The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Plush Series by zerbetron

Regular FGG readers know we’re fans of self portraiture as a form of creative expression that can often guide us toward self acceptance. Loving our physical selves isn’t just an issue for fat girls, but let’s face it: most of us grew up surrounded by a distinctly different female ideal than what we see in our lives or in the mirror each day. In fact, it’s tough to find a television series or movie featuring overweight or even simply curvy characters who aren’t wise crackers, buffoons, or villains. Notable exceptions: Sookie St. James from Gilmore Girls, Lt. Anita Van Buren from Law and Order, and Medium’s Alison DuBois–can you name any others?

That’s why we’re always excited to see someone celebrating her curvy self, as so many of you do in our FGG Girls Flickr group. Perhaps if enough of us do this, the idea will catch on that every woman’s beauty is unique and worthy of appreciation – regardless of her dress size.

In what ways can you celebrate your distinctive physical self? Share your ideas in the comments and in the FGG Girls Flickr group. In addition to daily self portrait project I’m doing this year, I’ve started wearing tops that accentuate my lovely waist, and I’ve also started buying scented bath and shower products as a way of being sweet to the skin I’m in. What about you?

Photo by {Pauly}

I really enjoy the raw honesty and natural beauty in {Pauly}’s self portraits on flickr. It takes a certain amount of bravery to be open and real in front of the entire Internet, let alone to do so every day for a year. When this photo landed in the FGG Girls flickr pool, I kept returning to it. I think there’s a vulnerability and openness there that we can all relate to – and that perhaps we wish we could reveal more often ourselves.

Are you the fat girl who’s quick to crack a joke or make a self-deprecating remark before someone else zings you first? Are you “large and in charge” in order to avoid being perceived as lazy or weak, when inside what you really want is to let someone else take the reins once in a while? Perhaps you’re the type to hide or turn your head when someone points a camera lens your way? Maybe none those issues affect you, but you’d still like to explore ways in which you can be soft and real while still feeling safe. In the bathroom mirror, or with a trusted friend (how about in a bathroom mirror with a really trusted friend), or perhaps in a series of self portraits, like one FGG Girls flickr group member who is doing a series of weekly self portraits as a way of getting reacquainted with herself.

When, why, and how do you allow yourself to feel vulnerable or to be your true self? Tell us in the comments section, and if you decide to edge out of your protective zone – even if just a little bit – in this regard, come back and let us know!

Who you callin’ fat by Jamie Bates

Choosing this month’s photo challenge winner was tough because so many new and colorful photos landed in our FGG Girls photo group. Jamie’s image (above) is December’s winning photo because of her distinctive, electrifying, and inspiring self portraiture style. Congrats, Jamie! Send us your mailing address and we’ll send you a prize.

If you can’t relate to the sentiment expressed in this photo, we might have to revoke your honorary fat girl card and boot you from the clubhouse. Okay, we’re kidding, but we know that struggles with the scale can be epic for women of every size, and that’s what made this photo as evocative as it is funny. And while not everyone worries about this issue, however you feel about weighing yourself (or not), it’s sometimes easy to forget that there’s so much more to us than our waist size or weight. Taking racy, playful, or soft self portraits – or having a friend or professional photographer take quality photos of us – is a great way to capture and celebrate who we are now.

If you saw our Mid-Week Mini Challenge from last week, we’re extending it by 24 hours, because 01.01.10 is such a tantalizing kick-off date for a creative self portraiture challenge.

Here’s the scoop:

Join a Flickr self-portrait project group like 52 Weeks or 365 Days, upload your first self-portrait, then commit to at least one self-portrait each week for a year. When you’ve joined the group and added your photo (which should be taken just for this project), come back here and link to that photo in comments, which then enters you to win the mini-challenge mystery prize. Deadline: 11:59 p.m. (PST) on January 1, 2010, and the winner will be chosen at random on January 2.

I’m having another go at 365 Days of self portraits (my first 365 was in 2007), but of course *I* can’t enter to win the prize. We welcome other takers, however, so show us what you’ve got, girls!

