The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Kick back. We’ve got your July FGG covered.
Image by eyesogreen

In my corner of the Midwest, midsummer air is usually thick enough to pour over pancakes (though I don’t let it stop me from getting on my bike or heading to the pool). When mild temps and low humidity arrived recently, I spent even more time outdoors, which meant less time catching up on my favorite online reads. If you’ve been in a similar state of mind, hopefully you’ll appreciate this recap of July at FGG so you can return to vacation planning and savoring these abundant sunny days.

We receive so many great questions for our popular “Ask FGG” segment and this month was no exception. Padded bike shorts for plus-sized backsides? We found ‘em. We also helped an intrepid reader dress stylishly for a poolside bachelorette party in Vegas – and we’re dying to know what she bought and how it goes! We’ll be sure to post any highlights in a future roundup. Finally, at least one of you readers is as hammock-obsessed as I am, allowing us to address the issue of what to look for in a hammock that will sustain our weight.

Our columnists tackled dating disasters for single fat girls and clued us in about a little-known truth: guys worry about finding flattering swimwear, too. If you missed Michelle’s summer-friendly recipes, here’s a second chance to drool over Farmers Market Potato Salad, Peach-Blueberry Cobbler, and Summertime Zucchini Pasta. We also served up a guide to summer reading, insights on becoming irresistible at any size (even to yourself)–a FGG must-read–celebrated girlfriend getaways, and offered tips for fat girls visiting amusement parks with friends and family.

And last but not least, I’m not sure if a roundup that links to a roundup defies any laws of physics (hopefully we won’t all implode upon reading), but our Guide to Summer Fun is a recap of sorts that received some terrific comments from our daring readers, who are always upbeat about trying new things and returning to report on them. I’ll leave you with their words for inspiration:

“I am taking the dare…a group of my friends and I have a white water rafting trip planned for the end of August. It has been on my “bucket list” forever and I have always been afraid — partly because of my size…not letting it get the better of me. All of my friends going and our guide[s] have done this and it seems that’s the best time to do something you have always wanted to do, surrounded by people who love you….Still scared though…” –rebecca

“I’m going on vacation next month to a resort that has tons of opportunities for water sports. I’m going to try to find a nice suit using your swimsuit guide so I can at least attempt some fun.” –becky

“I am excited to tell you that I wore a bikini to the beach! Yes! Me, in all my glory!! I wore a bikini today to the beach — and I wore it proudly and tanned my belly for the first time in almost 15 years!! I felt so liberated! I felt beautiful! I felt free!” –ld

Your turn. Tell us about your upcoming summer adventures in the comments. For those of you taking up new challenges, please come back and report on how things went!

Try something that looks fun but makes you nervous. We dare you.
(image by Lori Greig)

This summer, I tried something that terrified me. And I loved it.

Something about surrendering my body to a dark, narrow tube, hurtling downward through twists and turns, only to be unceremoniously ejected and swiftly deposited into the chilly water below freaked me out. Go figure. “I’ll stick to the slower slide, thankyouverymuch,” became my mantra. But my desire for comfort made me uncomfortable; what was I modeling to my kids about trying new things, what would the 18-year-old me have done, and was I missing out on something I’d probably find thrilling? Knowing my battle with desire vs. hesitancy, my husband kept nudging me to try it, then the kids joined in (“If I can do it, you can, Mom!”). I climbed the two flights of stairs to the platform, waved to my family far below, then took a deep breath and pushed off into the darkness.

Was it scary? Yep. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I spent the rest of the afternoon hurrying up the stairs to hit that slide again and again. Nobody pointed and laughed at the big mama behaving like a kid; if anything, I think my joy was infectious. Maybe some other women watching were inspired. Or maybe nobody cared at all and my worries over what others might think were unfounded. (Nobody even noticed me surreptitiously correcting my massive, post-splashdown water wedgie.)

