The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Lace up and ask for the right help with your fitness boost

Four fat girls walk into a gym. . .

Relax, friends, I’m not about to tell a tasteless joke. In setting up today’s Guide, I thought I’d share a bit about my own experiences working with a personal trainer many years ago. And it really did begin with four overweight friends joining a gym.

Technically, Tracy was already an active gym-goer when we met her through Weight Watchers; the rest of us followed suit when we all started spending quality time together having girlie dinners and sharing stories about the inner Healthy Girl we were each secretly harboring inside. Three nights a week, we met to work with Kathy, who — God bless her — pushed all four of us to hold our plank position a little longer or stop making excuses and just start doing squats already.

In addition to teaching me solid techniques for using free weights and resistance machines, those sessions with Kathy and my girlfriends helped keep me accountable to the lifestyle goals I had for myself at the time. At a size 24, I was far from a hard-body athlete, but that didn’t matter — I felt strong and confident for the first time in my life, and I looked forward to those training sessions because I knew how awesome I’d feel afterward. While FGG editorial knows that not everyone in our readership wants to lose weight, it’s hard to argue against down-to-earth goals like developing the strength to easily carry the groceries inside or the stamina to keep up with one’s kids.

If you’ve ever been curious about what a personal trainer could do for you, or if hiring a trainer seems like something only “skinny” people do — think again. Trainers work with individuals and groups of all different ages, shapes, sizes and fitness goals. And — lucky you! — we asked fitness pros of all different backgrounds to share their “getting started” tips to help you bulk up on knowledge without breaking a sweat.

Amber O’Neal (Atlanta, GA), certified group fitness instructor (ACE) and personal trainer and founder of Café Physique® private in-home and on-site fitness and nutrition company

In her words: “Most experienced trainers have a niche. For me, it actually is working with overweight women, but I have other trainers in Café Physique who specialize in working with runners, children, seniors, clients with back problems, etc. Ideally, the trainer you choose will have experience working with overweight women and ENJOY working with overweight women, but I wouldn’t automatically rule out everyone else. The key is that the trainer be patient, open to feedback, flexible, and willing to learn and accommodate.”

Amber breaks down of the benefits of working with a personal trainer:

1. ACCOUNTABILITY. Most people quit fitness programs within two weeks — especially people who are de-conditioned and don’t have a natural love for working out. Your trainer will keep you accountable for the workouts, and unless you like throwing away perfectly good money, you’re going to stay on the program (most require pre-payment).

2. PROGRESSION. When left to their own devices, most women don’t push themselves to the next level. They keep plugging along doing the same old routine because it’s comfortable. Your trainer will make sure that you’re progressing toward your goals by building a more robust program as you go.

3. SAFETY. Protecting your back, knees, and ankles is important for everyone, but this can be of special concern for overweight women. Working with a trainer who will show you proper form and will likely insist on a good warm-up and stretching routine will help minimize injury and pain.

Derek Peruo (New York, NY), certified personal trainer (ACSM, NSCA)
http://bodybydrock.wordpress.com

Derek understands setting and achieving fitness goals while overweight — having been overweight his entire life, he successfully lost 90 pounds in 2006 and now designs strength and training programs to help others achieve their athletic goals. Whether you’re sourcing trainers through a health club or doing Google searches for trainers near you, Derek advises it’s important to choose someone who is active in the fitness community and committed to his/her own health.

Derek recommends that everyone ask the following questions of any new personal trainer they may work with:

1. WHO ARE YOU CERTIFIED BY?
A nationally recognized certification is the most important thing for a serious personal trainer to have. The most well-known certifications come from the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM), the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA), the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) and the American Council on Exercise (ACE). Each agency guarantees that its trainers understand the basics of program design and client safety, and each offers a unique perspective on training. If you want to train like an athlete, work with a trainer certified by the NSCA or NASM. If you have a chronic health condition (e.g. diabetes or a heart condition), an ACSM-certified professional might be right for you. If you have no health problems and are just looking for some basic guidance in the gym, ACE trainers are the way to go. Be wary of personal trainers certified by unfamiliar agencies, or who have no certification at all.

2. WHAT CONFERENCE/WORKSHOP DID YOU LAST ATTEND?
Continuing education is required for all the major certifications and what your potential trainer chooses to study reveals her training philosophy and focus. Understanding “functional movement” provides a very different perspective than understanding “protein synthesis” or “carbohydrate tolerance,” and you may prefer one over another. Talk with a prospective trainer about her likes and dislikes and see if you agree with their viewpoint on exercise and eating habits.

3. MAY I SEE SOME BEFORE & AFTER PHOTOS?
Client photos and testimonials illustrate the trainer’s ability to actually produce results for his clients, and testimonials demonstrate that he provides tangible value for the people he works with. Make sure you like what you see! A trainer without photos or testimonials may be new to the fitness industry, or his clients may not be happy with their results.

4. MAY I SEE YOUR PERSONAL WORKOUT PROGRAM?
Personal trainers should always make their own health and fitness a priority. Unhealthy personal trainers cannot demonstrate proper exercise technique or safely spot you while you work out. Looking at your potential trainer’s workout program will expose how she might train her clients. What does she do for a warm-up? What equipment does she use? How long does her workout take? How does she cool down? Work with a trainer with goals that match your own.

Jennifer DiDonato (Detroit, MI), certified personal trainer (NASM) and owner, Made Fit TV

In her words: “Ask if the trainer has ever worked with someone with significant pounds to shed or with physical limitations due to their weight, as well as how long the trainer has worked with his/her clients. Then ask to able to speak with a current or former client (in person or over the phone) to get feedback on how they liked working with that trainer. This can give you a behind-the-scenes and unbiased view of what that trainer is about.”

Jennifer’s tips on thinking outside the training box:

1. CREDENTIALS DON’T MEAN EVERYTHING. A trainer can have great and numerous credentials through schools and training, but if s/he doesn’t know how to communicate with you, teach you, or make you feel comfortable, then don’t rule out another trainer who may look less impressive on paper. As long as a trainer is certified through a nationally recognized organization, maintains current certifications (including First Aid, AED and CPR), and has been employed for over a year, try them out. You may be surprised at how much energy, motivation and cutting-edge education a “newbie” trainer fresh out of training can have in store for you — and how much you may like it!

2. DON’T EXPECT A TRAINER TO SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS. If you have been dealing with your weight and health issues for a long period of time, or if it is severe enough that it requires immediate attention, you won’t magically meet your goals the moment you sign the dotted line. Hiring a trainer is a two-way street. Both client and trainer must work hard together toward the goal that you have for yourself. Sure, it’s going to be challenging, but that is why you hired the trainer — to push you and show you how strong, brave and amazing you really are! The trainer is the teacher, but it wont do anyone any good if the student is not compliant.

3. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T SEE IS OFFERED — ASK! Many trainers at gyms are employed through the gym and are not allowed to train outside of that gym; some gyms allow trainers to freelance in their own time and can even train in-home or on-location. If you aren’t comfortable training on the gym floor during public hours, if you prefer early morning training hours, or if can only train late at night, then ask the trainer to accommodate you. A good trainer wants you to feel as comfortable as possible in your surroundings so you can focus without unnecessary distractions.

