The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

OhLaLa by Midnighteskye

Two of my friends attended a burlesque-themed wedding last weekend, and I couldn’t wait to pore over their photos from the occasion. The images were striking — so many exuberant women and men dressed to express themselves and ready to celebrate, body issues be damned. Not the typical notion of a marriage ceremony, to be sure, but there was something honest and refreshing about seeing girls of all sizes looking carefree and vital in their corsets, garters or camisoles. This got me thinking:

Where can a girl shaped like me find something sultry to wear, even if there aren’t any burlesque-themed weddings in my immediate future?

Boy, do I have some sites for you (okay, us). The fashion statements made in those wedding photos reminded me that although we’re often encouraged to associate luscious lingerie with a seduction scene, there are plenty of reasons to keep a few daring pieces in your boudoir. If your social circle skews a little more traditional, don’t sweat it. You don’t need a bare-most-of-it nuptial occasion – or even a specific audience – to enjoy donning a bit of silk or lace. As Peony pointed out in her most recent Sex and the Single Fat Girl column, sometimes pulling out the garters or a slinky cami happens just for you. So whether sleeping in a luxurious chemise helps evoke sweet dreams or you’re looking to add a bit of secret-weapon “oomph” under your interview suit, try one of these venues to connect you with your sensual side.

(Disclaimer: Lingerie = body parts. Be sure to click the following links from a location that won’t get you fired.)

Hips and Curves

From baby dolls and cami/short sets to costumes and garter belts, this diva-licious supersite is a treasure trove of all things sultry. A girl could easily lose track of time time paging through the many options here, including three pages of widely varied bustiers and corsets. Bonus: The thorough sizing page includes a terrific explanation of how to select the right corset measurement.

Torrid

Known for its bold, colorful and often goth-inspired dresses, separates and accessories, Torrid also offers an array of similarly styled bustiers, teddies and chemises (like the black & white one I coveted upon sight). Sizes range from 00 (comparable to size 10 or Large) to 5 (size 30/32 or 5X), although not every size is available online.

Plus Size Plum

The brainchild of former plus-size model and writer for BBW Magazine Deborah Friedman, Plus Size Plum prides itself on offering a high-end customer service experience and hand-picked selections of intimate apparel. We found it notable for its mix of wild (an entire page of body stockings!) and mild (babydoll & peignor set).

Lane Bryant

Many of us have shopped the LB for denim, sweaters, tees and career wear, but their lingerie department is also worth a look. In addition to corsets, camis and negligees for every modesty level, you’ll also find specialty bras and the frilliest of panties.

Lingerie Diva

An impressively diverse plus-size section features everything from basics and bridal lingerie to vinyl and leather. Lingerie Diva also offers the largest array of full-figured garters and hosiery that we found, but read sizing info carefully — many styles are only available in a single “Queen” option.

Frederick’s of Hollywood

You wouldn’t know it from the models featured in the the company’s catalogs or web listings, but Frederick’s offers a decent selection of its lingerie, corsets, bras and panties in plus sizes. Some items fall decidedly more on the costume side, but there’s also a handful of very basic pieces like the renaissance corset or the satin cami & short set, both available in sizes up to 3X.

Tell us where you’ve found the pieces in your wardrobe that make you feel especially sexy, classy or adventurous. And don’t forget to send along your own burning questions to letters@fatgirlsguide.com for inclusion in an upcoming “Ask FGG” column.

Plush Series by zerbetron

Regular FGG readers know we’re fans of self portraiture as a form of creative expression that can often guide us toward self acceptance. Loving our physical selves isn’t just an issue for fat girls, but let’s face it: most of us grew up surrounded by a distinctly different female ideal than what we see in our lives or in the mirror each day. In fact, it’s tough to find a television series or movie featuring overweight or even simply curvy characters who aren’t wise crackers, buffoons, or villains. Notable exceptions: Sookie St. James from Gilmore Girls, Lt. Anita Van Buren from Law and Order, and Medium’s Alison DuBois–can you name any others?

That’s why we’re always excited to see someone celebrating her curvy self, as so many of you do in our FGG Girls Flickr group. Perhaps if enough of us do this, the idea will catch on that every woman’s beauty is unique and worthy of appreciation – regardless of her dress size.

