The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Instead of chasing trends, find a hairstyle that compliments you

We’ve all had bad hair days, and bad hair cuts – like the time I chopped off my hair while pregnant, immediately transforming me into a human bowling pin. No matter our size, there’s a handful of great and not-so-great looks for us (a poodle perm on my straw-straight hair, for instance?). Even though I’ll never have the Andie MacDowell hair of my dreams, through the years I’ve learned to embrace the hair I was born with, just as I’ve learned to appreciate the body I have now.

But great hair takes more than just accepting your natural hair type. It takes a stylist who understands your hair’s characteristics, and what styles go best with your face shape, body type and even lifestyle (I will only wield a blow dryer if attending a wedding, for instance). In order to find out some of the best hairstyles for round faces, I consulted two style experts for their suggestions.

Basic hair cut tips for full faces

“Don’t wait until you lose weight to find a great hairstyle,” says Carol Tuttle, author of Dressing Your Truth, a book and accompanying website with a singular mission: helping women become their own style experts. In Tuttle’s experience, many overweight women treat their hair as they do their bodies: putting off regular trips to the salon until that magical day when everything in their lives is perfect instead of making themselves look marvelous right now.

“The number one rule to keep in mind is to never have the widest part of your hairstyle fall at the widest point of your face,” says Tracy Olson, a stylist at Studio 10 Salon & Color Spa in Woodstock, Illinois – and the person responsible for my lovely highlights. If you have a square jaw, for example, having hair fall at the jawline will make your head look like a triangle. “Naturally curly hair against broad cheekbones will need some layering at the top or you’ll look like Roseanne Rosannadanna,” says Olson.

Olson’s second tip is more surprising, in that it has nothing to do with face shape or hair texture, but rather your neck length and shape. “If your neck is short, a cut that falls about an inch above the shoulder – allowing space between the hair and the shoulder – will create a flattering lengthening effect,” she says. “Also, a haircut that falls past the shoulders without too much thickness from the chin down can also create a longer neckline.” Olson recommends asking your stylist about good cuts for your face shape, size, and neck length. Check out Visual Makeover for examples of different face shapes and styles that pair well with each.

Two great fat friendly hair cuts

The long bob – “This is the look Gwyneth Paltrow is wearing now,” says Olson. The long bob falls at least two inches below the jawline and a bit shorter in the back and is heavily textured – which adds a bit of layering from the jawline down while still keeping the sleekness of a bob.

The long layered cut – “Layers are key here, because round shapes should never have one length of hair,” says Olson. Layers should start from the chin down, creating a lengthening effect. “This gives a straighter look with some texture without being too bulky.” Olson says loose curls are coming back into style again, and whether you’re doing a perm or have naturally curly hair, it’s important to remove bulk between the chin and neck using a technique called “point cutting” to create a more balanced look.

Hair color tricks that flatter a round face

Highlights are an easy way to add a little shine to your hair, but they can also create a balanced look for fuller faces. If you picture yourself standing in the sun, your hair is lighter on the top more than on the bottom, so highlighting this way creates a more natural look. “If you leave the bottom portion of your hair dark, it looks more streamlined, eliminating width at the bottom,” says Olson, who compares this to wearing darker pants to create a slimming effect. “By doing this, someone can go for a style that’s not exactly right for them, but color tailored to her face shape can add just enough magic to pull it off.” Highlights should be on the top of the head and lightly frame the face. “If you have very dark brown to black hair, I don’t think highlights work,” says Tuttle. She suggests a contrasting color such as darker amber red or a violet instead of highlights. Blondes who have gone darker or even dishwater should imagine their hair color at about age 5. “That’s your best highlight color,” she says.

Hair cuts and styles to avoid if you’re overweight

Obviously there are exceptions to every style rule and tip out there, but keep these tips from our experts in mind when looking for a new hairstyle and decide whether or not breaking the rules is the best move for you.

- “Avoid going too short,” says Olson. “Super-short hairstyles on round faces make your head look smaller than the rest of your body. If you simply must have to have that pixie cut, make it textured and wispy, with some height on top and in the bangs.”

- A perfectly centered part. “Nobody looks good with a centered part unless they’re Demi Moore or getting their features Photoshopped,” says Tuttle.

- “Avoid blunt cuts if your face is very round,” says Olson. Layers add texture and definition.

- Skip trendy cuts and styles. Tuttle’s rule of thumb: avoid a trend unless it supports your type of beauty. “Women conclude it’s them when a trendy style doesn’t work, when in reality it’s the trend that doesn’t suit them,” she says.