My RSS feed is packed so full that I sit down around 7 each morning to crack open, and it’s usually approaching 9 before I’m moving on. When I’m more pressed for time, I skip most of them and sail through my top 15 or so feeds – and one of those is Lilli Hingee’s delightful, daily “style story,” Frocks& Frou Frou.

I’m no girly-girl; you’ll catch me buying dresses and jewelry and shoes about as often as you’ll see Ralph Lauren sponsoring a BBW convention, but people, I admit it: Lilli’s daily outfit posts give me a secret pinch of giddy girliness. I figure the step outside-of-myself is good for me, and she’s so cute I can’t even be mad at her for making me want to spend money on polka dots and florals and a good pair of red pumps.

Just don’t tell anyone…I got a rep to protect.

And so I pass the Frocks & Frou Frou RSS torch to you, in hopes you’ll get as much enjoyment out of Lilli’s daily looks as I do. For an extra dose of girly goodness, you can also follow her on Twitter.

Self Portrait by Apple Green Amy

No post-turkey-day cooking photos landed in the FGG Girls group this week, but there’s a bunch of great new sassy images there, including this self portrait. I love the color pop in the eyes, lips, and hair – and the “up to something” ‘tude. That’s the FGG spirit!

Every week we select one photo from our Flick group as the FGG Photo of the Week. At month’s end, the girl behind the camera for one of those weekly photos wins a prize! November’s winner of our “cooking” challenge is photobonnie, for her entry “Stirring the Pot.” Congratulations, Bonnie! We have a custom-made FGG Book Bangle from Lonna’s Etsy shop for you. Email us at letters@fatgirlsguidetoliving.com so we can send it your way.

December elbows its way into our lives in two days, so grab that camera and  show us how you’re living.

Image by Happywalks

Michelle has tempted us with mini muffins and cupcakes in the past, and this week’s photo reveals how sweet it is to downsize our favorite treats (in this case, red velvet cupcakes). I love Regina’s joyful smile here, and her adorable kitchen!

Our FGG Girls Flickr group is growing every week, with amazing images of women sharing their lives, personalities, and curves.

You don’t have to be a professional or even advanced amateur photographer to join – just take photos of yourself truly living. That’s it. Show us your favorite hobbies, new fall sweater, or that cute haircut and color (ahem, Tee!). We started this group as an outlet for us fat girls to see ourselves in a kinder light and appreciate just how fun, adorable and sexy we can be. And even if you’re not feeling particularly fun, adorable, or sexy, give it a shot anyway – you may surprise yourself.

Each week we select one photo from our group as the FGG Photo of the Week. At month’s end, we pick one photo from those weekly entries to win a prize. This month’s theme is COOKING, which should be easy enough to capture in the next two weeks.

So if you haven’t already, join the fun! We look forward to seeing how you’re living.

We tend to make lots of assumptions about our attractiveness as “fat girls.” We’re sure that nobody wants to see “more skin” from us, that people cringe at the idea of seeing an overweight woman in any stage of undress. Bedroom and bathroom mirrors are for quick glances (“Is there anything in my teeth? Otherwise, I don’t want to know!”) or long, obsessive stares at everything we find fault with. Candid photos of ourselves evoke faces akin to a four-year-old’s first go at steamed broccoli – and that’s assuming we let anyone take them at all. For a long time I didn’t.

But all good neurosis and fears must come to an end, and my turn to let go was last fall, after a difficult bump in my relationship, when I began a daring experiment with self-portraiture that forever changed how I saw myself.

The power of a self-portrait is in its context (seeing ourselves as others see us, against the backdrop of our everyday lives). The power of a sexy self-portrait is in the light it shines on parts of us we otherwise willfully ignore.

Are you kidding? I AM NOT SEXY.

Oh yes you are. The nature of the human form is sexy at any size. We all have details – delicious, surprising details – some of which are unique to us alone, and some that speak powerfully to the universal beauty of the female body. The key is to know how to dig those out from under your assumptions and shine a light on them.