Jen Swendseid (St. Louis Park, MN), certified personal trainer (ACE & NASM) and CEO of heart&core Athletic Apparel

In her words: “If you tend to be self-motivated, try meeting with a trainer on a monthly basis to switch up your routine (and save some money!). However, if you aren’t motivated, work with a trainer on a weekly basis until you build confidence and a habit of working out, which will help you become more motivated. Also, consider doing small group training or share the training sessions/costs with a friend/partner/spouse.”

Jen’s tips on taking prospective trainers for a trial run:

1. MEET WITH A POTENTIAL TRAINER FIRST. Go with your gut feeling — personality and beliefs are going to be extremely important! If you belong to a gym, watch the trainer(s) train some of their clients. Are they engaged or gabbing and looking around? Do they do the same exercises/routine with every client? If you don’t belong to a gym, your best bet is to get referrals from friends or family.

2. ONCE YOU MEET WITH YOUR TRAINER, have her take you through a sample workout. Most of your exercises should involve using body weight, cables, free weights and/or equipment such as the bosu or a stability ball. You should have to be your own stabilizer vs. a machine helping you — you’ll burn more calories that way.

3. SOME THINGS A TRAINER SHOULD BEGIN BY DOING include checking your balance, range of motion and posture, as well as noting any limitations you may have (such as injuries, surgeries or medical conditions). Once s/he develops a plan based on this information and your goals, you can begin your routine. If there are exercises you can’t do or simply don’t like, a trainer should provide alternative exercises for you. And remember that you should never feel any pain during an exercise — if so, stop immediately! [FGG note: If our bodies aren't used to moving in certain ways (or at all. . .), every movement can sometimes seem challenging. Maintaining open communication with your trainer about movements that are uncomfortable is important so s/he can help you understand which movements are an indication your muscles are working and which could cause injury.]

Allen Linville (Latham, NY), certified personal trainer (NASM, AFPA) and owner of Fitness Together

With average prices for a training session running anywhere from $30 (gym- or group-based sessions) to $100 (individual instruction), depending on the geographic market, we should all want to get the maximum benefit from our time with a personal trainer.

Final thoughts from Allen:

Anyone can count to 15 and hold a clipboard. Look for a coach who will educate you about all the components necessary to achieve optimal health and real, lasting fitness results. Your trainer should review nutrition education with you, educate you about proper supplementation, review resistance training (whether that be balance training, core work, stabilization training, etc.), cardiovascular exercise to maximize fat burning, flexibility to avoid injury and speed recovery, and really walk you through all the steps that encompass the “mental development” side.

The best personal trainers view their role as an “agent of change” — not as a babysitter, repetition-counter or social companion. Friendliness and rapport-building skills are important (and the best trainers have both), but true fitness professionals recognize they have a singular responsibility that supersedes all others: helping you achieve optimum and lasting results by literally “re-programming” you to a better, healthier, more passionate and more fulfilling lifestyle.

If I had written today’s Guide on my own beliefs and preferences about personal training, you’d have just finished reading a blog post entitled Don’t Yell In My Face: Why Jillian Michaels Isn’t For Everyone. What’s YOUR preference when it comes to working out? Do you go it alone or take a buddy? If you’ve ever used a trainer, tell us about the experience in comments!

Image by Let Ideas Compete

When I mentioned to a friend that this week’s Fat Girl’s Guide would be on dental hygiene, her initial reaction was skepticism — and a little bit of a bristle. “Why is that a topic?” she asked, “I don’t need to brush my teeth differently because I’m fat.”

She’s right, of course. The basics on brushing (twice daily, and after consuming sugary foods) don’t change based on a person’s weight. But many of us (including me!) might be surprised to learn that ongoing studies over the past five years have focused on the relationship between obesity and periodontal disease. Amazingly, something as deceptively simple as healthy gums can influence a woman’s risk for serious conditions such as diabetes and heart disease.

Despite this riveting explanation, my friend’s eyes glazed over as I spoke, until she finally proclaimed that a whole post on dental health would be “boring.” Readers, I’ll grant you that healthy gums may not seem as exiting as finding comfy undies or learning how to flirt, but we keep it real here at FGG, and that means balancing the sexy with the sensible. Right now there are just a few short paragraphs standing between you and a healthier, happier mouth. I think we’re both up for that challenge, don’t you?

Why your dental habits matter

Let’s start with a few basics. Why is the importance of brushing, flossing and visits to the dentist something that’s drilled into our heads from the time we can hold a toothbrush? (Hint: It’s not just about making sure your dragon breath doesn’t kill living creatures.)

We all know how a “morning mouth” feels – the unclean, almost furry feeling on our teeth and gums. My best friend describes this sensation by saying, “My teeth are wearing sweaters.” In language that’s a bit more technical, the “sweatery” feeling is the sticky film of plaque that has accumulated on the teeth. Caused by bacteria present in the mouth, plaque happens to everyone — young or old, fat or thin. If plaque isn’t removed daily, it hardens into yellow- or brown-colored tartar, which is more difficult to remove.

I’m admittedly not a medical expert in the field of – well, anything, really. So in writing this week’s Guide, I enlisted the professional opinion of Dr. Phyllis Cook, DDS, MPH, PA. Dr. Cook owns her own periodontal practice in North Carolina, and her first order of business was defining for me the difference between a dentist and a periodontist: Periodontists complete three years of advanced training beyond dental school, and their focus is primarily in the supporting structures of the teeth, gums and bone. A high number of the procedures she completes are restorative or reconstructive in nature, as she works on a variety of patients with periodontal disease.

What is periodontal disease?

While it may sound complicated, periodontal disease is just the technical term for gum disease (“periodontal” means “around the tooth”). Most people have heard of the mildest form of periodontal disease, gingivitis, which causes red, swollen gums that bleed easily. If gingivitis remains untreated, it can progress into periodontitis — characterized by plaque growing below the gum line, generating toxins that result in a breakdown of the surrounding gum tissue and bone.

Dr. Cook explains how gingivitis can progress to periodontitis: “When bacteria is present in the patient’s gums, the bone structure moves away from the tooth. This causes deeper pockets between the gum and bone, causing the teeth to loosen. The deeper pockets allow more bacteria to gather, escalating the disease even farther if nothing is done to manage it.”

“Periodontal disease is never cured,” she says. “It’s only managed with proper dental hygiene and routine visits for cleanings.” In short: Periodontal disease never fully goes away and can result in your teeth falling out. Two very good reasons to avoid at all costs.

Women face unique risks for periodontal disease

As women of any size, the hormonal fluctuations we experience during our lifetimes (during major life events such as puberty, pregnancy and menopause, or as a result of taking birth control) do more than affect our moods, appetites, complexions, etc. Those same hormones also cause changes in our gum tissue, which can leave us more susceptible to periodontal disease.