The comfort zone for us bigger girls (remaining indoors with the AC blasting, telling ourselves we can’t do certain activities or wear certain things) can start out as a sacred space where firm boundaries are drawn. But as that zone expands, it can also become an overstuffed cushion ready to absorb our every excuse, the well-worn collection of stories we tell ourselves, like “fat girls can’t ride a horse,” stories that hold us back from really living our lives to the fullest. Think back to the last time you successfully pushed beyond your comfort zone (tango lessons? speed dating? aqua aerobics?) and came out the other side perfectly okay. Sure, there may have been missteps or embarrassing moments, but you lived to tell the tale, right? This guide to summer fun offers suggestions for getting out and trying something new, and we encourage you to come back and tell us how your new experiences went – stumbles, triumphs, wedgies, and all.

Hiking–which is essentially walking in a more rugged, natural setting–is a great activity because it can be as easy or as challenging as you decide to make it and it’s a great beginner’s adventure. Our two-part guide to hot weather hiking (Part 1 here and Part 2 here), plus our guide to hiking in challenging conditions like sand dunes or muddy areas are great starting points. I know heat and humidity, combined with the need to expose more skin, can feel like insurmountable hurdles here. Look for plus-sized workout wear, carry plenty of water, expect to sweat (it’s okay; really!) and start small at first if you’re nervous–many city parks offer plenty of green space for beginners to test their trail legs, and plenty of park and recreation districts offer guided hikes geared toward beginners.

Speaking of city parks, I’ve been taking advantage of our sizable park to ride my bike either early in the morning or after dinner, when the sunlight isn’t as unforgiving (either way, I still wear sweatproof sunscreen). Our guide to cycling, mad love for cruiser bikes and tips on finding plus-size padded bike shorts are helpful starting points if you’ve been itching to travel on two wheels but not sure where to start. If you’re worried about deflating the tires on your bike, we’ve tackled this issue, too (you won’t).

If getting on the water is on your life list, our guides to kayaking, canoeing and surfing should prove tempting. Or maybe taking a cruise is more your speed; you can be as chill and comfortable as you wish, or you can embark on new adventures on board (rock climbing walls, dance lessons) or off (rainforest zipline tours, island exploration). Of course, if you’ve read the FGG About page, you know my suggestion will be to opt for at least one adventure. Perhaps being in the water is your goal but you’ve been avoiding swimsuit shopping; you’ll want to consult our guide to figure-flattering swimwear and best places to find a plus-sized sarong to wrap around your suit, and we recently helped a reader with some ideas on attending a poolside bachelorette party in Vegas (we also have some insights into the daunting prospect of socializing in swimwear).

I know we cover a lot of active ground here at FGG, but I also understand that rest and relaxation are an integral part of enjoying the summer season. I suggest striking a balance between stepping outside of your usual routine and rewarding yourself for doing so. Perhaps a girlfriend getaway is in order (you are TOO worth it!), or it’s time to finally find a hammock that feels comfy and supportive while you swing lazily reading some great fiction featuring plus-sized protagonists. Just remember: too much comfort can be as detrimental to mind, body, and spirit as too much stress. Use the rest of these summer days to push yourself a little bit and try something you think would be fun.

We’ve packed a ton of summer fun into this guide, but we’re always eager to hear your suggestions for guides to activities you’ve been longing to try but aren’t sure where to begin – share your “life list” ideas in comments.

Closet reorganization by LizMarie

After a ridiculously long winter (even our southern readers had a rough one this year), the official arrival of spring this weekend offers a wealth of exciting possibilities. More daylight hours to lift our spirits. Green, lush life ready to burst forth from trees, lawns and flowerbeds. The return of sandals and a great excuse for frequent pedicures (check out our Guide to Spa Services for tips on getting a perfect pedi). And let’s not forget the annual emergence of cute boys who ride the bike path with their shirts off.

