The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Ahhh… by ktpupp

With warmer weather (hopefully) just around the corner, many of us have turned our thoughts to how we might de-winterize our bodies and minds. To that, we say: Spa day, anyone? Before you schedule a luxurious rubdown, some TLC on your piggies, or even (gulp!) a bikini wax, check out this insider advice from our pampering pros. We asked the embarrassing questions so you wouldn’t have to – just consider it our “Spring Forward” gift to you!

Love is blind… and so is massage

One of the most difficult obstacles for many overweight women in terms of self care is embarrassment over their bodies, or fear that their medical professional will say or think something hurtful about their fat. While individual people can occasionally be insensitive enough to prove us right, professional massage therapist Nicolette Becker, of Chicago’s Thousand Waves Spa for Women, sends a clear message.

“I think the most important thing for people to realize is that your massage therapist couldn’t care less what your body looks like,” Becker says. “We aren’t there to judge you. We just want to help you to relax and feel better.” The irony, she says, is that many first-time clients let their nerves undermine the point of the massage. “The more you worry about your body and having someone else seeing and touching your body, the harder it will be for you to relax. And therefore, the less you’ll enjoy the massage.”

To alleviate some of the anxiety (and help you enjoy your well-earned hour of pampering!), know what to expect from your visit. A good therapist will spend a few minutes speaking with you before beginning your massage, asking about any problem spots or injuries. Becker cautions to always disclose any illnesses, skin conditions or rashes, and to not be insulted if the therapist asks if you’re pregnant; this is routine and important for your care. After this mini-consult, you’ll be left for a moment to disrobe and get on the table, beneath the sheet or towel provided. (Note: some tables are heated; if you prefer more, less, or no heat at any time during the session, be sure to let your massage therapist know). During the massage, your therapist will only remove the covering from the body part she is working on, and your private parts will never be exposed.

Becker says she is constantly asked if it’s okay to wear underwear. “You can wear whatever level of clothing you are comfortable with and the therapist will work around it,” she says. “It’s always okay to wear panties, though if they come up really high, your therapist may have trouble reaching all of your low back.” Skip the fancy undergarments, because anything you wear may come into contact with massage oil. Comfort is key here, because your therapist wants you to relax and enjoy the massage. “However,” Becker points out, “the more clothing you remove, the better your massage therapist will be able to work. Bras do tend to get in the way, since they are right over where the majority of the knots are located.”

For comfort during your massage, Becker suggests placing rolled-up towels under your shoulders while prone (face down) if you’re larger chested. Bolsters (long, cylindrical pillows) are also a big help under the ankles while prone, and under the knees while supine (face up). I’m large chested and swaybacked, and I’ve found the bolster makes all the difference in taking pressure off my lower back.

If you’re still nervous, Becker says, “the most important thing to remember is to breathe. Taking nice, deep breaths is the easiest way to relax your body. And if your mind keeps going to worries about your body, you can distract yourself by counting your breaths. Inhale for a count of five and then exhale for a count of five and repeat as long as necessary. It is hard to think about anything else while you are counting.”

And while good hygiene is always appreciated by your therapist, “Don’t worry if you accidentally fart or if your stomach gurgles,” Becker concludes. “It happens all the time.”

Prevention: the key to a pretty pedi

Nothing puts me in the mood for spring like soft feet and a brand new paint job on my toes (preferably in a deep burgundy color). Even if many of us are still a few months away from beach weather, spending an hour indulging in a massaging spa chair getting our toes sandal-ready helps bridge the gap to warmer days. And if your tummy makes bending to paint your own nails difficult, then a pro session is that much more important.

However, before you plunk yourself down in the first strip-mall nail salon you spy, do some research to ensure you don’t walk out with ingrown toenails or a nasty infection from contaminated foot baths or instruments. Basic observation and a few simple questions are your best allies here. Is the pedicurist licensed? Do the surfaces of the salon interior appear clean and hygienic? Do the technicians sterilize instruments and disinfect foot baths between patients (or use disposable tools), or is it an assembly line operation that rotates new clients into the chairs immediately after they’re vacated? Trust your eyes, your gut and the recommendation of a trusted friend or review web site.

Another way to help safeguard against infection: fight the knee-jerk reaction to shave your legs before heading to the salon. Because shaving opens your pores and can cause tiny nicks and cuts, your freshly shaven legs are a magnet for infection. The best option is to wait until after your appointment to shave, but at minimum allow a full 24 hours between hair removal and pedicure.

Other tips from the pros: Bring your own instruments to be absolutely sure you’ve got the hygiene covered. Many salons will let regular customers store their own files, clippers, etc. in small, individual boxes or cubes so they’re ready for next time. And logic dictates that the earlier in the day you arrive, the fewer feet will have already sloshed around in your foot basin.