In what ways can you celebrate your distinctive physical self? Share your ideas in the comments and in the FGG Girls Flickr group. In addition to daily self portrait project I’m doing this year, I’ve started wearing tops that accentuate my lovely waist, and I’ve also started buying scented bath and shower products as a way of being sweet to the skin I’m in. What about you?

I’m a member of the “get it now” generation. The temptation of instant gratification arrived fairly early in my life, the byproduct of remote controls, drive-thru windows, and one of my personal favorites, the microwave oven. After all these years, the microwave and I still have a pretty tight relationship; it zaps comforting cups of chai and bowls of soup and reheats leftover pizza quickly and without complaint. Recently I found a new way to partner my occasional hankering for a salty snack with the convenience of microwave cooking: homemade potato chips!

Microwaved potato chips? I know what you’re thinking, because I had the same thought at first: “They’ll be soggy!” But amazingly, these chips come out crispy and flavorful, all while boasting an ingredient list only three items long: potatoes, olive oil, and salt. This means you can have homemade potato chips in ten minutes or less any time you want. Sliced to your desired thickness. Salted to your taste. Dressed up with a little shaved Parmesan. Convenience never tasted better!

Microwave Potato Chips
1 large russet potato, unpeeled, scrubbed and patted dry
1 scant teaspoon extra virgin olive oil
salt to taste

Using a sharp knife or a mandoline, thinly slice the potato to your desired thickness (1/8″ or thinner works best). Transfer to a medium bowl and toss with olive oil until completely coated.

Coat a microwave-proof plate with cooking spray and arrange potato slices in a single layer, ensuring edges do not touch. Salt as desired.

Microwave potatoes on regular power for 2.5 minutes. Turn slices and cook for another 2-4 minutes until the chips brown and crisp. Remove from microwave and transfer to a clean plate to cool and finish crisping. Repeat as necessary with remaining potato slices.

Yield: 1 big or 2 small servings

Looking for more great recipes? Visit my blog at
http://culinography.wordpress.com

This week’s Fat Girl’s Guide is the first installment of a two-part series. Part I takes you through all your cruise prep – from research to wardrobe. Next week’s Guide will be crammed with ways to make the most of your onboard experience.

A few things are certain on a cruise: Drinks will be ridiculously expensive. By Day 3, you’ll begin to recognize other passengers and to make up nicknames and stories for them (“Needs-to-Lay-Off-the-Spray-Tan Lady,” “Guy with Giant Smurf Tattoo”). If your name is “Angela,” you will be “The Girl Who Over-Packed” and you will never live it down.

You’ll notice one assumption conspicuously absent from that list of guarantees: Everyone will be thin, sporty and cover-model gorgeous.

If anyone has ever told you that fat people don’t cruise, I’m here to tell you they’re wrong. The truth is, unless you’re taking a specialty voyage geared toward a particular audience (singles, families, LGBT community, under-30, BBW, etc.), your fellow travelers will represent all different shapes, sizes, ages, backgrounds and activity levels. Cruising while fat is the same as tackling any other opportunity — you just need a game plan. And maybe some Dramamine.

Determine your travel style.

The options are almost limitless when it comes to voyage length, destination, ship amenities and formality level, so a savvy girl and her traveling companion(s) need to set a few basic priorities before booking. Will you spend most of your time on the ship, or do you plan to see the sights at each port? What amenities are the most important to you? Fabulous spa? Tons of pools? Luxurious bedding? Unique on-board activities like bowling or a climbing wall? Do you want lots of kid-friendly activities or a more relaxed, adult pace? Lengthier cruises tend to attract more seasoned travelers and retirees, while voyages during school breaks will be loaded with kids. Compile a list of must-haves (spa!), negotiables (bedding), and deal-breakers (tons of kids if you’re looking for a singles experience) and see if you can find a cruise line and voyage that meets your needs.

Your dining experience requires more planning than you think.

We know fat girls sometimes feel more confident in casual wear vs. formal (or vice versa), so it’s important to know your comfort level before committing to a particular ship. Do you love the idea of getting dressed up in the evening, chatting with new friends and having a set dinner time? You’ll probably be a fan of more traditional cruises, offered by many lines (Carnival is one example). Although a number of lines have begun offering flexible dinner times or a 24-hour cafeteria on some ships, the traditional cruise dinner experience matches you with a set group of dining companions at a fixed time throughout your voyage. Dress codes are more formal as well, and some may require cocktail attire.

