The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

This week’s guest post is from an unusual source for FGG: a personal trainer who helps celebrities (including Leonardo DiCaprio, Audrey Tautou, and Colin Firth) get into camera-ready shape. Cornel Chin, author of Celebrity Body on a Budget, talks about what it’s really like to train like a celebrity and shares some more practical body toning moves for the rest of us.

[We probably don't need to tell you this, but you should check with your health care provider to ensure these moves are safe for you to perform]

Training to become super-fit like a celebrity isn’t on every woman’s to-do list. While some women want to lose weight, others simply want their clothes to fit a little better or to be able to catch the bus without panting and sweating. But even if you’re not interested in having an “Oscar-ready” body, you may still secretly be wondering what holy grail of exercise celebrities seem to have found that the rest of us haven’t. In truth, celebrities live in the limelight and are constantly under scrutiny, and the dangling carrots of fame and fortune play an important role – where choosing between shedding some extra weight vs. a $10 million movie deal provides powerful motivation.

But don’t be fooled into believing that even the most fit celebrities are doing exercises different from what you may be doing at home or at your gym. Trust me on this: there’s nothing new in fitness–no magic machine that shakes you like a smoothie blender or stretchy cable apparatus that pulls you like a medieval torture device. The biggest difference is that famous people are probably exercising more often and under professional guidance. Many celebrities pay very generously for the right advice and service. They hire personal chefs to serve up their favorite foods, nutritionists to advise their chef what to prepare, and a trainer to do all the fitness thinking for them. All they have to do is show up and perform (no pun intended).

My book, Celebrity Body on a Budget, is designed to encourage people to try working out like a celebrity without having to spend top dollar on nutritionists, trainers and personal chefs. Even if you have no desire to whip yourself into a frenzy worthy of Hollywood, you might find a few new moves to shake up your regular exercise routine–or kick one off if you’re currently sedentary.

Here are a few simple moves that can be easily incorporated into your daily life. I’ve chosen exercises that don’t require a lot of getting down on the floor and back up again, which can be challenging if you’re substantially overweight, but that will yield visible results over time if you’re doing them at least every other day.

UPPER BODY MOVE: ANYWHERE DIPS

The triceps (rear upper arms), also affectionately known as ‘bingo swingers’ or ‘bat wings,’ is a troublesome area for many women.

The Dip exercise is perhaps one of the best moves, which can be performed against any safe, fixed bench, desk or chair. Think kitchen counter top, work desk/station, park bench, or waiting room bench–most places have a fixed surface. Simply face away from the surface, place your hands hip width apart and keep your knees slightly bent. Then, bend at your elbows to lower your body to no lower than a right angle. To extend up again to the start position, just extend the arms again avoiding locking out the elbows. Try 10 repetitions and work up to 20 reps. Progress up to a couple of sets of 15 reps, then 18, then 20 etc.

MID-SECTION MOVE – THE T.V. PULL-IN

This little discreet number is perhaps one of the simplest exercises, yet it offers a big payout in terms of benefit. This can literally be done anytime and anywhere-sitting, standing, kneeling or even lying down. It works the main core muscle (Transversus Abdominis), which is the main muscle responsible for keeping you upright and maintaining a flat stomach.

All that is required is a little practice, as it’s a bit tricky if you’re new to it. As you take a deep breath in, draw in the area of your stomach situated between your navel and your upper groin. Pull in this area as if drawing in toward your lower back. Hold for 10 seconds, as you breathe out slowly for the same amount of time. Repeat three more times. As you improve, try holding for longer intervals. Try this several times a day, while standing waiting for the kettle to boil or waiting for a bus or train.

LOWER BODY MOVE – DOUBLE STEPS

A great habit many people adopt is taking the stairs instead of an elevator or escalator. To further boost that benefit, try taking two steps at a time instead of one. By doing so, the quadriceps (front thighs) and gluteal muscle (buttocks) are engaged and are worked 50% more than if taking one step at a time. If the steps are not too steep, you may wish to attempt taking three steps at a time. As a safety measure, just ensure the knees are not bending more than a right angle or 90 degrees to avoid undue stress to the knee area.

