The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Webcam smootch, by Rhinovirus

I know there are several sites out there that cater to larger women/BBWs, but do you know of any true “all-sizes” dating web sites out there that don’t exclude anyone regardless of size?”

By now most of us have heard about the publicity stunt, err, debate over Beautiful People, a dating site that not only denies members access if they don’t fit the traditional definition of beautiful (i.e., thin, among other things), but even goes so far as to kick current members off if they gain too much weight. Apparently they just did a post-holiday sweep for members who dug a little too deep into the turkey. Ouch.

For the rest of us, myriad options for online dating services exist – but finding the most fat-friendly of those takes a little peeking under the hood. We did a quick-and-dirty recon; here’s what we found:

AOL Personals
Less its own service and more an aggregate spot for other services like Match.com and e-Harmony (who we haven’t included here, because they’ve got a bad rap for being iffy to fat chicks), a quick browse through here reveals plenty of women in the 14+ size range online here, and a fair share of good-looking men with related preferences (or at the very least an openness to most body types). Membership cost/details depends on which service you end up subscribing to.

Match.com
I wouldn’t have expected it, but of all the general population sites, Match.com seemed to have the largest variety of people and body types – from fat and fabulous to frumpy and shy to sweet and svelte. And, as they say, “it’s free to look.”

Zoosk.com
Ignore the weird name, there are plenty of kindred chubby spirits in here, both men and women, to be found. A quick search of my own zip code (mid-sized metro area) yielded several pages, and most of these people looked suspiciously like you and me. Free to join.

I almost included OKCupid.com here as an option, because at first glance it was a cool idea (and completely free), but a closer look reveals a disturbing number of conversations in their forums about guys frustrated with “fat chicks” for this or that reason. My advice: steer clear.

Finally, for those of you who aren’t familiar with some of the better sites designed specifically for plus-sized singles, here’s a rundown.

More to Love
MTL seems to get high ratings among users and reviewers, and seems a little less focused on “hooking up” and more on long-term relationship starters. Includes chat rooms, message boards and anonymous email boxes. Free to join.

BBW People Meet
Fairly basic, but seems to have a large number of active members. Members can add audio and video to their profiles. Easy sign-up, free to join.

BBW Cupid
Feels a little stodgy, but seems to be a decent dating site. Multiple levels of membership, but free to join, browse, read messages and contact paying members.

BBW Romance
Another site with high user ratings, BBWR is broken down into state/regional sub-sites so members can browse far and wide or close to home. Free to join.

What about our readers? I know I’ve missed some, and that some of you have experiences with those we’ve listed to share. Let’s have it!

A guest post by actress Jenny Gattone

Think of me as a war correspondent- frankly, it’s a jungle out here. I speak of course, of the City of Angels. And I’m right in the thick of the battle – a chubby girl trying to make it as an actor in Hollywood.

I like to joke that when I’m on set I feel like a bull in a china shop. Film actresses are incredibly tiny, so I’m only half-kidding. I lived and worked in New York for about five years before doing a pilot, acquiring a manager, and moving across the country to work with said manager. I was terrified, wondering what would happen to me in the much more cookie-cutter world of Hollywood. What’s interesting, though, is that I actually work more in LA than I ever did in New York. A LOT more. I’m happy to tell you that despite how things look on television, Los Angeles is not a sea of blond highlights and fake boobs.

Well, maybe a little. There is a more uniform sense of what is beautiful here. I’ll be honest: show business, no matter where you are, is rough on a chubby girl. There are going to be directors that flat out will not cast a fat girl no matter how fierce you are. You may be compared to appliances (in my case, a refrigerator), and the blunt and objective way people will deal with your looks can be soul-sucking. But that’s true for every actor. On the bright side, I can look at an audition breakdown and peg the chubby girl part. (Hint: if they don’t flat out say fat, they usually mention the character’s love of food. Seriously.)

But as rough as it is on a chubby girl, it’s actually tougher on the non-chubby girls. You couldn’t pay me enough to be an ingénue in this town. No way, not with what I see some of my friends go through. A chubby girl is an as-is purchase. What you see is what you get. What are they going to do, say “How fast can you lose 75 pounds?” Yeah, sure, give me a year. And it’s a loooooooong day on a set. The skinny girls look so sad when lunch is served and they turn it down. Shoot, heck yeah I want a sandwich, I’ve been here nine hours!

One thing I’ve learned through LA’s skewed sense of beauty is that thin girls don’t really have a leg up in the self-image department. I haven’t seriously entertained the idea that being thin would solve all my problems since I was a teenager, but I was still astounded to discover that I seem to be more comfortable in my own skin than many of my thinner peers. It makes me sad to see so many of them try to come to terms with the ways in which they don’t resemble a swizzle stick and accept those things as “flaws.” It’s frustrating the way women are expected to live up to those unhealthy standards of thinness. I would love to see a full-scale revolution of women in this business. I would love to see us all, regardless of shape or size, stand up and say, “Fuck this!”

Unfortunately, there will always be women who will happily maintain a double-digit weight to work in film.

Right now you must be thinking, so how are things not as bad in LA as they look? My friends, it’s all attitude. You have to rise above the mind games. You have to grow a thick skin and see how beautiful you are no matter what they throw at you. Because truth is, most on-screen women aren’t any more beautiful than you and I; it’s amazing what a well-paid beauty professional in this town can do for any actress.

So girls, no matter what society tells you – directly or indirectly – about what is and isn’t beautiful and how appropriate it is to recognize and appreciate yours, screw them – feel it, recognize and appreciate it anyway. I try to, and I’m getting better and better at it as I go. Besides, I’m doing all right here. I’ve done a couple pilots, gone in for some cool films, I belong to a fantastic theatre company in Hollywood that I absolutely love, and I’m in my second show this year.

I also collaborated on a screenplay that’s now in pre-production. The heroine? A chubby girl. Because there’s no shortage of us off-camera, and one of my career goals is to get more of us in front of it.

Jenny Gattone

One of the features we’d like to have at FGG is an occasional round-up of the thoughts, opinions, ideas and experiences in the greater plus-size community – from what workout bra you love most to your favorite pasta recipe to your best vacation ever to what you want for Christmas.

This weekend, for our inaugural round-up, we tapped the Twitter community for thoughts on the difficulties associated with being an overweight woman. Here’s what you had to say:

@jaggedraven It’s having my body slow me down. I’m not as strong or fast or have as much endurance as my mind and my spirit demand.

@janelle0511 having to shop at a limited amount of stores!

@shaydiggs being invisible

@PatBarone For me, it was being ignored. Many people look right through you when you’re fat, as if you don’t exist at all.

@wwlifer Having people think I’m lazy.

@hittingtheroad For me, it’s that I can’t move around gracefully. While shooting a show last Fri, I had to crawl instead of squat & wriggle.

@NaturallyMe09 finding cute, affordable swimwear.

@ZooColony Being uncomfortable in my clothes, having to shop in a different section and the size of the seats in public places.

@thecurvystylist The hardest part is the misleading messages in the media saying fat girls should feel bad about themselves/can’t enjoy life.

@NoPants_McGee Clothes! Ugly, ill fitting, poor materials, expensive and impossible to find.

@tiffy315 the hardest thing about being overweight? trying to overcome it…

@SharBoogie being able to shop for clothes that fit ur age

What about you? Let us know in comments what you feel is the hardest part for you about living as an overweight woman? Most importantly, while we’re working on improving our health, how can we help each other with the uncomfortable symptoms of being a “fat girl?”