“When a patient is pregnant or on birth control , her gum tissues hyper-react to bacteria (plaque). The gums become swollen and bleed easily,” Dr. Cook says. Conversely, “At the more mature phase of a woman’s life, the lack of hormones can also change gum tissue and bone density. ” Since we’ve already learned how vital bone integrity is to healthy bones and teeth, it makes sense that women with lower bone density (because of osteoporosis, for example) might be at higher risk for gum disease.

How diabetes affects periodontal disease

“While being overweight does not cause diabetes, it is a leading contributor,” Dr. Cook says. “If the diabetes or glycemic index is not controlled the body does not defend effectively against the bacterial challenge of periodontal disease. Maintaining your dental health makes managing your diabetes easier.” Similarly, she says, studies have shown that if a person is managing her dental health, positive effects can be seen in the management of her diabetes.”

For overweight women currently working to manage their diabetes, as well as for women with higher risk because of weight and family history, “Good oral hygiene is critical, along with food choices that will control blood sugar levels,” according to Dr. Cook.

Gum disease increases your risk for heart disease

Are you ready for a sobering fact? Researchers have found that people with periodontal disease are almost twice as likely to suffer from coronary artery disease as those with a clean bill of dental health. Don’t see the connection? Neither did I.

“The mouth is the gateway to the body,” Dr. Cook says, “and bacteria is present in everyone’s mouth.” Those higher bacteria levels present in patients with periodontal disease mean there’s more bacteria attaching to fatty plaques inside the arteries and contributing to the clogging and blockage of arteries.

While gum disease alone doesn’t cause heart disease, Dr. Cook says, “Chronic inflammation in the body is one more contributor — just like cholesterol.” Knowing that heart disease is a leading cause of death for adult women — and that obesity increases the risk of heart disease — it makes good sense for overweight women not to compound this risk with poor dental hygiene.

Maintaining good dental health isn’t complicated

The good news is that keeping your teeth and gums healthy is far easier than sweating in the gym for hours a day. In fact, like me, you likely already know all the right stuff you should be doing. . . but don’t always accomplish.

There’s no great secret to maintaining good dental health, Dr. Cook says. The key is to create a daily routine that includes smart, healthy food choices and consistent dental hygiene. Brushing your teeth (and tongue) after every meal and flossing daily will help keep your mouth in good shape between professional cleanings. And if you’re the type of person who spends 20 minutes in the toothpaste aisle agonizing over the endless choices and recommendations, you’re stressing too much, Dr. Cook says.

“The type of toothpaste can help if it makes the patient use it more,” she says, “but it is only of benefit while it’s is being used.” The real result doesn’t come from this brand or that brand, but rather from the mechanical removal of the plaque/bacteria accomplished by brushing and flossing.

And if you slack occasionally on brushing after every single meal, be sure you don’t slack on this: “The single most important thing is to have regular cleanings and dental and gum examinations by a dentist and/or periodontist,” Dr. Cook says. These exams serve to evaluate periodontal health, allow feedback on oral hygiene and provide instruction on ways to improve one’s dental hygiene.

“Regular examinations for patients without periodontal disease should happen every six to twelve months.” If periodontal disease has been identified and treated in a patient, the frequency of “recare” (repeat visits for cleanings and check-ups) is specific to the patient and can be as frequent as every two months.

Why diet is important to dental health

“Foods high in sugar both natural sugars and refined sugars should be avoided because they contribute to tooth decay and periodontal disease,” Dr. Cook says. “When we see patients getting cavities these days, it is mostly attributed to non-diet soda or sugary mints on a very frequent basis.”

In addition to sugary drinks and mints, Dr. Cook lists non-sugar-free gum and candy, grapes, raisins (remember: high natural sugar content), and foods with high refined sugar content (like many breads) as ones that should be avoided or enjoyed in moderation. Tooth-friendly foods she’d love to see her patients consume more frequently include vegetables, proteins, milk, unsweetened dairy products, and sugar-free candy and beverages.

With a little bit of planning and a lot of diligence, maintaining good dental health is an attainable goal for almost everyone. And as someone who occasionally plays fast and loose with the notion of brushing after every meal, I’m ready to invest the few minutes a day it will take to help safeguard my long-term health. What about you?

Information from Dr. Phyllis Cook’s web site and The American Academy of Periodontology contributed to this article. For a quick and easy way to assess your own risk of periodontal disease, take the quiz found here.

kiss by chatblanc1

You know you’ve watched her.

She’s the girl at a party with a gravitational pull that effortlessly draws men into her orbit. Or the stranger on the train whose laughter fills the car two stops after she boards, delighting the random passenger sharing her seat. Maybe she’s even a friend of yours — a fellow fat girl, perhaps — and you’ve long envied her ability to meet people and generate positive interest in such a breezy, natural way.

As you watch her, the questions pop into your head, unbidden: “Just what is it about her that draws men/women/anyone with a pulse so immediately? What’s her trick?” And possibly, painfully: “No one seems to care that she’s overweight — so why is it so hard for me?”

The fact is there are two kinds of women in this world: The natural-born flirts and those of us who wish we knew their secret. Or perhaps there’s a third kind: Women who have learned to approach flirtation as a craft that may be studied and practiced, a means to expanding our social circles, a boost for our self esteem, a fun way to pass the time — or all of the above.

Flirting prep: It’s about much more than our weight

If you were expecting a separate flirting playbook for the plus-size woman, forget about it. Although some men may be more drawn to our rockin’ curves, there’s no “How to Flirt if You’re Overweight” manual. That being said, we big girls sometimes need to get out of our own way when it comes to meeting and chatting up new people.

“Flirting is an attitude — I think that’s number one,” says Fran Greene, former Director of Flirting at Match.com and author of the recently released book The Flirting Bible: Your Ultimate Photo Guide to Reading Body Language, Getting Noticed, and Meeting More People Than You Ever Thought Possible. Rather than any one specific action or technique, Greene explains, successful flirting at any size comes from being self-confident, positive and enthusiastic.

“Flirting crosses all genders, weights and sexualities,” Greene says. “It’s about your confidence and your attitude, about the way you present yourself and make the most about what you have. It’s not about being a ’10,’ but about having this air about you — a combo of chutzpah and charisma.”

“But wait!” I can almost hear some of our readers saying. “If I went through every day feeling self-confident, positive and full of chutzpah, would I require sage, thought-provoking FGG columns such as this one?” A fair point, dear readers. When I broach the issue with Greene, she suggests positive self-talk and the support of friends as tools to help get us over the confidence hump. Despite her credentials (licensed clinical social worker by training; dating and relationships counselor by practice), Greene can’t bestow the Presto Change-o Magic Bullet of Confidence, any more than I can — it just takes work and practice.

Laurie Davis, online dating coach and founder/CEO of eFlirt Expert, agrees that confidence is crucial. “If you’re feeling self-conscious, choose one thing that’s awesome about you and focus on that,” she suggests. “If your mindset is on the positive, great things will come!”