Cornel Chin is a fitness expert to the stars with over 20 years of experience as a fitness professional. He integrates his diverse background to create an all-encompassing approach to fitness. Cornel is credited for getting Leonardo DiCaprio into shape in double-quick time for the film The Beach, and, as a leading fitness expert, he is a frequent guest on numerous television and radio shows throughout the United Kingdom. Cornel has also been featured in, and regularly contributes to, a host of leading international publications.

Mirror Love, by Peony

Valentine’s Day is a big deal for a lot of people. Some of you out there started panicking on Monday because there were only two short weeks until the big day. And you’re in a new relationship! And what do you do without making it a big Valentiney deal!?

I’m here to tell you one thing: bold acts of romance inspired by the pressure of the day will not be your friend. This goes double if there isn’t a precedent for the great big thing you’ve thought up.

There are a few classic pitfalls we often fall into in the excitement of new relationships, regardless of whether or not it’s Valentine’s Day – a high-pressure holiday just makes them that much more tempting. Don’t freak out! Get smart and enjoy the day with your new lover in a comfortable, low-pressure environment that will let you relax and be your charming, beautiful self.

Pitfall #1 — The Fancy Dinner

You don’t need reservations for a $200-a-plate candlelit feast. Instead, you’re gonna take the day off work, get out your cookbooks, and put all your new love-energy into whipping up a five-course meal that no restaurant could top. Who needs French chefs when you’ve got l’amour, right? No, wrong. Very, very wrong.

This situation begs for dishes to fail, for you to be exhausted and frazzled, and for the evening to be a whole lot of pressure and very little fun. A better idea? Make something you know you can ace with your eyes closed, like grandma’s famous lasagna, and invite him over for a taste of get-to-know-you. Tell him he can bring the wine. The food is satisfying, you’re relaxed, the kitchen isn’t a wreck, and you get to be the cool girlfriend who didn’t make some weird Valentine’s dinner with heart-shaped toast points smeared with foie gras.

Pitfall #2 — The Fascinating Conversationalist

What will you talk about? It’s way too early to sit there together and play the “No, I love YOU more” game. And it’s a really bad night to pick to have one of those where-is-this-going or “next level” conversations. Maybe you’re planning on spending the next week researching the things he likes so that you can be a super interesting person to talk to. Oh, the fun you’ll have throwing around hockey stats or your matching opinions on political referendums!

Don’t. If you’re not actually into it, it’s going to be obvious, and worse, you’ll only know enough for a conversation or two and then what? If his interest in you grows based on what he thinks you share as interests, you’re setting yourself up for failure later (or exhausting, after months of trying to pretend).

You’d be better off spending that research time learning just enough about him to ask him some really interesting questions. We all like to talk about the things we enjoy, and I’ve yet to meet a man who wasn’t interested in teaching me about his passions when he can tell I’m seriously interested. Not only will you get to learn about the way his mind works and what he likes, but you may stumble on something you two really do share and can enjoy together.

Pitfall #3 — The Sex Appeal

I like lingerie, and I love to buy it and wear it just for me. If someone else gets to enjoy it, too? That’s just a bonus. While sexy, lacey things on romantic evenings is always a tempting option, the pressure of big dates or the first time you plan to sleep together can make it hard to resist. But do resist. It’s  unnecessary, and creates false pressure for what the evening should be about, even if sex will be a part of it.

The same goes for exciting new adventures in bikini waxing and studying up on sexual positions that make you glad you made that New Year’s resolution about going back to yoga. If you haven’t slept together, prancing out in a hot pink satin negligee with a copy of Kama Sutra is quite the opening salvo. How will you top that? It’s all downhill from there.

Go with your gut here, but if you’re not sure what to do or are only doing something because it’s Valentine’s Day, forget spending energy on something just to impress your new guy (or girl). Instead, just do something for yourself. A new pair of cotton panties with a punchy print and matching bra, for example, will make you happy and comfy (and relaxed, and sassy, both of which your new lover is likely to notice and appreciate). The better you feel, the more fun everyone will have, and that’s what your day, and night, should ultimately be about.

