The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Lace up and ask for the right help with your fitness boost

Four fat girls walk into a gym. . .

Relax, friends, I’m not about to tell a tasteless joke. In setting up today’s Guide, I thought I’d share a bit about my own experiences working with a personal trainer many years ago. And it really did begin with four overweight friends joining a gym.

Technically, Tracy was already an active gym-goer when we met her through Weight Watchers; the rest of us followed suit when we all started spending quality time together having girlie dinners and sharing stories about the inner Healthy Girl we were each secretly harboring inside. Three nights a week, we met to work with Kathy, who — God bless her — pushed all four of us to hold our plank position a little longer or stop making excuses and just start doing squats already.

In addition to teaching me solid techniques for using free weights and resistance machines, those sessions with Kathy and my girlfriends helped keep me accountable to the lifestyle goals I had for myself at the time. At a size 24, I was far from a hard-body athlete, but that didn’t matter — I felt strong and confident for the first time in my life, and I looked forward to those training sessions because I knew how awesome I’d feel afterward. While FGG editorial knows that not everyone in our readership wants to lose weight, it’s hard to argue against down-to-earth goals like developing the strength to easily carry the groceries inside or the stamina to keep up with one’s kids.

If you’ve ever been curious about what a personal trainer could do for you, or if hiring a trainer seems like something only “skinny” people do — think again. Trainers work with individuals and groups of all different ages, shapes, sizes and fitness goals. And — lucky you! — we asked fitness pros of all different backgrounds to share their “getting started” tips to help you bulk up on knowledge without breaking a sweat.

Amber O’Neal (Atlanta, GA), certified group fitness instructor (ACE) and personal trainer and founder of Café Physique® private in-home and on-site fitness and nutrition company

In her words: “Most experienced trainers have a niche. For me, it actually is working with overweight women, but I have other trainers in Café Physique who specialize in working with runners, children, seniors, clients with back problems, etc. Ideally, the trainer you choose will have experience working with overweight women and ENJOY working with overweight women, but I wouldn’t automatically rule out everyone else. The key is that the trainer be patient, open to feedback, flexible, and willing to learn and accommodate.”

Amber breaks down of the benefits of working with a personal trainer:

1. ACCOUNTABILITY. Most people quit fitness programs within two weeks — especially people who are de-conditioned and don’t have a natural love for working out. Your trainer will keep you accountable for the workouts, and unless you like throwing away perfectly good money, you’re going to stay on the program (most require pre-payment).

2. PROGRESSION. When left to their own devices, most women don’t push themselves to the next level. They keep plugging along doing the same old routine because it’s comfortable. Your trainer will make sure that you’re progressing toward your goals by building a more robust program as you go.

3. SAFETY. Protecting your back, knees, and ankles is important for everyone, but this can be of special concern for overweight women. Working with a trainer who will show you proper form and will likely insist on a good warm-up and stretching routine will help minimize injury and pain.

Derek Peruo (New York, NY), certified personal trainer (ACSM, NSCA)
http://bodybydrock.wordpress.com

Derek understands setting and achieving fitness goals while overweight — having been overweight his entire life, he successfully lost 90 pounds in 2006 and now designs strength and training programs to help others achieve their athletic goals. Whether you’re sourcing trainers through a health club or doing Google searches for trainers near you, Derek advises it’s important to choose someone who is active in the fitness community and committed to his/her own health.

Derek recommends that everyone ask the following questions of any new personal trainer they may work with:

1. WHO ARE YOU CERTIFIED BY?
A nationally recognized certification is the most important thing for a serious personal trainer to have. The most well-known certifications come from the American College of Sports Medicine (ACSM), the National Strength and Conditioning Association (NSCA), the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM) and the American Council on Exercise (ACE). Each agency guarantees that its trainers understand the basics of program design and client safety, and each offers a unique perspective on training. If you want to train like an athlete, work with a trainer certified by the NSCA or NASM. If you have a chronic health condition (e.g. diabetes or a heart condition), an ACSM-certified professional might be right for you. If you have no health problems and are just looking for some basic guidance in the gym, ACE trainers are the way to go. Be wary of personal trainers certified by unfamiliar agencies, or who have no certification at all.

2. WHAT CONFERENCE/WORKSHOP DID YOU LAST ATTEND?
Continuing education is required for all the major certifications and what your potential trainer chooses to study reveals her training philosophy and focus. Understanding “functional movement” provides a very different perspective than understanding “protein synthesis” or “carbohydrate tolerance,” and you may prefer one over another. Talk with a prospective trainer about her likes and dislikes and see if you agree with their viewpoint on exercise and eating habits.

3. MAY I SEE SOME BEFORE & AFTER PHOTOS?
Client photos and testimonials illustrate the trainer’s ability to actually produce results for his clients, and testimonials demonstrate that he provides tangible value for the people he works with. Make sure you like what you see! A trainer without photos or testimonials may be new to the fitness industry, or his clients may not be happy with their results.

4. MAY I SEE YOUR PERSONAL WORKOUT PROGRAM?
Personal trainers should always make their own health and fitness a priority. Unhealthy personal trainers cannot demonstrate proper exercise technique or safely spot you while you work out. Looking at your potential trainer’s workout program will expose how she might train her clients. What does she do for a warm-up? What equipment does she use? How long does her workout take? How does she cool down? Work with a trainer with goals that match your own.

Jennifer DiDonato (Detroit, MI), certified personal trainer (NASM) and owner, Made Fit TV

In her words: “Ask if the trainer has ever worked with someone with significant pounds to shed or with physical limitations due to their weight, as well as how long the trainer has worked with his/her clients. Then ask to able to speak with a current or former client (in person or over the phone) to get feedback on how they liked working with that trainer. This can give you a behind-the-scenes and unbiased view of what that trainer is about.”