Davis’s advice not only sounds like a page straight from our recent Guide to Being Irresistible — Even to Yourself, but it makes good sense, too. If the essence of flirtation is about making fun, lighthearted connections with another person so that they want to learn more about you, it helps to buy into the package you’re selling. Some of us are born with that innate feeling of fearlessness, while others just have to keep working at it. Sitting in a corner listening to an inner soundtrack that’s stuck on “I suck and have nothing clever to say” won’t encourage anyone to chat you up. Change the track, already, and fake it ’til you make it.

Great first impressions require preparation at any size

Once you’re feeling irresistible (or are headed in the right direction), the next step is ensuring your first impression backs that up. Basic attention to your appearance goes a long way toward making you appear approachable and helping maintain your own confidence levels, so don’t underestimate how far a flattering hairstyle, manicured nails, standing up straight or wearing clothes that are flattering, age- and situation-appropriate will take you.

Although our self-sabotaging voice of doubt sometimes makes us feel invisible because of our weight, Greene points out that we sometimes make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If you’re dressed sloppily, like you don’t care,” she says, “is someone not interested because you’re overweight or because you don’t care about what you’re wearing?”

If you don’t know where to begin, she suggests getting advice from a close and/or male friend or taking someone shopping with you. “A lot of time we don’t see ourselves as other people see us. Take some pictures — what you see in photos is often different from what you see in the mirror,” which can help you appreciate yourself in a way that’s hard to do in the face of three-way mirrors and fluorescent lighting.

Set the stage for flirting success

Greene is adamant about the next rule: A good flirt never leaves home without a ‘prop.’ “For someone who struggles with weight or self confidence, props are natural conversation starters,” she explains. While the idea of luring someone into a dialogue based on a material object may seem like a bit of a cheat, Greene points out that girls who choose their props wisely (i.e. something that reflects their interests, passions or hobbies) will find their personalities shining through and potentially have more substantive conversations.

So what makes a good prop? Anything that gets you noticed, says Greene: unusual jewelry, a piece of clothing that references a passion or hobby, a book or newspaper, your dog, your kids, a tote bag, your dog and kids inside the tote bag . . . you get the idea.

Flirting is really about connecting

Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed by thinking of flirting as a daunting or elusive skill — it’s really just a simple series of events that make and maintain connections. To begin engaging someone, you’ll need to establish meaningful eye contact. Greene recommends holding the glance slightly longer than feels necessary (about 2-4 seconds) but not long enough to become a stare. And no, throwing in a wink does not make you cheesy or cliché.

“You have to start a conversation to make it happen, not wait for someone to come to you. The best opening line is very simple — just say ‘hello.’” Talk about your surroundings, give a compliment or state an opinion. The bottom line, Greene says, is to ” just get your mouth moving.”

A smile is also key here — as necessary to flirting as air is to breathing, according to Greene — because it makes you much more approachable. You don’t need to go through the day with a creepy, Cheshire Cat grin plastered on your face, but most people avoid engaging in witty banter with a person who looks like her dog just died. Successful flirts come across as playful and lighthearted, and they display a bit of vulnerability.

“Show that you’re real and human,” Greene emphasizes. You can even poke fun at yourself, so long as you follow Toni’s advice from a recent post and joke about your actions, not your essence. That’s just what one of Greene’s clients did after living out the nightmare scenario of accidentally tucking toilet paper into the back of her dress and being laughed at. Rather than skulk and hide, the woman walked up to the guy whose pointing had made her aware of the faux pas and said, “‘I want to thank you so much for saving me from embarrassment. My name is _____.”

Everyone loves a compliment

Something to remember about flirting: It’s not just about you. “The goal is to make someone else feel good, not just talk about yourself,” Greene says. To that extent, one of her tried-and-true suggestions for launching a flirtation is to give someone a compliment. Obviously, for best results you’ll want to keep your compliments honest and sincere. But Greene also suggests varying things a bit beyond commenting on someone’s shirt or eye color.

If you’re wearing something new or you always get compliments on your smile, having a stranger comment on these things will feel good but might not be as memorable as a compliment that comes out of left field. According to Greene, commenting on someone’s pleasant speaking voice, the patience they show with their kids, or even the way they organize their supermarket cart can not only be an ice-breaker but something that sets you apart.

Sound crazy? Think back to the compliments you’ve received recently, or over your lifetime. Which ones stand out in your mind? For me, the things people compliment are pretty reliable (my writing, for example). I love these compliments; I cherish them, and they warm me each time I hear them. But twenty years later, I still remember the name of the boy who told me in ninth grade that my nose was cute — and that it happened at the bowling alley. Things that are genuine but unexpected stay with us for a reason.

Take flirtation beyond “hello”

Once you’ve established a connection, keep the exchange going by practicing active listening. Lean slightly toward the person speaking, or touch him lightly on the arm. If you’ve never tried the simple touch on the arm, you may be amazed by how well this works.

Greene also suggests changing your behavior from the role of “guest” (someone who waits for others to take the lead) to the role of “host” (one who gets noticed by making things just a bit easier for others). This shift is important because it pries you out of being passive and waiting for something to happen.

How does this work in a real-world scenario? Offer a vacant seat at your table to the person scanning the crowded coffee shop for an open table. (The flip side of this might be to make eye contact and ask a passing customer if he’ll bring you cream and sugar so you don’t have to leave your laptop sitting unattended.) At a party or social function, offer to bring back food or a drink if you’re headed to the bar. Remember: Flirting is far less complicated if you break it down into a series of actions that foster connection.

Re-purposing a rejection

No matter how positive your attitude or how skilled your approach, there are bound to be encounters that don’t go as you’d hoped. If someone isn’t interested or doesn’t respond to a flirtation in kind, it can feel very personal — like a judgment or a confirmation of your deepest fears. In these moments, it’s critical not to let one person’s disinterest rule you.

“It’s so easy to go to the worst possible place,” Greene says, “telling yourself ‘If I were only 50 pounds lighter, if I had the perfect weight or body, he’d probably like me.’ We make it about us, but we don’t take into account the other person’s issues. We never know the real reason.”

While there will always be scenarios that are less than perfect, Greene says the key is to mentally re-frame a rejection by seeing it as an opportunity. Mentally and symbolically (read: not out loud), “Tell that person ‘thank you — you’ve done me a really big favor by being honest and not causing me to waste time I could be spending on more positive experiences.’ And then let it go.” Not every two people are destined (or suited) to be together.

Davis of eFlirt Expert agrees. “Online and offline, there is dating ‘riff-raff’ — the guys who will focus on the negative and possibly try to rile you up,” she says. “Ignore the nay-sayers to keep your sanity. If you had a negative experience, he wasn’t right for you anyway.”

Plus-size flirting online

Speaking of who you might find online . . . More people are meeting via personals and other online groups, forums and social media networks these days than ever before, so improving your virtual communication chops is never a bad idea.

“Catch his attention by finding him,” recommends Davis. “Search for your perfect match and write him an awesome e-mail. Play up your strengths — for example, if you’re witty, make sure your headline is snappy.”