Best wishes for a happy, stress-free Valentine’s Day, no matter how you spend it!

- Peony

Sugar lips, by Peony

In one way or another, 2009 was a rough year for most of us. It certainly goes on record as the year I made a stunningly impressive string of bad decisions regarding men. The worst I’ve ever made, every single time. When three of my best girlfriends independently suggested that maybe I should take a little time out from the dating pool to remember what I’m actually looking for, I knew I was overdue for a hiatus.

In that spirit, I turned the whole month of December into what I called The Great Manbreak Experiment. Two of those three friends decided to join me, and the break from guys has been good for all of us. We’ve seen bad habits and patterns that repeat themselves. And because the list of what you want in a man shifts over time, we were all sorely in need of an update.

My favorite part of this whole experiment? A guy friend served as our guru. He’s broken down the kinds of guys I go for, how they run their games, and what to watch out for. I’m pretty sure he could take this on the road and make a lot of money telling women the things they were too close to see for themselves. One particularly valuable lesson came up in conversation one night, and I want to share it with you, because the friends I’ve mentioned it to have all made the “epiphany face” when they realized they had all dated a guy who did this. Tell me if you have, too:

So you’ve met this guy, and he looks GREAT on the “datability” resume. You’re psyched because you think things should definitely work out, but then he slowly (or in some cases, not-so-slowly) turns out to be really different than you thought he was going to be. Maybe the chemistry is great, but there’s just something that’s not feeling quite right.

It’s the blow jobs. Think about it. It’s not the act itself, but it’s in the timing in which he brings it up. This is a big thing to watch out for. Guys who bring it up early on may be broadcasting that they’re selfish and not really respecting you. Reasonable people are on their best behavior the first couple of times they go out on a date. It’s important to most of us to put our best foot forward so that the person we like will like us back. If broaching the subject of blow jobs right away is his very best, most gentlemanly way to treat you on an early date, things are not going to get better with time. Just a couple of these guys can end up souring our whole dating experience.

We all expect men to feel out the possibility of sex at least a little bit. It’s human nature, and let’s face it, sexual attraction is a big part of dating. But there’s an ocean of difference between a guy feeling things out without the expectation of immediate fulfillment, and one using a respectable facade to fly under your radar and go straight for what he wants. If he’s enough of a gentleman to say he’s happy to hold off on sex until you’re comfortable and the two of you know each other better, he should be enough of one to never suggest, even through masked  questions, that you service him in the interim. The blue balls excuse was already old in high school.

Therefore, in 2010, getting head from me will require a waiting period to make sure that only the genuinely deserving are treated to it. I’m going to do a better job of respecting myself and my body, and I’m going to find men who are not only a great match for me, but who also make my pleasure their priority every bit as much as their own. That’s my dating resolution. And I wish all you sexy, single, beautiful fat girls out there a 2010 graced with handsome men who not only adore you, but who are worth of having every bit of their affection returned. Above and below the belt.

-Peony

FGG’s Toni reaches for mind-body awareness

The human body is home to both our mind and our muscles, and if you’re on the road to a healthier lifestyle, getting the two in touch with, and ultimately in sync with, one another is an important step. We all know that our mind controls our muscles in daily activities like moving our arms and legs for walking, but what many don’t know is that the conscious mind is not required for those processes. That means most of us need to focus specifically on connecting them.

One of the easiest ways to train a mind-body connection is by doing simple, daily stretches in front of a mirror. The key here is to focus on and visualize each muscle, or group of muscles, during every stretch. For each of these, focus on keeping the abdominal muscles gently contracted at all times.

:: Stand in the center of a room with adequate space around you. Keep your feet flat on the floor and raise both arms over your head, reaching high to the ceiling. Hold for eight seconds.

:: Keeping both arms up, reach to the ceiling with one arm at a time, feeling the stretch from the shoulder. Pay attention to the feeling of your muscles as they stretch from your arm down your back.