On the other hand, if you’re not a fan of chatting up new people, or if you enjoy a more casual experience and a higher level of flexibility, you’re definitely a candidate for “freestyle” cruising. Employed most notably by Norwegian, but gaining traction on other lines, freestyle is just what it sounds like — freedom to choose where and when you eat, and with whom you share meals. During our nine days aboard the Norwegian Jewel, my friends and I dined in eight different restaurants at times ranging from 5:30-10:30 p.m. With the exception of the Japanese steakhouse, we never shared tables with other passengers. Shorts, jeans and tank tops are off-limits everywhere but the buffet, but basic, casual cruise wear (check with your line for their rules on casual and formal dress) was appropriate for all other restaurants.

Veteran tip: Even if you cruise freestyle, be prepared to do some on-board planning. Reservations (made up to 24 hours in advance) are usually required at non-buffet restaurants, while a few of the boutique dining options (steak house, hibachi, Asian cuisine) required a $10-$20 cover charge.

Once you’ve set your priorities, dig in to researching, purchasing and planning.

Put time and thought into planning your cruise vacation. If you’ve heard good things about a particular cruise line, or spotted a great bargain, explore every inch of the web site, including the FAQ and virtual tours of staterooms, dining rooms and amenities. Many lines will offer basic info in the sections for first-time cruisers and some sites also offer a community area to network with other passengers.

For feedback beyond the colorful marketing pictures and exciting descriptions, turn to independent web sites like Cruise Diva, which offers summaries and reviews of each cruise line’s concept, in addition to the individual ships in its fleet. Cruise Critic and CruiseMates each provide news and reviews, as well as bustling online communities that are phenomenal resources. Comb through discussion threads by cruise line or topic (Cruise Critic is even searchable), or create a user account and post your own questions. Many of the message boardies are hardcore — having traveled on a dozen or more cruises — so their insights are usually pretty helpful. You also may be surprised to see how many of the questions pertain to weight issues or fears about size.

Veteran tip: Cruise lines take care of their online communities. On a recent  NCL sailing, members of an active message board group attended an exclusive on-board party and were invited to tour the ship’s bridge and rub elbows with the captain.

Read the fine print before booking excursions.

Both the cruise line’s web site and the independent message boards provide a wealth of information regarding excursions offered at every port. Again, corporate descriptions will be glossier, while you’ll get more of the down-and-dirty scoop from fellow travelers. Whether deciding on a cruise-sponsored excursion (higher costs but more accountability to you as the customer) or seeking an independent tour guide or vendor in a port city (lower costs, smaller group sizes, more customer responsibility to vet thoroughly), be sure you understand everything about the activities. Some excursions (zip lines, ATV travel, helicopter tours, some smaller boats or kayaks) will have clearly outlined weight limits of 200 lbs, 250 lbs, 400 pounds per 2-person boat, etc. Many tours and excursions will outline the exertion level involved or provide a list of activities a participant must be able to accomplish (climbing stairs, walking a mile, walking on uneven terrain, climbing into and out of boat, etc.). Again, many travelers on message boards will have done these activities and can give you honest feedback. If you feel nervous or unsure about any portion of a description, never hesitate to contact the cruise line or the vendor.

While there are definitely some activities off-limits to larger travelers (I doubt I’ll ever be welcome on a zip line!), it’s important to realize the vast majority of the options are things most of us can do. There wasn’t a  remotely skinny person in our Caribbean travel group, yet we snorkeled, climbed catamaran ladders, swam with dolphins, hiked down to view a volcano, rode tenders out to play with stingrays, and toured an island on an 18-person bus that resembled a clown car. Be honest with yourself about your limitations, but don’t let worries over your size keep you from trying something new.

Pack a few different swimwear pieces.

