The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Confidence is your best asset in front of the lens (Photo by JenniferBanks21)

This week, we asked our FGG fans on Facebook how they felt about having their picture taken, and the responses weren’t too surprising:

“I’m WAY happier BEHIND the lens because I’m always shocked that the girl looking back at me from a photo is really what I look like.”

“Some fat girl always takes my place in pictures, like magic. So weird.”

“I want to stop avoiding being in pictures.”

Whether staring down the barrel of a wedding photographer’s lens or a camera-happy friend snapping yet another round of Facebook pics, most full-figured women have felt that moment of panic right before the flash fires: “Can I squish behind my friend a little more?” “Do my arms look too flappy?” “I wonder if Photoshop has a ‘make me look like Kate Winslet’ setting?”

Tragically, the “Make Me Look Like Kate!” Photoshop action remains but a fantasy. Still, armed with practical questions from several of my best fat girl friends, I took the subject of looking good in photos to a professional. In addition to covering daily assignments as a photographer for the Grand Rapids Press, Emily Zoladz also freelances throughout west Michigan — including a booming wedding business. Emily gamely tackled topics ranging from trout pout to how to light up a candid photo, and even shared her own “can I hide it?” area. (Yes, fit girls have them too!) If you’ve ever wished you could dodge the camera rather than face an unflattering photo, read on and prepare to smile with confidence next time the camera swings in your direction. Knowing how to look our best in photos is an essential life skill for women (and men) of any size, because we deserve to feel fabulous when we look back on ourselves enjoying our favorite occasions.

FGG: What colors other than black are slimming in photos?

EZ: Anything dark, or any combination of dark with light on top (e.g. a dark skirt with a light-colored top). Also, go with what matches your eyes. For blue eyes, navy is a great color. If you have hazel eyes, wear olive or hunter green, and so on. 

FGG: Do you light or pose plus-size girls differently?

EZ: I don’t light full-figured girls differently. However, side filtered light (e.g. coming from a window or a soft box) is going to be more flattering than direct, unfiltered light on anyone. As for the pose, I think you should pose however you are comfortable. If I want you to sit on a window seat but you feel self-conscious about your legs, then go ahead — put a pillow on your lap and hug it. A confident, glowing smile is going to be what draws any eye to your portrait, regardless of the pose.

[FGG note: For a pose that elongates your body in a standing photo, try angling your body and feet toward the camera about 45 degrees but not fully sideways. Extend your outer leg slightly farther than your inner leg, and twist only your upper body toward the camera.]

FGG: Is there a universally flattering or “best” angle that makes a fuller face look thinner or minimizes double chins?

EZ: I would say side profiles tend to be more slimming than a full front-on pose. If I am photographing the side of the face, I can see the subject’s cheek bones more prominently. Practice for this pose by glancing over your shoulder and twisting your torso SLIGHTLY, as if someone has called your name and you are casually looking to see who it was. Also, keep your shoulders back and stacked high, rather than slouching. It may feel like you are sticking your tummy out, but broader shoulders actually create the illusion of a smaller waist. I would also avoid low angles (if your photographer is crouched down below you, pointing the lens upwards), because this will create double chins.

FGG: Does a “best” side really exist for each person? How do we know what it is?

EZ: I think people really do have a “best” side. It all depends on face structure. Noses are a big factor, cheek bones, as well. If you want to figure out yours, study old pictures of yourself and see if you can find any pattern among the “good” ones. Also, practice tilting your face this way and that in the mirror. Do you prefer the way you look like with your head cocked to the side, or facing straight-on?

FGG: Is it possible to pull off a successful come-hither look without looking like a trout?

EZ: [Laughs] I think the best way to pull this off is just to look serious. Don’t think about being sexy, think about being slightly mad. Don’t glare at the camera, just pout a little like something is annoying you. Some people are better at this than others. . . my friend Sasha pulls it off brilliantly.

FGG: What about avoiding half-closed eyes and having them “pop” without looking crazy or bug-eyed?

EZ: This is really up to the photographer. Some people are just blinkers, so you need to take several photographs in case you catch them in a blinking moment. To give your eyes a little “pop” without looking bug-eyed, try raising your eyebrows [a bit] and trying to think more intensely. Exert energy into that smile (or that frown, pout, etc.).

FGG: Let’s talk group photos: Where’s the best place for a big girl to stand if she wants to blend in?

EZ: In group photos, larger figures tend to blend better if they are mixed into the group, not on the end. If you are concerned about sticking out, don’t stand dead center, but don’t also stand on the end.

