The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Ahhh… by ktpupp

With warmer weather (hopefully) just around the corner, many of us have turned our thoughts to how we might de-winterize our bodies and minds. To that, we say: Spa day, anyone? Before you schedule a luxurious rubdown, some TLC on your piggies, or even (gulp!) a bikini wax, check out this insider advice from our pampering pros. We asked the embarrassing questions so you wouldn’t have to – just consider it our “Spring Forward” gift to you!

Love is blind… and so is massage

One of the most difficult obstacles for many overweight women in terms of self care is embarrassment over their bodies, or fear that their medical professional will say or think something hurtful about their fat. While individual people can occasionally be insensitive enough to prove us right, professional massage therapist Nicolette Becker, of Chicago’s Thousand Waves Spa for Women, sends a clear message.

“I think the most important thing for people to realize is that your massage therapist couldn’t care less what your body looks like,” Becker says. “We aren’t there to judge you. We just want to help you to relax and feel better.” The irony, she says, is that many first-time clients let their nerves undermine the point of the massage. “The more you worry about your body and having someone else seeing and touching your body, the harder it will be for you to relax. And therefore, the less you’ll enjoy the massage.”

To alleviate some of the anxiety (and help you enjoy your well-earned hour of pampering!), know what to expect from your visit. A good therapist will spend a few minutes speaking with you before beginning your massage, asking about any problem spots or injuries. Becker cautions to always disclose any illnesses, skin conditions or rashes, and to not be insulted if the therapist asks if you’re pregnant; this is routine and important for your care. After this mini-consult, you’ll be left for a moment to disrobe and get on the table, beneath the sheet or towel provided. (Note: some tables are heated; if you prefer more, less, or no heat at any time during the session, be sure to let your massage therapist know). During the massage, your therapist will only remove the covering from the body part she is working on, and your private parts will never be exposed.

Becker says she is constantly asked if it’s okay to wear underwear. “You can wear whatever level of clothing you are comfortable with and the therapist will work around it,” she says. “It’s always okay to wear panties, though if they come up really high, your therapist may have trouble reaching all of your low back.” Skip the fancy undergarments, because anything you wear may come into contact with massage oil. Comfort is key here, because your therapist wants you to relax and enjoy the massage. “However,” Becker points out, “the more clothing you remove, the better your massage therapist will be able to work. Bras do tend to get in the way, since they are right over where the majority of the knots are located.”

For comfort during your massage, Becker suggests placing rolled-up towels under your shoulders while prone (face down) if you’re larger chested. Bolsters (long, cylindrical pillows) are also a big help under the ankles while prone, and under the knees while supine (face up). I’m large chested and swaybacked, and I’ve found the bolster makes all the difference in taking pressure off my lower back.

If you’re still nervous, Becker says, “the most important thing to remember is to breathe. Taking nice, deep breaths is the easiest way to relax your body. And if your mind keeps going to worries about your body, you can distract yourself by counting your breaths. Inhale for a count of five and then exhale for a count of five and repeat as long as necessary. It is hard to think about anything else while you are counting.”

And while good hygiene is always appreciated by your therapist, “Don’t worry if you accidentally fart or if your stomach gurgles,” Becker concludes. “It happens all the time.”

Prevention: the key to a pretty pedi

Nothing puts me in the mood for spring like soft feet and a brand new paint job on my toes (preferably in a deep burgundy color). Even if many of us are still a few months away from beach weather, spending an hour indulging in a massaging spa chair getting our toes sandal-ready helps bridge the gap to warmer days. And if your tummy makes bending to paint your own nails difficult, then a pro session is that much more important.

However, before you plunk yourself down in the first strip-mall nail salon you spy, do some research to ensure you don’t walk out with ingrown toenails or a nasty infection from contaminated foot baths or instruments. Basic observation and a few simple questions are your best allies here. Is the pedicurist licensed? Do the surfaces of the salon interior appear clean and hygienic? Do the technicians sterilize instruments and disinfect foot baths between patients (or use disposable tools), or is it an assembly line operation that rotates new clients into the chairs immediately after they’re vacated? Trust your eyes, your gut and the recommendation of a trusted friend or review web site.