If you’ve had a bad experience with spa hygiene or are otherwise germ-phobic, consider grabbing a girlfriend and some at-home spa products and trade off pampering the other’s piggies. There might not be a massage chair involved, but you won’t need to tip her, either.

The facts of wax

First of all, let’s dispel the notion that fat girls can’t get their business waxed. According to the delightful (and proudly plus-sized!) Daniela of Daniela’s Facial Studio in Chicago, the only thing standing between you and a neatly groomed (or completely bare) nether region is a knowledgeable and experienced esthetician.

If you’ve never had the pleasure, basic bikini-area hair removal involves removing your clothes from the waist down, reclining on a waxing bench or bed, and going to your happy place for 15-45 minutes while the esthetician uses either soft wax, hard wax or a combo to remove as much of the hair as you’ve requested. Some girls opt to just clean up the areas not covered by their favorite undies or bathing suit, some ask to have their pubic hair sculpted into designs, and others go for the full Brazilian, which removes even the smallest fuzz from your inner/outer labia and — yes — the area between your cheeks.

Depending on the location and your preferred look, you may be given a disposable paper thong to wear in order to provide guidance for your esthetician. Daniela estimates the elastic waist in an average paper thong accommodates a size 20/22; if you’re worried it won’t fit, bring a cheapie thong along and pitch it at the end of your session.

Heated soft wax is smoothed on with a spatula or tongue depressor, then removed with strips of paper/fabric. Hard wax adheres only to hair, not to skin, which makes it preferable for use on delicate inner bits. While currently very trendy, an all-hard-wax removal is more expensive and takes much longer. Tweezers are sometimes used for cleaning up remaining stray hairs.

In the hands of an experienced esthetician, Daniela insists, “The majority of people say, ‘that didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.’” She recommends taking two Ibuprofen about 30 minutes before your appointment and trying to avoid scheduling during times when you’ll be more stressed, because skin clenches the hair more tightly when you’re nervous. “They make a big deal about [the pain] on TV. That really pisses me off.”

Still, big girls do need to be handled with care

“With overweight clients, there’s a much higher incidence of ingrown hairs or chafing, even if your thighs don’t rub together. Chafing holds onto wax for dear life,” Daniela explains. Because it can be difficult to remove wax from chafed areas, a provider without experience working on larger women could panic and not know how to handle the situation. Additionally, heavier clients tend to perspire more before and during a session, and skin must be very dry for successful removal. Daniela is adamant on this point: “If you call a salon and they say they don’t use — and reapply — powder before [soft]-waxing each section, I would go somewhere else.”

Hair removal is all about making the skin as taut as possible – even if it doesn’t come through the door that way. Since most of us have areas of stretched-out skin from weight loss, weight gain or pregnancy, this means you should expect to be an active participant in your hair removal – holding skin tight, lifting a hanging stomach, pulling your thigh aside, etc.

“I’ll have clients hold everything,” Daniela says. “Sometimes I’ll have them hold [a section] one way while I’m pulling the other way, just to get the skin as tight as possible. The more [an esthetician] holds and asks you to hold, the better the job will be.” Daniela swears this is the key to effective waxing that doesn’t leave you sore or purple afterward.

A matter of trust

So how do you locate a trustworthy provider in your area? When you don’t have your own experience to draw on, Daniela says, “The best thing to do is rely on advice from a friend or consumer reviews from sites like Yelp, Citysearch or Insider Pages.” Also, while there are obviously exceptions to the rule, larger salons or chains frequently hire recent graduates. If an esthetician isn’t yet seasoned enough to have experience working with multiple body types, Daniela cautions, “You can easily have a situation where that person has no idea what to do. They need to know where to pull and what to hold.”

Before you book an appointment, check out Daniela’s preparation advice and don’t hesitate to ask to speak to the esthetician and clarify any points that worry you. Ask what type of wax they use. If it’s a larger salon, inquire whether they have robes in extended sizes (Thousand Waves doesn’t wax, but their robe sizes extend to 2X). And if you’re considering an all-bare look, don’t shy away from asking one of the most frequent questions I’ve heard: “Will they ask me to get on all-fours?” (For the record, Daniela’s answer surprised me! ) “I don’t do it that way, ” she chuckles. “I have them lift the leg as far back as it will go, or lie on their tummy and spread their cheeks apart.”

Wow. Don’t say we won’t go to any length to get you girls the real deal on any topic. On that note, ladies, go forth and spa!

Share your spa experiences – good, bad, ugly, or beautiful – in the comments. Still have hair-removal questions? Post them in comments and Daniela will tackle them individually.