A few ideas on getting there:

Equipment
Beautiful self-portraits can come from just about any camera – from mobile phones to Polaroids to pocket point-and-shoots to expensive SLRs. A sharp lens, a nice depth of field and some manual controls are nice, but all you really need is a camera with a remote shutter release or a self-timer.

Environment
A familiar, comfortable, private environment (like a bedroom or bathroom) can make you feel at ease enough to open up and experiment with self-portraits. Make sure there’s a good light source, preferably natural light, but not too overpowering. Fluorescent and incandescent light can make photos come out grainy or discolored.

Once you’ve done a few in a familiar environment, move on to other rooms or locations that are less comforting and enjoy the extra bold charge that comes with being vulnerable in a new space. Trust me on this. That excitement will show up in your images.

NO FLASH
A bad flash job can make even the most gorgeous women look horrific. Unless you’re a pro with a light box and other equipment, disable the flash. This alone will make a tremendous difference in the quality of your photographs. Instead, add some natural or spot lighting to a dim room and let your camera’s automatic sensors set the exposure. If you’ve got a manual camera, create moody shots by experimenting with shutter speed and aperture. Just make sure you’ve got the camera on a tripod or other steady surface.

Light and color
Position yourself in areas of the room where soft, diffused light is collecting (softens the look of skin), or where rays are filtering through blinds (creates a dramatic, warm effect). Try playing with photographs of your shadow on walls, or in silhouette against a bright window. Nice afternoon light casting across a floor is a perfect invitation to spread out on the floor and bathe in it. Cool morning light by a window can bring out the saturated color of your eyes and clothes.

Bright, bold colors (in clothes, accessories, props or backgrounds) in good light can instantly create a spicy, sassy, confident self-portrait. Go naked with a lone, colorful scarf or glittery bold eyeshadow! Or cover up the naughty bits with hot pink underwear and a polka-dot bra.

Alternatively, black and white portraits can bring out a stark depth that color often misses, and adds a classic, sophisticated feel to self-portraits.

Details
Under those baggy shirts and long, shapeless pants, every one of us has a unique, undulating shape, and a collection of yummy, irresistible details to be uncovered — whether it’s the way your plump rear end curves to meet the back of your thigh, the soft corner of your shoulders, the angle of a bent knee or the freckle right… there.

Focus your camera on the puzzle pieces that fit together into who you are. Tease with a series of portraits that slowly reveal you. Suggest a scene indirectly, make them guess, and want more!

Unconventional clothes or accessories
Forget the typical, been-there-done-that nature of boudoir lingerie shots. Self-portraits are meant to be fun and surprising. Pick out a scarf and tie it around your breasts for a delicate, unexpected tease. Wrap up in a bed sheet and let the curve of your body show through. Put on a pair of ridiculous shoes – and nothing else. Wear a chef’s apron or a tailored jacket with a revealing peek. Throw on your boyfriend’s shirt and leave it unbuttoned. Putting yourself in clothes and situations you don’t normally find yourself in can do as much for your sense of sexiness as the portrait itself can.

Pick a flavor: soft or hard
When you’re done shooting, you can tweak a few things in your images to bring out even more character and visual interest. Increase contrast and saturation for a glowing, harsh, in-your-face effect. Soften the blur and brighten the photo for a softer, more dreamy look. Lightening or darkening your photo can change the mood instantly, as can adjusting color tones to warm or cool levels. Experiment with programs like Photoshop if you have it, or use free online tools like Picnik.com to edit and enhance your self-portraits.

Now use them!
Once you get the hang of it, self-portraits can not only be a daring, new way to look at ourselves, but  can also become a fun bridge in a long-distance relationship, a tantalizing gift for a lover, a unique profile portrait for a dating site or even just great photography practice on a subject we know well – but would love to know better. Heck, add them to the FGG Girls Flick group so we can fawn all over your gorgeous self! If we get enough of them, maybe we’ll put together an FGG Girls Pin-up Calendar in time for Christmas.

If you’re feeling really bold, post your new self-portraits to your high school reunion page or group ahead of the event, so when you arrive, everyone will be focused not on your weight, but on that cute freckle they know is hiding under your dress. I dare you.