The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Ahhh… by ktpupp

With warmer weather (hopefully) just around the corner, many of us have turned our thoughts to how we might de-winterize our bodies and minds. To that, we say: Spa day, anyone? Before you schedule a luxurious rubdown, some TLC on your piggies, or even (gulp!) a bikini wax, check out this insider advice from our pampering pros. We asked the embarrassing questions so you wouldn’t have to – just consider it our “Spring Forward” gift to you!

Love is blind… and so is massage

One of the most difficult obstacles for many overweight women in terms of self care is embarrassment over their bodies, or fear that their medical professional will say or think something hurtful about their fat. While individual people can occasionally be insensitive enough to prove us right, professional massage therapist Nicolette Becker, of Chicago’s Thousand Waves Spa for Women, sends a clear message.

“I think the most important thing for people to realize is that your massage therapist couldn’t care less what your body looks like,” Becker says. “We aren’t there to judge you. We just want to help you to relax and feel better.” The irony, she says, is that many first-time clients let their nerves undermine the point of the massage. “The more you worry about your body and having someone else seeing and touching your body, the harder it will be for you to relax. And therefore, the less you’ll enjoy the massage.”

To alleviate some of the anxiety (and help you enjoy your well-earned hour of pampering!), know what to expect from your visit. A good therapist will spend a few minutes speaking with you before beginning your massage, asking about any problem spots or injuries. Becker cautions to always disclose any illnesses, skin conditions or rashes, and to not be insulted if the therapist asks if you’re pregnant; this is routine and important for your care. After this mini-consult, you’ll be left for a moment to disrobe and get on the table, beneath the sheet or towel provided. (Note: some tables are heated; if you prefer more, less, or no heat at any time during the session, be sure to let your massage therapist know). During the massage, your therapist will only remove the covering from the body part she is working on, and your private parts will never be exposed.

Becker says she is constantly asked if it’s okay to wear underwear. “You can wear whatever level of clothing you are comfortable with and the therapist will work around it,” she says. “It’s always okay to wear panties, though if they come up really high, your therapist may have trouble reaching all of your low back.” Skip the fancy undergarments, because anything you wear may come into contact with massage oil. Comfort is key here, because your therapist wants you to relax and enjoy the massage. “However,” Becker points out, “the more clothing you remove, the better your massage therapist will be able to work. Bras do tend to get in the way, since they are right over where the majority of the knots are located.”

For comfort during your massage, Becker suggests placing rolled-up towels under your shoulders while prone (face down) if you’re larger chested. Bolsters (long, cylindrical pillows) are also a big help under the ankles while prone, and under the knees while supine (face up). I’m large chested and swaybacked, and I’ve found the bolster makes all the difference in taking pressure off my lower back.

If you’re still nervous, Becker says, “the most important thing to remember is to breathe. Taking nice, deep breaths is the easiest way to relax your body. And if your mind keeps going to worries about your body, you can distract yourself by counting your breaths. Inhale for a count of five and then exhale for a count of five and repeat as long as necessary. It is hard to think about anything else while you are counting.”

And while good hygiene is always appreciated by your therapist, “Don’t worry if you accidentally fart or if your stomach gurgles,” Becker concludes. “It happens all the time.”

Prevention: the key to a pretty pedi

Nothing puts me in the mood for spring like soft feet and a brand new paint job on my toes (preferably in a deep burgundy color). Even if many of us are still a few months away from beach weather, spending an hour indulging in a massaging spa chair getting our toes sandal-ready helps bridge the gap to warmer days. And if your tummy makes bending to paint your own nails difficult, then a pro session is that much more important.

However, before you plunk yourself down in the first strip-mall nail salon you spy, do some research to ensure you don’t walk out with ingrown toenails or a nasty infection from contaminated foot baths or instruments. Basic observation and a few simple questions are your best allies here. Is the pedicurist licensed? Do the surfaces of the salon interior appear clean and hygienic? Do the technicians sterilize instruments and disinfect foot baths between patients (or use disposable tools), or is it an assembly line operation that rotates new clients into the chairs immediately after they’re vacated? Trust your eyes, your gut and the recommendation of a trusted friend or review web site.