One of our first Fat Girl’s Guides covered how to practice yoga when your boobs and belly are, shall we say, significant enough to render certain poses difficult without a skilled instructor to offer alternatives. Now we’d like to offer our readers a free copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley. A yoga student for many years, Stanley worked with yoga instructors and students to develop this guide for “the rest of us,” dispelling the myth that you have to look like a cover model to practice yoga. The book also covers the many benefits of yoga, including improved posture, stress relief, and improved focus and sleeping patterns – benefits Toni can happily attest to since returning to practice at the beginning of this year.

To enter, comment here with the FIRST word that comes to mind when you hear the word “yoga,” and you’ll be automatically entered in the drawing. (One entry per person and you must enter a valid email address).

The contest closes Wednesday, March 10 at 11:59 pm CST. A winner will be chosen at random from the comments, and will be notified by email within 24 hours after the contest closes.

Maria, testing her “climbing legs”

A couple of weeks ago my friend and fellow Biggest Little City Losers contestant, Maria, called with a proposition. It went a little something like this:

Her: “We should go rock climbing tomorrow!”
Me: “Uhhhh…”
Her: “Come on, it would be fun!”
Me: “Uhhh…”

Turns out she had called a local rock climbing gym to see if they’d be interested in sponsoring a team challenge for the Biggest Little City Losers. Not only were they interested, they were really psyched, and they wanted Maria and I to come by for a couple of complementary climbing lessons before bringing the whole group in.

Now let me just say that I don’t typically have a fear of trying new or weird things. I’ve been hiking, biking, scrambling, kayaking and canoeing, I’ve washed my hair in icy cold Minnesota lakes and washed my clothes in humid, mosquito-infested North Carolina ones. I have moved long distances on short notice with only a vague idea of where I’d live and what I’d do. My personal blog has lived at adventurejournalist.com for almost ten years, and I catered my own wilderness wedding. You get the idea.

But I have never been rock climbing. This is not for a lack of opportunity, my husband is an avid rock and ice climber and I live in one of the most popular regions for rock climbing in the continental United States. The truth is, I haven’t been rock climbing because:

1. I am deathly afraid of heights.
2. I am especially afraid of heights in which I, overweight by a good number of pounds, am dangling from a rope with my life in the hands of one person wayyyyy down there who is using nothing more than their own body weight and a tiny device that sounds like an extinct bird, a frail bird, which may be why it’s extinct, to keep me alive.

That, and I’ve heard the shoes are uncomfortable.

But because I was the group leader, and because I’d been preaching the virtues of overcoming fears and trying difficult things, I was stuck. I would have to go rock climbing. So with no idea what to expect, we made arrangements to meet the following morning at Rocksport in Reno.

Fast forward two scary hours, and my conclusion was: rock climbing is hard. But it can be conquered – whether you’re 100 pounds or 300.

Here’s what we learned:

Climbing harnesses come in generous sizes. This was a pleasant surprise. Instead of letting them out to fit our butts and bellies, we actually had to tighten them down. Bonus ego boost! And they were pretty comfortable to wear. Another surprise. Though fair warning: those of us who like to wear long shirts to cover our abs and hips will have to suck it up – the harness, roped in, bares all.

Don’t worry if you’re a positively prolific perspirer. Lots of new climbers worry that their hands will slip off the holds if they get too sweaty, a common issue with overweight women and men. Every climber has a bag of chalk clipped to their harness, perfect for dipping sweaty hands to give them dry “tread” to grab with. Having chalky hands seemed to instill psychological confidence, too.

Tied properly, those ropes hold more than you think. I took one look at that deceptively thin rope with the tiny knot at the end and thought, no way is that thing gonna hold either of us. I wondered for several deer-in-the-headlights minutes if they had ever tested those ropes on people built like Maria and I. They assured us they’ve seen, and belayed, far bigger. So I roped in, and, as evidenced my ability to write this guide, they did hold.

The climbing is actually the easy part. It’s coming down that’s scary. Proper form coming down the wall is to completely let go of the holds and wrap your hands around the rope (a terrifying moment), forming an L-shape with your body so that you’re “sitting” on the air with your feet against the rock. Oy. The belayer, on the ground (in this case a woman of about 120 pounds), then slowly releases the rope through the extinct bird device, called a Grigri, lowering you as you walk your feet down the face of the rock.

Take advantage of ground anchoring where available. And it really should be available everywhere you climb. These are multiple loops of strong cloth or other material anchored to the ground that a belayer can clip into to stabilize themselves against the weight of the climber. If a climber should slip or let go of the wall before the belayer has the rope in proper position and coming correctly through the Grigri, he or she can easily find themselves launching up off the ground and soon face to face with a very surprised climber.