FGG: Any suggestions for girls who feels self-conscious of particular features, like wide hips, a belly or large upper arms?

EZ: When that camera is raised and you brace yourself into a pose, think about the features you DO like, not the ones you don’t. Everyone has something they are self-conscious about (for me it’s my upper arms). Pose how you are comfortable; if that means having to sit down, or twist yourself sideways a little, do it. A confident smile is key.

FGG: How much retouching or Photoshopping is included with professional pictures?

EZ: Retouching really varies depending on the professional and the purpose. I do retouching in weddings, but only for the bride and groom. I have nipped brides’ chins and necks up a little, firmed arms and pinched waists. Having said that, I won’t do anything that drastically changes the way the bride looks. I am always a little torn doing this, because I want you to look like you. At the same time, if it’s only [a slight adjustment] and it’s the difference between “Oh, I would love this photo but I HATE the way my arms look!” then the editing might be worth it.

FGG: You take a lot of candid shots — what advice would you give to any girl about embracing being photographed this way, which sometimes feels “scary” because she can’t control how she looks?

EZ: People are the most beautiful (in my opinion) when they are just being themselves. Don’t worry about a silly expression or if a shot will be made with your mouth half open. In reality, the photographer is thinking about how the light is hitting you, what angle best creates a clean composition — and then waiting for a particular moment to happen so that we can capture the essence of you. We aren’t going to go with that photo where you look awkward. We just sometimes have to take photos like that until you loosen up enough to show us who you really are.

FGG: Final advice for our readers? Anything goes!

EZ: I know I said it already, but BE CONFIDENT. Your personality is what shows through on film, not some silly jaw clench that you think makes your cheekbones pop.

One of my best friends swears by the “extend your neck out, then tilt your chin down” trick to shave off a double chin. What’s your secret weapon for looking fabulous in photos?

Image by Chelsea Ruth

Recently I saw a photo a friend captured of me during a weekend away in Chicago, and I was struck by how happy I looked. Joyful, with a side helping of silly and a dash of “probably about to crack wise.” I think we all need to have photos of ourselves that take us by surprise like this, that show our inner beauty reflected outward. This week’s image captures that spirit of joy we should each attain for ourselves. It’s contagious–I dare you to look at this vibrant smile and not want to smile yourself. Another cherished photo of mine features my parents and brother meeting my first son for the very first time; I’ve never seen my family look more beautiful than in that moment. When a dear friend’s son welcomed his first child into the world last week, his mom captured the palpable love and happiness on his face as he greeted his new daughter.

From our most memorable to our tiniest bits of silliness, seeing ourselves happy makes our burdens that much lighter. So we have a challenge for you camera-shy girls, because we all know how some of us carrying extra weight avoid being photographed. Take your camera out with a good friend who makes you giggle and get some great photos of yourself. Or at your next big event, take a chance and make sure you’re part of the photographs from that day instead of being the one behind or hiding from the camera, to firmly ground yourself in the happiness of that moment. I can tell you that as a big girl with a few more years under her belt than some of you reading now, you’ll look back on those joyful moments from decades ago, feel that happiness shining through and wonder why you ever felt the need to hide.

Tell us: what brings you joy? What does your happiest photo, memory, or both, look like?

Love Thyself by JamieBates

I love visiting our FGG Girls Flickr Group. There’s so much color, honesty, life, and courage among the images displayed there, and endless great ideas for self portraiture. We have several girls (myself included) who are doing a year of self portraits, a great way to get to know your physical self over the course of a year. Why not give it a shot yourself?

I tend to post images for “Photo of the Week” that I keep returning to for one reason or another, and this was one of those photos. Not only is it bold and beautiful, but it makes a statement about self-love. Most of us arrive loving ourselves just fine, and somehow as the years pass, the outside world sends us different or conflicting messages until one day, some of us end up forgetting how awesome we really are. Also, women are often socialized to be compassionate caregivers, which sometimes pushes self-love to the very bottom of our daily “to do” lists. Obviously, not all of us struggle with self-love; I know a handful of women who light up any room they enter. They’re all different shapes, sizes, and ages, but their common trait? Self-love.

More, please.

What about you, readers? Do you struggle to love yourself, physically and emotionally, or are you pretty happy with the way you are?

Image by thewaltonsare

In my part of the world, winter is begrudgingly giving way to spring, and I know some of you readers on the other side of the globe are about to ease into autumn. Whether your days are getting shorter and colder or longer but cloudy and rainy, this is a great time of year to don some comfy clothes, grab a hot beverage, and dive into a captivating read.