When writing your own online profile, steer clear of tired and vague phrases such as “I love to laugh and have fun.” Instead, use the space to make your unique combination of quirks and passions come to life: “I rely on my daily Jon Stewart fix only slightly less than my morning latte or weekly Drag Queen Bingo nights with friends.” “Letting your personality shine through . . . . will get you the best kind of attention,” Davis emphasizes.

Online or off, flirting takes practice and finding an approach and a voice that feels natural to you. For me, the challenge is all about timing; in a situation where I’m comfortable and conversation is established, it’s tempting to over-flirt. Perhaps one day I’ll muster the same type of chutzpah with strangers. In the meantime, I’ll be the freckled chick devouring historical fiction on the El, wondering if today’s the day a fellow Tudor England nerd comments on my prop — er, read.

Tell us, readers: How do you break the ice? What’s your favorite flirting anecdote — or what fears are still holding you back?

Surf Diva Co-Founder Izzy Tihanyi doing what she does best

There’s a group of vacationers who book cabins every July at the same Lake Huron resort where my family and friends spend the week. We call them “Extreme Family.” The Extremes don’t believe in our brand of lazy and relaxing vacation, a carefully crafted mixture of swimming, sunning, volleyballing, grilling, drinking, and playing every card and board game you can name. Instead, they prefer to remain in sporty motion every possible second. They are led by a board shorts-clad matriarch whom we watched wind-surfing daily while eight months pregnant with her daughter (a child we later dubbed “Extreme Baby”). If the kids in our group build sand castles, The Extremes pitch a tent and 14 high-flying “extreme” kites on the beach. If our group rents a jet-ski, The Extremes will no doubt begin water skiing in pyramid formation. That’s the way it is with The Extremes — they do all of the things that seem impossible or impractical to do.

I share the story of Extreme Family not just because it amuses me (although, let’s be honest — it totally does), but because it perfectly captures my attitude and assumptions about activities like surfing. Surfing has always seemed “extreme” to me: exotic, implausible, unrealistic–especially for an overweight Midwesterner like myself. “I/we don’t surf,” I thought. “Only super-fit daredevils like The Extremes take up sports like that.”

It took just one phone call with Izzy Tihanyi, co-founder of Surf Diva Surf School for women, to shatter that myth for me. An instructor and competitive surfer, Tihanyi and twin sister, Coco (the “Diva” counterpart to Izzy’s “Surf”), established San Diego, CA-based Surf Diva in 1996 to introduce women of all ages to the sport in a fun and encouraging environment. Thanks to Tihanyi, I learned (and now you readers will, too!) that fat chicks “abso-lutely” can surf, and that this sport is more accessible than some of us may think.

How does being overweight affect a woman’s ability to surf?

Turns out there are both challenges and benefits to being a bigger girl with a surfing jones. On the plus side of being plus-sized, Tihanyi says, “You stay a lot warmer in the water; you don’t get as cold because you have your own personal insulation. I’ve noticed I can stay in the water longer than most of the guys out there who have 6% body fat.” Tihanyi takes me back to the days of science class in referencing water-dwelling animals whose biology maintains a layer of fat beneath their skin for warmth. Like seals and walruses, she says, “I’m more suited to surviving in the ocean.”

And once you’re standing on the board, neither your weight nor your weight distribution (top heavy vs. pear shaped, etc.) affects your buoyancy or ability to ride the waves. As long as you have the strength and stamina to paddle and manage your board in the water, what your weight affects more than anything is your pop-up. Also called a “pop,” this is the maneuver that takes you from your belly to your feet on the surfboard, and it’s a challenging one to master at any weight because it requires considerable strength and flexibility. Imagine an explosive push-up that requires gripping the sides (“rails”) of your board and using your arms to press your torso up while you simultaneously pulling your knee under you and sliding it up toward your chest.

“That’s kind of a hard maneuver,” Tihanyi agrees, before talking me through the “Izzy Twist,” a pop-up modification she invented for use by her “more voluptuous students.” Rather than sliding the knee straight up toward your chest, the Izzy Twist involves opening your knee to the side so it can go around your belly or chest or any other generously proportioned area that’s in the way. Tihanyi explains the maneuver to me three times (even suggesting I visualize it by getting into push-up stance on the floor) before suggesting I check out the full description in her book, Surf Diva: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Good Waves, which she co-authored with sister Coco.

If you don’t feel comfortable attempting a pop-up because of your size, flexibility, joint issues, or any other reason, there are still exciting ways to ride the waves. Tihanyi suggests trying stand up paddle boarding (SUP), a sport that emerged from Hawaii and involves (you guessed it) standing and paddling on a huge, 12-foot board. The board’s extended length, combined with the use of the paddle, make it more stable than either a shortboard or a longboard. “Imagine being in a kayak but you’re standing up!” Tihanyi explains. “You can paddle [out] on flat water, so you’re not popping up, and you can do it no matter what size you are.” As an added benefit, stand-up paddle boarding can be done on lakes and rivers, making it even more accessible for landlocked or otherwise ocean-less girls.

The bottom line, according to Tihanyi: “You can surf in the ocean no matter what your weight is. You can lay on a board, you can paddle and you can catch waves. The only difference is you’re going to need a bigger board.”

Gear for the plus-size surfer girl

Because proper board size varies by an individual’s height and weight, it’s important to select the right board for maximum possible flotation. Board lengths begin at six feet (these shortboards are used by “rippers,” advanced-level surfers who chase the more dangerous rip tides), but beginners should start with the smoother, more graceful longboard. To that end, Tihanyi recommends big girls choose a board at least 10 feet long and three and a half inches thick. At 5’7 and a size 18, Tihanyi has found her ideal board length to be 9’6. Once you’re set for a board, she says, “it’s really important to find the right wetsuit. And that, my girls, is tricky.”

Wetsuits are designed to cling like a second skin (and you thought wrestling your Spanx made you crazy!), but they’re also designed to insulate and retain body heat, while protecting you from the effects of colder water, winds and, in some cases, sunburn. “I wear a men’s extra-large, and I’ve found that fits me better than a women’s 18,” Tihanyi says. “[Surf Diva] carries sizes up to a men’s 3x. We’ve fitted wetsuits on women up to about a size 26, and the men’s 3X tends to fit them. Most men’s wetsuits go up to size 3X or larger. I’ve never found a women’s wetsuit past a size 18.”

Fortunately, this is where FGG comes in handy, because we did locate ladies’ wetsuits in extended sizes. Sea Dreams offers fashionable wetsuits for women of all shapes, including a full-length wetsuit in sizes up to 26. We also spotted a pink & black shorty suit in sizes to 4X (comparable to a 22/24) available online at TommyDSports.

If you go the men’s suit route, keep in mind that the arms and legs will likely be too long. Roll them up if it’s a rental, or consider having the suit tailored (yes, it’s possible, though you’ll need to locate a professional in your area) if it’s your own. And if you’re between sizes, always go up a size because of the suit’s close-fitting nature.