Another way to help safeguard against infection: fight the knee-jerk reaction to shave your legs before heading to the salon. Because shaving opens your pores and can cause tiny nicks and cuts, your freshly shaven legs are a magnet for infection. The best option is to wait until after your appointment to shave, but at minimum allow a full 24 hours between hair removal and pedicure.

Other tips from the pros: Bring your own instruments to be absolutely sure you’ve got the hygiene covered. Many salons will let regular customers store their own files, clippers, etc. in small, individual boxes or cubes so they’re ready for next time. And logic dictates that the earlier in the day you arrive, the fewer feet will have already sloshed around in your foot basin.

If you’ve had a bad experience with spa hygiene or are otherwise germ-phobic, consider grabbing a girlfriend and some at-home spa products and trade off pampering the other’s piggies. There might not be a massage chair involved, but you won’t need to tip her, either.

The facts of wax

First of all, let’s dispel the notion that fat girls can’t get their business waxed. According to the delightful (and proudly plus-sized!) Daniela of Daniela’s Facial Studio in Chicago, the only thing standing between you and a neatly groomed (or completely bare) nether region is a knowledgeable and experienced esthetician.

If you’ve never had the pleasure, basic bikini-area hair removal involves removing your clothes from the waist down, reclining on a waxing bench or bed, and going to your happy place for 15-45 minutes while the esthetician uses either soft wax, hard wax or a combo to remove as much of the hair as you’ve requested. Some girls opt to just clean up the areas not covered by their favorite undies or bathing suit, some ask to have their pubic hair sculpted into designs, and others go for the full Brazilian, which removes even the smallest fuzz from your inner/outer labia and — yes — the area between your cheeks.

Depending on the location and your preferred look, you may be given a disposable paper thong to wear in order to provide guidance for your esthetician. Daniela estimates the elastic waist in an average paper thong accommodates a size 20/22; if you’re worried it won’t fit, bring a cheapie thong along and pitch it at the end of your session.

Heated soft wax is smoothed on with a spatula or tongue depressor, then removed with strips of paper/fabric. Hard wax adheres only to hair, not to skin, which makes it preferable for use on delicate inner bits. While currently very trendy, an all-hard-wax removal is more expensive and takes much longer. Tweezers are sometimes used for cleaning up remaining stray hairs.

In the hands of an experienced esthetician, Daniela insists, “The majority of people say, ‘that didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.’” She recommends taking two Ibuprofen about 30 minutes before your appointment and trying to avoid scheduling during times when you’ll be more stressed, because skin clenches the hair more tightly when you’re nervous. “They make a big deal about [the pain] on TV. That really pisses me off.”

Still, big girls do need to be handled with care

“With overweight clients, there’s a much higher incidence of ingrown hairs or chafing, even if your thighs don’t rub together. Chafing holds onto wax for dear life,” Daniela explains. Because it can be difficult to remove wax from chafed areas, a provider without experience working on larger women could panic and not know how to handle the situation. Additionally, heavier clients tend to perspire more before and during a session, and skin must be very dry for successful removal. Daniela is adamant on this point: “If you call a salon and they say they don’t use — and reapply — powder before [soft]-waxing each section, I would go somewhere else.”

Hair removal is all about making the skin as taut as possible – even if it doesn’t come through the door that way. Since most of us have areas of stretched-out skin from weight loss, weight gain or pregnancy, this means you should expect to be an active participant in your hair removal – holding skin tight, lifting a hanging stomach, pulling your thigh aside, etc.

“I’ll have clients hold everything,” Daniela says. “Sometimes I’ll have them hold [a section] one way while I’m pulling the other way, just to get the skin as tight as possible. The more [an esthetician] holds and asks you to hold, the better the job will be.” Daniela swears this is the key to effective waxing that doesn’t leave you sore or purple afterward.

A matter of trust

So how do you locate a trustworthy provider in your area? When you don’t have your own experience to draw on, Daniela says, “The best thing to do is rely on advice from a friend or consumer reviews from sites like Yelp, Citysearch or Insider Pages.” Also, while there are obviously exceptions to the rule, larger salons or chains frequently hire recent graduates. If an esthetician isn’t yet seasoned enough to have experience working with multiple body types, Daniela cautions, “You can easily have a situation where that person has no idea what to do. They need to know where to pull and what to hold.”