We realize that even style rules were meant to be broken, so if you’re positively rocking a look that defies these rules, let us know – or share a photo in our FGG Girls Flickr group, and link to it in comments!

Confidence is your best asset in front of the lens (Photo by JenniferBanks21)

This week, we asked our FGG fans on Facebook how they felt about having their picture taken, and the responses weren’t too surprising:

“I’m WAY happier BEHIND the lens because I’m always shocked that the girl looking back at me from a photo is really what I look like.”

“Some fat girl always takes my place in pictures, like magic. So weird.”

“I want to stop avoiding being in pictures.”

Whether staring down the barrel of a wedding photographer’s lens or a camera-happy friend snapping yet another round of Facebook pics, most full-figured women have felt that moment of panic right before the flash fires: “Can I squish behind my friend a little more?” “Do my arms look too flappy?” “I wonder if Photoshop has a ‘make me look like Kate Winslet’ setting?”

Tragically, the “Make Me Look Like Kate!” Photoshop action remains but a fantasy. Still, armed with practical questions from several of my best fat girl friends, I took the subject of looking good in photos to a professional. In addition to covering daily assignments as a photographer for the Grand Rapids Press, Emily Zoladz also freelances throughout west Michigan — including a booming wedding business. Emily gamely tackled topics ranging from trout pout to how to light up a candid photo, and even shared her own “can I hide it?” area. (Yes, fit girls have them too!) If you’ve ever wished you could dodge the camera rather than face an unflattering photo, read on and prepare to smile with confidence next time the camera swings in your direction. Knowing how to look our best in photos is an essential life skill for women (and men) of any size, because we deserve to feel fabulous when we look back on ourselves enjoying our favorite occasions.

FGG: What colors other than black are slimming in photos?

EZ: Anything dark, or any combination of dark with light on top (e.g. a dark skirt with a light-colored top). Also, go with what matches your eyes. For blue eyes, navy is a great color. If you have hazel eyes, wear olive or hunter green, and so on. 

FGG: Do you light or pose plus-size girls differently?

EZ: I don’t light full-figured girls differently. However, side filtered light (e.g. coming from a window or a soft box) is going to be more flattering than direct, unfiltered light on anyone. As for the pose, I think you should pose however you are comfortable. If I want you to sit on a window seat but you feel self-conscious about your legs, then go ahead — put a pillow on your lap and hug it. A confident, glowing smile is going to be what draws any eye to your portrait, regardless of the pose.

[FGG note: For a pose that elongates your body in a standing photo, try angling your body and feet toward the camera about 45 degrees but not fully sideways. Extend your outer leg slightly farther than your inner leg, and twist only your upper body toward the camera.]

FGG: Is there a universally flattering or “best” angle that makes a fuller face look thinner or minimizes double chins?

EZ: I would say side profiles tend to be more slimming than a full front-on pose. If I am photographing the side of the face, I can see the subject’s cheek bones more prominently. Practice for this pose by glancing over your shoulder and twisting your torso SLIGHTLY, as if someone has called your name and you are casually looking to see who it was. Also, keep your shoulders back and stacked high, rather than slouching. It may feel like you are sticking your tummy out, but broader shoulders actually create the illusion of a smaller waist. I would also avoid low angles (if your photographer is crouched down below you, pointing the lens upwards), because this will create double chins.

FGG: Does a “best” side really exist for each person? How do we know what it is?

EZ: I think people really do have a “best” side. It all depends on face structure. Noses are a big factor, cheek bones, as well. If you want to figure out yours, study old pictures of yourself and see if you can find any pattern among the “good” ones. Also, practice tilting your face this way and that in the mirror. Do you prefer the way you look like with your head cocked to the side, or facing straight-on?

FGG: Is it possible to pull off a successful come-hither look without looking like a trout?

EZ: [Laughs] I think the best way to pull this off is just to look serious. Don’t think about being sexy, think about being slightly mad. Don’t glare at the camera, just pout a little like something is annoying you. Some people are better at this than others. . . my friend Sasha pulls it off brilliantly.

FGG: What about avoiding half-closed eyes and having them “pop” without looking crazy or bug-eyed?

EZ: This is really up to the photographer. Some people are just blinkers, so you need to take several photographs in case you catch them in a blinking moment. To give your eyes a little “pop” without looking bug-eyed, try raising your eyebrows [a bit] and trying to think more intensely. Exert energy into that smile (or that frown, pout, etc.).

