The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

You never know who you’ll meet on a girlfriend getaway

It’s vacation season for many, with great weather and kids out of school as families head off to water parks, resorts, and campgrounds. For moms like me, it’s also girlfriend getaway season, because it’s easier to leave the kids with our spouses/partners/relatives without factoring in school schedules. For others, like our own Angela, it’s time to gather some pals and head north where the weather is divine to relax.

Each July, some of my besties and I rent a house somewhere and convene to . . . well, basically we laugh the entire time. One year, I remember going to bed with a sore jaw from laughing so much. Whether partaking in touristy activities, kicking back, playing pranks on each other, or stopping to meet roadside llamas, each gathering is a non-stop joy-fest and something that’s brightened my existence considerably. Pretty surprising for someone who didn’t have many close girlfriends until adulthood.

There’s something valuable about hanging out with people who are much like yourself, but just different enough to make things interesting. It’s also comforting to have friends who don’t judge you for never losing that baby or college (or whenever) weight, and who see you as beautiful and perfect–right here, right now. This is the stuff that great girlcations are made of. There’s even a magazine devoted to Girlfriend Getaways, which might inspire ideas for a traveling friend-fest of your own, because there’s simply no substitute for gathering with women who “get” you.

Have you done a girlfriend getaway? If not, why not? If you’re thinking of starting one, you know what we’re going to ask: what are you waiting for?

Every woman deserves to see herself as beautiful and sexy (image by JamieBates)

All women experience self-doubt. Actually, scratch that. All women — with the possible exception of the Jersey Shore cast — experience self-doubt. Not even the most seemingly together girl is immune. Despite appearing to have the perfect job, the perfect skin, the perfect curves, the perfect manicure perfect relationship. . . even she looks in the mirror and fixates on some body part she wishes were larger, smaller, tighter, smoother, or just plain different.

It’s a strange quirk of the female psyche, this tendency to put ourselves down — fat girls even moreso. Feeling insecure about our weight can hold us back from applying for a job we really want, pursuing a meaningful relationship, or trying a new activity or hobby we’ve been curious about. Negative feelings about our bodies can also affect our experiences with sex and intimacy, causing us to prefer “lights off, shirt on” sex or not allowing us to fully enjoy or respond to a partner’s affection.

While it’s unlikely a single blog post can resolve years of self doubt, if we can give you one or two real-world suggestions — or even some food for thought — that helps facilitate a positive change in your self-perception, then we’ll call it a successful day at FGG.

Stop deferring compliments

Let’s play a little game: Imagine you’re filling your water bottle in the office kitchen on Friday morning when a co-worker exclaims, “Your hair looks amazing today!” Or one of the other moms at the playground tells you how much she loves your shoes, or that your new shirt is fabulous. What about when your husband or date tells you that you’re sexy? What goes through your mind in those moments, and how do you respond?

Too many times, we brush off compliments because they make us feel awkward or unworthy. Or, worse still, we respond by putting ourselves down: “Oh, no! My hair is a disaster today with this humidity!” “Really? I think this shirt makes my arms look huge. But your shirt is adorable.” “Whatever. I’m sweaty and gross from carrying the groceries inside; there’s no way that’s sexy.”

Why can’t we stop pushing back and simply allow ourselves be appreciated? Hearing something positive about ourselves — especially about our appearance — doesn’t have to be transactional. We don’t have to automatically counter with something we don’t like, or to look for a way to even the playing field by complimenting the other person.

The next time someone praises your appearance, your body, your sense of humor, or any of your unique characteristics, there are three really simple things you need to do: Smile genuinely, say “thank you,” and believe the person who said it.

That’s it. The more accustomed you are to accepting compliments graciously, the better your chances for well-developed self esteem. You might even try writing down these positive observations about yourself, or repeating them back to yourself in the mirror or during moments of self doubt. Telling yourself “you’re attractive and desirable” might feel awkward at first — you might even laugh. But it’s been shown that self-talk is a powerful brain-changer, and you also might start to believe it.

Always play up your strengths

With your ears and mind open to receiving positive feedback, it should be just a short hop to identifying your strongest attributes — physical or otherwise. Even if it’s hard for us to express or show outwardly, each of us can identify something about ourselves that we like when we look in the mirror. Perhaps you have gorgeous eyes, or ultra-thick, shiny hair. Or maybe it’s your killer legs or a smile that lights up your whole face. My best friend is fond of joking that the headline of her fictitious online personal ad would read: “Possesses super-soft skin. . . and an 8-bit Nintendo.” And it’s certainly no coincidence that I prefer lower-cut, V-neck tops to turtlenecks.

Whatever your favorite parts, help them look their best with the right care and grooming, or the accessories to make them stand out. Give your pretty feet some pampering and a colorful summer pedicure. If you’ve got an hourglass figure, buy a dress that defines your lovely waist. Take care of your beautiful teeth with good oral hygiene and regular visits to the dentist. Or experiment with different makeup techniques that make your green eyes sparkle or your brown eyes smolder.