Before you book an appointment, check out Daniela’s preparation advice and don’t hesitate to ask to speak to the esthetician and clarify any points that worry you. Ask what type of wax they use. If it’s a larger salon, inquire whether they have robes in extended sizes (Thousand Waves doesn’t wax, but their robe sizes extend to 2X). And if you’re considering an all-bare look, don’t shy away from asking one of the most frequent questions I’ve heard: “Will they ask me to get on all-fours?” (For the record, Daniela’s answer surprised me! ) “I don’t do it that way, ” she chuckles. “I have them lift the leg as far back as it will go, or lie on their tummy and spread their cheeks apart.”

Wow. Don’t say we won’t go to any length to get you girls the real deal on any topic. On that note, ladies, go forth and spa!

Share your spa experiences – good, bad, ugly, or beautiful – in the comments. Still have hair-removal questions? Post them in comments and Daniela will tackle them individually.

One of our first Fat Girl’s Guides covered how to practice yoga when your boobs and belly are, shall we say, significant enough to render certain poses difficult without a skilled instructor to offer alternatives. Now we’d like to offer our readers a free copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley. A yoga student for many years, Stanley worked with yoga instructors and students to develop this guide for “the rest of us,” dispelling the myth that you have to look like a cover model to practice yoga. The book also covers the many benefits of yoga, including improved posture, stress relief, and improved focus and sleeping patterns – benefits Toni can happily attest to since returning to practice at the beginning of this year.

To enter, comment here with the FIRST word that comes to mind when you hear the word “yoga,” and you’ll be automatically entered in the drawing. (One entry per person and you must enter a valid email address).

The contest closes Wednesday, March 10 at 11:59 pm CST. A winner will be chosen at random from the comments, and will be notified by email within 24 hours after the contest closes.

Plush Series by zerbetron

Regular FGG readers know we’re fans of self portraiture as a form of creative expression that can often guide us toward self acceptance. Loving our physical selves isn’t just an issue for fat girls, but let’s face it: most of us grew up surrounded by a distinctly different female ideal than what we see in our lives or in the mirror each day. In fact, it’s tough to find a television series or movie featuring overweight or even simply curvy characters who aren’t wise crackers, buffoons, or villains. Notable exceptions: Sookie St. James from Gilmore Girls, Lt. Anita Van Buren from Law and Order, and Medium’s Alison DuBois–can you name any others?

That’s why we’re always excited to see someone celebrating her curvy self, as so many of you do in our FGG Girls Flickr group. Perhaps if enough of us do this, the idea will catch on that every woman’s beauty is unique and worthy of appreciation – regardless of her dress size.

In what ways can you celebrate your distinctive physical self? Share your ideas in the comments and in the FGG Girls Flickr group. In addition to daily self portrait project I’m doing this year, I’ve started wearing tops that accentuate my lovely waist, and I’ve also started buying scented bath and shower products as a way of being sweet to the skin I’m in. What about you?

Image by A|ina

I’m not sure, but this may be the most adorable image in our FGG Girls Flickr group to date. But “adorable” doesn’t quite cover it: I love the sass and sensuality depicted here, the confident curves, and the bright pop of coral color. This photo is also a great example of how to craft a fun, sexy self portrait that tells a story while leaving an element of mystery: what expression is she wearing, and what lucky person gets to lick that spoon? Next time you take a self portrait (if you’ve never taken one, what are you waiting for?) find a way to incorporate some of these elements and see your curves in a new light. For inspiration, there are plenty of great examples in our FGG Girls Flickr group.

Chicago photographer and artist Alina Smith, the subject of this week’s self portrait, is a good friend and a regular FGG reader. When she’s not taking lovely self portraits, she creates fine art images for clients using film and a variety of photographic processes. As with baking cookies on a winter afternoon, there’s something uniquely satisfying about creating things by hand. Smith takes her creativity a step further by exploring media and photographic processes that are falling out of favor, as others are doing through the resurgence in popularity of Polaroid and Lomo cameras. (Check out this gorgeous collection of Polaroid photos, “For the Love of Polaroid“  by another friend and FGG reader, Bonnie Underwood).