Keeping your whole body close to the rock wall is key. While most of what I learned about climbing shattered the myth that even significantly overweight women can’t or shouldn’t do it, I did learn that anyone carrying around extra weight is at a disadvantage on straight verticals solely because of center-of-gravity fluctuations. We climbed the beginner’s wall, and the slight incline was a big help for us as we learned to stick close. When we tried the vertical wall it was much more difficult to stay on, as gravity was yanking at our ample butts the whole time. Strengthening our forearms and further training to keep our bodies flush against the rock face should help, but I’m afraid pure verticals are an area most overweight folks are likely to find challenging.

The shoes really are uncomfortable. Climbing shoes are designed to make the front of your foot as tiny as possible so it can work with the smallest of holds. Your big toe faces straight forward, and, in the words of our climbing instructor, the rest of your toes should fit in there ’somewhere.’ The first climb I asked for my real shoe size and winced the whole time. The second time around, I asked for a half size larger than I normally take – much better, and no loss of toe flexibility or agility on the rock face.

For me the most interesting part was the lack of height-related fear I expected (this from the girl who can’t look out, or even approach, a 10th floor glass window), even when I made it 3/4 of the way up the wall and looked down. It did seem like the biggest obstacle wasn’t weight or inexperience or even height, but trust: both in myself and in my belay partner. Once we mastered that, we were going up and down the wall effortlessly.

OK, maybe not effortlessly. But at least the gasping and screeching subsided after the first couple of runs.

Have you ever been climbing? Do you have any advice for our readers? Lay it on us in comments!

Note: this guide covered my own experience climbing, which can differ from gym to gym and is unique to indoor environments. I didn’t include technical instructions or equipment information because it’s important to be trained by a professional to use the unique facilities, equipment and protocol at the climbing center you’ve chosen.

Image from a Cornell University Library collection (circa 1920), demonstrating correct posture

If we had a dollar for every time someone ordered us to stand up straight, we could probably treat our girlfriends to a round of caramel macchiatos at Starbucks. Turns out the straight-backed drill sergeants in our lives were on to something, since poor posture can lead to a host of physical problems – from misalignment to pain. Bad posture also feels yucky, and let’s be honest: it doesn’t look all that great, either. The extra pounds we carry coupled with today’s increasingly sedentary and stressed-out lifestyles means we fat girls need to pay extra attention to this issue. Good thing we spoke to a few experts skilled in several disciplines, who give it to us (ahem) straight on how to regain and maintain great posture.

“Many people predominately drag their bodies and lead with their heads,” says Liz Weaver, a martial arts instructor and founder of BreakPal.com, a  site dedicated to “workplace wellness” through better body positioning. While we’re naturally supposed to walk from the heel of the foot to the ball of the foot, many of us walk head first with our backsides sticking out. “This wears out your lower back because it’s in an unnatural position,” she says.

Ginger Garner, a physical therapist and founder of Professional Yoga Therapy Studies, sees similar imbalances in her female-focused practice, along with sloping shoulders, weak upper back muscles, tight chest muscles, and excessive rounding of the upper back. “These problems can be caused by ‘occupational  hazards,’ from ill-fitting desks or chairs at work to carrying or nursing children to everyday tasks like housework,” she says. When you add extra pounds to the mix, a few unique problems crop up, such as excess sway in the lower back and strain on the upper back due to larger breasts. “You have to work harder – against a heavier body – to correct and keep good posture,” she says.

The good news is, absent any structural problems or medical conditions (check with your doc if you’re at all unsure about making any new moves) you can improve your posture relatively quickly by switching out some bad habits for better ones. Personal trainer Elena Ciccotelli (aka TrainerDiva) knows all about forming good habits in her work with clients. “It takes your body about 300 repetitions to form a new skill, and about 5,000 repetitions to reformulate a skill,” she says. “This explains why it takes such a long time to break bad habits, so be patient in your quest for better posture. It’s completely possible to transform slouchy shoulders into sexy, confident shoulders with a lot of practice.” And once you’re there, “good posture is actually easier to maintain than bad posture,” says Garner.

“I use the term ‘body geometry’ to help my clients visualize their best posture, the position that will have them feeling their best throughout the day,” says Christine Binnendyk, a master Pilates trainer at the Nike World Headquarters and author of the forthcoming book Ageless Pilates:

Imagine a rectangle over your torso. Your shoulders should line up to form the top edge; your hipbones line up to form the bottom edge. If one hip rides up, it’ll displace the shoulder on the same side. If your right shoulder rides up, you’ll shift your left leg out to counterbalance that shift. Over time, these little changes and counterbalances add up to major energy drain. Level out your rectangle, and you’ll be better balanced and more energetic.