Jennifer’s tips on thinking outside the training box:

1. CREDENTIALS DON’T MEAN EVERYTHING. A trainer can have great and numerous credentials through schools and training, but if s/he doesn’t know how to communicate with you, teach you, or make you feel comfortable, then don’t rule out another trainer who may look less impressive on paper. As long as a trainer is certified through a nationally recognized organization, maintains current certifications (including First Aid, AED and CPR), and has been employed for over a year, try them out. You may be surprised at how much energy, motivation and cutting-edge education a “newbie” trainer fresh out of training can have in store for you — and how much you may like it!

2. DON’T EXPECT A TRAINER TO SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS. If you have been dealing with your weight and health issues for a long period of time, or if it is severe enough that it requires immediate attention, you won’t magically meet your goals the moment you sign the dotted line. Hiring a trainer is a two-way street. Both client and trainer must work hard together toward the goal that you have for yourself. Sure, it’s going to be challenging, but that is why you hired the trainer — to push you and show you how strong, brave and amazing you really are! The trainer is the teacher, but it wont do anyone any good if the student is not compliant.

3. IF YOU WANT SOMETHING THAT YOU DON’T SEE IS OFFERED — ASK! Many trainers at gyms are employed through the gym and are not allowed to train outside of that gym; some gyms allow trainers to freelance in their own time and can even train in-home or on-location. If you aren’t comfortable training on the gym floor during public hours, if you prefer early morning training hours, or if can only train late at night, then ask the trainer to accommodate you. A good trainer wants you to feel as comfortable as possible in your surroundings so you can focus without unnecessary distractions.

Jen Swendseid (St. Louis Park, MN), certified personal trainer (ACE & NASM) and CEO of heart&core Athletic Apparel

In her words: “If you tend to be self-motivated, try meeting with a trainer on a monthly basis to switch up your routine (and save some money!). However, if you aren’t motivated, work with a trainer on a weekly basis until you build confidence and a habit of working out, which will help you become more motivated. Also, consider doing small group training or share the training sessions/costs with a friend/partner/spouse.”

Jen’s tips on taking prospective trainers for a trial run:

1. MEET WITH A POTENTIAL TRAINER FIRST. Go with your gut feeling — personality and beliefs are going to be extremely important! If you belong to a gym, watch the trainer(s) train some of their clients. Are they engaged or gabbing and looking around? Do they do the same exercises/routine with every client? If you don’t belong to a gym, your best bet is to get referrals from friends or family.

2. ONCE YOU MEET WITH YOUR TRAINER, have her take you through a sample workout. Most of your exercises should involve using body weight, cables, free weights and/or equipment such as the bosu or a stability ball. You should have to be your own stabilizer vs. a machine helping you — you’ll burn more calories that way.

3. SOME THINGS A TRAINER SHOULD BEGIN BY DOING include checking your balance, range of motion and posture, as well as noting any limitations you may have (such as injuries, surgeries or medical conditions). Once s/he develops a plan based on this information and your goals, you can begin your routine. If there are exercises you can’t do or simply don’t like, a trainer should provide alternative exercises for you. And remember that you should never feel any pain during an exercise — if so, stop immediately! [FGG note: If our bodies aren't used to moving in certain ways (or at all. . .), every movement can sometimes seem challenging. Maintaining open communication with your trainer about movements that are uncomfortable is important so s/he can help you understand which movements are an indication your muscles are working and which could cause injury.]

Allen Linville (Latham, NY), certified personal trainer (NASM, AFPA) and owner of Fitness Together

With average prices for a training session running anywhere from $30 (gym- or group-based sessions) to $100 (individual instruction), depending on the geographic market, we should all want to get the maximum benefit from our time with a personal trainer.

Final thoughts from Allen:

Anyone can count to 15 and hold a clipboard. Look for a coach who will educate you about all the components necessary to achieve optimal health and real, lasting fitness results. Your trainer should review nutrition education with you, educate you about proper supplementation, review resistance training (whether that be balance training, core work, stabilization training, etc.), cardiovascular exercise to maximize fat burning, flexibility to avoid injury and speed recovery, and really walk you through all the steps that encompass the “mental development” side.

The best personal trainers view their role as an “agent of change” — not as a babysitter, repetition-counter or social companion. Friendliness and rapport-building skills are important (and the best trainers have both), but true fitness professionals recognize they have a singular responsibility that supersedes all others: helping you achieve optimum and lasting results by literally “re-programming” you to a better, healthier, more passionate and more fulfilling lifestyle.

If I had written today’s Guide on my own beliefs and preferences about personal training, you’d have just finished reading a blog post entitled Don’t Yell In My Face: Why Jillian Michaels Isn’t For Everyone. What’s YOUR preference when it comes to working out? Do you go it alone or take a buddy? If you’ve ever used a trainer, tell us about the experience in comments!

Image by myuibe

When Toni wrote the original Fat Girl’s Guide to iPhone Applications last December, she noted that, despite the holdout status maintained by some of our more technophobic readers, the smartphone wasn’t going away. How right she was! In the eight months since that post ran at FGG, Apple has released both the iPhone 4 and the iPad, while the Motorola Droid has continued to explode in popularity and application offerings. We figured those three factors — not to mention the scads of new and updated apps on the market — warranted re-visiting the app stores to share some of the newest (or most addictive) ways these ubiquitous gadgets can enhance your life.

Note: Not all of our suggestions are designed or marketed specifically as apps for overweight women; most, in fact, have much broader appeal or aren’t weight-related. Consider this a roundup of helpful (or goofy) apps that we, as fat girls with active lifestyles, have enjoyed or coveted this year.