Another way to help safeguard against infection: fight the knee-jerk reaction to shave your legs before heading to the salon. Because shaving opens your pores and can cause tiny nicks and cuts, your freshly shaven legs are a magnet for infection. The best option is to wait until after your appointment to shave, but at minimum allow a full 24 hours between hair removal and pedicure.

Other tips from the pros: Bring your own instruments to be absolutely sure you’ve got the hygiene covered. Many salons will let regular customers store their own files, clippers, etc. in small, individual boxes or cubes so they’re ready for next time. And logic dictates that the earlier in the day you arrive, the fewer feet will have already sloshed around in your foot basin.

If you’ve had a bad experience with spa hygiene or are otherwise germ-phobic, consider grabbing a girlfriend and some at-home spa products and trade off pampering the other’s piggies. There might not be a massage chair involved, but you won’t need to tip her, either.

The facts of wax

First of all, let’s dispel the notion that fat girls can’t get their business waxed. According to the delightful (and proudly plus-sized!) Daniela of Daniela’s Facial Studio in Chicago, the only thing standing between you and a neatly groomed (or completely bare) nether region is a knowledgeable and experienced esthetician.

If you’ve never had the pleasure, basic bikini-area hair removal involves removing your clothes from the waist down, reclining on a waxing bench or bed, and going to your happy place for 15-45 minutes while the esthetician uses either soft wax, hard wax or a combo to remove as much of the hair as you’ve requested. Some girls opt to just clean up the areas not covered by their favorite undies or bathing suit, some ask to have their pubic hair sculpted into designs, and others go for the full Brazilian, which removes even the smallest fuzz from your inner/outer labia and — yes — the area between your cheeks.

Depending on the location and your preferred look, you may be given a disposable paper thong to wear in order to provide guidance for your esthetician. Daniela estimates the elastic waist in an average paper thong accommodates a size 20/22; if you’re worried it won’t fit, bring a cheapie thong along and pitch it at the end of your session.

Heated soft wax is smoothed on with a spatula or tongue depressor, then removed with strips of paper/fabric. Hard wax adheres only to hair, not to skin, which makes it preferable for use on delicate inner bits. While currently very trendy, an all-hard-wax removal is more expensive and takes much longer. Tweezers are sometimes used for cleaning up remaining stray hairs.

In the hands of an experienced esthetician, Daniela insists, “The majority of people say, ‘that didn’t hurt as much as I thought it would.’” She recommends taking two Ibuprofen about 30 minutes before your appointment and trying to avoid scheduling during times when you’ll be more stressed, because skin clenches the hair more tightly when you’re nervous. “They make a big deal about [the pain] on TV. That really pisses me off.”

Still, big girls do need to be handled with care

“With overweight clients, there’s a much higher incidence of ingrown hairs or chafing, even if your thighs don’t rub together. Chafing holds onto wax for dear life,” Daniela explains. Because it can be difficult to remove wax from chafed areas, a provider without experience working on larger women could panic and not know how to handle the situation. Additionally, heavier clients tend to perspire more before and during a session, and skin must be very dry for successful removal. Daniela is adamant on this point: “If you call a salon and they say they don’t use — and reapply — powder before [soft]-waxing each section, I would go somewhere else.”

Hair removal is all about making the skin as taut as possible – even if it doesn’t come through the door that way. Since most of us have areas of stretched-out skin from weight loss, weight gain or pregnancy, this means you should expect to be an active participant in your hair removal – holding skin tight, lifting a hanging stomach, pulling your thigh aside, etc.

“I’ll have clients hold everything,” Daniela says. “Sometimes I’ll have them hold [a section] one way while I’m pulling the other way, just to get the skin as tight as possible. The more [an esthetician] holds and asks you to hold, the better the job will be.” Daniela swears this is the key to effective waxing that doesn’t leave you sore or purple afterward.