:: With feet firmly planted about shoulder width apart, keep your arms stretched to the ceiling and slowly twist at the waist, to the right and then to the left. SLOW is always the key to proper stretching, as quick movement can result in injury. Be sure your twist stops at a comfortable position, gently testing your flexibility. You should be able to feel the upper muscles in your back flex from the shoulder to your waist. Focus on how each muscle feels as you stretch. Even better: try to count the number of muscles that are moving as you stretch.

:: To add the legs, resume your original stance with your arms stretched to the ceiling, and roll slowly up on the balls of your feet as you continue to stretch each arm independently upward. You should be able to feel the hamstrings in the back of the thigh and the calf muscles in the lower leg. You should also feel the stretch in the smaller muscles of your feet. Be aware of your rib cage and abdominal area as you reach upward. Hold this stretch for about 20 seconds.

:: Very slowly bend at the waist, stretching both arms down and toward the floor. Feel your hamstrings (back of the thigh) stretch and the quadriceps (front of the thigh) slightly contract. Don’t force the arms down, but instead let them hang limply, along with your head, allowing your body weight to pull you down. Pull your abdominal muscles in toward the spine and feel the stretch in your back muscles. Hold this position for about 15 seconds. The abdomen is the center of the body and provides tremendous strength for the back. This stretch can be a great stress reliever, one that’s easy to do any time of the day.

:: Slowly roll your body back up to a standing position by contracting the abdominal muscles and feeling each vertebra in the spine move into place until you are fully upright. Once up, stretch both arms straight out to the side of your body and slowly rotate them in a small circles from the shoulder – ten times forward and ten times backward. This simple “mini-stretch” is a great start to preparing the muscles for daily activity.

Whether you’re sedentary or moderately active or an athlete, consistent basic stretching is a good way to start and end each day. Getting in tune with your muscles is critical in establishing good posture, health, and both mental and physical strength at any size – and for overweight women can become one more step to increasing strength, mobility, flexibility, protecting yourself from injury and preparing your mind and body to enjoy years of active companionship.

Lynda Lee Smith is the author of “Playing the Hand You Were Dealt…And Achieving the Body You Were Meant to Have.” Her book is available at online bookstores now.

FGG welcomes a new, regular contributor – our very own sex columnist, Peony Benoir. She’ll be here each month to feed us a fun, entertaining, thoughtful and ultimately inspiring column on her experiences with sex and dating as a single, fat girl. Enjoy!

When the topic of fat girls comes up, it’s often about fetishists or rude things that men say or psycho-social body politics. I’d like to talk straight from the trenches with honest conversation about the joys and perils of being a sexy, single fat chick. I was mostly single for a long time, then suddenly I found myself madly in love. I ended the relationship about a year later and found myself single again. And dating is different this time — really different.

Before The Ex, I was an alpha bitch, and I worked hard at it. I was determined to not get hurt, and refusing to be vulnerable is a good way to do that. It’s an even better way to never get what you want out of love. The Ex managed to breach my defenses – broke me wide open – and it remains one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given. Putting that protective shell back on hasn’t been easy or particularly desirable.

Since I’m lauding The Ex instead of hating him, you might be wondering what he taught me. He’s the first man who, from the beginning, loved me because of my body rather than in spite of it. Big difference. He helped me connect my hidden, mental temptress to my body and taught me to use it skillfully and boldly. I have learned to become a seductress, and it’s a lot of fun.

Once, I could have made you a two-page list of the qualities I have and things I would do for people to try and make up for the fact that I’m fat. If I am perfectly groomed and well-dressed and charming and funny and cook well and don’t make demands, surely this will make up for me not looking like a swimsuit model. I focused primarily on his pleasure, feeling that if he worked to give me any, it would be one more thing I’d have to make up for.

This was all completely ridiculous, of course. I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t feel enthusiastically entitled to getting plenty of head, regardless of how attractive, successful, or blessed by the penis fairy he may (or may not) be. I no longer have any interest in anyone who doesn’t see my body for the soft, creamy, sensual playground that it is. And I have no time for anyone who isn’t enthralled by the prospect of sharing in my nearly insatiable and wildly creative sex drive.