A few years ago, I started baking cakes from scratch for my husband’s birthday, but in recent years I haven’t taken the time. I miss getting “into the zone” while working with my hands to create something I simply can’t get at the grocery store. And while it’s hardly a lost art, I’d also like to finally start a vegetable garden this year, including asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, herbs, and fresh greens using heirloom seeds where possible – just like I did with my father and he did with his mother. One of our missions here at FGG is to encourage everyone – ourselves included – to live our lives to the fullest, and that includes periodically stepping up and snatching items off that “someday” list.

I’m going to pull gardening and baking for special occasions into my here and now. What about you? As the hours of  daylight slowly lengthen and we can almost sense those first whispers of spring’s arrival, what can you uncover, create and put out there into the world using your own two hands? Share your ideas and projects in the comments section.

Maria, testing her “climbing legs”

A couple of weeks ago my friend and fellow Biggest Little City Losers contestant, Maria, called with a proposition. It went a little something like this:

Her: “We should go rock climbing tomorrow!”
Me: “Uhhhh…”
Her: “Come on, it would be fun!”
Me: “Uhhh…”

Turns out she had called a local rock climbing gym to see if they’d be interested in sponsoring a team challenge for the Biggest Little City Losers. Not only were they interested, they were really psyched, and they wanted Maria and I to come by for a couple of complementary climbing lessons before bringing the whole group in.

Now let me just say that I don’t typically have a fear of trying new or weird things. I’ve been hiking, biking, scrambling, kayaking and canoeing, I’ve washed my hair in icy cold Minnesota lakes and washed my clothes in humid, mosquito-infested North Carolina ones. I have moved long distances on short notice with only a vague idea of where I’d live and what I’d do. My personal blog has lived at adventurejournalist.com for almost ten years, and I catered my own wilderness wedding. You get the idea.

But I have never been rock climbing. This is not for a lack of opportunity, my husband is an avid rock and ice climber and I live in one of the most popular regions for rock climbing in the continental United States. The truth is, I haven’t been rock climbing because:

1. I am deathly afraid of heights.
2. I am especially afraid of heights in which I, overweight by a good number of pounds, am dangling from a rope with my life in the hands of one person wayyyyy down there who is using nothing more than their own body weight and a tiny device that sounds like an extinct bird, a frail bird, which may be why it’s extinct, to keep me alive.

That, and I’ve heard the shoes are uncomfortable.

But because I was the group leader, and because I’d been preaching the virtues of overcoming fears and trying difficult things, I was stuck. I would have to go rock climbing. So with no idea what to expect, we made arrangements to meet the following morning at Rocksport in Reno.

Fast forward two scary hours, and my conclusion was: rock climbing is hard. But it can be conquered – whether you’re 100 pounds or 300.

Here’s what we learned:

Climbing harnesses come in generous sizes. This was a pleasant surprise. Instead of letting them out to fit our butts and bellies, we actually had to tighten them down. Bonus ego boost! And they were pretty comfortable to wear. Another surprise. Though fair warning: those of us who like to wear long shirts to cover our abs and hips will have to suck it up – the harness, roped in, bares all.

Don’t worry if you’re a positively prolific perspirer. Lots of new climbers worry that their hands will slip off the holds if they get too sweaty, a common issue with overweight women and men. Every climber has a bag of chalk clipped to their harness, perfect for dipping sweaty hands to give them dry “tread” to grab with. Having chalky hands seemed to instill psychological confidence, too.

Tied properly, those ropes hold more than you think. I took one look at that deceptively thin rope with the tiny knot at the end and thought, no way is that thing gonna hold either of us. I wondered for several deer-in-the-headlights minutes if they had ever tested those ropes on people built like Maria and I. They assured us they’ve seen, and belayed, far bigger. So I roped in, and, as evidenced my ability to write this guide, they did hold.

The climbing is actually the easy part. It’s coming down that’s scary. Proper form coming down the wall is to completely let go of the holds and wrap your hands around the rope (a terrifying moment), forming an L-shape with your body so that you’re “sitting” on the air with your feet against the rock. Oy. The belayer, on the ground (in this case a woman of about 120 pounds), then slowly releases the rope through the extinct bird device, called a Grigri, lowering you as you walk your feet down the face of the rock.

Take advantage of ground anchoring where available. And it really should be available everywhere you climb. These are multiple loops of strong cloth or other material anchored to the ground that a belayer can clip into to stabilize themselves against the weight of the climber. If a climber should slip or let go of the wall before the belayer has the rope in proper position and coming correctly through the Grigri, he or she can easily find themselves launching up off the ground and soon face to face with a very surprised climber.