Although neither confidence nor a person’s worth can be measured in body parts or physical traits, there’s something to be said for starting small and building up from there. Stepping out into the world feeling positive about even a few things about your appearance can be a seed for change in other parts of your life, too. In the same way crossing a couple of easy items off a to-do list can build momentum, knowing that you have a knock-em-dead [insert your fave trait here] can help make it easier to feel love — or even just acceptance — for the areas of your body that don’t make you as happy.

More than the sum of your parts

Beyond the bounce of a great hairstyle or the allure of impressive cleavage, there’s a whole body waiting to be understood and appreciated. Despite — or perhaps because of — the familiarity that comes with living in our own skin every day, many of us don’t often consider all the positive things our bodies do on a daily basis. What’s worse, we often try to hide, cover or ignore whole areas of our bodies because of the extra weight we carry.

But think about it: Extra weight or not, your body is both an amazing machine and a refuge. The same legs that feel “too big” manage to carry you through every day, up the stairs and down the street — even through exotic places and new experiences. For the moms out there, the stretch marks that become all you can see when you view your tummy are the evidence of loved and cherished children your beautiful body carried, nourished and birthed. And the arms you might feel ashamed to bare because of the way they flap or roll are the same arms your friends or family run to when they’re hurting, or scared, or need to be reassured. Wearing a size 8 or 28 is irrelevant in these situations, so why should size be so prevalent in how much we appreciate our bodies?

Tune in to your body

Of course, body confidence isn’t as simple as flipping a switch or we’d have done it already and I’d be talking to myself here. For some of us the process takes our whole lives and involves professional reinforcement. But activities that connect you to your body can also help foster the process. At FGG, we’ve talked about how everything from stretching to yoga to the great orgasms can enhance the mind/body relationship while also improving health and energy. Some women also find confidence through specific activities in which they feel they excel — or through which they just feel a comforting “I’m just like everyone else here” normalcy.

I’ve made no secret about the fact that the water is my happy place. And though I began taking aqua classes to improve my fitness, I’ve noticed other changes in the three months since I began attending regularly. I stand straighter now. I’m more conscious of the way my muscles work together. And, on very rare occasions, I actually feel the same fluidity in my body outside of the pool as I do in the water.

If you’re still searching for your physical happy place, try another FGG favorite activity to help access your body’s more subtle graces: The self-portrait project. Focusing regularly on locating new body angles to photograph can be a powerful tool in making peace with (and finding love for) your body. Seeing yourself from new perspectives may even help you begin to see what someone might mean when s/he says “You’re so pretty,” or even “You’re so sexy.”

Listen to your friends and family

This is possibly the strongest argument of all for self worth, and yet one that is grossly underestimated or ignored. No matter what our age or current position in life — married, dating, single, parenting or not, on top of the world or in a state of reinvention — each of us has some type of support network. Sometimes it’s a nuclear family; other times it’s an assortment of friends who fill the same role. The point is, we have people around us who see us for who we are and who love us.

I’ve often considered the double standard many of us are tempted to buy into: The notion that our plus-size friends or family members are awesome, beautiful, diverse, lovable people who enrich our lives — without stopping for a moment to consider that they likely feel the very same way about us. How is it possible to be so quick to see the beauty in others, yet so reluctant to admit it in ourselves?

The next time a friend shares that she loves how you look in a particular photo, try to stop yourself from immediately thinking she’s crazy because you had your eyes closed, or because it’s not taken from the most flattering possible angle. Instead of looking for double chins, try to see what she sees in the picture. Is it the joy spreading across your face as you break into laughter? Is it the glow of feeling loved by those around you? Is it the curl of your grin that indicates you just told a hilarious story? Or maybe it’s the pride you’re exuding upon accepting your college degree or while watching your child take his first steps.

Ultimately, beauty is more than perfectly straight teeth or cellulite-free skin. It’s the intangible light that glints from women of every size and shape, every single day. Sometimes it catches in ponytailed hair as she does the dishes, and sometimes it’s reflected in smoky, bedroom eyes. Where will someone see it today in you? And will you be brave enough to recognize and embrace it?

We want to hear your stories of self confidence and beauty. At what point in your life have you felt the most irresistible, and how did body image play into that experience? How do you tap into your reserve of confidence and desirability? Do the other plus-size women in your life realize their own beauty?

Swap Wheaton’s book (sorry, Wil) for one of these fat-friendly titles (image by Mingo.nl)

Some girls over-pack clothes or make-up when they travel. One of my best friends insists on lugging along what we’ve dubbed a “shoe-case” because it’s dedicated only to footwear. Me? I over-pack . . . well, everything, but especially books. In preparation for the upcoming Fourth of July weekend, a four-day getaway with friends to Door County, WI, I’ve already chucked three books into the “take along” pile, while knowing better than to think I’ll have that kind of time. And yet, summer wouldn’t be summer for me without beach reads. As Toni touched on in her recent ode to lazy summer days, for many of us, few things are more intoxicating than a relaxing day at the pool or beach, splashing in the waves (or getting splashed by our kids), with ample time to devour a page-turner.