A matter of trust

So how do you locate a trustworthy provider in your area? When you don’t have your own experience to draw on, Daniela says, “The best thing to do is rely on advice from a friend or consumer reviews from sites like Yelp, Citysearch or Insider Pages.” Also, while there are obviously exceptions to the rule, larger salons or chains frequently hire recent graduates. If an esthetician isn’t yet seasoned enough to have experience working with multiple body types, Daniela cautions, “You can easily have a situation where that person has no idea what to do. They need to know where to pull and what to hold.”

Before you book an appointment, check out Daniela’s preparation advice and don’t hesitate to ask to speak to the esthetician and clarify any points that worry you. Ask what type of wax they use. If it’s a larger salon, inquire whether they have robes in extended sizes (Thousand Waves doesn’t wax, but their robe sizes extend to 2X). And if you’re considering an all-bare look, don’t shy away from asking one of the most frequent questions I’ve heard: “Will they ask me to get on all-fours?” (For the record, Daniela’s answer surprised me! ) “I don’t do it that way, ” she chuckles. “I have them lift the leg as far back as it will go, or lie on their tummy and spread their cheeks apart.”

Wow. Don’t say we won’t go to any length to get you girls the real deal on any topic. On that note, ladies, go forth and spa!

Share your spa experiences – good, bad, ugly, or beautiful – in the comments. Still have hair-removal questions? Post them in comments and Daniela will tackle them individually.

We asked, and you answered: “What’s the FIRST word that comes to mind when you think of yoga?” From your 100+ responses, we randomly selected a winner:

::drumroll::

Sherri, who wrote “***energizing***” as her one-word association with the word “yoga.”

Congratulations, Sherri!

Please email your mailing address to: letters AT fatgirlsguidetoliving DOT com so we can send your copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley.

Thanks for playing along, everyone! Tee and I got a kick out of your creativity and humor when answering this question. And Sherri and anyone else who picks up a copy of this book: please write to tell us what you think of it–we love reader mail! Stay tuned, as we’re planning more reader giveaways in the future.

This Image by Shavar Ross makes us wonder: Who was Oscar wearing?

Sunday’s 82^nd Annual Academy Awards broadcast drew attention for its many firsts. In addition to Kathryn Bigelow’s history-making win as the first female Best Director, Geoffrey Fletcher became the first African-American to be recognized with a screenwriting Oscar with his adaptation of Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire. Had Lee Daniels won the Best Director category for Precious, he would have been the first African-American to receive the honor.

Despite the focus on the (long overdue!) breakdown of these racial and gender barriers, many FGG readers may also have found themselves quietly (or not so quietly) cheering the bold, beautiful fat girls who represented so well at the Kodak Theater. The night began with Mo’Nique’s gritty poise during her Best Supporting Actress win. Viewers were then treated to Queen Latifah’s statuesque turn introducing the Governor’s Award ceremony clip, and – of course – the radiant sparkle of industry newcomer and Best Actress nominee Gabourey Sidibe, who seemed to be a magnet for telecast and paparazzi cameras alike. As I watched each of these captivating women rock their respective red carpet finery, it got me wondering:

“Which designers were lucky enough to dress Mo’Nique, Gabby and Queen? And – more importantly – has the time finally arrived for the fashion industry and media to give plus-sized beauty its due?”

Research on the first question was easy; news sites and blogs couldn’t wait to showcase photos of these ladies, as well as the stories behind their full-figured fashions. Although rumors had swirled around Sidibe’s gown options in the weeks preceding the ceremony, she eventually settled on a gorgeous blue Marquesa creation with short sleeves and diamond floral detail. (She also referred to her dress as a “money shot,” which made me gasp… and then giggle.) Having proven herself a savvy red carpet vet over the years, Queen Latifah opted for a one-shouldered dress in lavender satin by Badgley Mischka. Mo’Nique chose the periwinkle color of her Tadashi Shoji gown (and the gardenia in her hair) in tribute to Gone with the Wind star Hattie McDaniel, who wore a similar look in 1940 as the first African American actress to receive an Oscar.