Apps for the hungry girl

Whether you’re in the kitchen or on the go, the Epicurious app helps take your cooking to a higher level by allowing you to search/browse/save/e-mail more than 30,000 recipes and create shopping lists. On the large screen of the iPad, the app becomes a stove-side cookbook with user-friendly layout and task progress bar. Best of all? Epicurious is free for both the iPad and iPhone and is newly available for Android mobile devices.

If you’re searching for a place to eat, both Yelp (free, user-generated reviews) and Zagat To Go (Zagat ratings for 40,000 restaurants, $3.99-$19.99) can help you decide where to nosh. Both apps command loyal followings based on their respective content, attitude and price, but if you have an iPhone, iPod touch, BlackBerry or Android mobile device, you can try them both and decide for yourself. And once you know where you’re going, reservations are a snap with OpenTable.

Loving the variety of fresh produce the summertime brings? The What’s Fresh app (for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch) can tell you which fruits and vegetables are currently in season in your area (anywhere in the U.S.), or provide a calendar of when/where the item you’re craving will be in season. Currently selling for 99 cents (down from $1.99), this one’s a gimme for girls who love to shop locally and those of us looking to include more fresh fruits and veggies in our diets.

Apps for the active girl

We haven’t seen many specific fitness apps for plus-sized women out there, but girls of all activity levels can benefit from setting the simple goal of just trying to move more. Portable technology makes it easier than ever to track (and celebrate!) everything from the shortest walks with the dog to lengthy hikes, runs or rides.

Counting steps, measuring stride and tracking distance and calories burned all happens via iTreadmill’s quick, clean interface (99 cents for iPhone or iPod touch). And I was already addicted to MapMyRun.com, but the iMapMy fitness app is even more exciting. Different versions exist for BlackBerry, Android and Apple gadgets, but the upshot is that the GPS-enabled app provides route planning and tracking, training log and social network for everything from walking to running to cycling.

We know every girl has her favorite activity, and it would be impossible to tackle all of the corresponding app recommendations here. If you’re learning to get your yoga on, for example, you may dig 101 Yoga Poses app, free for iPhone, iPod touch, and iPad. And for girls who like to travel on two wheels, Bike Doctor ($1.99 for iPhone, iPod touch and iPad) provides diagnosis and step-by-step bike repairs so a flat tire doesn’t derail the whole commute.

Health and wellness apps

WebMD‘s free app (for iPhone and iPad) is an easy-to-use goldmine of medical info. In addition to expected features like a symptom checker and information on medical conditions, other cool components of this app include the ability to locate your nearest physician, hospital and pharmacy, and a tool that identifies prescriptions and over-the-counter pills by shape, color and imprint. And in addition to the numerous weather apps out there, some — like AccuWeather.com’s WeatherMD™ targets content to those with weather-affected ailments like asthma, arthritis and allergies.

Staying in touch with your own health is a little easier with the HeartWise app ($2.99) for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch, which allows you to record and track trends in your blood pressure, resting heart rate and weight. We also love the simple, straightforward videos on iStretch, which offers yoga stretches designed to combat the effects of repetitive motion aches and pains on our office-dwelling bodies. Soon-to-be moms can even track and share every stage of pregnancy (“morning sickness: day 23!”) with free apps like I’m Expecting.

Apps for your lifestyle

Perfect for the commute, the doctor’s office waiting room, or the girl with eco-friendly reading habits, both iBooks (free for the iPad) and Amazon.com’s Kindle app (iPhone, iPad, BlackBerry, Android) offer the ability to download and read books chosen from a library of thousands. While you’re at it, jot down notes for the upcoming book club meeting (or just sketch your Next Big Idea) with Evernote, a free app for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch that instantly syncs to your Mac or Windows desktop.

Pandora + portability = happy, happy ears. Seriously, if you haven’t yet used Pandora to build free, customized radio stations based on a genre, a group or even a single song, I want you to do three things: 1) Finish reading this article; 2) Download the free app to your iPhone, iPod touch, iPad, BlackBerry or Android; and 3) Send FGG fan mail. Not sure how to complete any of those three steps? Check Howcast for a video guide on any topic you can dream up — it’s available free for Apple products, Blackberry and Android.

Whether your “must-have” news fix comes via NPR, the Associated Press or People magazine, there’s an app for that. And iPad users with a pop culture jones will appreciate the way Entertainment Weeky’s “Must List” comes to interactive life with the free app.

Counting pennies? SuperSaver.com (free for Apple products) shows you promotions and coupons available in your area, while iGasUp (same) will steer you toward the cheapest gas prices in any location. If you do the car share thing, the Zipcar iphone app is handy for finding and reserving a vehicle. It will even allow you to lock/unlock doors or beep the horn of your car — great for remembering where you parked! After saving some money, keep the warm fuzzies going by saving a little planet, too. The iRecycle app can help you figure out where and how to recycle everything from newspapers to cell phones, while informing you of eco-friendly gatherings in your area.

Finally, several friends swear by using textPlus to stay in touch and meet new people. Available for Apple products and Android, the app allows free, unlimited texts (including group texts) from any device. No more 30-minute conference calls to decide what movie to see. Everyone wins, truly.

Apps that deserve the iPad treatment

The iPad’s big, beautiful display is just begging to show movies. Netflix members can download the free app and stream full-length movies or their favorite TV series anywhere they choose. And fans of ABC can thank the network for its gorgeous streaming viewer, stocked with full-length episodes that can be paused and resumed as the mood strikes. Looking for a (free!) diversion but not sure what you want to watch? Dailymotion lets you search more than 13 million videos from channel selections that include TV, film, sports and music.