Surfing skill doesn’t depend on your size

“It really depends on your flexibility, body strength and core strength,” Tihanyi says, going on to describe an experience with two her recent students – one much lighter and leaner than the other. Although many people guessed by appearance that the thinner man would be more successful, she says, “The heavier guy tore it up while the skinnier dude couldn’t stay on the board. The bigger guy was all core strength – if you have a lot of core strength, you can surf remarkably well.”

To excel as a surfer of any size, Tihanyi recommends training your body by adding both flexibility and strength. Yoga, stretching or Pilates are all great for developing the fluidity you’ll need to move with your board in the water. (There are even surfing-specific yoga workouts you can use for training.) Beyond that, Tihanyi says, “Get in the pool and do some laps. Swimming is all upper body strength, which you’ll need for paddling the board.” In addition, the cardio will make a big difference when you need stamina out in the water.

Resources for beginning surfers

While there are plenty of books, Web sites and Youtube videos out there to teach jargon or demonstrate certain techniques, Tihanyi strongly recommends classes for the brand-new surfer. “You’ll learn faster and have more fun, and you won’t give up,” she says, along with stressing the importance of informing the school ahead of time if you have special needs. “We have plus-size surf instructors [at Surf Diva], and we’re very fat-friendly.”

Tihanyi’s own Surf Diva book includes photos of surfing women who encompass all ages, sizes and experience levels. The idea is to make the sport relatable, Tihanyi says. “It demystifies surfing and takes away fears. It acknowledges that, yeah, you can be afraid of [surfing] if it’s new, but that’s something that we can overcome together.”

While Surf Diva specializes in classes for women, you can take surfing lessons — everything from one-day classes to extended camps — almost anywhere there’s coastline and surf-friendly conditions. A quick Google search of “surf lessons” and your preferred city/state/country will yield tons of options, or you can try an aggregate site like CaliforniaSurfingLessons.com. As always, word of mouth and a close reading of online reviews are savvy ways to help ensure a positive experience.

Be the “best surfer in the water”

“I call surfing ‘the lifetime achievement sport,’” Tihanyi says. “Keep it fun, don’t make it competitive. Don’t try to compare yourself to anyone else. Surfing’s not a team sport, it’s an individual sport – so it’s just about you having fun. One of my favorite students was from Oregon. It’s hard to estimate weight, but I’d guess she weighed over three hundred pounds. And she had the best attitude. Our motto at Surf Diva is: ‘The best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun.’ And by that motto, she absolutely rocked it. She was catching waves in – she caught some of them on her knees – and we all cheered her on. She was an amazing woman and I hope she’s still surfing today.”

Toward the end of our conversation, Tihanyi shares some advice that resonates big time with our own FGG mission: “Don’t wait until you feel like you’re ‘strong enough.’ The more you surf, the better shape you’ll be in and the better you’ll feel. Don’t wait until you’re ‘thin enough.’” I can practically hear the surf pounding in the background as Tihanyi gets philosophical: “You’re in the ocean . . . and you’re in water . . . and you’re in nature  . . . and the sun is out . . . and that, in itself, is beautiful. And that’s all that matters.”

Phrased that way, the whole idea of fat girls surfing doesn’t seem so extreme after all.

Girls, share your surfing (or other “extreme” activities) with us – did trying something that felt daring change your perception of yourself in any way? Has this Guide changed your attitudes about activities that seem out of your reach? Let us know by leaving a comment.

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Bare essentials: chafing prevention starts here (image by Zerbetron)

Summer weather and climbing temperatures are upon us, and whether your preferred term is “perspiration,” “glistening” or just plain old “sweat,” the fact is we’ll be doing a lot of it over the next few months. Which makes this a perfect time to answer the following reader question:

Dear FGG,

This is totally embarrassing, but I’m hoping you guys have an answer. How can I prevent chafing between my rolls of body fat, especially when it’s hot outside?

Sure, it’s a decidedly unglamorous, potentially embarrassing subject. But we’re nothing but honest here at FGG, and the fact is if you’re an overweight woman, you likely have places on your body where your flesh folds onto itself and collects excess sweat. Fortunately, we have a few great tips to prevent chafing that will hopefully help keep you dry and comfortable during the summer and beyond.

Preventing chafing where skin touches itself

Chafing is caused by moisture, which increases the friction between skin and itself (or between skin and clothing, like when jeans or unlined dress pants rub your thighs as you walk). Therefore, avoiding chafing is as simple — and as complicated — as keeping the areas clean, cool and dry. Wash between any rolls or folds carefully each time you bathe, and don’t get dressed while your body is still damp. Take special care to dry the places that often get overlooked — rolls on your stomach/back/sides, your navel, the “belly apron” area under your tummy (if it hangs), areas under breasts or between the breasts & underarms, the spot where your thigh meets your pelvis, and even the areas where thighs meet the back of the knees. (I’ve even heard recommendations for blow drying areas using the ‘cool’ setting!) Once  your skin is clean and dry, there are several different options for keeping it that way during a long day.

For professional advice, we turned to plus-size aesthetician and skin expert, Daniela of Daniela’s Facial Studio in Chicago. Having previously schooled our readers on the down-and-dirty business of bikini waxing, Daniela didn’t shy away from chatting about chafing: “One of the most effective, cooling and non-[pore]-clogging remedies is plain old corn starch,” she says. Daniela recommends avoiding products made with talc, which can clog pores and may increase the risk of ovarian cancer, and instead keeping corn starch in a shaker jar or applying with a large makeup brush.

To further reduce friction, Daniela suggests skipping petroleum jelly (which, in addition to feeling greasy, may not provide long-lasting protection because skin eventually absorbs it) and instead trying products made with silicone. We covered a number of these creams and roll-ons (from Monistat to Anti Monkey Butt) last fall as FGG discussed chafing under skirts and dresses, and now you can add one more brand to the list — Lanacane® has just released an Anti-Chafing Gel.

Other good suggestions: For clothing that rests between parts that touch (underwear that sits at your waist between love handles, for example), breathable cotton helps, as does moisture-wicking fabric designed for workout wear, like these Junonia QuikCool™ briefs. And in the “never would have thought of it” category, Daniela says, “For chafing in the breast area, you can actually put panty liners at the bottom of your bra to absorb moisture without adding bulk.”

Treating chafed skin and ‘fat rash’

Without proper prevention, rolls and folds often gather moisture or rub together, leaving the areas sensitive and stinging; the affected areas may also take on an unpleasant odor. This could be a sign of intertrigo, a type of inflammatory infection that’s specific to skin folds. The odor some women experience is caused by the accumulation of fungus and/or bacteria, and it generally won’t improve without treatment. Over-the-counter yeast infection remedies or Desitin® cream may help, but if the problem persists you’ll need to see a doctor for expert advice.

If the area is chafed and the skin is broken but no odor is present, try an antibiotic ointment with pain reliever on the raw areas, and keep them covered with a large bandage, Daniela says. Be careful not to re-aggravate the sore spots by allowing further skin friction before the areas heal completely and again, if you’re at all unsure, see your health care provider for an expert opinion.