In honor of those lazy days and the upcoming holiday weekend, FGG has compiled a few ideas for books that feature plus-size protagonists — but they come with a disclaimer: Obviously, taste in books is incredibly individual, so we don’t expect each of these titles to have the same appeal to every reader. Further, it’s a tricky thing writing for a blog that doesn’t wholly identify itself in either the “fat acceptance” or “weight loss” genre, but rather seeks to strike a realistic and empowering tone for overweight women in general; that tightrope walk becomes more pronounced when attempting to recommend literature featuring plus-sized characters, because the genre is so controversial. There are as many “fat girl” and weight-loss memoirs out there as there are poorly drawn, self-hating or insultingly unrealistic primary or tertiary characters in fiction (Jemima J, I’m looking at you). For that reason, we’ve tried to list books whose overweight female protagonists are strong, unashamed and multifaceted, or whose struggles with their weight issues are presented in an honest and real way, without being condescending or insinuating that only through weight loss can one find love and meaning.

In short: Your mileage may vary, but we hope there may be something for everyone. So grab a beach blanket and enjoy!

If you’re in the mood to laugh

Bitter is the New Black: Confessions of a Condescending, Egomaniacal, Self-Centered Smartass,Or, Why You Should Never Carry A Prada Bag to the Unemployment Office (Jen Lancaster, 2006)

What to Expect: Unabashedly self-centered (hence the title), the plus-sized Lancaster draws from her riches-to-rags unemployment experiences in the post-9/11 economy to deliver gut-busting humor and a trademark snarky wit. This is the first of Lancaster’s best-selling memoirs, so if you dig her style, you’ve got all summer to gobble up her other four titles: Bright Lights, Big Ass; Such a Pretty Fat; Pretty In Plaid; and the recently released My Fair Lazy.

Good fit for your beach bag? Readers either can’t get enough of Lancaster’s humor, or seem to find her observations unrelatable and mean-spirited. Which category you belong to depends heavily on your feelings toward curse words and everyone’s-a-target humor.

Frangipani: A Novel (Célestine Vaite, 2006)

What to expect: The first in Vaite’s trilogy of novels following the relationships and antics of “professional house cleaner” Materena Mahi and her family, this novel is as chock-full of strong, diverse female characters as it is whimsy. The story centers on the relationship between plus-size Materena and her daughter, which allows Vaite to get maximum play from the Tahitian myths and superstitions that govern Materena.

Good fit for your beach bag? This lighthearted, quick read should appeal to readers seeking a different take on the age-old struggles between mothers and daughters. Plus, the gorgeous Tahitian setting is beach-worthy, for sure.

Good In Bed (Jennifer Weiner, 2002)

What to expect: Twenty-eight-year-old Cannie Shapiro faces what many of us would deem our worst nightmare: her ex-boyfriend has written an article about their sex life, titled “Loving a Larger Woman,” which appears in a Cosmo-esque national mag. Hilarity, tears and tequila shots ensue, as Cannie sets off on an ill-advised journey to lose weight and win back her jackal of an ex — before realizing she deserves better.

Good fit for your beach bag? There’s a reason this is a go-to novel for both plus-size chick lit and those looking for something a little more substantial: It’s a really enjoyable read that features a protagonist you can cheer for. Sure, there are plot points requiring a suspension of disbelief, but Weiner’s smart, sassy writing gives Cannie a believable, identifiable voice, and we appreciate the willingness to stray beyond “weight loss = happiness” as a takeaway.

If you’re in the mood for love

Love at Large (Anthology, 2005)

What to expect: Six separate stories of plus-size women finding love with men who think they’re scrumptious. Want more? None of these protagonists are clinging vines just pining for a man; they’re independent, strong and sexy — all of which their suitors find irresistibly appealing. Yes, literary world, men can and do love larger women!

Good fit for your beach bag? Fun, fluffy and perfectly portioned for reading between catnaps. In short, a perfect beach read. One of the stories is even set near Lake Michigan, which made this girl proud.

Suddenly You (Lisa Kleypas, 2001)

What to expect: A lush, historical bodice-ripper with a plus-size female lead? Believe it. The action (so to speak) begins as 30-year-old Amanda opens her door to the male prostitute she’s hired to take her virginity — only to discover later that she’s judged his identity too hastily. What follows is a romantic cat-and-mouse game between free-spirited writer Amanda and her visitor (and new publisher), Jack, as well as a celebration of the allure of curvaceous beauty.

Good fit for your beach bag? If you’re a fan either of historical or romantic fiction, this is a no-brainer, but even skeptics may be drawn in by the impressively developed characters and witty dialogue. (And did we mention the sex?)

If you’re in the mood to reflect… or even cry

The Little Giant of Aberdeen County (Tiffany Baker, 2010)

What to expect: The story of 400-pound “giant,” Truly Plaice, orphaned as a young girl and having grown up surrounded by loss, drama and societal cruelty. Parts of the story may prove painful for readers who have experienced sadness at the hands of bullies and insensitive acquaintances, but fans of the book rave about Truly’s honest, compelling narration and her ability overcome her life’s circumstances and find meaning and escape.

Good fit for your beach bag? Part horror story and part fairy tale, this book seems to best suit the reader who seeks gloriously descriptive prose and page-turning twists — without expecting ponies and rainbows to be waiting on the other side.