As to the second question – Are high-profile designers and the media beginning to acknowledge that fat girls exist and shop outside of big box stores? – well, that’s a bit more complicated.

There has definitely been lip service paid of late to including representations of “nontraditional sizes” in fashion shows and magazine spreads. For the second consecutive year, designer Mark Fast featured plus-size models in his runway show at London’s 2010 Fashion Week. America’s Next Top Model has begun to cast contestants who don’t wear a size 2. Both V and Glamour recently touted issues showcasing models in extended sizes. Sidibe herself donned fashions ranging from off-the-rack at Torrid to designers like Monif C. (who helped us answer a recent “Ask FGG” question) during her awards season appearances. And another of Hollywood’s current darlings, Christina Hendricks of AMC’s series Mad Men, is as unapologetically voluptuous as she is talented. (Word is that her recent New York magazine cover sent the entire male population of Time Out New York’s offices into a buzzing frenzy that lasted days.) Yes, there are ripples of positive trends out there.

Unfortunately, it’s difficult to overlook the “…but” to most of these encouraging stories. As a result of the decision to include size 12 and 14 models, both the casting director and a stylist quit the Mark Fast show backstage. Hendricks has gone on record as saying she gets frustrated by the consistent emphasis on her body, as if her curves somehow eclipse the need to acknowledge her work on one of television’s most critically acclaimed shows. And while fashion spreads and runway shows (and Tyra) may be slowly opening their doors to larger sizes, the fact remains that “plus-size” in fashion speak doesn’t correspond to the tags in the back of your IGIGI dress or my Venezia jeans. Because straight sizes don’t usually extend past a 6, anything above that can be considered “plus” – meaning you’ll often see a model wearing a size 8 or 10 being billed as “plus-size,” despite the inconsistency with real-world sizing.

Still, any opportunity for girls ages 7 to 75 to see diverse body types represented in the media as both beautiful and viable has to be considered a step forward. On Sunday night, 41 million viewers saw that three of the women occupying these physiques are intelligent and talented, funny and dynamic – just like those of us who spent the Academy Awards in our pajamas instead of couture. So, reader, whether you’re an actress or an architect, your challenge this week is to hold your head high and tackle your calling with confidence. Give your next boardroom presentation with the poise of Mo’Nique, channel Gabby’s exuberance the next time you find yourself in a new setting, and let your laugh and smile come as freely as Queen Latifah’s whenever possible. After all, each of us represents in her own unique and stylish way.

Nothing says “vacation” like accessorizing with a paper umbrella

If you caught last week’s Part I of our Guide to Taking a Cruise (and if you haven’t yet, what are you waiting for?) you’re in good shape when it comes to researching and packing for the big trip. Read on for ways to make yourself at home aboard your chosen vessel.

Cruise with confidence, ladies!

Many first-time cruisers feel anxiety about their safety aboard a large liner, or what will happen in case of an emergency. Rest assured that every cruise, no matter what line you choose, begins with a mandatory safety drill for all passengers. During your first night on the ship, you’ll don a life jacket and gather with your fellow passengers (likely in the theater or auditorium) as staff review all safety procedures.

If you’re cruising as a fat girl, you may also have concerns about the logistics of these safety procedures. Questions range from “Will the life jacket fit?” to “How safe are those lifeboats, anyway?” While the best resource for answering your specific questions is often the cruise line staff (and I have heard of travelers bringing their own life jackets in extreme circumstances), take comfort in the fact that these devices are incredibly adjustable. Even for an incredibly, um, over-blessed girl like me, the most uncomfortable part of the safety drill wasn’t wearing a big, awkward vest over my girls – it was sitting in a squinchy auditorium chair (more on those later) during the lengthy rundown. Further, all of the transitional vehicles you’ll encounter on a cruise (lifeboats, tenders to take you to and from smaller islands, etc.) are tested and sturdy enough to withstand far more than any of us could throw at them.