Keeping your whole body close to the rock wall is key. While most of what I learned about climbing shattered the myth that even significantly overweight women can’t or shouldn’t do it, I did learn that anyone carrying around extra weight is at a disadvantage on straight verticals solely because of center-of-gravity fluctuations. We climbed the beginner’s wall, and the slight incline was a big help for us as we learned to stick close. When we tried the vertical wall it was much more difficult to stay on, as gravity was yanking at our ample butts the whole time. Strengthening our forearms and further training to keep our bodies flush against the rock face should help, but I’m afraid pure verticals are an area most overweight folks are likely to find challenging.

The shoes really are uncomfortable. Climbing shoes are designed to make the front of your foot as tiny as possible so it can work with the smallest of holds. Your big toe faces straight forward, and, in the words of our climbing instructor, the rest of your toes should fit in there ’somewhere.’ The first climb I asked for my real shoe size and winced the whole time. The second time around, I asked for a half size larger than I normally take – much better, and no loss of toe flexibility or agility on the rock face.

For me the most interesting part was the lack of height-related fear I expected (this from the girl who can’t look out, or even approach, a 10th floor glass window), even when I made it 3/4 of the way up the wall and looked down. It did seem like the biggest obstacle wasn’t weight or inexperience or even height, but trust: both in myself and in my belay partner. Once we mastered that, we were going up and down the wall effortlessly.

OK, maybe not effortlessly. But at least the gasping and screeching subsided after the first couple of runs.

Have you ever been climbing? Do you have any advice for our readers? Lay it on us in comments!

Note: this guide covered my own experience climbing, which can differ from gym to gym and is unique to indoor environments. I didn’t include technical instructions or equipment information because it’s important to be trained by a professional to use the unique facilities, equipment and protocol at the climbing center you’ve chosen.

Photo by {Pauly}

I really enjoy the raw honesty and natural beauty in {Pauly}’s self portraits on flickr. It takes a certain amount of bravery to be open and real in front of the entire Internet, let alone to do so every day for a year. When this photo landed in the FGG Girls flickr pool, I kept returning to it. I think there’s a vulnerability and openness there that we can all relate to – and that perhaps we wish we could reveal more often ourselves.

Are you the fat girl who’s quick to crack a joke or make a self-deprecating remark before someone else zings you first? Are you “large and in charge” in order to avoid being perceived as lazy or weak, when inside what you really want is to let someone else take the reins once in a while? Perhaps you’re the type to hide or turn your head when someone points a camera lens your way? Maybe none those issues affect you, but you’d still like to explore ways in which you can be soft and real while still feeling safe. In the bathroom mirror, or with a trusted friend (how about in a bathroom mirror with a really trusted friend), or perhaps in a series of self portraits, like one FGG Girls flickr group member who is doing a series of weekly self portraits as a way of getting reacquainted with herself.

When, why, and how do you allow yourself to feel vulnerable or to be your true self? Tell us in the comments section, and if you decide to edge out of your protective zone – even if just a little bit – in this regard, come back and let us know!

Group spinning, by Kj

Thank you for your site – I’m really struggling to accept myself, and my family is all thin which makes me feel judged all the time. Do you perhaps know of a weight rehab place I could go to to help me lose the unwanted pounds? I just know I cannot do it alone”

Going it alone when you’re trying to lose weight is tough (we know, we’ve tried). But I actually don’t recommend weight camps or rehabs because most of those give you situations and tools that aren’t available in everyday life — like being secluded to focus only on weight loss, planning your diet for you, giving you access to 24/7 exercising. Those things will help anyone shed pounds in the short term, but because it doesn’t fit into our real everyday lives, that won’t last and you may (like most do) end up gaining it all back quickly and then some once you’ve graduated.

Instead, I’d recommend hooking up with some local people who also want to lose some weight and forming a small group. Both Toni and I have had GREAT success with this approach recently! I highlighted it in a recent post here.

You might even be able to get a personal trainer to sponsor you and/or your group with free nutritional and fitness lessons. Just be sure that anything you do to lose it is something that’s also available to you to KEEP doing/using/relying on after you’re done with the initial loss.

Your turn, readers. What tips do you have on ways to stick with healthy lifestyle changes long term?