The Wife’s Tale (Lori Lansens, 2010)

What to expect: The journey of an overweight (302 pounds) woman whose husband leaves on the eve of their 25th wedding anniversary. Realizing that she’s as imprisoned by fear as she is by food, Mary Gooch ventures from her Canadian hometown for the first time, finding her way to the new sights and characters of California as she seeks to find her husband, and herself.

Good fit for your beach bag? Some will find Mary’s cold-turkey “I’m not hungry anymore” weight loss off-putting, while others might wish for more of an ending, but introverted readers who seek to identify with a narrator may be drawn to Mary’s struggle and the intricate details of her life as an overweight woman.

If you’re in the mood to sleuth

If mystery’s your thing, it seems your full-figured female protagonist cup runneth over — what is it about fat girls that makes us scream “I’m the next literary answer to Angela Lansbury!”? For reasons we can’t identify, several series out there feature larger (or “average-size”) female characters; we’ve suggested a couple here that tend to get good reviews.

Too Big to Miss (Sue Ann Jaffarian, 2006)

What to expect: Don’t let the title or the ample-sized silhouette drawn on the cover art fool you: This isn’t a fat-hating book. Fortysomething paralegal Odelia Grey stands 5’1 and weighs 230 pounds, and although she’s not immune to the trials of life as an overweight woman, she doesn’t let them keep her down. Smart, talented and believable, Odelia kicks off her career as amateur sleuth here (five other titles follow), as she investigates the apparent suicide of her friend Sophie, a fat-girls’ rights advocate.

Good fit for your beach bag? While they’re split on some of the book’s humor (Odelia’s self-deprecating comments could be seen as undermining the size-positive message of her very existence as a heroine), critics and readers all seem to agree that Odelia’s a gem and Jaffarian’s plots are well-constructed.

Earthly Delights: A Corinna Chapman Mystery (Kerry Greenwood, 2008)

What to expect: Corinna Chapman used to be an accountant, but now she runs a bakery and is about to become a part-time sleuth. Confused? Don’t be. All you need to know is Corinna is “ample bodied” and fabulous. Set in Melbourne, Australia, this inaugural Chapman mystery follows Corinna as she balances life (and a potential love interest) with chasing the killer of local drug addicts.

Good fit for your beach bag?: Frothy and possibly forgettable, but definitely fun in the process.

Tell us, readers: What books are in your beach bag this season? What are your thoughts on portrayals of overweight women in literature? And what’s your favorite book — of any genre — featuring a larger main character?

Hey, we’ve stuck pretty tightly to our promise to leave weight loss out of FGG content, and focus instead on living a good life right now no matter where you are on the scale (or where you want to be). After all, the blogosphere is stocked full of weight loss-related blogs, men and women struggling to lose it, tame it, make peace with it, or otherwise deal with/manage/handle/understand it in as many different ways as there are bloggers.

But every now and then we come across a site that stands out, that inspires us with its bravery and compelling content, whether we’re on the same road or not. And that’s exactly how we feel about Skinny Emmie — the fantastic blog of a beautiful, intelligent and very genuine woman in Lexington, Kentucky who’s working hard to get in shape (and succeeding) through the healthy, natural process of eating smart and moving her body. Along the way, she shares the incredibly personal road blocks, frustrations, questions, excitement and victories as they come.

One of my favorite parts of Emmie’s site are her videos, which are so raw and personal and exploratory it’s easy to get caught up and keep finding more in the archives to watch. We’ll be going along with Emmie on her wild ride to fitness, and we think many of you will enjoy it too!

Check her out.

Surf Diva Co-Founder Izzy Tihanyi doing what she does best

There’s a group of vacationers who book cabins every July at the same Lake Huron resort where my family and friends spend the week. We call them “Extreme Family.” The Extremes don’t believe in our brand of lazy and relaxing vacation, a carefully crafted mixture of swimming, sunning, volleyballing, grilling, drinking, and playing every card and board game you can name. Instead, they prefer to remain in sporty motion every possible second. They are led by a board shorts-clad matriarch whom we watched wind-surfing daily while eight months pregnant with her daughter (a child we later dubbed “Extreme Baby”). If the kids in our group build sand castles, The Extremes pitch a tent and 14 high-flying “extreme” kites on the beach. If our group rents a jet-ski, The Extremes will no doubt begin water skiing in pyramid formation. That’s the way it is with The Extremes — they do all of the things that seem impossible or impractical to do.

I share the story of Extreme Family not just because it amuses me (although, let’s be honest — it totally does), but because it perfectly captures my attitude and assumptions about activities like surfing. Surfing has always seemed “extreme” to me: exotic, implausible, unrealistic–especially for an overweight Midwesterner like myself. “I/we don’t surf,” I thought. “Only super-fit daredevils like The Extremes take up sports like that.”