And while some apps could only be pulled off by an iPad-size screen (the instant ambiance — or camp factor — of Fireplace HD comes to mind), others can just flat-out blow you away when given more room to do their thing. Check out the updated iPad version of Star Walk constellation finder (which Toni mentioned last time) for, um, a stellar example.

Apps just for fun

Sure, a smartphone or iPad can make you more productive or change the way you experience media and information. But the gadget’s equally (if not more) important function is that of a sleek, pricey, grown-up toy. If you’re not yet playing Words With Friends or any of the Bejeweled games, I envy your restraint. And although I’ve yet to play it, the level of addiction reported by users of the crazy-popular puzzle game Angry Birds makes me glad. . . and itchy to see what the fuss is about.

Other fun ways to indulge your inner nerd: For 99 cents, Game Table turns your iPad into a variety of classic card and board games (checkers, chess, solitaire, poker). And Sporcle provides Apple users with a dizzying array of quizzes, trivia, games and “did you know?” lists for just $1.99.

For pure brain candy (no thinking required!), there’s an app for every ridiculous concept imaginable — all you need to do is Google. (Trust me on the ridiculous part — I have a friend who stubbornly refuses to admit that More Toast is anything other than sign of the apocalypse.)

A few ideas more compelling than toast: If you’re a child of the ’80s, like me, you can relive the days of Def Leppard and Debbie Gibson via the (free) Jamboxx app’s ’80s-inspired interface, which turns your iPad into an old-school, mix tape-making boom box. Nostalgialicious! And laugh if you want, but we dare you to play Bubble Snap (free for iPhone, iPad and iPod touch) just once. There’s something inexplicably compelling and Zen-like about popping bubble wrap, whether virtually or in real-time — even without the high-score bragging rights at stake.

For me, the best part about smartphone apps is when someone taking a seemingly ordinary app and weaves it into her life in a fun and unusual way. My friend Chrissy uses iRaffle to settle disputes among her three boys. Fighting over the bionic Spiderman action figure? Punch all three kids’ names into the app and — bam! — two seconds later, there’s a winner. “I tell them you just can’t argue with science,” she says. I’m totally trying that next time we no one can pick a place for dinner.

Readers, tell us — what’s your favorite mobile application these days? How does it bring more fulfillment, variety or fun to your life?

Image by Let Ideas Compete

When I mentioned to a friend that this week’s Fat Girl’s Guide would be on dental hygiene, her initial reaction was skepticism — and a little bit of a bristle. “Why is that a topic?” she asked, “I don’t need to brush my teeth differently because I’m fat.”

She’s right, of course. The basics on brushing (twice daily, and after consuming sugary foods) don’t change based on a person’s weight. But many of us (including me!) might be surprised to learn that ongoing studies over the past five years have focused on the relationship between obesity and periodontal disease. Amazingly, something as deceptively simple as healthy gums can influence a woman’s risk for serious conditions such as diabetes and heart disease.

Despite this riveting explanation, my friend’s eyes glazed over as I spoke, until she finally proclaimed that a whole post on dental health would be “boring.” Readers, I’ll grant you that healthy gums may not seem as exiting as finding comfy undies or learning how to flirt, but we keep it real here at FGG, and that means balancing the sexy with the sensible. Right now there are just a few short paragraphs standing between you and a healthier, happier mouth. I think we’re both up for that challenge, don’t you?

Why your dental habits matter

Let’s start with a few basics. Why is the importance of brushing, flossing and visits to the dentist something that’s drilled into our heads from the time we can hold a toothbrush? (Hint: It’s not just about making sure your dragon breath doesn’t kill living creatures.)

We all know how a “morning mouth” feels – the unclean, almost furry feeling on our teeth and gums. My best friend describes this sensation by saying, “My teeth are wearing sweaters.” In language that’s a bit more technical, the “sweatery” feeling is the sticky film of plaque that has accumulated on the teeth. Caused by bacteria present in the mouth, plaque happens to everyone — young or old, fat or thin. If plaque isn’t removed daily, it hardens into yellow- or brown-colored tartar, which is more difficult to remove.

I’m admittedly not a medical expert in the field of – well, anything, really. So in writing this week’s Guide, I enlisted the professional opinion of Dr. Phyllis Cook, DDS, MPH, PA. Dr. Cook owns her own periodontal practice in North Carolina, and her first order of business was defining for me the difference between a dentist and a periodontist: Periodontists complete three years of advanced training beyond dental school, and their focus is primarily in the supporting structures of the teeth, gums and bone. A high number of the procedures she completes are restorative or reconstructive in nature, as she works on a variety of patients with periodontal disease.

What is periodontal disease?

While it may sound complicated, periodontal disease is just the technical term for gum disease (“periodontal” means “around the tooth”). Most people have heard of the mildest form of periodontal disease, gingivitis, which causes red, swollen gums that bleed easily. If gingivitis remains untreated, it can progress into periodontitis — characterized by plaque growing below the gum line, generating toxins that result in a breakdown of the surrounding gum tissue and bone.

Dr. Cook explains how gingivitis can progress to periodontitis: “When bacteria is present in the patient’s gums, the bone structure moves away from the tooth. This causes deeper pockets between the gum and bone, causing the teeth to loosen. The deeper pockets allow more bacteria to gather, escalating the disease even farther if nothing is done to manage it.”

“Periodontal disease is never cured,” she says. “It’s only managed with proper dental hygiene and routine visits for cleanings.” In short: Periodontal disease never fully goes away and can result in your teeth falling out. Two very good reasons to avoid at all costs.

