The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Lauren looking smart + no-nonsense in a chic jumper dress

I’ve been job-hunting since October after being laid off from the job I’ve had since I first started putting on weight about eight or so years ago. So before now I never had to sit in front of an interview panel as the only fat girl in the room. It’s VERY uncomfortable! I think it shows, and I keep getting hesitant vibes like they’re not sure about me even though our phone and email chats went great before meeting face-to-face. It’s not like I’m not applying for a manual labor job or a ballerina, I’m an executive assistant! I just want to relax and forget about my weight and show them why I’m the best candidate, but I can’t seem to get over it, and judging by the lack of job offers, it seems they can’t either. Suggestions?”

I remember an interview question from all the way back in 1998: “This is an old building so we don’t have an elevator, only one flight of stairs. Will this be a problem for you?”

I probably don’t need to say that I was no longer interested in the job after that, and for self-respect’s sake I’m glad I spoke up and said so. But it gave me my first taste of fat-related interview bias, and I’ve spent years since then making sure employers and clients get it, from the first handshake, that there is nothing about any job or project they could offer me that my weight would get in the way of.

With the help of two pals and former co-workers (also chubby) who are both involved in hiring at their respective companies, I’ve got three great tips I’ve learned (and used) below. I haven’t had that problem since.

While fat bias is unfortunately found in the workplace more often than it’s not, when it comes to hiring, it’s often less about a candidate being fat and more of an ignorance about fat that’s the problem.

Today, the combination of energy, confidence, speed and smarts are the holy grail for most companies. These people want to hire people who are mentally agile, always on-the-go, full of moxie and ideas, and ready to tackle anything, anytime with a roll-up-your-sleeves and dig in approach. Sadly, they’ve also been exposed to the unrelenting images of fat folk as lazy, lacking ambition, moving slowly and having very little confidence with which to make critical moves or decisions. Maybe they’ve even had an employee or two who fit that description and now they’re convinced.

To battle that, you need to show, not just tell, that you’ve got the muscle and motivation it takes to do the job. When you apply, line your resume with examples of volunteer work or even hobbies that fly in the face of fat myths – even if it doesn’t directly relate to the job. Teach dance class? List it. Coach softball? List it it. Volunteer at a special needs summer camp? List it! When you arrive, walk briskly into the building or office. If you’re winded from stairs or rushing, stop in the hall or visit the restroom first to catch your breath, and then go in. Shake hands firmly, use a friendly but authoritative voice, and start right in asking your own questions. If they feel like they’re trying to keep pace with you, they won’t have time to wonder if you can keep pace with them. But don’t overdo it – pushy and bullish can be a turnoff, too.

Loose-fitting, frumpy or shapeless clothes can give the impression of sloppiness and poor self-esteem, and can even affect your posture and physical focus when you’re the center of attention.

This was a big one for me, as for years I had such a hard time resisting the temptation to cover up my lumpy spots with clothes a size too big, thinking that, what, I don’t know…that maybe they wouldn’t know I was fat? Ha! Not so. I now notice a huge difference not only in others’ reception of me, but my own self-confidence and poise, too, when I wear clothes that fit really well and actually show my body shape. I’ve noticed I stand up straighter, and do a lot less fidgeting with my sleeves or other parts of my outfit if it’s not hanging off me. That’s a distraction, and all eyes will be on your moo-moo-like apparel instead of where it should be: your eyes, your words and your resume.

Obviously going bold with your wardrobe can backfire if your clothes are too tight or revealing, or too casual, but finding the balance between professional and body-confident is an easy way to get impressions to swing in your favor from the moment you walk in the door.

Talking about your job history and qualifications in task-related terms can give hiring executives the impression that you’re a corporate drone, or a just-here-for-the-paycheck employee. It’s achievements and action that get their attention and let them know you’re a can-do candidate.

This advice is true for anyone who’s stumping for a new job, but for women who are overweight, it’s a serious tool that can make or break how the person/people doing the interview sees you in relationship to the job. Don’t go on about all the phones you answered or what a great alphabetician you are in a filing room or how impressed your old boss was that you know the lost art of shorthand. That will make your potential employer visualize you moving from machine to machine or paper stack to paper stack, and the chances of them visualizing you as “just another fat person” in their own position go way up.