It took just one phone call with Izzy Tihanyi, co-founder of Surf Diva Surf School for women, to shatter that myth for me. An instructor and competitive surfer, Tihanyi and twin sister, Coco (the “Diva” counterpart to Izzy’s “Surf”), established San Diego, CA-based Surf Diva in 1996 to introduce women of all ages to the sport in a fun and encouraging environment. Thanks to Tihanyi, I learned (and now you readers will, too!) that fat chicks “abso-lutely” can surf, and that this sport is more accessible than some of us may think.

How does being overweight affect a woman’s ability to surf?

Turns out there are both challenges and benefits to being a bigger girl with a surfing jones. On the plus side of being plus-sized, Tihanyi says, “You stay a lot warmer in the water; you don’t get as cold because you have your own personal insulation. I’ve noticed I can stay in the water longer than most of the guys out there who have 6% body fat.” Tihanyi takes me back to the days of science class in referencing water-dwelling animals whose biology maintains a layer of fat beneath their skin for warmth. Like seals and walruses, she says, “I’m more suited to surviving in the ocean.”

And once you’re standing on the board, neither your weight nor your weight distribution (top heavy vs. pear shaped, etc.) affects your buoyancy or ability to ride the waves. As long as you have the strength and stamina to paddle and manage your board in the water, what your weight affects more than anything is your pop-up. Also called a “pop,” this is the maneuver that takes you from your belly to your feet on the surfboard, and it’s a challenging one to master at any weight because it requires considerable strength and flexibility. Imagine an explosive push-up that requires gripping the sides (“rails”) of your board and using your arms to press your torso up while you simultaneously pulling your knee under you and sliding it up toward your chest.

“That’s kind of a hard maneuver,” Tihanyi agrees, before talking me through the “Izzy Twist,” a pop-up modification she invented for use by her “more voluptuous students.” Rather than sliding the knee straight up toward your chest, the Izzy Twist involves opening your knee to the side so it can go around your belly or chest or any other generously proportioned area that’s in the way. Tihanyi explains the maneuver to me three times (even suggesting I visualize it by getting into push-up stance on the floor) before suggesting I check out the full description in her book, Surf Diva: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Good Waves, which she co-authored with sister Coco.

If you don’t feel comfortable attempting a pop-up because of your size, flexibility, joint issues, or any other reason, there are still exciting ways to ride the waves. Tihanyi suggests trying stand up paddle boarding (SUP), a sport that emerged from Hawaii and involves (you guessed it) standing and paddling on a huge, 12-foot board. The board’s extended length, combined with the use of the paddle, make it more stable than either a shortboard or a longboard. “Imagine being in a kayak but you’re standing up!” Tihanyi explains. “You can paddle [out] on flat water, so you’re not popping up, and you can do it no matter what size you are.” As an added benefit, stand-up paddle boarding can be done on lakes and rivers, making it even more accessible for landlocked or otherwise ocean-less girls.

The bottom line, according to Tihanyi: “You can surf in the ocean no matter what your weight is. You can lay on a board, you can paddle and you can catch waves. The only difference is you’re going to need a bigger board.”

Gear for the plus-size surfer girl

Because proper board size varies by an individual’s height and weight, it’s important to select the right board for maximum possible flotation. Board lengths begin at six feet (these shortboards are used by “rippers,” advanced-level surfers who chase the more dangerous rip tides), but beginners should start with the smoother, more graceful longboard. To that end, Tihanyi recommends big girls choose a board at least 10 feet long and three and a half inches thick. At 5’7 and a size 18, Tihanyi has found her ideal board length to be 9’6. Once you’re set for a board, she says, “it’s really important to find the right wetsuit. And that, my girls, is tricky.”

Wetsuits are designed to cling like a second skin (and you thought wrestling your Spanx made you crazy!), but they’re also designed to insulate and retain body heat, while protecting you from the effects of colder water, winds and, in some cases, sunburn. “I wear a men’s extra-large, and I’ve found that fits me better than a women’s 18,” Tihanyi says. “[Surf Diva] carries sizes up to a men’s 3x. We’ve fitted wetsuits on women up to about a size 26, and the men’s 3X tends to fit them. Most men’s wetsuits go up to size 3X or larger. I’ve never found a women’s wetsuit past a size 18.”

Fortunately, this is where FGG comes in handy, because we did locate ladies’ wetsuits in extended sizes. Sea Dreams offers fashionable wetsuits for women of all shapes, including a full-length wetsuit in sizes up to 26. We also spotted a pink & black shorty suit in sizes to 4X (comparable to a 22/24) available online at TommyDSports.

If you go the men’s suit route, keep in mind that the arms and legs will likely be too long. Roll them up if it’s a rental, or consider having the suit tailored (yes, it’s possible, though you’ll need to locate a professional in your area) if it’s your own. And if you’re between sizes, always go up a size because of the suit’s close-fitting nature.

Surfing skill doesn’t depend on your size

“It really depends on your flexibility, body strength and core strength,” Tihanyi says, going on to describe an experience with two her recent students – one much lighter and leaner than the other. Although many people guessed by appearance that the thinner man would be more successful, she says, “The heavier guy tore it up while the skinnier dude couldn’t stay on the board. The bigger guy was all core strength – if you have a lot of core strength, you can surf remarkably well.”