Women face unique risks for periodontal disease

As women of any size, the hormonal fluctuations we experience during our lifetimes (during major life events such as puberty, pregnancy and menopause, or as a result of taking birth control) do more than affect our moods, appetites, complexions, etc. Those same hormones also cause changes in our gum tissue, which can leave us more susceptible to periodontal disease.

“When a patient is pregnant or on birth control , her gum tissues hyper-react to bacteria (plaque). The gums become swollen and bleed easily,” Dr. Cook says. Conversely, “At the more mature phase of a woman’s life, the lack of hormones can also change gum tissue and bone density. ” Since we’ve already learned how vital bone integrity is to healthy bones and teeth, it makes sense that women with lower bone density (because of osteoporosis, for example) might be at higher risk for gum disease.

How diabetes affects periodontal disease

“While being overweight does not cause diabetes, it is a leading contributor,” Dr. Cook says. “If the diabetes or glycemic index is not controlled the body does not defend effectively against the bacterial challenge of periodontal disease. Maintaining your dental health makes managing your diabetes easier.” Similarly, she says, studies have shown that if a person is managing her dental health, positive effects can be seen in the management of her diabetes.”

For overweight women currently working to manage their diabetes, as well as for women with higher risk because of weight and family history, “Good oral hygiene is critical, along with food choices that will control blood sugar levels,” according to Dr. Cook.

Gum disease increases your risk for heart disease

Are you ready for a sobering fact? Researchers have found that people with periodontal disease are almost twice as likely to suffer from coronary artery disease as those with a clean bill of dental health. Don’t see the connection? Neither did I.

“The mouth is the gateway to the body,” Dr. Cook says, “and bacteria is present in everyone’s mouth.” Those higher bacteria levels present in patients with periodontal disease mean there’s more bacteria attaching to fatty plaques inside the arteries and contributing to the clogging and blockage of arteries.

While gum disease alone doesn’t cause heart disease, Dr. Cook says, “Chronic inflammation in the body is one more contributor — just like cholesterol.” Knowing that heart disease is a leading cause of death for adult women — and that obesity increases the risk of heart disease — it makes good sense for overweight women not to compound this risk with poor dental hygiene.

Maintaining good dental health isn’t complicated

The good news is that keeping your teeth and gums healthy is far easier than sweating in the gym for hours a day. In fact, like me, you likely already know all the right stuff you should be doing. . . but don’t always accomplish.

There’s no great secret to maintaining good dental health, Dr. Cook says. The key is to create a daily routine that includes smart, healthy food choices and consistent dental hygiene. Brushing your teeth (and tongue) after every meal and flossing daily will help keep your mouth in good shape between professional cleanings. And if you’re the type of person who spends 20 minutes in the toothpaste aisle agonizing over the endless choices and recommendations, you’re stressing too much, Dr. Cook says.

“The type of toothpaste can help if it makes the patient use it more,” she says, “but it is only of benefit while it’s is being used.” The real result doesn’t come from this brand or that brand, but rather from the mechanical removal of the plaque/bacteria accomplished by brushing and flossing.

And if you slack occasionally on brushing after every single meal, be sure you don’t slack on this: “The single most important thing is to have regular cleanings and dental and gum examinations by a dentist and/or periodontist,” Dr. Cook says. These exams serve to evaluate periodontal health, allow feedback on oral hygiene and provide instruction on ways to improve one’s dental hygiene.

“Regular examinations for patients without periodontal disease should happen every six to twelve months.” If periodontal disease has been identified and treated in a patient, the frequency of “recare” (repeat visits for cleanings and check-ups) is specific to the patient and can be as frequent as every two months.

Why diet is important to dental health

“Foods high in sugar both natural sugars and refined sugars should be avoided because they contribute to tooth decay and periodontal disease,” Dr. Cook says. “When we see patients getting cavities these days, it is mostly attributed to non-diet soda or sugary mints on a very frequent basis.”

In addition to sugary drinks and mints, Dr. Cook lists non-sugar-free gum and candy, grapes, raisins (remember: high natural sugar content), and foods with high refined sugar content (like many breads) as ones that should be avoided or enjoyed in moderation. Tooth-friendly foods she’d love to see her patients consume more frequently include vegetables, proteins, milk, unsweetened dairy products, and sugar-free candy and beverages.

With a little bit of planning and a lot of diligence, maintaining good dental health is an attainable goal for almost everyone. And as someone who occasionally plays fast and loose with the notion of brushing after every meal, I’m ready to invest the few minutes a day it will take to help safeguard my long-term health. What about you?

Information from Dr. Phyllis Cook’s web site and The American Academy of Periodontology contributed to this article. For a quick and easy way to assess your own risk of periodontal disease, take the quiz found here.

Sometimes the answer is obvious: Cut your losses and move on.
(image by stevenvanwel)

Dear FGG,

I’ve been on a few dates with a guy I met on a dating site. We’re not exclusive or anything, and he’s kind of fun to be with. But almost from the beginning of our relationship, he’s been critical of my appearance, particularly my weight. He’s always making little comments about how thin people behave or remarking on how much better my clothes would fit if I’d join a gym and shed a few pounds. What’s really funny is that he has a bit of a belly and love handles, but I don’t mind stuff like that. The other night at dinner, he actually asked if I should be eating a salad instead of hamburger! I really liked him at first, but these comments are getting old fast. Should I stick it out and let him get to know me and see if he’ll accept me the way that I am?

No.