Since my mom brought home my first Nancy Drew novel, I’ve been a fan of mysteries and just recently devoured Laura Caldwell’s Red Hot Lies, a zippy and entertaining, but meaty enough to feel plausible novel set in my favorite city, Chicago. The absolute very best book I’ve read in years was Tana French’s In the Woods, also a crime novel but it’s a true genre buster set in Dublin and written in a deliciously lovely voice. I recommend it to anyone who loves great storytelling, regardless of genre. I also enjoy travelogues, especially funny ones like Bill Bryson’s A Walk in the Woods. Tide, Feather, Snow by Miranda Weiss was a lovely book about life in Alaska, and I got a kick out of Street Without A Name by Kapka Kassabova, the author’s tales of growing up in Communist Bulgaria, which was as fascinating and witty as it was poignant and sad.

What about you, girls? Have you read anything you simply couldn’t put down recently? We’re always looking for great titles related to body image and self love, but whatever you’d like to share from your recent reads, post them in the comments.

Image by A|ina

I’m not sure, but this may be the most adorable image in our FGG Girls Flickr group to date. But “adorable” doesn’t quite cover it: I love the sass and sensuality depicted here, the confident curves, and the bright pop of coral color. This photo is also a great example of how to craft a fun, sexy self portrait that tells a story while leaving an element of mystery: what expression is she wearing, and what lucky person gets to lick that spoon? Next time you take a self portrait (if you’ve never taken one, what are you waiting for?) find a way to incorporate some of these elements and see your curves in a new light. For inspiration, there are plenty of great examples in our FGG Girls Flickr group.

Chicago photographer and artist Alina Smith, the subject of this week’s self portrait, is a good friend and a regular FGG reader. When she’s not taking lovely self portraits, she creates fine art images for clients using film and a variety of photographic processes. As with baking cookies on a winter afternoon, there’s something uniquely satisfying about creating things by hand. Smith takes her creativity a step further by exploring media and photographic processes that are falling out of favor, as others are doing through the resurgence in popularity of Polaroid and Lomo cameras. (Check out this gorgeous collection of Polaroid photos, “For the Love of Polaroid“  by another friend and FGG reader, Bonnie Underwood).

A few years ago, I started baking cakes from scratch for my husband’s birthday, but in recent years I haven’t taken the time. I miss getting “into the zone” while working with my hands to create something I simply can’t get at the grocery store. And while it’s hardly a lost art, I’d also like to finally start a vegetable garden this year, including asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, herbs, and fresh greens using heirloom seeds where possible – just like I did with my father and he did with his mother. One of our missions here at FGG is to encourage everyone – ourselves included – to live our lives to the fullest, and that includes periodically stepping up and snatching items off that “someday” list.

I’m going to pull gardening and baking for special occasions into my here and now. What about you? As the hours of  daylight slowly lengthen and we can almost sense those first whispers of spring’s arrival, what can you uncover, create and put out there into the world using your own two hands? Share your ideas and projects in the comments section.

Self Portrait by Apple Green Amy

No post-turkey-day cooking photos landed in the FGG Girls group this week, but there’s a bunch of great new sassy images there, including this self portrait. I love the color pop in the eyes, lips, and hair – and the “up to something” ‘tude. That’s the FGG spirit!

Every week we select one photo from our Flick group as the FGG Photo of the Week. At month’s end, the girl behind the camera for one of those weekly photos wins a prize! November’s winner of our “cooking” challenge is photobonnie, for her entry “Stirring the Pot.” Congratulations, Bonnie! We have a custom-made FGG Book Bangle from Lonna’s Etsy shop for you. Email us at letters@fatgirlsguidetoliving.com so we can send it your way.

December elbows its way into our lives in two days, so grab that camera and  show us how you’re living.

This week’s Photo of the Week is a contribution to our first photo challenge, “self reflections.” EmilyGoodstein posted this cool shot to our FGG Girls Flickr Group. I think it’s a great example of the many ways we can creatively capture our reflected selves – and maybe get to know ourselves a bit better. I really loved the sexy, sassy pose and the framing in the corridor/entry, and even how the flash made a cool effect in the reflection. Thanks for playing along, Emily!

It’s not too late to join the fun – these photo challenges will remain open until we post a new one. Join the FGG Girls Flickr Group and we might feature your contributions as a Photo of the Week!