To excel as a surfer of any size, Tihanyi recommends training your body by adding both flexibility and strength. Yoga, stretching or Pilates are all great for developing the fluidity you’ll need to move with your board in the water. (There are even surfing-specific yoga workouts you can use for training.) Beyond that, Tihanyi says, “Get in the pool and do some laps. Swimming is all upper body strength, which you’ll need for paddling the board.” In addition, the cardio will make a big difference when you need stamina out in the water.

Resources for beginning surfers

While there are plenty of books, Web sites and Youtube videos out there to teach jargon or demonstrate certain techniques, Tihanyi strongly recommends classes for the brand-new surfer. “You’ll learn faster and have more fun, and you won’t give up,” she says, along with stressing the importance of informing the school ahead of time if you have special needs. “We have plus-size surf instructors [at Surf Diva], and we’re very fat-friendly.”

Tihanyi’s own Surf Diva book includes photos of surfing women who encompass all ages, sizes and experience levels. The idea is to make the sport relatable, Tihanyi says. “It demystifies surfing and takes away fears. It acknowledges that, yeah, you can be afraid of [surfing] if it’s new, but that’s something that we can overcome together.”

While Surf Diva specializes in classes for women, you can take surfing lessons — everything from one-day classes to extended camps — almost anywhere there’s coastline and surf-friendly conditions. A quick Google search of “surf lessons” and your preferred city/state/country will yield tons of options, or you can try an aggregate site like CaliforniaSurfingLessons.com. As always, word of mouth and a close reading of online reviews are savvy ways to help ensure a positive experience.

Be the “best surfer in the water”

“I call surfing ‘the lifetime achievement sport,’” Tihanyi says. “Keep it fun, don’t make it competitive. Don’t try to compare yourself to anyone else. Surfing’s not a team sport, it’s an individual sport – so it’s just about you having fun. One of my favorite students was from Oregon. It’s hard to estimate weight, but I’d guess she weighed over three hundred pounds. And she had the best attitude. Our motto at Surf Diva is: ‘The best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun.’ And by that motto, she absolutely rocked it. She was catching waves in – she caught some of them on her knees – and we all cheered her on. She was an amazing woman and I hope she’s still surfing today.”

Toward the end of our conversation, Tihanyi shares some advice that resonates big time with our own FGG mission: “Don’t wait until you feel like you’re ‘strong enough.’ The more you surf, the better shape you’ll be in and the better you’ll feel. Don’t wait until you’re ‘thin enough.’” I can practically hear the surf pounding in the background as Tihanyi gets philosophical: “You’re in the ocean . . . and you’re in water . . . and you’re in nature  . . . and the sun is out . . . and that, in itself, is beautiful. And that’s all that matters.”

Phrased that way, the whole idea of fat girls surfing doesn’t seem so extreme after all.

Girls, share your surfing (or other “extreme” activities) with us – did trying something that felt daring change your perception of yourself in any way? Has this Guide changed your attitudes about activities that seem out of your reach? Let us know by leaving a comment.

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Sacrifice for Beauty by JamieBates

Confidence comes from all different sources. Some girls draw strength from a personal mantra, a morning pep talk in the mirror, or a favorite song. Others feel their best when they know they’ve had a great cut and color, or when they’ve slipped on a favorite pair of shoes and a great lipstick color. And some of us find our confidence surging when our curves are shapely and smooth, letting our clothes drape perfectly.

In other words, some of us would like our fat to stay put when we move, so we’re free to focus on other things — like following all the steps in salsa dancing class or debating which World Cup team has the nicest-looking. . . uniforms. For our full-figured readers looking to keep the jiggle in check, this Guide’s for you.

Less body movement underneath your clothes

Love ‘em or hate ‘em, the fact is that Spanx offers possibly the largest selection of body-shaping apparel out there. From shorts and panties in styles that cover varying portions of thigh and tummy to full-body slimming suits and a line of powerful compression gear, Spanx does a good job of offering something for almost everyone. And while nothing can sugarcoat the fact that Spanx = shapewear, plain and simple, there are things to love about them: The fat-girl-friendly sizing extends to 3X (equivalent of 26W-28W) on many of its clothing pieces and its hosiery is sized to accommodate heights of 6’0 and weights as high as 325. Plus, we love that locating plus-size products on the site is one-click easy.

Despite Spanx’s saturation in the shapewear marketplace, there are a ton of other options for all-over body compression or targeted support. Girls looking to minimize belly bounce might consider a waist cincher like this Rago Waist Nipper (available at HerRoom.com in sizes up to 8X), or a high-waisted, plus-size panty (available in sizes 1X-3X from SeamlessBody.com). All-over torso control can be found via a full-length bodysuit (you’ll want to shop around for the right fit in the torso, chest and butt) or by layering over a shaping camisole or tank.

If you’re a DD-cup or under, consider giving the Unbelievabra a whirl — and then report back immediately! Users (and Oprah) have raved about the all-over smoothing effect of this one-piece, band-less bra/shaping garment. The only downsides seem to be the unorthodox sizing procedure (though the site includes helpful videos), and the fact that larger girls in our readership might fall outside the size ranges offered.