Being equally sexually demanding and voracious is something women still aren’t really permitted to be, regardless of size, but it’s especially true for fat chicks. The prevailing assumption is that we’re supposed to be grateful for any attention we get, and we have no right to be picky and demanding about it.

Screw that.

If you haven’t gotten out of your own way and just let people be into you, try it…pronto. The truth is that men like sensual, smart women of many sizes. They like variety and intrigue. The ones that only like pneumatic fembots aren’t worth a second glance, even if you are magazine cover material. Once I stopped putting out the protective vibes of frigid wrath, men came out of the woodwork. Most of them were men any girl would be thrilled to have interest and attention from. Yet the only difference between the old me and this one is my attitude about myself and my own value. That kind of attitude adjustment is one we all need from time to time–I dare you try it on for size and let me know how it goes.

I’ll be here every month to talk about my experiences and challenges with sex as a single, fat girl. Got questions? Ask me anything.

- Peony

Dara Chadwick’s book, “You’d Be So Pretty If…”

This week’s guest post comes from Dara Chadwick, a journalist who writes about health, wellness and psychology. We asked her to write about her journey to self acceptance after landing a sweet gig with a national women’s fitness magazine.

When it comes to family television viewing, there aren’t always a whole lot of great choices, but one show my family’s been enjoying together is ABC’s “The Middle,” a half-hour sitcom that features a “middle-aged, middle-class” mom in middle America. My kids think it’s a riot and I’ve found myself giggling at the over-the-top adventures of the show’s characters — especially the mom, who’s just trying to hold her head above water on most days.

I’ve had lots of days like that. And they really used to bother me. But happiness, I’ve discovered, is in those “middle” places.

See, I’m a former member of the “I have to be perfect” club: brilliant career, model children, blissfully happy marriage and spotless house. Oh, and a fabulous body, too.

Are you done laughing yet?

I can tell you that I have achieved all that “perfection” exactly zero times in my life. But that didn’t stop me from trying — or from beating myself up about it. The focus of most of my efforts was usually my body; after all, eating and exercise were totally under my control, right?

There was a time in my life when my quest to improve myself was serious business. I’d restrict calories, I’d exercise for hours and otherwise find ways to punish myself for not being “perfect.” My body may have been smaller, but I was never quite satisfied with where I was. In my mind, there was always room for improvement.

Secretly, though, I longed for a day when I wouldn’t have to care anymore.

While meeting the demands of two young kids, a husband, a job and a house, that day arrived. I didn’t care anymore. With no time to exercise, no energy to make a healthy meal for myself amid diapers and baby food and bottles, and no shortage of guilt at the idea of putting myself first, I let go of my chase of perfection.

And I do mean I let go. But that didn’t make me happy, either.

It wasn’t the extra flesh I was carrying or the bigger jeans I was wearing. It was knowing that I just wasn’t taking care of myself. Not exercising and not caring at all about what I ate didn’t deliver the freedom I once thought it would.

My life was out of balance. I’d gone from one extreme to the other.

In 2007, I signed on to write the Weight-Loss Diary column for Shape magazine. I worked with a life coach, a trainer and a dietitian to meet my goal of getting myself back to the weight I was on my wedding day. Each month, I was photographed and had to write about my “successes and failures.”

By the end of the year, I made my goal weight. But a funny thing happened along the way.

I’d started out with near obsession: I never, ever thought I wouldn’t be able to lose the weight. But as my kids — who were then 11 and nine — watched me hit the gym for a couple of hours each day, drink protein shakes and carefully monitor every calorie I consumed, I realized that I’d see-sawed back to the other extreme. And that wasn’t good.

That wasn’t the mom I wanted to be.

But here’s what was good: By the project’s end, I’d reconnected with my body. I remembered how good regular exercise made me feel. I realized how much better I felt when I ate healthy foods. I had a great dietitian who taught me all about moderation and helped me learn to bring balance to my food choices — knowledge I still use every day, two years later.

