The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Group spinning, by Kj

Thank you for your site – I’m really struggling to accept myself, and my family is all thin which makes me feel judged all the time. Do you perhaps know of a weight rehab place I could go to to help me lose the unwanted pounds? I just know I cannot do it alone”

Going it alone when you’re trying to lose weight is tough (we know, we’ve tried). But I actually don’t recommend weight camps or rehabs because most of those give you situations and tools that aren’t available in everyday life — like being secluded to focus only on weight loss, planning your diet for you, giving you access to 24/7 exercising. Those things will help anyone shed pounds in the short term, but because it doesn’t fit into our real everyday lives, that won’t last and you may (like most do) end up gaining it all back quickly and then some once you’ve graduated.

Instead, I’d recommend hooking up with some local people who also want to lose some weight and forming a small group. Both Toni and I have had GREAT success with this approach recently! I highlighted it in a recent post here.

You might even be able to get a personal trainer to sponsor you and/or your group with free nutritional and fitness lessons. Just be sure that anything you do to lose it is something that’s also available to you to KEEP doing/using/relying on after you’re done with the initial loss.

Your turn, readers. What tips do you have on ways to stick with healthy lifestyle changes long term?

Danskin NOW Pants ($12.99) and T-Shirt ($7.99)

A reader wrote to ask:

Dear FGG,

It’s a new year and I made a resolution to get in better shape. But I’m having a hard time finding workout clothes that fit and I can actually afford. Help!

Here’s a starting point that’s relatively convenient for most people: the Danskin NOW line launched recently (and exclusively) at Wal Mart, with plus sizes ranging between 1X and 4X. These are definitely affordable – tops and bottoms range in price from between $9 – $12. The fabric is comfortable too: very soft, flexible, and it even handles sweat well. The pants pictured here have gathered ankles to keep you from getting caught in fast-moving equipment.

As with the White Stag Woman line we wrote about last week, not all styles are available on the Wal Mart web site, so you really have to dig around your local store to see what they offer. I’m going to look for one of those $9 tank tops now that I signed up for regular (gentle) yoga classes again. Love that fiery orange! (They even have pretty yoga mats for $15).

If you’re looking for a plus size sports bra, our readers continually sing the praises of Enell sports bras; you might have to pay more for one, but when it comes to supporting “the girls,” it’s a worthy investment. Danskin also offers other plus size items (including a Racer Back Bra in up to size 4X) which run between $30-$40 and are available at most sports retailers.

Find any post-holiday workout deals for us big girls? Share your plus size bargain finds in the comments.

Open call for Biggest Loser, by Pierre Lascott

We don’t typically cover weight loss on FGG because, let’s face it, you can’t throw a Weight Watchers cookie very far without hitting a diet or weight loss web site. It’s unoriginal, it’s redundant, and in the end that stuff usually does nothing for our body image and self-esteem.

Instead, we focus on how to enjoy a fun, active, enriching and rewarding life now instead of waiting until you’ve achieved some magic, “when I’m ______” criteria. And it’s in that spirit, not the deflating spirit of “self-correction,” that I’m posting this guide. Stay with me.

I’ve seen five or six episodes of NBC’s “The Biggest Loser,” and I have markedly mixed feelings about it. On one hand it’s inspiring and the human stories are fascinating. Who wouldn’t be moved by those transformations, and by what they suggest about our own possibilities?

On the other hand, it’s disconcerting. Losing that much weight in such a short a time period isn’t healthy, the sequestered and intensive means by which they do it aren’t sustainable in the long term for most people, and the show is set up to be as melodramatic as possible. During every episode I’ve gone through bi-polar spells of disgust and intrigue.

I mentioned to a friend a month or two ago that it would be fun to take what’s great about the show, like the teamwork, the relationships and support, the mental rigor, leaving behind the drama, the backstabbing, the unhealthy obsessions – and create a small group of our own. We were in a rut, wanting to get back into shape but feeling uninspired. My friend said, “Why not?”

And that was all it took. Over the next few weeks I placed ads on Craigslist for people with at least 50 pounds to lose, set up a local web site and NING social network, got a gym to sponsor us with deeply discounted membership and other perks, and then waited until kick-off day on January 1, 2010. I crossed my fingers that at least 15 people would show up.