Three words for stateroom selection: Location, location, location.

Part I of this Guide asked you to sort out your priorities for your overall cruise experience, and the same rules apply when choosing your stateroom. Get out the map of your cruise ship (visit your line’s web site or Cruise Deck Plans) and do some research. Avoid booking a room that adjoins with another unless you’re traveling as a family or group and know exactly who you’ll place on the other side of that wall. If you’re a light sleeper or otherwise noise-sensitive, you’ll want to steer clear of rooms under hotspot common areas like restaurants, pools, theaters, or casinos. Elevators and stairways also generate lots of noise and can be heavily trafficked at all hours, so the rooms farthest away will be the quietest and experience the fewest passerby disruptions. If mobility is an issue, however, opt for a location near the elevators so you’re not forced to cover the length of a hallway every time you visit your room. Wheelchair-accessible rooms are also available.

Veteran tip: As a general rule, the closer you are to the back of the ship, the greater the chances you’ll be affected by machinery noise (especially from the rudders) and ship movement. If you’re prone to motion sickness, choose a stateroom as close to the front of the ship as possible.

If your stateroom were truly a state, it would be Rhode Island.

Although the average hotel room offers approximately 300 square feet of space, the equivalent price point in cruise cabin accommodations only averages between 150-200 square feet. Unless you upgrade to a suite, mini-suite or villa level, your whole cabin – beds, seating and dressing areas and yes, the bathroom – will fit in a narrow space about as large as a medium-size bedroom. The good news is that cruises offer so much to see and experience that most travelers don’t spend much time in their staterooms unless they’re sleeping, changing or getting ready for the day. My friends and I put that theory to the test in 2008 when three of us shared a single, interior (windowless) stateroom for nine days. (You’d be amazed how much luggage will stow under a twin bed.)

Most dual-occupancy staterooms provide two twin beds that can be combined to form a queen; if you’re booking a cabin that accommodates three or four passengers (as we did on the NCL Jewel) you may also encounter upper berths that fold down from the wall to create a bunk bed-like effect above the twin beds. While the upper berths may sleep a child comfortably and safely, they are decidedly not fat girl-friendly. We took one look at the relatively flimsy bolts and hinges and decided we’d be pulling the mattress off the platform and down to the floor for bedtimes. There was exactly enough space between the twin beds to slide the third twin mattress, and we each climbed in and out of our respective bed from the foot.

Veteran tip: Unless you’re ready to get super cozy and take turns hitting the floor, it’s worth checking to see if a mini-suite with a pullout sofa would be comparable in price or a worthwhile splurge.

Bathroom accommodations require some creative maneuvering.

Even if you’re flush enough to afford a suite or a room with a balcony, don’t expect the upgrade to automatically extend to the bathroom. Bathing accommodations remain mega-tight and shower-only unless you spring for the highest price digs, which then may include shower/tub combos and space enough to not bang into walls when turning around. Otherwise, plan to spend as little time in the bathroom as possible and get your relaxation fix poolside or at the spa.

Bathroom layouts vary from ship to ship. Some designs include glass or plastic partitions between the toilet/sink/shower portions of the room; others turn the toilet at an odd angle to accommodate the cramped room layout. Toilets also frequently sit awkwardly close to the wall, forcing taller or heavier cruisers to adopt a sideways seated position (or temporarily remove the toilet paper holder) in order to provide hip clearance and avoid knees hitting the forward wall.

When it comes to the shower, expect another snug experience. Whether the space is closed off with a shower curtain or a door, there won’t be much room to spare. This is another subject ripe for the boards at Cruise Critic or CruiseMates, where you can read firsthand accounts from fellow travelers — some members will even have specific room measurements or photos to share. Everyone in our plus-sized group did fine in the NCL shower, but if necessary, you can always ask for extra towels to line the floor outside the shower area if the curtain or door won’t close fully. Wheelchair-accessible rooms offer more generously sized, roll-in showers, but ships offer limited quantities of these rooms and they are often occupied by cruisers requiring a chair for day-to-day mobility.