The two-suit rule is a gimme; no one likes climbing into a wet swimsuit, and sardine-can staterooms don’t afford great options for ventilated drying. Aside from doubling up, however,  you may want to consider multiple styles of swimwear (like a skirted option and a one-piece, even if you’re vehemently pro-skirt) or top & bottom separates that you can mix and match, especially once you determine which excursions you’ll be taking. Dressing for a tour of Mayan ruins or a day at the beach is pretty easy, but several of the tropical excursions involve multiple components that require you to be clothed one minute (in a local restaurant, for example) and ready for swimming the next. For these swim/land hybrid excursions, don’t wear a swim dress with a built-in skirt if you hope to put a pair of shorts or pants over it for the land portion. Few things are as uncomfortable as trudging around for several hours with a soaking-wet mass of fabric balled up at your waist (the skirt part on many swim dresses takes forever to dry). I MacGuyvered this problem when I encountered it by gathering the skirt at one side with an elastic hair band, but believe me, it was not my finest hour.

Look for quick-drying, versatile, over-the-suit options, like these multipurpose shorts from Junonia, available in sizes up to 4X. We also like the selection of swim shorts and activewear from lines such as Lands End, Danskin or Faded Glory. And even if you’re not leaving the ship, remember to pack a cover-up, sarong or pair of swim shorts for the lengthy trips between your stateroom and the pool.

Veteran tip: Plan your excursion outfits to be useful regardless of activity order. Our day in St. Lucia was described chronologically as land/lunch/swim/sail, but we learned that half the groups go in reverse order to manage crowding with the tour vendors.

Supportive, broken-in shoes or sandals are a must.

Whether you plan to disembark at every port or just chill on the ship, prepare to do a good amount of walking. Cruise ships are enormous floating civilizations, and the distance you’ll cover just traveling between your room and the various locations onboard will surprise you. Additionally, some excursions may involve wet conditions, walking over varied terrain, climbing up or down stairs, etc. I’ve never been able to walk comfortably in flip-flops; they don’t stay on my feet and they provide zero support. If you’re like me, consider sandals from Chaco or Teva, which offer good tread while providing ventilation and supportive ankle straps. There’s also the Crocs option. Yes, they are as fugly as shoes come, but – love ‘em or hate ‘em – they were a godsend for the port days when our itinerary involved a sloshy catamaran ride, stops to swim and snorkel, hiking down into a volcano, and a bus tour of the island – all in a single outfit. Crocs were easy to clean when sandy or dirty, they went from wet to dry conditions without problem, and I didn’t care if I ruined or lost them.

Veteran tip: Get a rush of accomplishment by wearing a pedometer to track all those steps you’ll take during your cruise. Plus, you’ll know without a doubt you’ve earned that trip to the midnight chocoholic buffet!

Come back next Thursday for Part II — all about selecting/maximizing your stateroom, on-board accommodations and (of course) the food! In the meantime: Been cruisin’? Tell us your packing must-haves or share tips for finding a fat girl-friendly ship and excursions that excite.

Between the Seats by SC Fiasco

When Southwest Airlines booted writer/actor/filmmaker Kevin Smith from his buckled-in seat aboard an Oakland-to-Burbank flight on Saturday, Feb. 13, the question of passenger size vs. seat size was catapulted into headlines. Again. Some readers may remember that Southwest drew a lot of (positive and negative) attention in 2008 with the announcement that it would begin actively enforcing its longstanding “customers of size” guidelines on flights. Simply put, the policy states that anyone who cannot comfortably lower both armrests, or who encroaches on another passenger’s space while seated, may be asked to purchase a second seat and/or wait for a later flight with more space. United Airlines instituted a similar policy last year, and many other airlines (AirTran is one notable exception) maintain some rule regarding passenger size and seating encroachment.

With so much recent press on the topic, it’s no wonder many of us are more nervous than ever about flying. And yet, a girl has places to go, right? While the troubling lack of consistency with which the rules seem to be applied means that any one of us could find ourselves in Smith’s shoes with zero warning, we think the best defense is a good offense.

Be informed. Do your homework before booking a flight and select the airline with the pricing/policy/accommodations combo that makes you most comfortable. Locating each airline’s approach to larger passengers can be a bit tricky (search for links to “special assistance,” “travel policies,” or “services and information”) but most web sites have them listed somewhere. Sites like Seat Guru will tell you how many inches of seat width and leg room to expect on the many types of planes each airline employs. Southwest’s seats are a uniform 17” wide, while many seats on AirTran, JetBlue, and Midwest measure 18”. That one extra inch may not seem like much, but for those of us with wide hips (*raises hand*), it might mean a more comfortable flight.