I walked through the gym doors that morning to a crowd of more than 30 very excited, motivated men and women ready to dig in. And dig in we have. The outpouring of support from sponsors and the gym staff has been incredible, and the group has already started bonding into friendships with a mischievous twist of healthy competitive spirit. I couldn’t be more pleased.

Many organizations have started hosting biggest loser-like competitions for employees, but if yours doesn’t, or you’re not working,

We defined group criteria
My friend and I felt that to be most able to identify with each other’s struggles and to feel most comfortable in a group, it made sense to recruit people who had a similar amount of weight to lose. We decided 50 pounds was a good number, and was doable and healthy in six months for a person committed to those goals. And we wanted committed: no wishy-washy, victim mentalities to drag down group morale allowed. Each member had to commit to attending at least one of two official monthly meetings (one of those would be a weigh-in). Those requirements, and being at least 18 years of age, were our only criteria.

We defined challenge parameters
Like the show, we wouldn’t be relying on the highest number of actual pounds lost to determine the winner, but the percentage of body weight lost. Each month the biggest loser that month will receive a sponsored prize, and the grand prize goes to the person who loses the highest percentage of body weight overall by the final weigh-in.

We also decided we’d split the group into teams to get people fired up and accountable to a group. That turned out to be a good move: as soon as we started planning team challenges, the buzz and activity in the group went WAY up. Winning teams get prizes for the whole team – like dinner out, or free haircuts from a local salon.

We set the group up to revolve mostly around two things: a NING social network and the sponsor gym, with some extra activities like hiking, bowling and healthy dinner parties set up separately.

When setting member dues, we we needed to decide if we’d charge only what the gym was charging us – $25/month per member for full access – or upcharge to cover time and administrative details. Because there were few if any other expenses associated with managing the group, and because we wanted as many people as possible to be able to participate, we chose not to charge more than the $25. That made logistics easier, too, as the gym collects payment automatically and we just need to show up.

We spread the word far and wide
We drew up flyers and left them at libraries and on post office counters, we created a basic web site and placed ads in Craigslis’s community groups section, then we emailed all our friends and family and recruited them to email theirs, too. The more the merrier, and we knew the more people we had involved, the less chance there was of the group fizzling out within the first few weeks.

We created a sponsor kit to get local businesses excited
The Biggest Loser is a national hit, and achievement against the odds for people in transformation is addicting to an audience. A local version of that combination with a well-thought-out plan and good materials was compelling to sponsors, and we’ve brought some great ones, including Subway, on board. We gave them each a sheet with the prize slots we still needed to fill, along with recommended values for each, and let them choose what best met their goals and budget.

For their sponsorship, they’ll receive a linked logo on our web site, mention in all our materials and press releases, and an invitation to each weigh-in, including theirs, where they can present their prize to the winner in person.

We got busy getting busy
Nothing is more motivating than seeing other people in action and enjoying it, and energy begets energy in a bonded group. We injected lots of energy into the initial weigh-ins and “before photos” to be sure we didn’t lose momentum during everybody’s “ugh” moments.

Then we wasted no time getting our “gym legs” – setting up small group meets, signing up for classes together, showing each other how to use this piece of equipment or play that game. The more we work out together, the more we WANT to work out together – in fact, I’ve been to the gym every day this week and have yet to not run into at least a couple of other group members while I’m there. I predict big successes for this group.

It’s now taken on a life of its own, and I’m loving it. I’ve made 30+ new friends, have new partners in crime for things I want to try but felt too self-conscious to do in the past, and have a whole team of people pulling me on, and vice versa, should the urge to give up set in. No matter who wins six months from now, in less than a week we’ve all changed course of our lives.

So if you’re looking for an engine for your own efforts to get in shape, why wait? Pick up the phone or open up a blank email, recruit a good friend to help, and get busy planning your big win. And when you get sucked in and start having a great time, too, we’d love to hear all about it.

Ready…set? GO.

Cecily’s ink still looks awesome. Indeed.

I’m thinking about getting a tattoo, but I’m concerned about it looking terrible if I keep losing (or end up gaining) more weight. What happens to tattoos when skin and shape changes?”

We spoke with tattoo artist Jon Kelly, owner of Olde Tyme Tattoo in Fullerton, California to get his advice.