Don’t let summer heat — or discomfort during any time of year — keep you from enjoying all the season has to offer. Preventative measures can go a long way toward helping you feel dry, comfortable and secure in your own skin.

Readers: Have we left out your favorite anti-chafing tip? Tell us how you keep cool & comfortable in those awkward areas.

Lessons learned: You don’t need to cook with edible flowers to call yourself a foodie

Fact: To be a fat girl of any shape or size, for any portion of your life, is to have some kind of a love/hate relationship with food. Sometimes the conflict is as benign as a lighthearted “Why can’t french fries have the same nutritional value as spinach?” For many of us, the relationship with food (food as friend, food as love, food as boredom deterrent, food as source of guilt, etc.) is a complicated one that we’re still seeking to unravel or make peace with. And yet. . . food is an undeniable, often enjoyable, part of our lives. We deserve the chance to embrace cooking, or fine dining, or trying new foods if that’s our passion.

Fueled by this idea, as well my own recent stint playing foodie-for-a-day (truly a marvel when you understand I don’t like foods that touch), I wanted to explore the concept of fat girl as foodie. With the shame that overweight women sometimes feel about food — or a habit of eating repetitive meals, or eating in secret — can the two coexist? Since I’m the farthest thing from an expert on the matter, I enlisted help from a source who knows her foodstuffs and the kind of tips our FGG readers want to hear — our very own Foodie Friday blogger, Michelle Laffler! Michelle patiently addressed each of my neophyte questions, and the result is a must-read for any plus-sized girl who wants to relish her meals without guilt.

What does it mean to be a “foodie”?

Might as well start with the basics, right? I don’t know about you, but when I hear the term “foodie,” it calls to mind meals/foods/ingredients that are non-mainstream, indulgent, rich, expensive, exotic, complicated, or difficult to prepare/use. It also makes me assume a self-proclaimed foodie will judge me for occasionally loving the Olive Garden. So how about it, Michelle? Where am I right, where am I wrong, and what am I missing?

ML: I don’t see the term “foodie” as being nearly so limited. Sure, there are people in the world who believe that unless you’re cooking with exotic, high-priced ingredients and preparing them in unconventional ways you’re not truly a “foodie,” but I beg to differ. I think if you take joy in food — whether by preparing it, eating it, or both — you’re at least a little bit of a foodie.  And don’t worry — most of us aren’t judging you… we’re wondering if we can grab a seat at your table! (P.S. We all have our food-related vices. You may remember that I wrote recently about my love for boneless wings from Buffalo Wild Wings, which are culinary brilliance to me but maybe not so much to someone else.)

Dealing with the stigma of overweight women and food

For some of us, the idea of openly embracing our desire to create, learn about and love food is deeply terrifying. As an example of how we sometimes internalize the stigma — and how painful and challenging the subject of food can be — one friend shared with me that she feels like “fat girls shouldn’t talk about food — because we shouldn’t draw attention to ourselves in that way. We shouldn’t love food because that’s how we got fat.”

So I asked Michelle, an overweight woman who’s blogged about food for over two years, whether she’s ever felt judged because of her weight. Did she feel the urge to “apologize” for her love of food, and how has she dealt with that, both in her own mind and through actions and attitude?

ML: I think I’m more prone to judge myself and worry what other people are thinking than to actually be judged. Coming to terms with that nagging little voice in our heads is often a big step for curvy girls, and no doubt many of us have wondered what the people around the table were thinking as we ordered that piece of chocolate cake for dessert. I’d be lying if I said I never gave it a second thought, even after many years of self-discovery and lots of work toward self-acceptance.

However, I also know that I love a great salad just as much as I love a good slice of pie and that food, just like so many other things in life, is about balance and moderation, not denial. Sure, the voice is still there at times, but when I look around the table at my dear friends or family, I realize they love me just the way I am and there’s no need whatsoever for me to feel bad or apologize for a little bit of indulgence. If it happens that I feel like I’ve overdone it at some point during the day, I find that just a little bit of moderate or brisk activity (even if it’s just cleaning the house at warp speed while dancing to 80′s rock) goes a long way toward putting those feelings out of my head.

Can I be health-conscious AND be a foodie?

What are some good tips for for girls who want to be more adventurous food-wise, but also seek a balanced, healthy lifestyle? In discussing this Guide, another friend said, “I’d assume that weight loss and foodism are mutually exclusive.” Is she wrong? Can we have both if we want them?

ML: Can we have it all? You bet! Like I said, balance and moderation is what makes it all work. There are so many great-tasting, fun foods to be experienced and there’s absolutely no reason anyone should deprive themselves of that adventure. If closing your eyes and just pointing at something on the menu makes you too nervous or you’re not sure whether you’ll like something, seek out the advice of a friend with similar food tastes or from the wait staff at your favorite restaurant. Don’t be afraid to try new things, but don’t feel as though you have to go all out, either (I’ve been working on my taste for sushi for about five years now, but I started out with a California Roll – which isn’t really acknowledged as “sushi” by sushi snobs). And if you choose to order something on the more indulgent side of things, don’t think you have sabotage your waistline and eat it all in the same sitting. Split that chicken cordon bleu with a friend or take half home with you.

What are some good resources for a foodie newbie?

We’ve already established that I’m culinarily challenged. (And now we’ve established that I just made up the word “culinarily.”) Despite my ability to get sucked into food-related reality programming like “Chopped” or “Ace of Cakes” (and let’s not even discuss how happy a “Food Network Challenge” marathon makes me), I never find myself drawn to the kind of programs that would provide entry-level, real-world skills. (That would make too much sense, right?) In that spirit, I asked Michelle for some of her go-to resources — blogs, books, television shows, magazines, people — for solid, accessible culinary advice and trends for beginners.

ML: Here’s my confession: I’m a Food Network junkie. There are so many styles and skill levels represented among the Food Network chefs that there’s almost always something inspiring to be found there (I have personal soft spots for Rachael Ray and Paula Deen). The Food Network website includes difficulty levels and user reviews — both of which I find really valuable — and the Food Network Magazine brings that same great mix to print.

A few of my favorite food blogs from my overflowing blog reader are A Southern Grace (amazing recipes with fun, honest commentary), 101 Cookbooks (you’ve never seen natural, healthy food look so good), The Perfect Pantry (I’ve built a lot of knowledge about the items in my pantry thanks to Lydia), and Smitten Kitchen (danger: do not read while hungry!).

I’m a picky eater, but I want to learn about food

For some of us, trying new things doesn’t come easy. I was nearly laughed off Facebook recently when I shared that I’d be writing a restaurant review (“Do they serve peanut butter sandwiches and plain pasta?”), but the experience helped me realize that I enjoy more foods than I’m usually willing to try. So, on behalf of the non-adventurous eaters — and the currently hopeless cooks — among us, I asked Michelle for a few ideas about taking baby steps to broaden our horizons and skills.