Once you’ve selected an airline, know your rights as a paying customer. Familiarize yourself with the specific travel policies and have a plan for the day of travel, including how you’ll handle the situation if your size should come into question.

Be proactive. To better the odds of adjacent empty seats, book flights during off-peak travel times whenever possible (Monday afternoon through Thursday morning, or early morning/late night).  When selecting a seat, opt for a window or aisle to minimize the number of shared armrests. For whatever reason, the size debate seems to keep coming back to armrests, the distance between them, and their ability to be lowered completely and “comfortably.” So let’s work with that: board your plane as early as possible, buckle up and lower the darn armrests for the world to see. You can always ask your seatmate to raise the shared one(s) later if it makes more sense.

If you know you need a seat belt extender, ask the flight attendant when you first board the plane. S/he will usually have several in the cabinet up front or will ask for your seat assignment and bring one to you. If you don’t realize until you’re seated that an extension is in order (don’t panic — belt lengths differ from plane to plane and sometimes from seat to seat), just press the call button or ask an attendant as they pass to do a luggage check. In my experience, every flight attendant has handled the belt situation discreetly. The important thing is to be confident and assertive, approaching the request for a belt extender the same way you would if you were asking for a pillow, blanket or extra napkin. There’s no shame or worry needed here; you’re just meeting a basic need.

Be honest. If you truly know in advance that your body’s dimensions and comfort requirements are going to significantly exceed the boundaries of a 17″ or 18″ seat, do yourself a favor and buy the second seat — preferably by calling customer service and being up front about your needs. Be clear about why you’ll require two seats together and ask how that reservation will be guaranteed and handled on your date of travel. Some airlines (including Southwest) will refund the cost of the second seat if the plane does not fill, while others (like United) will waive the standard call center fee. It’s not a perfect solution, but it will ensure your comfort and safety during the flight and it minimizes the potential for unpleasant surprises once aboard the airplane.

What say you, readers? We’d love to hear your opinions, recent airline experiences or flying tips in comments. And watch for a full-length Fat Girl’s Guide to Traveling in Comfort in the coming weeks.

Image by A|ina

I’m not sure, but this may be the most adorable image in our FGG Girls Flickr group to date. But “adorable” doesn’t quite cover it: I love the sass and sensuality depicted here, the confident curves, and the bright pop of coral color. This photo is also a great example of how to craft a fun, sexy self portrait that tells a story while leaving an element of mystery: what expression is she wearing, and what lucky person gets to lick that spoon? Next time you take a self portrait (if you’ve never taken one, what are you waiting for?) find a way to incorporate some of these elements and see your curves in a new light. For inspiration, there are plenty of great examples in our FGG Girls Flickr group.

Chicago photographer and artist Alina Smith, the subject of this week’s self portrait, is a good friend and a regular FGG reader. When she’s not taking lovely self portraits, she creates fine art images for clients using film and a variety of photographic processes. As with baking cookies on a winter afternoon, there’s something uniquely satisfying about creating things by hand. Smith takes her creativity a step further by exploring media and photographic processes that are falling out of favor, as others are doing through the resurgence in popularity of Polaroid and Lomo cameras. (Check out this gorgeous collection of Polaroid photos, “For the Love of Polaroid“  by another friend and FGG reader, Bonnie Underwood).

A few years ago, I started baking cakes from scratch for my husband’s birthday, but in recent years I haven’t taken the time. I miss getting “into the zone” while working with my hands to create something I simply can’t get at the grocery store. And while it’s hardly a lost art, I’d also like to finally start a vegetable garden this year, including asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, herbs, and fresh greens using heirloom seeds where possible – just like I did with my father and he did with his mother. One of our missions here at FGG is to encourage everyone – ourselves included – to live our lives to the fullest, and that includes periodically stepping up and snatching items off that “someday” list.

I’m going to pull gardening and baking for special occasions into my here and now. What about you? As the hours of  daylight slowly lengthen and we can almost sense those first whispers of spring’s arrival, what can you uncover, create and put out there into the world using your own two hands? Share your ideas and projects in the comments section.