The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Between the Seats by SC Fiasco

When Southwest Airlines booted writer/actor/filmmaker Kevin Smith from his buckled-in seat aboard an Oakland-to-Burbank flight on Saturday, Feb. 13, the question of passenger size vs. seat size was catapulted into headlines. Again. Some readers may remember that Southwest drew a lot of (positive and negative) attention in 2008 with the announcement that it would begin actively enforcing its longstanding “customers of size” guidelines on flights. Simply put, the policy states that anyone who cannot comfortably lower both armrests, or who encroaches on another passenger’s space while seated, may be asked to purchase a second seat and/or wait for a later flight with more space. United Airlines instituted a similar policy last year, and many other airlines (AirTran is one notable exception) maintain some rule regarding passenger size and seating encroachment.

With so much recent press on the topic, it’s no wonder many of us are more nervous than ever about flying. And yet, a girl has places to go, right? While the troubling lack of consistency with which the rules seem to be applied means that any one of us could find ourselves in Smith’s shoes with zero warning, we think the best defense is a good offense.

Be informed. Do your homework before booking a flight and select the airline with the pricing/policy/accommodations combo that makes you most comfortable. Locating each airline’s approach to larger passengers can be a bit tricky (search for links to “special assistance,” “travel policies,” or “services and information”) but most web sites have them listed somewhere. Sites like Seat Guru will tell you how many inches of seat width and leg room to expect on the many types of planes each airline employs. Southwest’s seats are a uniform 17” wide, while many seats on AirTran, JetBlue, and Midwest measure 18”. That one extra inch may not seem like much, but for those of us with wide hips (*raises hand*), it might mean a more comfortable flight.

Once you’ve selected an airline, know your rights as a paying customer. Familiarize yourself with the specific travel policies and have a plan for the day of travel, including how you’ll handle the situation if your size should come into question.

Be proactive. To better the odds of adjacent empty seats, book flights during off-peak travel times whenever possible (Monday afternoon through Thursday morning, or early morning/late night).  When selecting a seat, opt for a window or aisle to minimize the number of shared armrests. For whatever reason, the size debate seems to keep coming back to armrests, the distance between them, and their ability to be lowered completely and “comfortably.” So let’s work with that: board your plane as early as possible, buckle up and lower the darn armrests for the world to see. You can always ask your seatmate to raise the shared one(s) later if it makes more sense.

If you know you need a seat belt extender, ask the flight attendant when you first board the plane. S/he will usually have several in the cabinet up front or will ask for your seat assignment and bring one to you. If you don’t realize until you’re seated that an extension is in order (don’t panic — belt lengths differ from plane to plane and sometimes from seat to seat), just press the call button or ask an attendant as they pass to do a luggage check. In my experience, every flight attendant has handled the belt situation discreetly. The important thing is to be confident and assertive, approaching the request for a belt extender the same way you would if you were asking for a pillow, blanket or extra napkin. There’s no shame or worry needed here; you’re just meeting a basic need.

Be honest. If you truly know in advance that your body’s dimensions and comfort requirements are going to significantly exceed the boundaries of a 17″ or 18″ seat, do yourself a favor and buy the second seat — preferably by calling customer service and being up front about your needs. Be clear about why you’ll require two seats together and ask how that reservation will be guaranteed and handled on your date of travel. Some airlines (including Southwest) will refund the cost of the second seat if the plane does not fill, while others (like United) will waive the standard call center fee. It’s not a perfect solution, but it will ensure your comfort and safety during the flight and it minimizes the potential for unpleasant surprises once aboard the airplane.

What say you, readers? We’d love to hear your opinions, recent airline experiences or flying tips in comments. And watch for a full-length Fat Girl’s Guide to Traveling in Comfort in the coming weeks.

Designer Monif Clarke knows a thing or two about dressing up our curves

Dear FGG,

HELP! I always have a hard time finding tops and dresses to fit my large chest. By the time I actually find something that fits me on top, I’m swimming in it on the bottom. I’m desperate for tips on what styles to wear!