When the weather takes a turn for the awesome, one activity tends to get trampled amid the usual (and understandable) bum rush to get outdoors: the joy of spring cleaning your closet. Now, if you’re anything like me, you may be thinking that using the words “joy” and “cleaning” in the same sentence is crazy talk. And sure, it may seem like a painful and thankless task on the surface, but think about it — how often do you get a chance to redefine yourself by tossing some things that are holding you back and to set the tone for a new season, all in one afternoon? Besides, spring is a fickle time of year, and that first string of rainy days is perfect for some spring cleaning time.

Run a Google search for “closet organization” or “spring cleaning” and you’ll get a good handle on all the wardrobe-rotating basics: make “keep,” “trash,” “mend” and “donate” piles, neatly stow your winter clothes in airtight plastic containers, etc. However, we thought plus-sized girls and their closets might appreciate some tweaks to the standard approach, so grab your sorting bins and some courage and get ready to dive into the abyss.

Stop saying “Someday . . . ”

Dig through almost anyone’s closet and you’re bound to find some ill-fitting or out-of-date clothes. For most fat girls, however, the amount of unwearable items tends to be much higher. I call this the “Someday Syndrome”–how many of us have bought dresses or pants in a too-small size as incentive to lose weight, or held on to favorite clothes that once fit but are now too tight? These garments languish in our closets, staring us down every day as we repeat a “Someday” mantra: “Someday, this cocktail dress will fit.” “I’ll be a size X again someday.” “Someday, when I lose these 50 pounds and get back to my college/wedding/pre-baby weight . . .” “Someday, I’ll be able to zip my ‘skinny’ jeans.” While these intentions may be good, the reality of Someday Syndrome keeps us from feeling great about who we are today, and starts us on the road to a guest spot on “Hoarders.”

This spring, we’re issuing a dramatic challenge: get rid of your “someday” clothes. Do what the experts say and pull out every piece of clothing from your closet. Try on each article in front of a full-length mirror, and force yourself to make an honest assessment: is this a size/color/style/cut that looks flattering on you today? Would you wear this out of the house — as-is or with minimal tailoring — and feel comfortable and confident? Can you sit, walk, bend, reach and move around in the garment(s) comfortably and without need for constant adjustment or fidgeting? If the answer to any of the above is “no,” it’s time for that piece to go.

The flip side of “Someday Syndrome” is the emotional challenge of parting with clothes that are now too big, thanks to successful weight loss. I’ve watched many friends contemplate this situation after shedding 20, 40, 100 pounds. Even if the items haven’t been worn in months or years, there’s often such a reluctance to part with them for good; they’re a security blanket of sorts in case of a backslide that causes the weight to return. But whether you’ve packed the “fat” clothes away or are still drowning in sweaters two sizes too big, spring cleaning is the perfect time to pare down to the clothes that fit you today.

Letting go is a good thing

Very possibly, the rationalizations are kicking in already: Those suits were expensive. You’ve been losing weight and you really are almost ready to zip those jeans. You don’t want to have to reinvest in size 18 dress pants when you lose 20 pounds. What if you really don’t keep the weight off?

It’s true the average plus-sized garments cost more than those made in smaller sizes, and we’ve all spent far too much money on different sizes as weight has fluctuated up and down. (No one ever said fat was all fun — or fair.) But before slamming the closet doors shut and leaving the accumulated sizes to be sorted out in the future, try taking an honest look at the items that are so hard to part with. If you bought jeans today, would you really buy that style? Is a trendy dress from 2001 really going to be something that sees future use? How does encountering these reminders of an earlier version of your body make you feel? How much happier would you be to open a closet every morning without the guilt (and the clutter!) offered by every garment that doesn’t fit you right now?

The truth is, if your closet is ruled by any combination of sentiment, habit (I’m the worst offender when it comes to buying six colors of the same shirt) or fear, it has ceased to be functional. Go ahead and keep the truly important sentimental pieces, like your one pair of “goal jeans,” or the largest pants that show you just how far you’ve come. Keep the next size that you’re shrinking into if you’ve been on a successful weight loss track. Pack these items up and out of daily sight, and then let go of the rest of the baggage.

