The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Photo by Midnighteskye

**Be sure to read today’s entire post for the results of our Eden Fantasys Giveaway**

We have several new photos and members in our FGG Girls Flickr Group (welcome, girls!). This image by Midnightskye caught my eye when I visited the group recently (where we have a great discussion going about photo post-processing basics if you have any tips and tricks to share).

I thought, “She looks like me!” when I clicked over to view the photo. The description says, “I know I have stretch marks, I’m a big girl, I was going to edit them, but they are a part of who I am.” Yesssss! That’s the attitude we strive for here at FGG. But even Tee and I aren’t “all moxie, all the time” (though we do strive for “most of the time”).

I have always been self-conscious of my stretch marks, and I think seeing someone put them out there with neither apology nor shame tugged hard at the pull chain to my light bulb. I immediately recalled a favorite quote, which comes from the brilliant television show The Wire, when Walon (played by the awesome Steve Earle) says to Bubbles (played by “Why does this man not have an Emmy for his performance on The Wire?!?” Andre Royo):

Shame ain’t worth as much as you think. Let it go.

I may have fallen out of my chair when I heard that line, because I’ve felt ashamed of my body since hitting puberty. I started dieting at an age (12) and size (5) where I had no business doing so, because all of the girls and women around me were starving and hating on themselves, including my mother. It’s really only been over the past year or so that I’ve started actively working to appreciate my physical self, stretch marks and all – including ditching the little self-deprecating remarks about every self-perceived flaw. Because those “flaws” are indeed a part of who I am. I’m even putting myself out there more than ever this year by doing a year of self portraits – some candid, some artful – as a way of taking my self back. I might even muster the courage to strike a pose like Midnighteskye some time in 2010 (sorry, Mom!).

What about you? I know that body shame is not the sole province of fat girls (my skinny friends worry over their post-baby stretch marks, forty-something crow’s feet and southern-facing breasts, too), and many of you simply adore your curvy selves. But for those of you struggling with shame in any area of your lives, can you get inspired to put yourself out there more this week and drop-kick shame to the curb? I challenge you do to ONE THING this week that nudges you to “let it go.” Post a photo that represents this act to the FGG Girls Flickr Group or post a comment telling us how you did.

Special Announcement! We have a winner of our Eden Fantasys giveaway! Our random drawing from commenters who mentioned chocolate is Fat Nurse! Congratulations, girl! You are the lucky owner of the “Better Than Chocolate” clitoral vibrator (now there’s a phrase I never envisioned writing in my career). Tee has emailed you so we can send it your way. Congratulations! Thanks to everyone who played along!

Cecily’s ink still looks awesome. Indeed.

I’m thinking about getting a tattoo, but I’m concerned about it looking terrible if I keep losing (or end up gaining) more weight. What happens to tattoos when skin and shape changes?”

We spoke with tattoo artist Jon Kelly, owner of Olde Tyme Tattoo in Fullerton, California to get his advice.

“Prevention of any sort would be to pick the proper location on your body,” he says. “Stretch marks will ruin your tattoo, so if you find yourself prone to them, try to pick an area on your body that has minimal chance of acquiring stretch marks.” Tatts distorted by stretch marks may have to be reworked, covered up, or even removed.

“Not all women are prone to stretch marks, so there’s no generalized answer that fits every individual situation,” adds Kelly. “Let’s say you gain 80 pounds and you end up with no stretch marks. The tattoo you have may end up off center depending on where it was originally placed.” The bottom line: know your body, choose your artist as carefully as you select the location for your tatt, and accept that if you gain or lose weight, your ink might need more work later on.

We also asked fearless blogger Cecily Kellogg (pictured above), who writes at Uppercase Woman, for her voice of experience on this topic. Here’s what she had to say:

“Skin expands. Whether you are talking about pregnancy or your more standard filling out, skin stretches. If you have ink on that skin, the ink will stretch too.

With general weight fluctuations, most tattoos will look just fine. You should have no permanent misshaping of the ink, even with very fine detailed work. If you have a portrait, it is possible that the portrait will look a bit less like the original model, but tattoo portraits rarely look much like the original model anyway (unless you have an exceptional artist, who will resist putting a portrait on any place likely to do much expanding; shoulders, upper arms, upper back, and calves are least likely to expand).

I’ve gained a fair amount of weight over the years I’ve collected my ink, and while my arms have gotten larger, my ink still looks absolutely awesome. The tattoos on my back (they extend from my upper shoulders to my middle back) also still maintain their awesomeness.

Additionally, I’ve known pregnant women with belly tattoos that have stretched out to crazy, misshapen levels, but when the pregnancy is over, the tattoo looks okay. Sometimes there is a bit of sag in part of it, but by a year after the baby is born the ink looks pretty close to the original design.

The main key to preserving the quality of your ink is the same whether weight gain is an issue or not: choose the tattoos carefully, use a high quality artist, and consider the placement of the tattoo before getting it. If you plan well, and choose well, your ink will look just as good ten years down the line as it does a week after you get it (it never looks good while it’s healing), regardless of your size.”

Have a question for us? Post it in comments or send us an email and we’ll tackle it in an upcoming Ask FGG feature.