Image taken moments before my kids snapped them up

When a couple of my friends were diagnosed with dairy allergies and lactose intolerance, it made me think differently about how I shopped–what would I do if I couldn’t just casually reach for a container of Kefir, crumbled feta cheese for my lunchtime salads, or (hold me) ice cream for special occasions? With this non-dairy dilemma in mind, I spotted these little gems in the frozen novelty section of our grocery store and decided to give them a try.

The verdict: YUM. But only if you like coconut (my husband voted no, but one non-coconut-loving kid voted yes–both said the flavor was subtle) and don’t mind smaller portion sizes. I’m not a fan of the 100-calorie pack trend, not just because of the premium we pay for additional packaging both environmentally and economically, but because so many diet-oriented foods simply don’t taste good. Bottom line: I’d rather have a smaller portion of something delicious–maybe even decadent–that’s prepared with fresh ingredients and care than something that tastes and feels like a consolation prize. These cool treats fit that bill nicely, with the added bonus of being healthier than ice cream.

So Delicious does make vanilla sandwiches made with soy milk (including full-sized), but in my opinion they’re not as flavorful. I haven’t tried the Neapolitan variety, but they look fun (let us know if you have and what you think!). For those avoiding dairy and soy, Turtle Mountain also makes a So Delicious coconut milk yogurt (on my “to try” list) and even Kefir (also on that list). It’s exciting to see options like this out there for those of us who either can’t have or want to scale back on dairy products for a more varied diet.

Girls, tell us: have you found any delicious work-arounds for your dietary restrictions? Tell us about them in the comments section.

kiss by chatblanc1

You know you’ve watched her.

She’s the girl at a party with a gravitational pull that effortlessly draws men into her orbit. Or the stranger on the train whose laughter fills the car two stops after she boards, delighting the random passenger sharing her seat. Maybe she’s even a friend of yours — a fellow fat girl, perhaps — and you’ve long envied her ability to meet people and generate positive interest in such a breezy, natural way.

As you watch her, the questions pop into your head, unbidden: “Just what is it about her that draws men/women/anyone with a pulse so immediately? What’s her trick?” And possibly, painfully: “No one seems to care that she’s overweight — so why is it so hard for me?”

The fact is there are two kinds of women in this world: The natural-born flirts and those of us who wish we knew their secret. Or perhaps there’s a third kind: Women who have learned to approach flirtation as a craft that may be studied and practiced, a means to expanding our social circles, a boost for our self esteem, a fun way to pass the time — or all of the above.

Flirting prep: It’s about much more than our weight

If you were expecting a separate flirting playbook for the plus-size woman, forget about it. Although some men may be more drawn to our rockin’ curves, there’s no “How to Flirt if You’re Overweight” manual. That being said, we big girls sometimes need to get out of our own way when it comes to meeting and chatting up new people.

“Flirting is an attitude — I think that’s number one,” says Fran Greene, former Director of Flirting at Match.com and author of the recently released book The Flirting Bible: Your Ultimate Photo Guide to Reading Body Language, Getting Noticed, and Meeting More People Than You Ever Thought Possible. Rather than any one specific action or technique, Greene explains, successful flirting at any size comes from being self-confident, positive and enthusiastic.

“Flirting crosses all genders, weights and sexualities,” Greene says. “It’s about your confidence and your attitude, about the way you present yourself and make the most about what you have. It’s not about being a ’10,’ but about having this air about you — a combo of chutzpah and charisma.”

“But wait!” I can almost hear some of our readers saying. “If I went through every day feeling self-confident, positive and full of chutzpah, would I require sage, thought-provoking FGG columns such as this one?” A fair point, dear readers. When I broach the issue with Greene, she suggests positive self-talk and the support of friends as tools to help get us over the confidence hump. Despite her credentials (licensed clinical social worker by training; dating and relationships counselor by practice), Greene can’t bestow the Presto Change-o Magic Bullet of Confidence, any more than I can — it just takes work and practice.

Laurie Davis, online dating coach and founder/CEO of eFlirt Expert, agrees that confidence is crucial. “If you’re feeling self-conscious, choose one thing that’s awesome about you and focus on that,” she suggests. “If your mindset is on the positive, great things will come!”

Davis’s advice not only sounds like a page straight from our recent Guide to Being Irresistible — Even to Yourself, but it makes good sense, too. If the essence of flirtation is about making fun, lighthearted connections with another person so that they want to learn more about you, it helps to buy into the package you’re selling. Some of us are born with that innate feeling of fearlessness, while others just have to keep working at it. Sitting in a corner listening to an inner soundtrack that’s stuck on “I suck and have nothing clever to say” won’t encourage anyone to chat you up. Change the track, already, and fake it ’til you make it.

Great first impressions require preparation at any size

Once you’re feeling irresistible (or are headed in the right direction), the next step is ensuring your first impression backs that up. Basic attention to your appearance goes a long way toward making you appear approachable and helping maintain your own confidence levels, so don’t underestimate how far a flattering hairstyle, manicured nails, standing up straight or wearing clothes that are flattering, age- and situation-appropriate will take you.

Although our self-sabotaging voice of doubt sometimes makes us feel invisible because of our weight, Greene points out that we sometimes make this a self-fulfilling prophecy. “If you’re dressed sloppily, like you don’t care,” she says, “is someone not interested because you’re overweight or because you don’t care about what you’re wearing?”

If you don’t know where to begin, she suggests getting advice from a close and/or male friend or taking someone shopping with you. “A lot of time we don’t see ourselves as other people see us. Take some pictures — what you see in photos is often different from what you see in the mirror,” which can help you appreciate yourself in a way that’s hard to do in the face of three-way mirrors and fluorescent lighting.