Veteran tip: Another great option for more spacious showering (and leg shaving!) is to visit the ship’s fitness center, where you’ll find larger shower stalls and possibly in-stall seating.

“All-inclusive” doesn’t cover everything.

Whether you’re cruising freestyle or sitting down to formal dinners, the food is sure to be decadent, plentiful and rich with variety. Avoid any unwelcome surprises by knowing exactly what your “all-inclusive” package really includes. In most cases, all food served in onboard restaurants will be included (some ships may charge a cover for certain restaurants; see Part I of this Guide). Many ships extend the all-inclusive rule to a limited menu of room service items as well. Coffee is included, but soft drinks and alcohol are not. Each time you purchase a non-included beverage, the bartender or wait staff will swipe your cruise ID just like a credit card, with all charges (usually including a transactional gratuity) going directly onto your room bill.

If soft drinks are a must-have (or if you’re hoping to keep your umbrella drink expenses to a manageable amount), consider purchasing an all-you-can-drink soda pass. For a fixed price (usually priced out per day; we paid approximately $55 for nine days), you get a sticker or card entitling you to free fill-ups anywhere on the ship. The price may seem steep, but with each can/glass of Diet Coke costing $2-$4, this was cheaper than ordering separate drinks – plus gratuities – a few times per day. Be ready to make a decision quickly, though – this offer is usually only valid on the first day of your voyage. And if you’re picky about Coke vs. Pepsi, you may be out of luck.

Make your dining experience easy and enjoyable.

When it comes to seating, freestyle cruisers will encounter the same realities present in mainland restaurants: each setting will offer a different table, booth and seating configuration, so it’s a matter of requesting the setup that’s most comfortable for you. Try doing a tour of the many dining room options after getting settled on the ship so you know which ones will offer challenges (narrow armchairs, for example) and plan your meals accordingly.

If you’re opting for traditional dining room meals, check in with the maitre d’ before your first meal and request a chair with no arms, or a table that’s easily accessible from a main aisle so no one needs to squeeze by your chair, etc. Taking care of this when you first board the ship will usually enable you to reserve your preferred table and seat for the duration of the cruise.

Veteran tip: Research the tipping policy on your ship. Many cruise lines employ a fixed gratuity scale (e.g. $10 per day, automatically billed to your room account) to “streamline” tipping on the boat and cover the many staff members you encounter during your voyage. Other lines offer the option to increase/decrease the gratuity provided to housekeeping vs. dining staff, etc. Be sure you know how much you’ll be billed and what other services might incur additional gratuities (spa services, each bar beverage etc.).

There’s a way to feel comfortable in almost any part of the ship.

If there’s one thing we’ve learned by now it’s that cruises have something for everyone, and that includes a comfy place to sit. From poolside restaurants to various bars and lounges, armless chairs, stools and loveseats are plentiful. Deck chairs are remarkably robust and usually armless. Sometimes the more tucked-away outer promenades will even have stacks of lounge chairs to set up in sun or shade. One of our favorite spots on the Jewel was a velvety plush, oversized chaise in the largest lounge; it comfortably accommodated three sprawling cat-nappers on our at-sea days.

The one exception to the “make you comfy” rule seems to be the auditorium seating in the ship theaters. Travelers on most ships report these seats to be narrow (ours sure were) and without the moveable armrests you often find at the local multiplex. Once again, scope out the theater during (or after) the mandatory emergency drill and see if there are armless chairs. These will likely fill quickly during shows, as will aisle or end-of-row seating. If you plan to attend one or more shows (NCL’s Cirque Bijou performance was amazing), be sure to hit the theater early to score your preferred seat.

Lastly, never be afraid to ask the ship’s staff for recommendations or assistance with any special need or request you might have. They’re accustomed to solving on-board challenges and are there to make your cruise experience all it can be. Good luck and happy sailing!

What’s the one thing you wish someone had told you before you cruised? Or what questions do you still have? Tell us in comments.