Instead, talk about your experience in terms of accomplishments. Did your overhaul of the customer service process boost customer loyalty by 24% last year? Did the extra marketing classes you took at night turn you into the company’s go-to person for social media? Did your reputation for going the extra mile earn you an employee-of-the-month award? Talk about it!

An interview is the last place you want to be shy, and you want to leave hiring personnel buzzing, imagining all the cool, above and beyond stuff you’ll do for them if they hire you.

If you add these three tips to your arsenal, along with an already-strong background in the job you’re applying for, and they still don’t hire you: move on. Chances are they’re not a company you want to work for anyway. Keep at it and find the one that fits no matter what size you are – they’re out there, and they’re waiting for ya.

Good luck!

New Point of View (with the permission of Elizabeth Patch)

One of the first voices that stood out when FGG made its Twitter debut a few months ago was the encouraging and whimsical @elizabethpatch – artist, teacher, author and lover of the human form in all its myriad shapes and sizes. A browse through her web site, More to Love, and her blog, the More to Love sketchbook, cinched it: this was a woman we wanted to know!

Elizabeth’s work as an artist mirrors FGG’s core philosophy: even if we’re working on becoming healthier, we need to change the way we see ourselves, our place in the world, and what we’re capable and deserving of now. We loved her outlook and her portrayal of overweight women so much we asked her if we could dig around in her world a little bit by way of a few questions. Here’s what she had to say.

FGG: We found you through Twitter and right away fell head over heels for your  illustrations. They’re lively, colorful, whimsical and they instantly evoke feelings of pride and happiness with a full-figured body. When did begin sketching/painting the  human form? How has your work evolved since then?

EP: What a great fun surprise Twitter is, I’m so glad we connected! I’ve been drawing people all of my life, starting with copying comic book heroes and Michelangelo drawings as a kid. When I was an art student I focused on learning human anatomy, and I still love drawing from live models whenever I have the chance. As an art student I did huge, emotional charcoal drawings of nude figures, very dark and full of angst. They look nothing at all like my current style!

FGG: What materials do you use in most of your work (oils, canvas, charcoals,  sketchbooks, digital…)? How often do you produce a piece, and what do you do with most of them?

EP: All of my illustrations start out as scribbled ideas in a kid’s doodle pad (really! I’m more creative if I have cheap paper) Once I have an idea I like, I trace it onto smooth white paper. Then the clean drawing is scanned into my computer, and all of the color and detail is added digitally using a program called Painter. I love the messiness of real charcoal and paint, and I still play with them when I can, but for my illustrations I really love the flexibility of working digitally. It’s hard to  estimate the time it takes to make the raw, messy ideas as many of them are thrown out and revised quite a few times. Once I have the drawing done, the final illustrations take between 20-40 hours of painting, depending on how complex the details are. The final versions exist as digital files until printed.

FGG: How does the idea for a particular female form to paint or sketch come to you? Are they all conjured up in your imagination, or are some based on real characters in your world?

EP: I am always doodling the people I see out in public. At a concert I often spend more time looking at the audience than the stage, at the mall I’d rather people-watch than shop. So I gather ideas from real people. Occasionally, I’ll use a photo or a sketch as a reference, especially if I can’t get the pose just right, but I usually draw my characters from the memory of people I’ve seen.

FGG: You’re a teacher, you’re privy to the lives of young girls struggling with identity, body image, sense of self and how they fit into the world. Tell us about some of the memorable things you’ve seen over your career?

EP: In 20 years of teaching I have rarely met a girl who hasn’t had an issue with her weight, no matter what size she actually is. It’s beyond tragic how girls grow up believing that normal is underweight, and that one’s value is measured in the size jeans that they wear. The most memorable, and most heartbreaking, was when one of my favorite students was at normal weight as a Freshman, returned underweight as a Sophomore, become hospitalized with extreme anorexia as a Junior, “recovered” as a Senior, and then died from heart damage 6 weeks before graduation day.

FGG: As an artist with a wonderful eye for depicting full figures in a vital, positive light, I’m sure you must be attracted to other artists that have a similar ability. Can you share a few with us?

EP: Thanks! I love anyone who can really draw well.