“Good posture has nothing to do with pulling the shoulders back,” says Garner, who suggests another simple way of thinking about – and correcting – how we stand. The key, she says, is “engaging the transverse abdominis (TA) muscles by drawing your belly button into your spine without moving the spine and drawing the shoulders slightly down and shoulder blades down into a V-like shape. This will help engage the proper stabilizing muscles of the spine.”

“Posture is about body awareness, which means just being mindful of your body,” says Weaver. “Just pay attention when you’re really into a project, and listen to what your body is telling you. If you have pain in an area of your body, it’s trying to tell you something.”

Here, we share some common posture problems and our experts’ tweaks. Keep in mind that you know your body best, so avoid any new moves that don’t feel right from the start, and check with your health care provider, both to rule out any structural or medical causes of poor posture, including scoliosis, and to get suggestions on an appropriate posture expert for your needs, which may include a chiropractor, physical therapist, or other professional.

If you sit all day

Strengthen the legs

Girls, are you sitting down? Of course you are – everybody is nowadays, whether at work or surfing the ‘net or watching TV at home. But wait till you hear this: “People who spend the better part of their days sitting end up with weaker leg and glute (butt) muscles,” says martial arts instructor Warner. “But those muscles are there for a reason, and they’re bigger for a reason: to work harder and to do bigger jobs.” Yes, you heard it here first: we’re supposed to have strong, muscular legs and glutes! (Take that, mass media ideals!)

Warner suggests practicing the “horse stance,” (here’s a video demo by Warner, with an added Tai Chi breathing technique, and here’s a detailed written explanation to help you visualize it). “Your legs and glutes will start to burn right away, and that’s how you know you’re doing it right,” she says. Warner suggests getting up and doing the horse stance every 30 minutes if you work in an office, for about 60 seconds, shaking your legs and walking around afterward (don’t overdo it, of course, depending on your fitness level). You can do the horse stance at the kitchen counter while cooking or get up and do it during television commercials each evening. “A 60-second interval a few times a day will make a tremendous difference,” she says.

Support your core

Ciccotelli recommends an isometric, or static move called the plank (here’s a video demo). By holding your body in this position (while remembering to breathe, since the tendency is to clench and hold the breath), your body is engaged by working to hold you off the floor. She suggests starting with 10 seconds and working up to 30 seconds at a time. If your lower back hurts in this position, lift your pelvis toward the ceiling so your body creates a V. As your abs and back become stronger it will become easier to position yourself in a straighter line.

Find your ideal chair

“Because we spend so many hours working, which in our society now includes a lot of time sitting, a good office chair is essential,” says yoga therapist Garner. “Good” doesn’t have to mean dropping a grand on an Aeron chair, however; finding a chair that fits you and your computer setup is what matters.

Garner’s tips for finding the perfect chair:

*The feet should reach the floor, or you can place a footstool under the chair so your feet are completely supported
*The chair should not have a solid low back support – good chairs will actually have an adjustable back rest that moves up and down or a cut out where the buttocks can stick out through the cutout – hence providing the proper curve for low back support
*Forget the arm rests–you don’t need them. Save yourself $50 or more and don’t bother with them, unless you are actually going to sit in the chair, rest your arms on them, and do nothing at all.
*Look for a short seat pan (where you rest your bum). It’s usually too deep for women of average height (meaning less than 5’7”). This will prevent problems like sciatica, which is common for smaller women who get stuck in typical corporate chairs built for men.

After reviewing “literally thousands” of chairs online, Garner found her perfect chair for 70 dollars. “It has a padded backrest and seat pan, adjustable height for workstations of different height or different work requirements, a “cut out” for the bum, and a short seat pan (it’s a stool, so it’s actually round!)”

Ciccotelli suggests using a stability ball instead of a chair “as often as possible to improve your overall balance, stability, and posture.” Just be sure to find one you can sit on comfortably without rolling off.

Work your upper body with Pilates at your desk

Dumbwaiter: “If your shoulders droop a bit forward, Dumbwaiter is for you. Sit or stand tall; glue your elbows to your ribcage with your palms facing up. Keep your elbows at your sides as you rotate the arms outward, like you’re serving a drink to people on either side of you. This move draws your shoulder blades together, while opening your chest.”

Wings: “Do you hike your shoulder up whenever you’re reaching for something? Wings is for you. Set yourself up like dumbwaiter, but with your palms facing down. Keep your shoulders low as you float your elbows wide — it’ll seem like you’re flapping imaginary wings. This move loosens up the muscles aroung your shoulder blades, allowing you to reach your arms more comfortably. It helps in eliminating neck tension and shoulder strain.”

Behind the wheel

Yet another way in which we sit all day, for many of us while driving to and from work. “Pretend your shoulders are pinned to the seat,” says TrainerDiva Ciccotelli.