“Prevention of any sort would be to pick the proper location on your body,” he says. “Stretch marks will ruin your tattoo, so if you find yourself prone to them, try to pick an area on your body that has minimal chance of acquiring stretch marks.” Tatts distorted by stretch marks may have to be reworked, covered up, or even removed.

“Not all women are prone to stretch marks, so there’s no generalized answer that fits every individual situation,” adds Kelly. “Let’s say you gain 80 pounds and you end up with no stretch marks. The tattoo you have may end up off center depending on where it was originally placed.” The bottom line: know your body, choose your artist as carefully as you select the location for your tatt, and accept that if you gain or lose weight, your ink might need more work later on.

We also asked fearless blogger Cecily Kellogg (pictured above), who writes at Uppercase Woman, for her voice of experience on this topic. Here’s what she had to say:

“Skin expands. Whether you are talking about pregnancy or your more standard filling out, skin stretches. If you have ink on that skin, the ink will stretch too.

With general weight fluctuations, most tattoos will look just fine. You should have no permanent misshaping of the ink, even with very fine detailed work. If you have a portrait, it is possible that the portrait will look a bit less like the original model, but tattoo portraits rarely look much like the original model anyway (unless you have an exceptional artist, who will resist putting a portrait on any place likely to do much expanding; shoulders, upper arms, upper back, and calves are least likely to expand).

I’ve gained a fair amount of weight over the years I’ve collected my ink, and while my arms have gotten larger, my ink still looks absolutely awesome. The tattoos on my back (they extend from my upper shoulders to my middle back) also still maintain their awesomeness.

Additionally, I’ve known pregnant women with belly tattoos that have stretched out to crazy, misshapen levels, but when the pregnancy is over, the tattoo looks okay. Sometimes there is a bit of sag in part of it, but by a year after the baby is born the ink looks pretty close to the original design.

The main key to preserving the quality of your ink is the same whether weight gain is an issue or not: choose the tattoos carefully, use a high quality artist, and consider the placement of the tattoo before getting it. If you plan well, and choose well, your ink will look just as good ten years down the line as it does a week after you get it (it never looks good while it’s healing), regardless of your size.”

Have a question for us? Post it in comments or send us an email and we’ll tackle it in an upcoming Ask FGG feature.

Rarely does a week go by these days that I’m not cracking open my RSS feed to add yet another poignant, funny, inspiring or important blog (and often all of these at once) that I’ve just stumbled on, usually written by a girl just like many of us who’s struggling with weight, body image, and all those other murky feelings and circumstances we face every day.

I love finding them, but what I want to know is: with all these great blogs, how is it we still feel so alone with our fat girl issues?

So hey, let’s not. We’ve already got a growing FGG Girls Flickr group, and now we’re putting together a list of personal, FGG Girls blogs (we’ll do one for pros and resource blogs in the plus-size industry down the road). So if you’ve got a blog of your own that touches on those issues, or have a favorite daily read that does, share it here in comments. Once we’ve got a good collection going, we’ll make a directory here on the site so that anytime we’re feeling alone in trudging through our troubles, need a fresh perspective or even just a good laugh about it, we can come in and start clickin’.

I’ll start, with a new blog I stumbled on this week: Losing Little Pieces of Me

Your turn!

FGG’s very own Toni, far right, admires her new backside

Ahhh, friends. They love us, they tease us, they feed us chocolate cake and help us hide the evidence. The best of those also help us figure ourselves out, encourage and motivate us, and step up to the plate when we need our lazy butts whooped.

I’ve found this is especially true with brand new friends who share a common goal or interest. Sometimes the familiar, comfy feelings in an old friendship make us less likely to push the envelope farther, or old wounds and sensitivities make us less likely to push an issue hard.  When we fall into those cozy patterns with lifelong friends that become hard to break, the fresh, clean, nothing-to-lose slates of new friendships can give us a spark that lights a fire under our butts to get up and moving toward our goals again. Put a group of them together, and you can be strong, steady building blocks to each other’s success.

With most of us using some form of social media venue – Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, even blogs – we’re constantly meeting new people and forging new friendships. These communities are a great place to tap our contacts for others who, like most of us here, want to work toward a healthier self, and allow ourselves a healthier sense of self in the process. So why not make use of all those new connections?