FGG: Let’s talk group photos: Where’s the best place for a big girl to stand if she wants to blend in?

EZ: In group photos, larger figures tend to blend better if they are mixed into the group, not on the end. If you are concerned about sticking out, don’t stand dead center, but don’t also stand on the end.

FGG: Any suggestions for girls who feels self-conscious of particular features, like wide hips, a belly or large upper arms?

EZ: When that camera is raised and you brace yourself into a pose, think about the features you DO like, not the ones you don’t. Everyone has something they are self-conscious about (for me it’s my upper arms). Pose how you are comfortable; if that means having to sit down, or twist yourself sideways a little, do it. A confident smile is key.

FGG: How much retouching or Photoshopping is included with professional pictures?

EZ: Retouching really varies depending on the professional and the purpose. I do retouching in weddings, but only for the bride and groom. I have nipped brides’ chins and necks up a little, firmed arms and pinched waists. Having said that, I won’t do anything that drastically changes the way the bride looks. I am always a little torn doing this, because I want you to look like you. At the same time, if it’s only [a slight adjustment] and it’s the difference between “Oh, I would love this photo but I HATE the way my arms look!” then the editing might be worth it.

FGG: You take a lot of candid shots — what advice would you give to any girl about embracing being photographed this way, which sometimes feels “scary” because she can’t control how she looks?

EZ: People are the most beautiful (in my opinion) when they are just being themselves. Don’t worry about a silly expression or if a shot will be made with your mouth half open. In reality, the photographer is thinking about how the light is hitting you, what angle best creates a clean composition — and then waiting for a particular moment to happen so that we can capture the essence of you. We aren’t going to go with that photo where you look awkward. We just sometimes have to take photos like that until you loosen up enough to show us who you really are.

FGG: Final advice for our readers? Anything goes!

EZ: I know I said it already, but BE CONFIDENT. Your personality is what shows through on film, not some silly jaw clench that you think makes your cheekbones pop.

One of my best friends swears by the “extend your neck out, then tilt your chin down” trick to shave off a double chin. What’s your secret weapon for looking fabulous in photos?

Someone at FGG may have a slight addiction to Gilligan & O’Malley PJs

A recent Ask FGG covered plus size lingerie, and this week, we’re tackling a related reader question:

I’m a size 22 and need to find some cute PJs that don’t cost a fortune or look like something my granny would wear. Help!

This is one I was excited to take on, because after years of wearing men’s flannel PJ pants and over-sized t-shirts, I discovered Gilligan & O’Malley at Target. They’re often much cheaper than Lane Bryant, where it seems the pickins have been slim in the PJ section in their stores lately, too (or is that just me?). Many of the Gilligan & O’Malley pajamas come in a stretchy, silky polyester/spandex fabric that is absolutely divine against your skin. They come in feminine, flirty styles (as opposed to the more matronly offerings many retailers reserve for plus size women). Even better: they’re generously sized. I wore an XXL pajama set (listed as a size 20 online) while pregnant with my third son and pushing a size 24, and I purchased two pair of XL when I was a 22 and they fit comfortably (though I’m not particularly large-chested, so you’ll want to compare these sizes yourself).

The runner-up in the cute plus size pajama department: Wal Mart.

We’re already in love with their affordable-and-cute Danskin Now workout wear, and while I haven’t tried out any of their fabrics, there are quite a few styles to choose from at a great price point – and they go up to a size 3X.

What about you, readers? Find any generously sized, slinky, feminine or sexy PJs for a song lately? Tell us about it in the comments.

I am . . . tired by thewaltonsare

As a writer with a strong visual side, I’m often drawn to images paired with words, provided they don’t unintentionally veer into SNL parody territory. This week’s photo, plucked from the talented pool of our FGG Girls Flickr Group, hit the mark perfectly: it’s lovely, compelling, and I think we can all relate to the feelings expressed here, including the part about being tired! (For some quick pick-me-ups, check out our Guide to Unleashing Your Inner Superhero).

I strongly believe that the labels we bestow upon ourselves are powerful – whether they’re pragmatic, positive, or negative. Self-talk runs deep, girls: If we tell ourselves we’re unlovable or unworthy or unsuccessful or unlikely to–whatever, really–we’ll probably prove ourselves right. Conversely, if we tell ourselves we’re adorable and lovable and deserving of happiness, I guarantee you we’ll be more likely to find those qualities reflecting back to us. No, whispering nice things to ourselves is not a magic cure-all, and yes, elbow grease is necessary to bring our affirmations to life. But if our labels are bringing us down or no longer serving us, perhaps it’s time to write some new ones and try viewing ourselves in new ways.