Take it easy while texting

“Many people don’t realize there is a strong connection between neck posture and back posture,” says Ciccotelli. Even slightly leaning your head forward for long periods can negatively impact posture (by causing rounded shoulders and improper trunk stabilization). Unfortunately, this is exactly the head position most people use while texting, so she suggests keeping your head up the next time your mobile device dings.

One easy way to lighten your load

Keep only essential items in your purse; who wants to look like a bag lady, anyway? If you simply must lug everything with you, Binnendyk suggests a messenger-style bag that crosses the body, or splitting your belongings into two bags while traveling to balance the weight evenly. “If you need to lean, it’s time to purge,” she says.

The Well-Endowed Pain in the Neck

“Every gift comes with a bit of salt, doesn’t it?” says Binnendyk. Sometimes, large breasts come with neck and back pain, so a proper bra fitting is essential. “Well-placed straps in a good foundation garment will make a world of difference,” she says, adding that sexy bras are fine for a night out or a romp around the bedroom, but stick to functional comfort the rest of the time. “Think about it this way,” she adds. “If the girls are riding higher, it’s easier to stand up straight. The less forward lean that you have, the less back and neck pain you’ll feel.” After bra shopping, try the Dumbwaiter and Wings Pilates techniques 3-4 times per week.

Charlie’s pre-op glamor shot

As an adult, I’ve never been overly concerned about what I put into my body. For one thing, I was a fall-down drunk for 15 years—which meant that my four food groups were beer, whiskey, potato chips, and Alka-Seltzer. I did not eat breakfast from 1981 to 1996, unless you count the daily ritual of Coca-Cola, aspirin, Tums, and a multivitamin. In those days, my weight fluctuations depended more on the type of job I had (or didn’t have) than on my eating habits.

Even when I got sober, I didn’t really watch what I ate, figuring that giving up alcohol was my lifetime deposit in the Karma Bank. (I also believed life owed me a pass on the felony of my choice.) So if you held up a food item and asked me how many grams of fat it contained, I’d shrug and ask, “Why should I care?”

Then, last March, I had a stomach pain unlike any I’d experienced before. And considering I’d been a blood-puking drunk 14 years earlier, that’s saying something. There was no nausea, just pain. Lots of pain. I tried conventional therapies: antacids, acid-reducers, and anti-gas pills. Nothing worked. I lay down, stood up, curled into a ball. Still nothing. I even drove myself to the nearest emergency room, but it was a busy night for automotive stupidity, so I decided not to wait and drove home. Then, about 3 hours after the pain had started, it subsided.

Believing it to be an isolated incident, I made no dietary changes and went on as before: take-out, fast food, etc. Then, 3 weeks later, the pain returned. This time, I decided to ignore it, and went out for tacos. That attack lasted 5 hours. Fast forward 3 weeks to yet another attack. Then, on the night following my wife’s birthday cook-out, I awoke with a knifing pain so bad I had to consider for a moment whether I was having a heart attack. After an hour the pain stopped, and I wasn’t dead. So I ruled out a coronary.

I decided to consult that bastion of medical information—the Internet. After wading through miscellaneous anecdotal reports and discounting the extra-horrible diagnoses, I arrived at “biliary colic,” a condition resulting from a gallstone, blocked duct, or otherwise faulty gallbladder. “Hmmm,” I thought. “I should see a doctor.”

My doc examined me and ordered an ultrasound, which showed a stubborn gallstone lodged in the neck of the gallbladder, which (appropriately for me) is shaped like a wine skin. So, it was off to a surgical consult. As you may have guessed, the surgeon recommended surgery, sort of the way mechanics recommend brake jobs. Being a coward, I asked about alternatives. Being a surgeon at heart, he said there were none. The only problem was, the next available slot for elective cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) was 6 months away, in October. I asked what I should do in the meantime to prevent further attacks. “Eat low fat,” he said.

Fear of excruciating pain is a great motivator. And in this case it served as a wake-up call that I was no longer 22 years old, and that I had to pay at least some attention to what my body was telling me. So I was faced with the choice of counting fat grams or risking another 5-hour attack of stabbing gut pain. Since I had no idea what my daily fat intake was, given a totally unrestricted diet, I figured I should find out. Short answer: 110 grams. I had (and still have) no idea if that’s high or low. But, to be safe, I figured I’d cut that number in half.

I eliminated all fast food and take-out (except for Vietnamese and Indian food) and then took a whack at my home eating habits. No more peanut butter. Peanut butter, when it comes to fat calories, is Satan in a candy-apple red Caddy. And Satan’s girlfriend is mayonnaise. So out they went. Then I just substituted low-fat versions of everything else I ate: low-fat sausage, low-fat waffles, light bread, 2% cheese, pretzels instead of potato chips, Fig Newtons instead of Chips Ahoy, etc. Then I took a recount: 45 grams. I’d actually cut my intake by 60%.