One of our first Fat Girl’s Guides covered how to practice yoga when your boobs and belly are, shall we say, significant enough to render certain poses difficult without a skilled instructor to offer alternatives. Now we’d like to offer our readers a free copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley. A yoga student for many years, Stanley worked with yoga instructors and students to develop this guide for “the rest of us,” dispelling the myth that you have to look like a cover model to practice yoga. The book also covers the many benefits of yoga, including improved posture, stress relief, and improved focus and sleeping patterns – benefits Toni can happily attest to since returning to practice at the beginning of this year.

To enter, comment here with the FIRST word that comes to mind when you hear the word “yoga,” and you’ll be automatically entered in the drawing. (One entry per person and you must enter a valid email address).

The contest closes Wednesday, March 10 at 11:59 pm CST. A winner will be chosen at random from the comments, and will be notified by email within 24 hours after the contest closes.

Are Wii Having Fun Yet? by Peony

A few weeks back, Tee did a great job of breaking down some of the fat-friendly online dating sites, and you girls chimed in with your experiences. I’d like to continue that conversation with some tips on building an online dating profile that will get you noticed. As with resumes, it can be frustrating trying to sum up everything that’s great about us in a single, flimsy document. Let’s face it, girls: tooting our own horns is hard, and we all struggle at least a little when it’s time to talk about ourselves and pick photos that capture our fully adorable selves – all in the hope of finding true love.

As for writing about yourself, each dating site has different sections with prompts. I’m not here to tell you exactly what to put in those little white boxes, but I can give you some help beyond the classic (and excellent) advice to “be yourself.” To help boost your confidence, enlist the help of a trusted friend who will be honest and share your positive qualities. Avoid complaining about your past heartbreaks with cheaters and other jerks; so many women sound off about this, and it only drowns out their good qualities. It’s kind of a given that most of us have had our hearts stomped on, so focus on sounding hopeful and enthusiastic about the prospect of meeting someone. Start by mentioning things you enjoy doing–not only does this give someone things to talk about with you, but it can offer prospects some great date ideas.

Finally, under no circumstances should you say that you don’t know what to put here or that talking about yourself is hard. Everyone else on the site managed to do it, and you can, too. Just be positive and don’t put too much pressure on yourself–you can always edit and refine your profile later. (Don’t forget to check your profile every few months to make sure it’s still accurate).

Next you’ll need a portrait, and this is one thing I can tell you all about. I’ve worked as a semi-professional photographer and still pursue it as one of my favorite hobbies. I did a year-long self-portraiture project AND I’ve worked with curvaceous brides, so I know a thing or two about looking good in pictures when you don’t have a model’s body. OkCupid released an interesting study they did on how user pics affected interest in their dating profiles. Check it out here. You absolutely must have recent pictures. I have been on a date (twice) where the guy used old pictures and had become significantly less attractive in the meantime. Relying on old photos of a thinner you starts things off disingenuously, and it’s very tough to recover from that and move on into a relationship.

Find a friend to help you take good pictures. Make a day of it — change outfits a few times or go to the park. Wear something you feel pretty in, wear the amount of makeup you would for a normal workday, and have fun with it. Just relax and let yourself get used to your personal paparazzi. The great thing about digital photography is that you can easily take two hundred pictures to get three or four good ones. Natural light is best, but you can stay inside if it’s gross outdoors; look for soft, flattering light from a window. Also, if you photograph yourself at home or at a friend’s place, make sure whatever is showing behind you is tidy! Your sink full of dishes or overflowing dirty laundry basket shouldn’t be someone’s first impression of you.

You’ll look best if the pics are taken from slightly above you to minimize a double chin. Stand up straight and tall, shoulders back, chin up. You’ll get the best pictures if your photographer gets in close (3-4 ft for the average point and shoot camera) to fill the frame with you. Turning 3/4 rather than straight on gives a flattering silhouette that’s pleasing to the eye. You should have a couple of good face shots and something that gives an idea of what your body is like. If you don’t have a friend to take pictures, set the camera on something sturdy, use the self timer, and be patient – remember, you can easily delete any non-keepers as you practice.