I learned the hard way that dressing my pear-shaped bod in baggy, straight tops made me look like this, so it took some trial and error to find clothes that flattered my body type. But even on my biggest, non-pregnant days, I maybe make it  into a C cup, so I turned to an expert to help us answer this question: Monif Clarke, CEO and Designer at Manhattan-based Monif C. Plus Sizes

FGG: What are some common fashion mistakes you see large-chested women make?

MC: I am large-chested myself and I think the biggest mistake we make is not wearing the right size bra. Sometimes women come into my plus size boutique in New York, and when I take a look at their bra that they got for $20 at their local mall, I tell them it’s so important to invest the money to go to a bra shop, get fitted, and buy the right size bra. [FGG here: I've had great luck with Nordstrom for personalized bra fittings]

FGG: How important is a good bra, and can you suggest any brands to our readers?

MC: A good bra is very important because it will improve posture, make your clothes look nicer, and help alleviate the additional weight from our large chests. I don’t have any particular brands I love, but I do shop quite a bit at bravissimo.com. [FGG here: Readers, if you have any faves, we want to hear from you in the comments on this one!]

FGG: What should busty girls look for in tops and dresses that will fit and flatter their curves?

MC: I think that we look great in wrap tops and dresses, and V-necks are universally flattering. Often when women are large-chested, the chest pushes out the dress/top, which can make her look like she has no waist or hips. I think it’s important to look for dresses with empire waists and wraps to highlight your waist. Also, short jackets with curved seams are great to pull in our figure at the waist.

FGG: Do any fashion lines – from budget buys at Wal Mart to high-end couture – really “get it” in terms of fitting bigger breasted women?

MC: As a large chested woman, I’ve never really felt too limited to stick to particular brands for clothes. I think rather you want to look at an entire line of clothing and figure out what pieces you can pick out of the line to highlight your curves. For example, when I shop, I usually look for fitted dresses or fitted tops to wear with A-line skirts. I try to minimize volume on the top half of my body and concentrate it in the lower part of my body to avoid looking bigger on top.

FGG: Anything else you’d like to add?

MC: There are more options than ever for large-chested women to find bras that are pretty and supportive, and many more options for clothes out there, but we have to be willing to seek out these options. When designing clothes for Monif C. Plus Sizes, I always make it a point to pay attention to necklines as well as things like the width of shoulder straps on a dress, so I can know it can universally work for all women. We recently expanded our product line and are now designing plus size swimwear for sizes 14 – 24. One of the main features of the swim suits are halter neck ties, which work especially well for large-chested women because they help to “hoist” up the girls in the swimsuits.

Thanks for your insights, Monif, and for creating such vibrant, fun, and fashionable clothing in our size! Readers, we know we’ll be hearing from you on this topic because you always seem to know the best places to find fashion that actually fits our figures. Share your favorite finds and tips in the comments.

Danskin NOW Pants ($12.99) and T-Shirt ($7.99)

A reader wrote to ask:

Dear FGG,

It’s a new year and I made a resolution to get in better shape. But I’m having a hard time finding workout clothes that fit and I can actually afford. Help!

Here’s a starting point that’s relatively convenient for most people: the Danskin NOW line launched recently (and exclusively) at Wal Mart, with plus sizes ranging between 1X and 4X. These are definitely affordable – tops and bottoms range in price from between $9 – $12. The fabric is comfortable too: very soft, flexible, and it even handles sweat well. The pants pictured here have gathered ankles to keep you from getting caught in fast-moving equipment.

As with the White Stag Woman line we wrote about last week, not all styles are available on the Wal Mart web site, so you really have to dig around your local store to see what they offer. I’m going to look for one of those $9 tank tops now that I signed up for regular (gentle) yoga classes again. Love that fiery orange! (They even have pretty yoga mats for $15).

If you’re looking for a plus size sports bra, our readers continually sing the praises of Enell sports bras; you might have to pay more for one, but when it comes to supporting “the girls,” it’s a worthy investment. Danskin also offers other plus size items (including a Racer Back Bra in up to size 4X) which run between $30-$40 and are available at most sports retailers.

Find any post-holiday workout deals for us big girls? Share your plus size bargain finds in the comments.