Best of all: it worked. The 45 g/day low(er) fat diet kept me attack-free for 6 months, right until my surgery date in October. As a bonus, I lost 23 pounds, going from about 208 to about 185 lbs, and I dropped a pants size.

The surgery itself was done laparoscopically at an outpatient surgical center. I was in by 1pm and out by 7pm, and my recovery was swift and uneventful. I was off painkillers 4 days post-surgery and was able to eat normally within 2 weeks. Having lost the luxury of willful ignorance, I remain at least partially aware of my fat intake, even if I allow myself the occasional éclair, and I’ve managed to keep 20 of the 23 pounds off. And while it certainly worked for me, I don’t recommend a stubborn gallstone as a weight-loss program.

Charlie O’Hay is a poet whose work has appeared in over 100 literary magazines, including Gargoyle, The New York Quarterly, and West Branch. He currently works as a freelance advertising copywriter and manuscript editor, and blogs at It Ain’t All Pizzas and Cream.

Group spinning, by Kj

Thank you for your site – I’m really struggling to accept myself, and my family is all thin which makes me feel judged all the time. Do you perhaps know of a weight rehab place I could go to to help me lose the unwanted pounds? I just know I cannot do it alone”

Going it alone when you’re trying to lose weight is tough (we know, we’ve tried). But I actually don’t recommend weight camps or rehabs because most of those give you situations and tools that aren’t available in everyday life — like being secluded to focus only on weight loss, planning your diet for you, giving you access to 24/7 exercising. Those things will help anyone shed pounds in the short term, but because it doesn’t fit into our real everyday lives, that won’t last and you may (like most do) end up gaining it all back quickly and then some once you’ve graduated.

Instead, I’d recommend hooking up with some local people who also want to lose some weight and forming a small group. Both Toni and I have had GREAT success with this approach recently! I highlighted it in a recent post here.

You might even be able to get a personal trainer to sponsor you and/or your group with free nutritional and fitness lessons. Just be sure that anything you do to lose it is something that’s also available to you to KEEP doing/using/relying on after you’re done with the initial loss.

Your turn, readers. What tips do you have on ways to stick with healthy lifestyle changes long term?

Lacing Up by libraryann

Ah, New Year’s resolutions. Hard to avoid this time of year, we know. We also know that many of you are probably resolving to be healthier, regardless of what page just turned on the calendar or whether or not weight loss is part of that goal. That means savvy fat girls will be looking for New Year’s specials on gym memberships. Here’s how to get started:

First, work your brain

It’s common for women to worry about whether or not they “belong” at a health club because of their size. When we did a shout-out on Twitter seeking tips for fat girls looking to join a gym, one girl wrote:

Always be skinny? I hate how all the thin, toned people stare and wonder why I’m going there – well, duh!

We’ve all been to that gym, right, girls? And it’s no fun, we know.

Aside from telling you to generally avoid “meat market” health clubs in favor of one where people of many shapes and sizes are welcome, when you do settle on a club, here’s a new attitude to bring to this particular dance: nobody cares that you’re fat. There, I said it. Oh sure, some people do. Like, say . . . insensitive jerks. And as with fat people, jerks are everywhere, including at health clubs, so it only makes sense that we can make room to coexist.

We get that not all health clubs are created equally, nor do they have the same clientele. My small town rec center is worlds away from the ’sweaty, svelte singles’ club I belonged to in Chicago in my 20s. But many people I’ve talked to – fat, thin, male, female – who work out regularly say they’re always happy to see overweight people at their gyms because it’s good to see people taking care of themselves. So pack the attitude that “shame ain’t worth as much as you think” into your gym bag and start shopping for a place to work out.

And maybe times are changing – more of us are overweight in general, after all. However you may feel about The Biggest Loser, one former contestant maintains that this television show made it acceptable for fat people to work out in public. And that’s a very good thing. You can probably guess our attitude about this: act as if you belong wherever you are – fake it till you make it, if you must – and you’ll be one step closer to finding a gym that fits your needs.

Remember: the customer is always right

And in this case, you are the customer, not the other way around. “I think the phrase ‘joining a gym’ is inaccurate,” says Janice Kay Smith, founder of A Woman’s Gym in Chicago. “You’re really choosing a gym. If people take that view, they will be more particular and look closely at a location to see if it’s what they want.” Smith recommends asking yourself if this is an environment that’s going to make you feel comfortable. “You’re bringing them money,” she says. “It should be your attitude that they’re lucky to get you.”