FGG: You’ve said that you, too, struggled with body image. Can you tell us a little bit more about that?

EP: I’ve written about my experiences with eating disorders on my website, in an essay called “But Elizabeth, You’re Not Fat!” But the short version is that I come from a thin, lanky family and yet still felt that I needed to be thinner to be more attractive. I fell into anorexia after a series of very stressful events in my life as a struggling single mother of two. Thankfully I was never too ill to care for my children! I really woke up to the pointlessness of wasting time and energy on being super thin when I started working with all these young girls repeating the same destructive body image attitudes that I had grown up with.

FGG: I checked out some of your previous interviews, and loved the line about how you traded in “Do I look fat in this?” to “Do I look good in this?” Tell us how those kinds of attitude shifts, along with your artistic process in painting and sketching women with realistic body types, has changed how you see yourself, and your relationship to the rest of the world?

EP: Isn’t it amazing how one word can change that entire question around? Once I began working on More to Love, which truly started out just as doodles and journal entries, I started reading every single thing I could on the topic of self esteem, body image, and fat acceptance. I began to see that my experiences, and those of my friends and family and students were not just personal, but almost universal. I wanted to share the messages I was discovering! I knew that I really couldn’t say anything new on those topics, but I might be able to say it in a new way, in a gentler, funnier, softer way. I know I can’t change the fact that most photographs of models and stars are altered to be impossibly flawless, and that fashion still insists on calling size 12 plus-size (!). I know I can’t change the fact that the cute illustrations of women on cards, magazines, even blogs are skinny girls happily shopping for shoes (nothing against shoe shopping mind you!) But I have a gift for drawing people, and a passion for healing this wound that has harmed so many women, and so without really even planning it, I’ve become an advocate for size acceptance and positive body image through my art.

FGG: Do you see any changes in recent years about attitudes toward overweight women and how they’re depicted in the media (or represented in the marketplace)?

EP: Without question, there has been a very recent shift in attitudes towards larger women. One the one extreme hand, there are groups of hateful fat-bashers that blame obesity for everything from the failing health care system to low test scores in children, but on the other hand, there are books, movies, TV shows, blogs, online magazines, stores, fashion and resources for big girls that weren’t available even five years ago. There is a growing movement for “health at every size” rather than just a narrow focus on size as an indicator of health. The plus-size (really the normal) woman is no longer as invisible as she was, even though it is still somewhat surprising to see anyone in the media that is not rail thin.

FGG: We’re big Etsy lovers here, and I would think your work would strike a chord there. Do you sell your prints on Etsy.com, or have you considered it?

EP: I love Etsy too! I’m still juggling my teaching position with my artistic life, and right now I haven’t had the time to set up and maintain a shop. Hopefully I will pair up with the right partner to help me put out a line of prints and cards, and maybe a calendar, in 2010.

FGG: You published your first illustrated book, More to Love, on Amazon earlier this year, and I understand you’re working on a second book. Can you give us a hint about it?

EP: OK, just a hint, as I’m still working out the details with a publisher. The next book will be along the same line as More to Love, short messages paired with fun illustrations, with the intention of putting a lighter touch to an often painful topic. Each page will feature a “Big Girl” who is doing everything and anything except crying. And I’m also working on an expanded version of More to Love! Because as we all know…bigger is better!

FGG: Our missions are just about identical: to encourage women to live full, exciting and satisfying lives NOW instead of waiting until they’re a magical size or weight. What would you say to FGG readers about that philosophy?

EP: Yes, yes and yes! Each of us gets our own amazing body for the duration of our life, and any moment that is spent wishing, pretending or agonizing over having a different body is time that you will never get back. It is commonly said that nobody ever says on her deathbed “I wish I had spent more time at the office.” I don’t think anybody will ever say on their deathbed “I wish I had spent more time feeling bad about my butt” or “I’m so glad I stopped myself from doing (whatever) because I thought I was too fat.” It’s your life; live it up!

FGG: OK, before you go: tell us something most people don’t know about you?

EP: Hmmm…so many secrets, so little time! Even though nobody ever sees it except my husband, and despite having a “mommy belly,” I have a gold ring in my navel, just for fun.

Thank you, Elizabeth! Elizabeth’s illustrated book, More to Love, is available for purchase at Amazon.com.