“I recently heard that coffee stores fat. Please say it isn’t so! I’m not ready to surrender my morning latte!”

We consulted registered dietitian Joanne Larsen of Ask the Dietitian for the straight scoop on the link between java and fat. “Plain coffee does nothing to store fat,” she says. “What causes people to store fat is eating more calories during a meal or snack than they need in the next 4 – 6 hours.” If you’re worried about fat over-staying its welcome, Larsen emphasizes the tried-and-true “eat less, move more” standard and suggests taking a walk after meals.

We also asked Ms. Larsen to address claims that stress causes us to store fat around the midsection – and coffee’s  potential to increase stress. “Stress doesn’t cause us to store fat around our midsection. Eating more calories than we need plus a lack of exercise to burn those extra calories causes us to store fat from our neck to feet,” she says.

However, Larsen adds, some people overeat in response to stress because eating – especially carbs – brings us comfort. “When we eat, blood pools around our intestines and moves away from our brain, often making us sleepy or more relaxed,” says Larsen. “Exercise is a good stress reliever. Go for a walk instead of eating when stressed.” (Editors’ note: We’d like to add sex to that list, too!) Larsen points out that stress does increase cortisol levels in our bodies, which is related to inflammation in ways scientists are still trying to discern. And while some research has linked caffeine intake and inflammation, the jury’s still out on this issue.

So, can we keep our coffee? All signs point to yes–in moderation. (Editors’ note: Woo hoo!) “Coffee doesn’t exacerbate stress. Caffeine causes our heart to pump harder and our kidneys to filter out more fluid,” she says. “However, people who drink decaffeinated beverages have no less abdominal fat than people who drink caffeinated beverages; otherwise, decaf would be the new miracle diet food.”

Cecily’s ink still looks awesome. Indeed.

I’m thinking about getting a tattoo, but I’m concerned about it looking terrible if I keep losing (or end up gaining) more weight. What happens to tattoos when skin and shape changes?”

We spoke with tattoo artist Jon Kelly, owner of Olde Tyme Tattoo in Fullerton, California to get his advice.

“Prevention of any sort would be to pick the proper location on your body,” he says. “Stretch marks will ruin your tattoo, so if you find yourself prone to them, try to pick an area on your body that has minimal chance of acquiring stretch marks.” Tatts distorted by stretch marks may have to be reworked, covered up, or even removed.

“Not all women are prone to stretch marks, so there’s no generalized answer that fits every individual situation,” adds Kelly. “Let’s say you gain 80 pounds and you end up with no stretch marks. The tattoo you have may end up off center depending on where it was originally placed.” The bottom line: know your body, choose your artist as carefully as you select the location for your tatt, and accept that if you gain or lose weight, your ink might need more work later on.

We also asked fearless blogger Cecily Kellogg (pictured above), who writes at Uppercase Woman, for her voice of experience on this topic. Here’s what she had to say:

“Skin expands. Whether you are talking about pregnancy or your more standard filling out, skin stretches. If you have ink on that skin, the ink will stretch too.

With general weight fluctuations, most tattoos will look just fine. You should have no permanent misshaping of the ink, even with very fine detailed work. If you have a portrait, it is possible that the portrait will look a bit less like the original model, but tattoo portraits rarely look much like the original model anyway (unless you have an exceptional artist, who will resist putting a portrait on any place likely to do much expanding; shoulders, upper arms, upper back, and calves are least likely to expand).

I’ve gained a fair amount of weight over the years I’ve collected my ink, and while my arms have gotten larger, my ink still looks absolutely awesome. The tattoos on my back (they extend from my upper shoulders to my middle back) also still maintain their awesomeness.

Additionally, I’ve known pregnant women with belly tattoos that have stretched out to crazy, misshapen levels, but when the pregnancy is over, the tattoo looks okay. Sometimes there is a bit of sag in part of it, but by a year after the baby is born the ink looks pretty close to the original design.

The main key to preserving the quality of your ink is the same whether weight gain is an issue or not: choose the tattoos carefully, use a high quality artist, and consider the placement of the tattoo before getting it. If you plan well, and choose well, your ink will look just as good ten years down the line as it does a week after you get it (it never looks good while it’s healing), regardless of your size.”