How about you, girls? What words would you post beside your own self portrait? Are they descriptive of your roles in life, or do they capture your physical or emotional traits instead? Are there any new ones you could add or old ones that no longer fit (kind of like that skort you just found in your summer clothes bin)? Share your thoughts on self-talk and labels in comments. And if you decide to make your own self-portrait (our Guide to Sexy Self-Portraits contains tips for great selfies of any type) accompanied by words, be sure to share it in our FGG Girls Flickr group!

Spring color pop courtesy of molmanik

Black, chocolate and charcoal may be flattering and slimming wardrobe staples, but after a few months of winter, a girl’s wardrobe could use a little something-something. Brighter. Cheerier. Bolder. So when those first sunny days arrive, I start jonesing for color – which makes this week’s adorable and inspiring Photo of the Week an obvious choice.

Last week, we challenged you to spring clean your closets. I did, and it was alarming how many ill-fitting, “safe bet” garments I’d been holding on to for months or years. The up side: now there’s room to shop for some vibrant, fun pieces that highlight my curves! What about you? Did you ditch any of your “Someday Syndrome” clothes and make room for new styles and shades?

Girls, spring means it’s time to shop for COLOR. And whether you’re craving pastels, jewel tones, neon or all of the above, share your latest fab finds in the comments – the brighter, the better.

Love Thyself by JamieBates

I love visiting our FGG Girls Flickr Group. There’s so much color, honesty, life, and courage among the images displayed there, and endless great ideas for self portraiture. We have several girls (myself included) who are doing a year of self portraits, a great way to get to know your physical self over the course of a year. Why not give it a shot yourself?

I tend to post images for “Photo of the Week” that I keep returning to for one reason or another, and this was one of those photos. Not only is it bold and beautiful, but it makes a statement about self-love. Most of us arrive loving ourselves just fine, and somehow as the years pass, the outside world sends us different or conflicting messages until one day, some of us end up forgetting how awesome we really are. Also, women are often socialized to be compassionate caregivers, which sometimes pushes self-love to the very bottom of our daily “to do” lists. Obviously, not all of us struggle with self-love; I know a handful of women who light up any room they enter. They’re all different shapes, sizes, and ages, but their common trait? Self-love.

More, please.

What about you, readers? Do you struggle to love yourself, physically and emotionally, or are you pretty happy with the way you are?

Image by A|ina

I’m not sure, but this may be the most adorable image in our FGG Girls Flickr group to date. But “adorable” doesn’t quite cover it: I love the sass and sensuality depicted here, the confident curves, and the bright pop of coral color. This photo is also a great example of how to craft a fun, sexy self portrait that tells a story while leaving an element of mystery: what expression is she wearing, and what lucky person gets to lick that spoon? Next time you take a self portrait (if you’ve never taken one, what are you waiting for?) find a way to incorporate some of these elements and see your curves in a new light. For inspiration, there are plenty of great examples in our FGG Girls Flickr group.

Chicago photographer and artist Alina Smith, the subject of this week’s self portrait, is a good friend and a regular FGG reader. When she’s not taking lovely self portraits, she creates fine art images for clients using film and a variety of photographic processes. As with baking cookies on a winter afternoon, there’s something uniquely satisfying about creating things by hand. Smith takes her creativity a step further by exploring media and photographic processes that are falling out of favor, as others are doing through the resurgence in popularity of Polaroid and Lomo cameras. (Check out this gorgeous collection of Polaroid photos, “For the Love of Polaroid“  by another friend and FGG reader, Bonnie Underwood).

A few years ago, I started baking cakes from scratch for my husband’s birthday, but in recent years I haven’t taken the time. I miss getting “into the zone” while working with my hands to create something I simply can’t get at the grocery store. And while it’s hardly a lost art, I’d also like to finally start a vegetable garden this year, including asparagus, garlic, tomatoes, herbs, and fresh greens using heirloom seeds where possible – just like I did with my father and he did with his mother. One of our missions here at FGG is to encourage everyone – ourselves included – to live our lives to the fullest, and that includes periodically stepping up and snatching items off that “someday” list.

I’m going to pull gardening and baking for special occasions into my here and now. What about you? As the hours of  daylight slowly lengthen and we can almost sense those first whispers of spring’s arrival, what can you uncover, create and put out there into the world using your own two hands? Share your ideas and projects in the comments section.