A word about photo editing: don’t Photoshop things too much. Covering up a blemish is okay, but heavy editing is best left to the pros. If you have the software and tools, fixing technical things (exposure, contrast, etc.) is a good idea. Flickr offers the Picnik photo editing service, which has basic free features and additional tools available for a low price.

These tips should get your online dating adventure off to a good start. Feel free to ask questions in the comments, and I’ll see if I can’t answer them or point you to a good resource!

OhLaLa by Midnighteskye

Two of my friends attended a burlesque-themed wedding last weekend, and I couldn’t wait to pore over their photos from the occasion. The images were striking — so many exuberant women and men dressed to express themselves and ready to celebrate, body issues be damned. Not the typical notion of a marriage ceremony, to be sure, but there was something honest and refreshing about seeing girls of all sizes looking carefree and vital in their corsets, garters or camisoles. This got me thinking:

Where can a girl shaped like me find something sultry to wear, even if there aren’t any burlesque-themed weddings in my immediate future?

Boy, do I have some sites for you (okay, us). The fashion statements made in those wedding photos reminded me that although we’re often encouraged to associate luscious lingerie with a seduction scene, there are plenty of reasons to keep a few daring pieces in your boudoir. If your social circle skews a little more traditional, don’t sweat it. You don’t need a bare-most-of-it nuptial occasion – or even a specific audience – to enjoy donning a bit of silk or lace. As Peony pointed out in her most recent Sex and the Single Fat Girl column, sometimes pulling out the garters or a slinky cami happens just for you. So whether sleeping in a luxurious chemise helps evoke sweet dreams or you’re looking to add a bit of secret-weapon “oomph” under your interview suit, try one of these venues to connect you with your sensual side.

(Disclaimer: Lingerie = body parts. Be sure to click the following links from a location that won’t get you fired.)

Hips and Curves

From baby dolls and cami/short sets to costumes and garter belts, this diva-licious supersite is a treasure trove of all things sultry. A girl could easily lose track of time time paging through the many options here, including three pages of widely varied bustiers and corsets. Bonus: The thorough sizing page includes a terrific explanation of how to select the right corset measurement.

Torrid

Known for its bold, colorful and often goth-inspired dresses, separates and accessories, Torrid also offers an array of similarly styled bustiers, teddies and chemises (like the black & white one I coveted upon sight). Sizes range from 00 (comparable to size 10 or Large) to 5 (size 30/32 or 5X), although not every size is available online.

Plus Size Plum

The brainchild of former plus-size model and writer for BBW Magazine Deborah Friedman, Plus Size Plum prides itself on offering a high-end customer service experience and hand-picked selections of intimate apparel. We found it notable for its mix of wild (an entire page of body stockings!) and mild (babydoll & peignor set).

Lane Bryant

Many of us have shopped the LB for denim, sweaters, tees and career wear, but their lingerie department is also worth a look. In addition to corsets, camis and negligees for every modesty level, you’ll also find specialty bras and the frilliest of panties.

Lingerie Diva

An impressively diverse plus-size section features everything from basics and bridal lingerie to vinyl and leather. Lingerie Diva also offers the largest array of full-figured garters and hosiery that we found, but read sizing info carefully — many styles are only available in a single “Queen” option.

Frederick’s of Hollywood

You wouldn’t know it from the models featured in the the company’s catalogs or web listings, but Frederick’s offers a decent selection of its lingerie, corsets, bras and panties in plus sizes. Some items fall decidedly more on the costume side, but there’s also a handful of very basic pieces like the renaissance corset or the satin cami & short set, both available in sizes up to 3X.

Tell us where you’ve found the pieces in your wardrobe that make you feel especially sexy, classy or adventurous. And don’t forget to send along your own burning questions to letters@fatgirlsguide.com for inclusion in an upcoming “Ask FGG” column.