About a year ago some online friends and I started a private Google group, Girlz Under There, to support each other while we, each in our own way, began to dig out that healthy, vibrant, happy girl buried under all those layers of… you name it. Fat, stress, shame, fatigue,and  myriad other health and energy issues. It became a safe, virtual space we could gather for motivation and ideas, where we knew that everyone else was experiencing the same kinds of things we were, where we could be ourselves, but expect to be challenged to become our best selves.

Starting your own ass-kickin’ online support group will only take a few minutes, but having a few parameters in place before you recruit members will help you get the most out of it.

Ask yourself: What’s the point?
When you’ve got your eye out for people who would make good additions to your group, first know what your group’s specific goals are. Maybe it’s to educate each other on healthy living, and motivate one another to make those choices consistently. Maybe it’s to take a tough-love approach to exercise and getting out there. Maybe it’s to trade war stories about weight loss so we don’t feel like we’re on that road alone. Or maybe it’s a group specifically for posting progress photos. The more specific your goal, the more likely the group will succeed in staying on track.

Find people with the right stuff
A group is only as good as each individual that participates in it. Surprise: groups like these don’t typically thrive on the clouds of fluffy optimism, but with engine created by motivated realists. Look for people who say what they mean, mean what they say, and call it like the see it without being rude or insulting. When you’ve eaten half a birthday cake in one sitting and failed to change out of your PJs for three days, you don’t need a cheerleader telling you “Awww, that’s okay… you deserve it!” You need someone to ask, “What the heck is going on with you?” And to expect an answer.

Unfortunately, we’re wired to believe that being a supportive friend means rah-rahing everything our friends do, even if we’re afraid it may hurt them in the long run. That means you may need to do a little diplomatic weeding to make sure that well-meaning enablers stay on the fringes to cheerlead, while the inner circle runs on the energy of people ready to get real.

Similarly, you’ll want to be sure to screen out anyone who’s prone to jealousy, passive-aggressiveness or who isn’t completely invested in the group’s success. Not only can these folks be a buzz-kill, they’re dangerous to the group’s sense of trust and openness. It’s hard to feel good about a victory, much less share it out loud, when you’re internally preparing yourself for disguised backlash or even woe-is-me responses from someone else.

Pick your venue
Communities like Yahoo! Groups and Google Groups let members post, read and manage messages, calendars and polls easily by email. Social networks like Ning and Facebook groups provide a more free-form, media-rich group experience, and good, old-fashioned email lists in your address book will do the trick too. Just make sure your venue matches your groups goals, and the way your members naturally prefer to interact.

Pick your strategy
Your group shouldn’t be so structured that it’s hard to fit into everyone’s daily life, but it should have some guidelines for how you’ll work on achieving your goals. Need some ideas?

+ Create a contest. Examples: member with the most number of exercise days each month wins a prize, or member who submits the most inspiring, healthy menu for the week wins. Have a group fund for small prizes like cookbooks or movie tickets.

+ Have each member take a turn posting a delicious, healthy recipe each week, while another member posts a new, interesting, easy-to-do exercise for the group to try.

+ Have a weekly check-in on goal progress, discussing what worked and what didn’t that week, and what each member plans to do in the upcoming week. Hold each other to those goals.

+ Have each member take turns being boot camp captain each week, issuing challenges to other members. Challenges can be activity-related, or even just a challenge for each member to incorporate one cup of blueberries a day into their diets for the week.

+ Meet up when someone reaches their goal! What better way to celebrate a friend’s success, and to motivate ourselves to keep moving toward ours, than to spend some face-to-face party time with the people we’ve been making that journey with. At the very least, pick a spot once or twice a year to get together for a weekend to pow-wow and infuse fresh, exciting energy into the coming months’ challenges.

No matter how you structure your group, make a commitment to it and ask that others do the same. Nothing will kill a group like fizzling participation from members, so when things start to lilt, and they sometimes will, try injecting new ideas to get them bouncing again. If members still aren’t participating, politely ask them to move on so you keep a core of motivated folks moving.

Do you have a group, or are you planning to start one? Share your ideas and questions here in comments, and if you start an open group and want to invite FGG members, let us know! Happy ass-kicking!