Re-sell, recycle, re-gift

Don’t fall prey to the lure of keeping ill-fitting items just because they’re expensive or have never been worn. Stylish, designer and professional clothing (and accessories) are perfect for sale on consignment, which involves taking your gear to a consignment retailer to be re-sold through their store. The shop pays you a percentage of the selling price, usually your choice of store credit or cash (with store credit likely providing a higher “profit” percentage). Individual stores handle merchandise intake differently; some accept seasonal clothing all year, while others have prescribed intake months for certain items. Consignment is a good option for recouping some of the monetary value of quality items.

Clothing swaps are another way to recycle your old threads while possibly picking up something new in a better size or more flattering style. Swaps can be as informal pooling resources with a few friends after spring cleaning or as elaborate as a local or online event. One of the coolest swaps I’ve attended took place several years ago when I was active on a specific Weight Watchers message board. In preparation for a weekend meet-up in Chicago, dozens of us cleaned out our closets and brought the clothes we had outgrown through weight loss. The pile of garments was staggering; it was as though each girl had suddenly found 40 sisters with closets to raid, and the array of sizes and styles offered something for almost everyone. In addition to easing the financial burden of replacing clothing that had grown too big, it was inspiring to see a favorite dress or shirt suddenly given a second life with a new owner.

Items that don’t make the cut for resale or swapping can find a home with local nonprofit organizations, which are always looking for clean clothes in good condition (without rips or stains, etc.). Try calling or checking the web sites for organizations that serve veterans, the homeless, victims of domestic violence, or individuals re-entering the workforce after rehabilitation or incarceration. You can also check with your church or larger groups such as Purple Heart or The Salvation Army. It surprises many people to learn that organizations often place plus-sized donations at the top of their wish lists. Your good deed is especially important because it gives recipients a simple dignity we often take for granted: wearing nice clothing that fits well.

Start spring organized and energized

With the clutter cleared, sentiment packed away and only your best looks remaining, now comes the really fun part: re-stocking your closet in whatever way best fits your lifestyle. Hopefully the fashion show of trying on each outfit helped identify what staples you might be lacking or where you might be in a rut. To freshen up your wardrobe, consider integrating a new color or trying a style you fell in love with in a magazine or on a friend. Most importantly, make sure the items you return to the shelves and hangers bring out your confidence and make you proud of the gorgeous, dynamic girl you are.

Have an inspiring clean-sweep story to share? Want to offer your favorite tips for getting organized? Tell us in comments.

Open call for Biggest Loser, by Pierre Lascott

We don’t typically cover weight loss on FGG because, let’s face it, you can’t throw a Weight Watchers cookie very far without hitting a diet or weight loss web site. It’s unoriginal, it’s redundant, and in the end that stuff usually does nothing for our body image and self-esteem.

Instead, we focus on how to enjoy a fun, active, enriching and rewarding life now instead of waiting until you’ve achieved some magic, “when I’m ______” criteria. And it’s in that spirit, not the deflating spirit of “self-correction,” that I’m posting this guide. Stay with me.

I’ve seen five or six episodes of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” and I have markedly mixed feelings about it. On one hand it’s inspiring and the human stories are fascinating. Who wouldn’t be moved by those transformations, and by what they suggest about our own possibilities?

On the other hand, it’s disconcerting. Losing that much weight in such a short a time period isn’t healthy, the sequestered and intensive means by which they do it aren’t sustainable in the long term for most people, and the show is set up to be as melodramatic as possible. During every episode I’ve gone through bi-polar spells of disgust and intrigue.

I mentioned to a friend a month or two ago that it would be fun to take what’s great about the show, like the teamwork, the relationships and support, the mental rigor, leaving behind the drama, the backstabbing, the unhealthy obsessions – and create a small group of our own. We were in a rut, wanting to get back into shape but feeling uninspired. My friend said, “Why not?”

And that was all it took. Over the next few weeks I placed ads on Craigslist for people with at least 50 pounds to lose, set up a local web site and NING social network, got a gym to sponsor us with deeply discounted membership and other perks, and then waited until kick-off day on January 1, 2010. I crossed my fingers that at least 15 people would show up.

