monthly photo prizes for our own photos (obviously!) I wanted to showcase it, anyway. There is little more beautiful than the happiness obvious on our faces when we’re truly engaged and in our element.

What about you? Where are you most in your element? Show us this month, and have a shot at winning one of our monthly prizes.