Set the stage for flirting success

Greene is adamant about the next rule: A good flirt never leaves home without a ‘prop.’ “For someone who struggles with weight or self confidence, props are natural conversation starters,” she explains. While the idea of luring someone into a dialogue based on a material object may seem like a bit of a cheat, Greene points out that girls who choose their props wisely (i.e. something that reflects their interests, passions or hobbies) will find their personalities shining through and potentially have more substantive conversations.

So what makes a good prop? Anything that gets you noticed, says Greene: unusual jewelry, a piece of clothing that references a passion or hobby, a book or newspaper, your dog, your kids, a tote bag, your dog and kids inside the tote bag . . . you get the idea.

Flirting is really about connecting

Don’t let yourself be overwhelmed by thinking of flirting as a daunting or elusive skill — it’s really just a simple series of events that make and maintain connections. To begin engaging someone, you’ll need to establish meaningful eye contact. Greene recommends holding the glance slightly longer than feels necessary (about 2-4 seconds) but not long enough to become a stare. And no, throwing in a wink does not make you cheesy or cliché.

“You have to start a conversation to make it happen, not wait for someone to come to you. The best opening line is very simple — just say ‘hello.’” Talk about your surroundings, give a compliment or state an opinion. The bottom line, Greene says, is to ” just get your mouth moving.”

A smile is also key here — as necessary to flirting as air is to breathing, according to Greene — because it makes you much more approachable. You don’t need to go through the day with a creepy, Cheshire Cat grin plastered on your face, but most people avoid engaging in witty banter with a person who looks like her dog just died. Successful flirts come across as playful and lighthearted, and they display a bit of vulnerability.

“Show that you’re real and human,” Greene emphasizes. You can even poke fun at yourself, so long as you follow Toni’s advice from a recent post and joke about your actions, not your essence. That’s just what one of Greene’s clients did after living out the nightmare scenario of accidentally tucking toilet paper into the back of her dress and being laughed at. Rather than skulk and hide, the woman walked up to the guy whose pointing had made her aware of the faux pas and said, “‘I want to thank you so much for saving me from embarrassment. My name is _____.”

Everyone loves a compliment

Something to remember about flirting: It’s not just about you. “The goal is to make someone else feel good, not just talk about yourself,” Greene says. To that extent, one of her tried-and-true suggestions for launching a flirtation is to give someone a compliment. Obviously, for best results you’ll want to keep your compliments honest and sincere. But Greene also suggests varying things a bit beyond commenting on someone’s shirt or eye color.

If you’re wearing something new or you always get compliments on your smile, having a stranger comment on these things will feel good but might not be as memorable as a compliment that comes out of left field. According to Greene, commenting on someone’s pleasant speaking voice, the patience they show with their kids, or even the way they organize their supermarket cart can not only be an ice-breaker but something that sets you apart.

Sound crazy? Think back to the compliments you’ve received recently, or over your lifetime. Which ones stand out in your mind? For me, the things people compliment are pretty reliable (my writing, for example). I love these compliments; I cherish them, and they warm me each time I hear them. But twenty years later, I still remember the name of the boy who told me in ninth grade that my nose was cute — and that it happened at the bowling alley. Things that are genuine but unexpected stay with us for a reason.

Take flirtation beyond “hello”

Once you’ve established a connection, keep the exchange going by practicing active listening. Lean slightly toward the person speaking, or touch him lightly on the arm. If you’ve never tried the simple touch on the arm, you may be amazed by how well this works.

Greene also suggests changing your behavior from the role of “guest” (someone who waits for others to take the lead) to the role of “host” (one who gets noticed by making things just a bit easier for others). This shift is important because it pries you out of being passive and waiting for something to happen.

How does this work in a real-world scenario? Offer a vacant seat at your table to the person scanning the crowded coffee shop for an open table. (The flip side of this might be to make eye contact and ask a passing customer if he’ll bring you cream and sugar so you don’t have to leave your laptop sitting unattended.) At a party or social function, offer to bring back food or a drink if you’re headed to the bar. Remember: Flirting is far less complicated if you break it down into a series of actions that foster connection.

Re-purposing a rejection

No matter how positive your attitude or how skilled your approach, there are bound to be encounters that don’t go as you’d hoped. If someone isn’t interested or doesn’t respond to a flirtation in kind, it can feel very personal — like a judgment or a confirmation of your deepest fears. In these moments, it’s critical not to let one person’s disinterest rule you.

“It’s so easy to go to the worst possible place,” Greene says, “telling yourself ‘If I were only 50 pounds lighter, if I had the perfect weight or body, he’d probably like me.’ We make it about us, but we don’t take into account the other person’s issues. We never know the real reason.”

While there will always be scenarios that are less than perfect, Greene says the key is to mentally re-frame a rejection by seeing it as an opportunity. Mentally and symbolically (read: not out loud), “Tell that person ‘thank you — you’ve done me a really big favor by being honest and not causing me to waste time I could be spending on more positive experiences.’ And then let it go.” Not every two people are destined (or suited) to be together.

Davis of eFlirt Expert agrees. “Online and offline, there is dating ‘riff-raff’ — the guys who will focus on the negative and possibly try to rile you up,” she says. “Ignore the nay-sayers to keep your sanity. If you had a negative experience, he wasn’t right for you anyway.”

Plus-size flirting online

Speaking of who you might find online . . . More people are meeting via personals and other online groups, forums and social media networks these days than ever before, so improving your virtual communication chops is never a bad idea.

“Catch his attention by finding him,” recommends Davis. “Search for your perfect match and write him an awesome e-mail. Play up your strengths — for example, if you’re witty, make sure your headline is snappy.”