I walked through the gym doors that morning to a crowd of more than 30 very excited, motivated men and women ready to dig in. And dig in we have. The outpouring of support from sponsors and the gym staff has been incredible, and the group has already started bonding into friendships with a mischievous twist of healthy competitive spirit. I couldn’t be more pleased.

Many organizations have started hosting biggest loser-like competitions for employees, but if yours doesn’t, or you’re not working,

We defined group criteria
My friend and I felt that to be most able to identify with each other’s struggles and to feel most comfortable in a group, it made sense to recruit people who had a similar amount of weight to lose. We decided 50 pounds was a good number, and was doable and healthy in six months for a person committed to those goals. And we wanted committed: no wishy-washy, victim mentalities to drag down group morale allowed. Each member had to commit to attending at least one of two official monthly meetings (one of those would be a weigh-in). Those requirements, and being at least 18 years of age, were our only criteria.

We defined challenge parameters
Like the show, we wouldn’t be relying on the highest number of actual pounds lost to determine the winner, but the percentage of body weight lost. Each month the biggest loser that month will receive a sponsored prize, and the grand prize goes to the person who loses the highest percentage of body weight overall by the final weigh-in.

We also decided we’d split the group into teams to get people fired up and accountable to a group. That turned out to be a good move: as soon as we started planning team challenges, the buzz and activity in the group went WAY up. Winning teams get prizes for the whole team – like dinner out, or free haircuts from a local salon.

We set the group up to revolve mostly around two things: a NING social network and the sponsor gym, with some extra activities like hiking, bowling and healthy dinner parties set up separately.

When setting member dues, we we needed to decide if we’d charge only what the gym was charging us – $25/month per member for full access – or upcharge to cover time and administrative details. Because there were few if any other expenses associated with managing the group, and because we wanted as many people as possible to be able to participate, we chose not to charge more than the $25. That made logistics easier, too, as the gym collects payment automatically and we just need to show up.

We spread the word far and wide
We drew up flyers and left them at libraries and on post office counters, we created a basic web site and placed ads in Craigslis’s community groups section, then we emailed all our friends and family and recruited them to email theirs, too. The more the merrier, and we knew the more people we had involved, the less chance there was of the group fizzling out within the first few weeks.

We created a sponsor kit to get local businesses excited
The Biggest Loser is a national hit, and achievement against the odds for people in transformation is addicting to an audience. A local version of that combination with a well-thought-out plan and good materials was compelling to sponsors, and we’ve brought some great ones, including Subway, on board. We gave them each a sheet with the prize slots we still needed to fill, along with recommended values for each, and let them choose what best met their goals and budget.

For their sponsorship, they’ll receive a linked logo on our web site, mention in all our materials and press releases, and an invitation to each weigh-in, including theirs, where they can present their prize to the winner in person.

We got busy getting busy
Nothing is more motivating than seeing other people in action and enjoying it, and energy begets energy in a bonded group. We injected lots of energy into the initial weigh-ins and “before photos” to be sure we didn’t lose momentum during everybody’s “ugh” moments.

Then we wasted no time getting our “gym legs” – setting up small group meets, signing up for classes together, showing each other how to use this piece of equipment or play that game. The more we work out together, the more we WANT to work out together – in fact, I’ve been to the gym every day this week and have yet to not run into at least a couple of other group members while I’m there. I predict big successes for this group.

It’s now taken on a life of its own, and I’m loving it. I’ve made 30+ new friends, have new partners in crime for things I want to try but felt too self-conscious to do in the past, and have a whole team of people pulling me on, and vice versa, should the urge to give up set in. No matter who wins six months from now, in less than a week we’ve all changed course of our lives.

So if you’re looking for an engine for your own efforts to get in shape, why wait? Pick up the phone or open up a blank email, recruit a good friend to help, and get busy planning your big win. And when you get sucked in and start having a great time, too, we’d love to hear all about it.

Ready…set? GO.