The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Kick back. We’ve got your July FGG covered.
Image by eyesogreen

In my corner of the Midwest, midsummer air is usually thick enough to pour over pancakes (though I don’t let it stop me from getting on my bike or heading to the pool). When mild temps and low humidity arrived recently, I spent even more time outdoors, which meant less time catching up on my favorite online reads. If you’ve been in a similar state of mind, hopefully you’ll appreciate this recap of July at FGG so you can return to vacation planning and savoring these abundant sunny days.

We receive so many great questions for our popular “Ask FGG” segment and this month was no exception. Padded bike shorts for plus-sized backsides? We found ‘em. We also helped an intrepid reader dress stylishly for a poolside bachelorette party in Vegas – and we’re dying to know what she bought and how it goes! We’ll be sure to post any highlights in a future roundup. Finally, at least one of you readers is as hammock-obsessed as I am, allowing us to address the issue of what to look for in a hammock that will sustain our weight.

Our columnists tackled dating disasters for single fat girls and clued us in about a little-known truth: guys worry about finding flattering swimwear, too. If you missed Michelle’s summer-friendly recipes, here’s a second chance to drool over Farmers Market Potato Salad, Peach-Blueberry Cobbler, and Summertime Zucchini Pasta. We also served up a guide to summer reading, insights on becoming irresistible at any size (even to yourself)–a FGG must-read–celebrated girlfriend getaways, and offered tips for fat girls visiting amusement parks with friends and family.

And last but not least, I’m not sure if a roundup that links to a roundup defies any laws of physics (hopefully we won’t all implode upon reading), but our Guide to Summer Fun is a recap of sorts that received some terrific comments from our daring readers, who are always upbeat about trying new things and returning to report on them. I’ll leave you with their words for inspiration:

“I am taking the dare…a group of my friends and I have a white water rafting trip planned for the end of August. It has been on my “bucket list” forever and I have always been afraid — partly because of my size…not letting it get the better of me. All of my friends going and our guide[s] have done this and it seems that’s the best time to do something you have always wanted to do, surrounded by people who love you….Still scared though…” –rebecca

“I’m going on vacation next month to a resort that has tons of opportunities for water sports. I’m going to try to find a nice suit using your swimsuit guide so I can at least attempt some fun.” –becky

“I am excited to tell you that I wore a bikini to the beach! Yes! Me, in all my glory!! I wore a bikini today to the beach — and I wore it proudly and tanned my belly for the first time in almost 15 years!! I felt so liberated! I felt beautiful! I felt free!” –ld

Your turn. Tell us about your upcoming summer adventures in the comments. For those of you taking up new challenges, please come back and report on how things went!

Photo by Midnighteskye

**Be sure to read today’s entire post for the results of our Eden Fantasys Giveaway**

We have several new photos and members in our FGG Girls Flickr Group (welcome, girls!). This image by Midnightskye caught my eye when I visited the group recently (where we have a great discussion going about photo post-processing basics if you have any tips and tricks to share).

I thought, “She looks like me!” when I clicked over to view the photo. The description says, “I know I have stretch marks, I’m a big girl, I was going to edit them, but they are a part of who I am.” Yesssss! That’s the attitude we strive for here at FGG. But even Tee and I aren’t “all moxie, all the time” (though we do strive for “most of the time”).

I have always been self-conscious of my stretch marks, and I think seeing someone put them out there with neither apology nor shame tugged hard at the pull chain to my light bulb. I immediately recalled a favorite quote, which comes from the brilliant television show The Wire, when Walon (played by the awesome Steve Earle) says to Bubbles (played by “Why does this man not have an Emmy for his performance on The Wire?!?” Andre Royo):

Shame ain’t worth as much as you think. Let it go.

I may have fallen out of my chair when I heard that line, because I’ve felt ashamed of my body since hitting puberty. I started dieting at an age (12) and size (5) where I had no business doing so, because all of the girls and women around me were starving and hating on themselves, including my mother. It’s really only been over the past year or so that I’ve started actively working to appreciate my physical self, stretch marks and all – including ditching the little self-deprecating remarks about every self-perceived flaw. Because those “flaws” are indeed a part of who I am. I’m even putting myself out there more than ever this year by doing a year of self portraits – some candid, some artful – as a way of taking my self back. I might even muster the courage to strike a pose like Midnighteskye some time in 2010 (sorry, Mom!).

What about you? I know that body shame is not the sole province of fat girls (my skinny friends worry over their post-baby stretch marks, forty-something crow’s feet and southern-facing breasts, too), and many of you simply adore your curvy selves. But for those of you struggling with shame in any area of your lives, can you get inspired to put yourself out there more this week and drop-kick shame to the curb? I challenge you do to ONE THING this week that nudges you to “let it go.” Post a photo that represents this act to the FGG Girls Flickr Group or post a comment telling us how you did.

Special Announcement! We have a winner of our Eden Fantasys giveaway! Our random drawing from commenters who mentioned chocolate is Fat Nurse! Congratulations, girl! You are the lucky owner of the “Better Than Chocolate” clitoral vibrator (now there’s a phrase I never envisioned writing in my career). Tee has emailed you so we can send it your way. Congratulations! Thanks to everyone who played along!

This week’s image, plucked from our fabulous FGG flickr group, tells a story of courage in the face of fear about how we’ll appear to others. Sometimes the societal and/or self-imposed shame surrounding being fat can spill over into other areas of our lives, holding us back from doing things we’d love to do, like ride a bike, hit the beach, or dip our toes into the world of dating. And that’s a big part of why we started this site: to encourage everyone to live in the here and now rather than awaiting some sparkly, size 8 future.

LaShawn eloquently expressed how she felt the fear and skated anyway:

“Went roller skating for Brodie’s birthday. I told myself I couldn’t skate. After all, too much time has passed and I have gained too much weight.

But, then I got a reality check and laced up.”

A better life isn’t just around the corner; it’s right here, calling us to experience it now. What are you waiting for? Lace up and try something this week that you’ve been avoiding because of your weight. It doesn’t have to be something big, just something that feels brave to you. And don’t forget to come here and tell us how it went!