Slimmer silhouettes in “problem” areas

While there are seemingly endless shapewear options for the belly, butt, hips and thighs, it’s a little trickier to find solutions that give a firmer appearance to upper arms or a smoother look to the sides and back. Because “back fat” and side rolls are often pinched and emphasized by regular bras, some women may feel more sleek in a bra that covers more of these areas, even if they aren’t into full-torso shapewear. Several lines now offer “smoothing” bras that claim to eliminate visible bra lines while smoothing back fat: Slimpressions’ Comfy Bralette comes in sizes up to 4X, the Lycra®-enhanced Back Smoothing Bra (of Lane Bryant’s Cacique collection) is available in sizes 36C-46DDD, and Woman Within offers a Comfort Choice® model that comes in a whopping size range of 36B-54G.

When it comes to arm jiggle, the options are usually embrace it (let your bat wings fly), hide it (under baggy sleeves or by avoiding sleeveless tops even in the hottest weather), or work like mad to tone it. Personally, I bought into the shame of waggly upper arms for many years — something I’m sure my mother’s well-intentioned “let’s cover those up” admonitions only reinforced. At some point, it clicked with me that sleeves can be cumbersome and too hot in the dead of a muggy Chicago summer, and that I was tired of confining my shopping choices even further than by size; waggly, oddly creased or not, my arms were going to see the light of day (and night)!

My route isn’t for everyone. I know plenty of girls who don’t feel comfortable even with many short-sleeved shirts because of where the sleeves hits their arms. If you’re not down with the “eh, whatever” approach and are looking for ways to tighten the appearance of those upper arms, try wearing a sleeve that extends well past the areas where you feel the least confidence — and see what you think about a tighter sleeve than you might ordinarily choose, and in a material a little thicker (i.e. nothing floaty or wispy). Before you panic, remember: a little tighter, not circulation threatening. You may be surprised to see the thicker material and closer fit working together to reign in errant ripples or jiggling. If you want more arm control and are willing to dress to accommodate, shapewear for arms (said to “reduce arm circumference by 1″-3″) does exist, in both short- and long-sleeve formats.

Physical activity: shake it without shaking everything

Whether you’re working it on the dance floor or breaking a sweat on the gym’s elliptical machine, the first rule of “less jiggle” when you’re on the move is a good sports bra. Our fitness experts and readers have all raved about the support and comfort provided by Enell bras, but readers have also championed the bounce prevention provided by the Maia bra from Moving Comfort and The Last Resort Bra from Title Nine. Glamorise® also offers a wireless, moisture-wicking sports bra that is designed to eliminate strap bounce and ride-up in back.

For the bottom half of your workout gear, consider skipping the loose-fitting shorts/capris and instead choosing more form-fitting bottoms like plus-size bike shorts. They help reduce the jiggle factor as you move, and you can always layer them under your favorite sweats (or buy pre-layered garments) if the idea of spandex makes you twitchy.

Finally, for a night out, and possibly some dancing, why not add some “WOW!” to your look while also keeping your midriff area from shaking every time you do? A dramatic, high-voltage corset (with either steel boning or plastic) will not only play to your sexy strengths from beneath an over-shirt or on its own, it will also help create a more defined waist and ensure that your midsection stays put while you move. For more examples of fun, sexy corsets, check out our recent Fat Girl’s Guide to Lingerie.

As with any apparel you purchase, be sure to check sizing carefully, as it almost always varies by retailer. And don’t hesitate to mix and match  different shapewear options until you find the combination of freedom and form that works for you. Because whether you choose to rein in the flesh or let it move au natural, the most important thing to remember about your skin is that you need to feel comfortable in it.

Have any feedback on these suggestions or other tips we couldn’t squeeze in here? Or experiences with shaping techniques you’d like to share? We’re all ears for your thoughts and theories on body jiggle — to tame or not to tame.

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Psst! Give the FGG team your two cents for a chance to win a $20 Walmart gift card! More here.

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The most gifted green thumb I know (Photo by Holly Mason)

All the green-thumbed ladies! (All the green-thumbed ladies. . .) Now put your trowels up!

Apologies, readers, as I’m working through a bit of a Beyoncé earworm today. But it’s the perfect time of year to crank up a favorite tune on your iPod and get outside to soak up the blue sky, sunshine and smell of the grass growing right under your feet. For girls with the aforementioned green thumbs (regretfully, I cannot count myself among you, since I can kill even a fake plant in two days or less), the season is also ripe for planting, weeding and all manner of earthy things that make me glad I live in a big-city apartment.

Overweight women sometimes struggle with activities like gardening because of joint problems, discomfort sitting or kneeling on the ground, or challenges lowering themselves down to dirt level and standing back up again without good leverage. And yet, many women appreciate the therapeutic nature of gardening — not to mention being surrounded by colorful blooms and enjoying the fruits (and vegetables) of their  home-grown labors. As always, we at FGG cringe at the idea of putting off the things we love because of challenges in mobility or logistics — so consider today’s guide our love letter to each of you earth mamas who are ready get digging in the dirt, already!