ML: If you’re feeling skeptical about stretching your food boundaries, baby steps really can be huge. I think whether you’re cooking or you’re eating, if you choose a food or technique that has a similar element or ingredient to something you’re already familiar with it’s easier to make that leap of faith and begin gaining some foodie confidence.

When it’s time to get into the kitchen, seek out recipes from trusted friends or family or on websites that feature user reviews so that you can see what other people are saying about the recipe and the techniques, etc. Read the recipe all the way through (twice) before you even enter the kitchen. Measure out and stage your ingredients ahead of time if you’re not adept at doing all of that while also reading the next step in the cookbook and stirring something on the stove. Most importantly, though, go easy on yourself. Don’t feel as though you’re obligated to love (or to be good at) everything. Find your strengths and develop them into one or two “signature” dishes. . . once you’re confident about those, you’ll be much more inclined to keep pushing your food boundaries!

Stocking your kitchen: the basics

If you’re looking to build your confidence in the kitchen, check out Michelle’s list of five kitchen basics (tools or ingredients) she can’t live without:

Three food basics:

1. good chicken stock — Can be used to make a gravy, give extra flavor to veggies, and to make lower-cal but still wonderfully tasty mashed potatoes.
2. unsalted butter — I much prefer baking with butter to baking with margarine.
3. boneless-skinless chicken breasts — I keep about 6-10 pounds of diced, cooked chicken breast pieces which have been portioned out into four ounce servings in the freezer – perfect for grabbing for weekday lunches or for putting into pastas, salads, or stir-fry dishes after a quick trip through the microwave.

Two kitchen tool staples:

1. a good chef’s knife — Food prep is so much easier when you’re working with a decent knife that feels good in your hand. [FGG note: Try Rachael Ray's versatile 6" Santoku knife, which has a good grip and is easy to use even for beginners.]
2. a decent-quality blender — Crushes ice for slushy summer drinks, but also handy for blending soups, pasta sauces, etc.

One final thought from FGG: Whatever your current relationship with food, and whether you’re a kitchen newbie or a plus-sized girl with the most refined palate in town, hold your head high the next time you order a meal or step into a grocery store. One of the most important steps toward leading a full, rich, unapologetic life is to be intentional and fully present in every decision — including what we choose to eat. By giving real thought and consideration to the food we eat (be it healthy or indulgent), we prove that food doesn’t define us or rule us. It’s just one (delicious) part of our daily lives.

Huge, chocolate-covered thanks to Michelle for making this guide possible! For more of Michelle’s foodie wisdom (plus gorgeous photos and a wealth of recipes you can actually complete!), follow her journey at Culinography. And don’t forget to visit FGG each Friday for a brand new recipe from Michelle!

Readers, we’d love to hear your thoughts on curvy girls and food. How have you worked to reconcile food and weight? What challenges or questions do you still have? And what’s YOUR best in-the-kitchen tip you want to shout about from the rooftops (or the blog comments)?

Sleeves or No Sleeves? That is the question.
(image and dress courtesy of Stefanie Bezaire)

We love reader mail. Hearing what works – and what doesn’t – here at FGG inspires us to provide the most useful and (hopefully) engaging content possible. Here’s a recent reader email requesting a summer fashion fix for girls who are self-conscious about their upper arms:

I have a question and am wondering if you or any of your other readers might have some answers. I have recently discovered my love for dresses! Unfortunately, so many of the cutest styles are sleeveless, and i hate my upper arms! I’m wondering if there’s an easy way to add or lengthen sleeves, even/especially if the dress is made with a print fabric. Thanks again for such a great blog. I’ve found such great advice and tips and just feel happy every time there’s a new post.

Boy, can we relate to this issue! Of course, the first thing we’ll say is to encourage you to embrace your arms, flaws and all. It might be that you haven’t found the right dress with the right cap sleeve, wide strap, or cute neckline that places the focus on your whole cute package instead of one perceived flaw. But when it comes to more practical, DIY solutions to this issue, we turned to an expert to tackle this question: Stefanie Bezaire, a Toronto designer specializing in fashion for sizes 12 and up.

I totally understand where you are coming from–I hate my upper arms too! But over the years, I have found a few things that work for me.

The easiest, non- sew solutions would be:

1. Getting a super cute stretch body suit or body-hugging stretch tee with 3/4 length or short sleeves, preferably in something current and edgy. (FGG: we found several plus-size bodysuits here). Lace is so in right now and would look great under solid colors and/or prints. With a print dress you can get a bit creative and do an ’80s vibe with a denim vest and colored leggings too. The key with prints is to stick to plain colored lace–black, white or grey only. Otherwise the prints and the lace will compete and there will stares (sadly for the wrong reasons).

2. Get a lightweight shrug, cardigan, or even a button front shirt (roll up the sleeves and tie it at the waist and you’re done!). For summer dresses, look for something lightweight but not too fancy, like a jersey knit or lightweight faded denim also known as chambray (so popular right now and very accessible).

3. Draw the eyes away from the arms by adding some bold accessories. A great hair bow or headband, an elegant brooch, some fab earrings, a wide waist belt–all these things will distract from your trouble areas and highlight your assets.

4. Find a professional to help you out. When you really want to make a dress work and you have the money to pay for something custom, go for it! There are many designers who will be open to helping you find the right solution for your garment. They will most likely make sure the dress fits properly too by adjusting the hem or bust line, etc.

For the more advanced fashionista, I have some sewing solutions.

1. The simplest sewing fix would be to buy a wide trim, gather it on one side and attach to the straps (you usually will need at least double the length of the armhole to create some nice fullness). Lace again would be good, or even an eyelet fabric. Keep the trim you use in line with the style of the dress and you can’t go wrong; for example, if the dress is a simple cotton don’t go adding metallic lace. Also, try to get something the same color as the dress. Don’t go crazy with contrasts as this will only draw the eye to the arms instead of away from it.

2. If you want a sleeker, more complex option, you can always buy a dress pattern with sleeves, cut out only the sleeve pieces from the pattern and carefully attach them to your dress. A general rule to determine the right size is to measure the armhole length on the dress and add 1″- 1.5″ for ease. Compare that measurement to the one on the pattern, and if they match up you are all set! You can always use a little ribbon trim to cover up trouble spots or add length where needed.

3. When adding sleeves just won’t work, and you can’t find anything at a store that you like or that fits, don’t forget that you can also make your own lace body suit, shrug or cardigan as suggested in the non-sew tips. This is definitely a longer process, but there are some great patterns out there that are easy, affordable, and will give you exactly what you are looking for.

If you are a beginner to sewing don’t fret! There are many YouTube videos and perhaps some sewing classes in your area that can help you get started. Finally, my best tip would be to have confidence and love what you are wearing. If you walk tall, everyone will be looking at that beautiful smile on your face and not even noticing your arms!

Stefanie, thanks for sharing all of these great ideas! Girls, do you have any solutions for our reader on adding sleeves to sundresses or other clever cover-up solutions? Tell us about them in the comments.