Tee, our resident gym rat who has inspired over 30 people in her community to work out with her, had this to say about sussing out a new place. “When you walk in, ask for a tour, and mention that you’re trying to get in shape (or stronger, or whatever you biggest goal is) but that you’re not sure how to get started,” she says. “If they jump on it with excitement and start offering up ideas and options, that’s a great sign that you’ve got a fat-friendly gym. If you get the deer-in-the-headlights look, or a few polite smiles and nods and then back to the canned speech, keep looking.”

Commercials and ads will also give you a clue, says gym owner Smith. “If they only show slim women moving really fast, then that’s probably what the clientele will be like.”

Aim for variety

There are so many options available today, from no-frills, neighborhood Curves-style gyms to full-scale fitness centers. If you’re not yet in an established routine and haven’t found your favorite activities, go for something with more to get into than just your garden variety treadmills, bikes, circuit training area and classes. Athletic clubs often offer more, like racquetball, batting cages, volleyball, spinning, punching bags, ropes, a climbing wall, etc. Once you get comfortable using the gym in general, you’ll likely find yourself curious about some of these. Without those options, you may get bored and be tempted to use that as an excuse to stop going. Commit to exploring and experimenting with classes, equipment, boot camps and everything else the gym offers. Mixing up your workout and getting some fun sports action in there when you’re ready can boost your results fast.

Bring a friend

Tee was adamant about this tip: “I’m sure myriad studies have been done about how long people stay at a gym when they have a workout buddy vs. solo, but I can tell you from my own and many of my gym partners’ experience: I stay almost twice as long and have a whole lot more fun when I’ve got somebody to keep me company.” As with choosing the right gym, be sure to find the right workout partner for you. A Woman’s Gym owner Smith agrees. “Sometimes a buddy will make people get into the gym, but some people just talk to each other instead of working out, or if one doesn’t come one day, then the other won’t come,” says Smith. Her advice? Don’t partner with complainers, excuse-makers, or buddies who will drive you straight to Dairy Queen afterward.

If you don’t have a friend willing to go, or all your friends are thin and/or not into working out, then put an ad in the activity partners section in the community area on Craigslist. Be specific about what you’re looking for, including your schedule. And be sure to adhere basic Internet safety rules, like choosing a public place ( like your prospective health club) to meet for the first few times.

Take it for a test run

One of our fans on Twitter said it best:

Take advantage of free trials/passes before committing! Attend class, use sauna, etc. Don’t like the vibe? Keep lookin’!

“Before joining, stop by the gym at least twice at different times of the day to see what kind of crowd they get,” says Tee. “If it’s all gym bunnies and meatheads, you may want to look elsewhere.” Another Twitter fan wrote (and made us giggle): “Try to join a physical therapy clinic where they can specialize for weight issues and not everyone is a tiny workout whore.”

Check to see that the club has the types of activities that are right for your fitness level right now – including checking out basic and beginner classes, if you’re completely new to exercising or haven’t worked out in a while. Finally, if you need accountability, sign a contract. But try for six months instead of a full year, and then at the end of your six months, negotiate a better deal for staying on.

Ask for personal service

In the ten years since A Woman’s Gym opened its doors, Smith has designed tailor-made workout programs for each of her clients. “It has to be that way, because it’s my name on the door. And if a workout is not customized, they’re not going to keep coming,” she says. “If they think they might not have it down, or they might hurt themselves, or they’re doing it wrong, people are not going to come back.” If your prospective health club doesn’t offer personalized service, ask about the rates for personal trainers, and keep in mind that it might take more than just the standard, free one-hour session to get into your groove. Smith suggests asking for the best personal trainer for your needs and goals.

Finally, here are some more tips and tricks from our fabulous FGG readers from Twitter and Facebook – thanks for sharing your know-how with our readers, girls!

You just have to own it…your size, your fitness level, your life. Hold your head up, go there for yourself and no one else. Respect yourself for doing something for yourself. Push yourself as far as you can go, and compare yourself to no one. You’ll see more improvements quickly, recognize every one of them and build on them. Have a sense of humor. And if you are self conscious, join a women’s gym. Don’t try and do everything in your first visit…don’t expect to accomplish what you did 20, 30, 100 lbs ago. You’ve got to build to that. Above all…just go, girl.

If you are looking for a new apartment, make sure it has a gym (safe and well-lit). You will save money and it’s closer. No excuses.

Resist the urge to compare yourself to other women in the gym (I have to remind myself of that). Drink plenty of water and keep a small towel with you during your workout to wipe away sweat.

Now grab a gym bag, some affordable but cute workout clothes, and start your search. If you find (or have already found) a place that feels like home, tell us about it in the comments.

(We probably don’t need to say this, but just in case: you know your body best, but it’s a good idea to check with your regular medical professional to get the green light before starting any new workout routine).