Have a question for us? Post it in comments or send us an email and we’ll tackle it in an upcoming Ask FGG feature.

I wonder how my maternal ancestors solved this problem.

Here’s a recent question from one of our readers:

What’s the best way to prevent your thighs from rubbing raw when you’re wearing a skirt or dress? I have a pair of Spanx, which are alright but they tend to roll down on me.

I think there are two approaches to finding relief from chafing: undergarments and skin care products. Okay, three if you count my standard M.O. of avoiding skirts and dresses altogether, but we all know that’s not always possible (like the time I was fitted for a bridesmaid’s dress while six months pregnant), or even desirable. Here’s a quick rundown of these two ways of conquering this problem.

Undergarments

Shapewear – My grandma and her sisters called these girdles, but today’s products are thinner, more breathable, and in theory, more comfortable. There are women who swear by Spanx, and there are women who swear at their Spanx (myself included). When we asked around the ‘net for real-life solutions to chafing, one woman suggested going up a size if your Spanx are rolling down; it worked for her. I poked around a bit and found a less pricey alternative called  Sculptz, but haven’t tried them.

Re-purposed Hosiery – If you get a snag or hole in your pantyhose or tights, cut them to an above-the-skirt length for instant smoothness at no extra cost. I know this is a pre-Spanx solution that many women have found unsatisfying due to the potential to roll up, but one of our readers swears by it so maybe it’ll work for you, too.

Bicycling Shorts – Companies like Spanx and Sculptz carry shapewear cut like bicycle shorts, but if you just want to keep ‘em separated rather than going for any sort of slimming effect, bicycle shorts will do the trick. No time to shop? One woman we heard from wears her husband’s similarly-styled boxer briefs to prevent thigh rub! Now that’s one I hadn’t thought of.

Another reader shared advice on choosing a good pair of bike shorts on our Facebook page: “Choose some that have a long-ish leg (depending on your skirt/dress length) and are a light cotton/spandex mix so they breathe well. No synthetics! You’ll be comfy, they don’t roll up, and the shorts even have a bit of smoothing for a nice line under clothing.” The main down side to this option is that it probably won’t work under body-skimming or close-fitting dresses and skirts.

Skin Care Products

Roll-Ons – I haven’t tried these, but one product I’ve yet to hear a bad thing about is BodyGlide’s anti-chafe balm, which I mentioned in Part 2 of my guide to hot weather hiking. About the size of a small deodorant stick, it fits discretely in a purse and stands up even in sticky Texas heat, according to the women who recommended it. Similar products include  Sports Shield and Sportwax.

Powders – One reader suggested baby powder for chafing, but I’m not sure how well that would hold up after shaking it to “Baby Got Back” at your cousin’s wedding (surely I’m not the only one who does this). Thankfully, sports-oriented companies are improving on this issue with products like Liquified Powder by BodyGlide. One surprising name that came highly recommended was Monistat (it’s not just for yeast infections any more!), which makes a Soothing Care Chafing Relief Powder-Gel that might help your inner thighs get along better.

Finally, it’s not the sexiest product name you’ll encounter, but Anti Monkey Butt powder claims to absorb sweat and reduce friction for activities like horseback riding, riding a motorcycle (where the phrase “monkey butt” originated, and extreme sports. If it can handle those activities, maybe it can tackle sweating through those salsa dance classes (just try not to giggle to0 much when recalling what’s under that swirly skirt)!

Body Sprays – EDITED: A reader commented on the potentially harmful consequences of using products containing talc, so we’ll err on the cautious side and nix that suggestion. This summary of existing research at the American Cancer Society web site indicates that that the jury’s still out on this issue and that people concerned about talc may consider avoiding its use until more research can be conducted. If you’re really hankering for a spray to prevent chafing, check out Tri-Slide, a silicon-based spray designed for triathletes.

Well, I hope this answers your question, or at least puts you on the road to cute comfort. As always, we want to hear from you about products and tips that actually work for fat girls – share what you know in the comments section!