When writing your own online profile, steer clear of tired and vague phrases such as “I love to laugh and have fun.” Instead, use the space to make your unique combination of quirks and passions come to life: “I rely on my daily Jon Stewart fix only slightly less than my morning latte or weekly Drag Queen Bingo nights with friends.” “Letting your personality shine through . . . . will get you the best kind of attention,” Davis emphasizes.

Online or off, flirting takes practice and finding an approach and a voice that feels natural to you. For me, the challenge is all about timing; in a situation where I’m comfortable and conversation is established, it’s tempting to over-flirt. Perhaps one day I’ll muster the same type of chutzpah with strangers. In the meantime, I’ll be the freckled chick devouring historical fiction on the El, wondering if today’s the day a fellow Tudor England nerd comments on my prop — er, read.

Tell us, readers: How do you break the ice? What’s your favorite flirting anecdote — or what fears are still holding you back?

Reunions call for writing your own Cinderella story.
(Image by Molmanik)

Dear FGG,

I have two reunions coming up this summer: a family reunion, and my 15th high-school reunion. Most of the people that will be at both of those remember me as a cute, slim girl just out of high school/college. Now I’m pushing 300 lbs and am DREADING the shocked and embarrassed-for-me looks I’m sure I’ll get. I don’t want to cancel, I’m excited to see a lot of the friends and family I’ve been missing, but it’s making me sick. Any advice?

This is a tough one. We’ve all known someone who starved or took diuretics in order to squeeze herself into a dress for a high school reunion–behavior we at FGG would definitely place in the “Don’t” column. Or perhaps you helped a friend decide whether she really can go home again when facing an extended family gathering. There’s a reason for this sort of anxiety: fear of the unknown. What will people think of us? Will we be judged–or worse, will people gawk and laugh, or gloat? No matter how far these worries may be from reality, they feel real in our minds. But in my experience, our fears over how we’ll be perceived because of our size often don’t come to life. Here are some quick tips to help you push past that anxiety and attend these milestone events with your head held high:

* Grab a girlfriend or two and make a day of finding an event-appropriate outfit that looks and feels fantastic on you. Bring pals who will give an honest assessment on whether that cocktail dress really does make your ass look fat without making you feel deflated but will also whoop and holler when you’ve found The One in the dressing room. Even if you’re attending a casual family picnic three states away, find a cute summer dress or flattering tee and skort. Why? Clothing that fits and flatters not only makes you look great, but if you feel comfortable and confident, you’ll feel less worried.

* Make an appointment at a salon or spa and sign on for every beauty treatment that you’ve been putting off: hair, nails, wax–the works. Yes, you’re beautiful just the way you are, but being made-over makes us feel special, and the fresh look will give you a boost of self-confidence that can make a big difference when you greet everyone. Don’t go for anything too drastic (or at least untested) here; the key is to feel beautiful, not regret that brassy color that seemed like a good idea at the time or fret over too-short bangs.

* Decide whether to bring a date. My husband and I didn’t attend each other’s high school reunions; with all that “remember when” talk, we figured it would be merciful to each other to go solo. While not everyone feels that way, it’s up to you to decide whether having someone who’s 100% in your corner will help you feel more comfortable. Family reunions are a different story, dependent upon how (dys)functional your particular clan is likely to be and how well a date or spouse will fit into that mix.

* Don’t mention your weight. Period. Odds are nobody will comment on it, at least not to your face. And if they dish behind your back, you likely won’t hear it anyway, and what you don’t hear can’t hurt you. I attended my 20th high school reunion weighing 100 pounds more than the year I graduated. I’d just had my third son, my hair was another color and texture (what can I say? I fell prey to the unfortunate ’80s perm trend), and nobody recognized me until they read my name beside my yearbook photo. And you know what? I survived. It wasn’t easy, but people were every bit as excited to see me whether I looked like I did then or a supermodel, and not a single person remarked on my appearance.

* Don’t do the “fat girl who makes jokes about herself to deflect from her appearance” thing. Follow the “if you can’t say something nice about yourself” rule at all times. Why? I’m the queen of using humor in any situation, from uncomfortable to cozy, but here’s an important distinction: I make fun of my actions, not my essence. I believe we take away from ourselves if we tear ourselves down, even in jest. And most people are aware that self-deprecating fat jokes are usually used to mask some deep insecurities. It only makes you and everyone else more uncomfortable deep down.

* Prepare a response to any intrusive or rude remarks before attending. Some people don’t have an internal filter, some people are just blunt, or insensitive, or just plain rude. This is often the case with family, where people sometimes feel they can throw down the “You’d be so pretty if . . . ” chestnut unchallenged, all under the guise of being “helpful.” Of course, this is a case-by-case situation, but if you know (or are afraid) a high school bully hasn’t changed and is likely to say something hurtful or your Aunt Betty will be pushing you to join Weight Watchers, have a response planned. Keep it neutral, calm, and don’t leave it open to argument; this keeps you from feeding any potential drama. To send a subtle message, try ignoring the comment and changing the subject. If you’re feeling bold, try, “I’d rather focus on enjoying myself and the reunion than sit and pick apart how we’ve all gone downhill.” If you’re dealing with someone who’s not good with subtleties then a flat, “Thanks for your opinion, but I didn’t ask for it” ought to do the trick.

Everyone wants to look and feel their best when seeing friends or loved ones after several years or even decades have passed, and there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. But underneath that surface anxiety about our appearance, what truly matters is the sense of connection we feel with the people in attendance–whether you had dozens of besties or a carefully chosen inner circle. Chances are you’d regret not going more than you’ll end up regretting going, and as we all know, life doesn’t hand out very many do-overs.

Girls, have you attended (or skipped) a reunion recently that kicked up feelings of anxiety about your weight? Tells us about it in the comments.