Comfortable gardening apparel for plus sizes

While most women will agree that the garden isn’t the place for a fashion show, dressing for the elements is important. Footwear and gloves that protect from injury are a must — especially when handling chemical products (like enriched fertilizers) or thorny/prickly plants, or when working in soil that may contain sharp objects or recycled glass mulch. Before you reach for your Crocs, remember that although they’re ridiculously comfortable, water-friendly and accommodating for wider feet, they’re made from lightweight material that can be easily punctured by sharp objects. And depending on where you’re working, turning all of that soil can unearth errant nails, broken glass, sharp sticks, etc. Consider a tougher, more resilient shoe like a thick-soled clog or some waterproof galoshes — and don’t be afraid to get colorful. The Original Muck Boot Company offers durable, flexible and weatherproof clogs, boots and shoes in women’s sizes 4-13 (we liked the pink houndstooth and plum vine designs). Wide openings for tucking in pants can also be godsends for plus-size women with wide calves. The spring green cheerfulness of this pair from Sloggers (up to size 10) was almost enough to make me want to grab a Garden Weasel. Other fun finds include the Ladybug Clogs from Ranger (available in sizes 5-11 and in basic colors or bright, outdoorsy designs).

When it comes to gardening gloves, women with larger hands have lots of options for digging in safety and style. If your hands or joints are sensitive, a pair of ergonomic gloves in sizes S-XL, while pricey ($37.99), may be worth the investment. For a more festive day in the yard, Mud Gloves® come in loads of bright, fun colors and sizes from XS-XL. Plus, the breathability and coated palm and fingers for gripping traction are paired with features like UV protection and aloe moisturizers. Ultimately, selecting the right type of gardening glove is more important than the pretty design, so make sure you take into consideration the work you’ll be doing. You’ll want a different glove for handling poisonous plants or chemicals (choose Neoprene) than you will for rough yard work like extreme pruning and moving brush (opt for leather).

Lighten the load with ergonomic gardening accessories

Safe, healthy yard work and gardening involve more than just happy hands and feet. It’s easy to tackle too much or stay in a position that’s hard on joints without realizing the damage done until the next day. Stocking your tool shed with the right ergonomic gardening accessories can make a big difference and keep you feeling your best.

Rather than kneeling directly on the ground, protect your knees with a kneeling pad. Ergonomic kneeling pads can be as simple as a waterproof foam wedge you can purchase at most lawn and garden centers, or they can be more elaborate — and even include reinforced knee areas and a back support option. Some women may feel more comfortable using a kneeling bench or choosing to sit on a rocker seat — this one supports weights up to 350 lbs. Just be sure you try any product first to ensure you feel safe and stable on it.

If you’re moving soil, mulch, supplies or debris around the yard, look for a cart or wheelbarrow that’s easy to maneuver. My friend Holly, the gardening fiend pictured above (and who I swear is a plant whisperer — seriously!), raves about her green Duraworx garden cart from Lowe’s. If pushing is more your thing than pulling a cart, choose one that does most of the heavy lifting for you, sparing your back, arms and legs the stress. Sears offers the Triad™ heavy-duty wheelbarrow, which is said to combine the ease of a cart with the capacity of a ‘barrow. And you can feel good about your garden and yourself by picking a pink ‘barrow with a looped handle (better for pulling/pushing) that helps fund breast cancer research.

Easier up and down to ground level

The fact that most gardening activities take place at ground level can complicate matters for larger women who may have difficulty hunkering down to the ground or standing back up again without holding onto something sturdy for leverage. While every person needs to find the approach that’s right for her, some ideas for overcoming this challenge include wide-base canes or robust, portable step stools that you can grip with both hands and push down on while raising yourself off the ground. Placing a more substantial stool near your garden area may provide the same access to leverage. (Readers: This is a great time to share your own tips for improvising leverage to stand — be sure to hit the comments section at the end of this post!)

If the up-and-down of sitting & standing isn’t a possibility, or if your knees or other joints can’t accommodate extended amounts of kneeling, crouching, bending or sitting low to the ground, another great way to maintain your gardening hobby or passion is through elevated gardening. Constructing raised garden beds elevates the ground level of your soil and plants to make it more accessible from a seated position. Similarly, stand-up gardens (sometimes called tabletop gardens) can be accessed from a standing or sometimes a seated position, making them much more ergonomically friendly. And don’t discount all the creative possibilities that window boxes, planters and hanging gardens provide — you can even grow strawberries and tomatoes from a teeny section of outdoor space!

No matter what your mobility or comfort level, the Web is crawling with additional resources for making gardening more accessible (including dozens of message boards, construction plans, DIY kits and awesome sites like The Able Gardener. Mix and match tips and techniques until you find the garden design and accessories that are right for you. We look forward to hearing from all of our green thumbs out there as your summer gardens progress. . . Now put your trowels UP!

Green-thumbed girls: Share your best fat-girl gardening find, a tip about making yourself comfy on the ground, or a challenge you’ve faced in the yard. And don’t forget to upload your photos to the FGG Flickr Group or leave us a message and a photo on our Facebook page! Fame and glory (since I’m not in charge of prizes) to those whose tomatoes can make Toni’s mouth water.