When my year with Shape was over, I made a conscious decision: No more extremes. These days, I eat what I feel like eating, when I feel like eating it. I don’t belong to a gym anymore; instead, I mix up my routine with walking, running, dance classes, yoga, biking — whatever I feel like doing. But I do something. It’s not about getting smaller, or changing a single thing: It’s about me, living my life in the healthiest body I can have — and showing my kids that you don’t have to be “perfect” to be happy.

After all this time, I feel like I’ve finally found my “middle” place — that balance between healthy self-care and accepting the body I have. I’m not striving for elusive perfection, but I’m not neglecting my body’s health either. Landing squarely in the middle, I’ve reached that body image milestone I’ve longed for my whole life: Contentment.

Dara writes about raising body-confident kids and making peace with our own body image demons at You’d Be So Pretty If (one of our “We Read” picks), and you can purchase her book here.

Jenny and fellow actor, Ben, during a show. Photo by Ron Zambor.

Greetings from LaLa Land,

I’m a working actor right now, which is awesome and amazing – I know how lucky I am and relish the work, and the great cast and people I get to work with.

A couple of weeks ago one of my fellow cast members, Ben (pictured above), booked a film. We all congratulated him and told him we’d miss him. A colleague asked him what role he would be playing. “The asshole friend,” Ben replied. “I always play the asshole friend.” I pointed at myself and said, “The sassy friend.” We high-fived. But it led me to think about yet another interesting thing about this business: typecasting.

Do you ever wonder why a particular actor is doing yet ANOTHER romantic comedy (or action flick or any other formula genre)? It’s not because we shoehorn ourselves into a favorite role and refuse to step out of it, it’s because that’s what we’re almost always offered. Portia De Rossi as the ice queen. Kate Hudson as the cute, quirky girl-next-door. Even the character actor whose name you don’t know, but whom you always see playing the harried mom or sassy secretary. From the A-list to the working stiffs, every one of us has been branded with a “type,” and that’s what we’re expected to play.

And yet typecasting is an equalizer – because no one escapes it. If you want to work as an actor, you have to embrace who this business thinks you are on-screen. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been told how wonderful or beautiful or talented I am, “but ____.” Bottom line, they don’t want a fat girl. Every actor I know has their own version of that story.

That’s part of what got me into the writing side. My writing partner and I were tired of the lack of diversity onscreen, and we’re not alone: everyone involved in preproduction seems to have the common goal of portraying life as it really is, cast with normal, everyday people, not models. One of the things we want to see happen through this screenwriting project is almost unheard of: a story in which the fat girl gets the guy. As our director, Patrick, pointed out: girls of all shapes and sizes get the guy in real life, but you don’t often see it happen on-screen. So while the fat-girl character in the film we’re writing has elements of the sassy friend, the harried mom and other similar characters that I’ve played, this time we gave her a love story.

It rails against type, but I’m willing to chance it.

And so was my current director. For the show I’m working now, I wasn’t cast because they needed a fat girl, which is what usually happens, but solely because the director liked me and thought I was talented. So I have had the privilege of creating a character from scratch on this one – a role that wasn’t written for a fat girl, and provided the challenge of being completely unlike other roles I’ve had. And I’m having a blast. My character, Kitty, jumps into every fight scene, and even gets to make out with a hot Brazilian guy (lucky me!).

It’s a rare gift to be cast on your talent and not your looks in this business, and though putting on the wig, jewelry, heels, makeup, and taping my breasts into my tarty hot pink bra every show takes forever – I have a whole new respect for drag queens – I relish every chance I have to inhabit this layered and human character who is not defined by how she looks. Ben’s not playing the asshole friend this time, either, in fact, a lot of the cast are playing against usual types. And you know what? We’re still a huge hit. As of this weekend, “A Big, Gay, North Hollywood Wedding” at the Crown City Theatre is the #1 show on GoldStar.com, L.A.’s big ticketing web site, and we’re about to extend…again. Just goes to show that stepping out of the types created for us, and that we create for ourselves, doesn’t mean risking success.

Fingers crossed that the film I’m writing does as well!

- JENNY