The Fat Girl's Guide to Living

Every woman deserves to see herself as beautiful and sexy (image by JamieBates)

All women experience self-doubt. Actually, scratch that. All women — with the possible exception of the Jersey Shore cast — experience self-doubt. Not even the most seemingly together girl is immune. Despite appearing to have the perfect job, the perfect skin, the perfect curves, the perfect manicure perfect relationship. . . even she looks in the mirror and fixates on some body part she wishes were larger, smaller, tighter, smoother, or just plain different.

It’s a strange quirk of the female psyche, this tendency to put ourselves down — fat girls even moreso. Feeling insecure about our weight can hold us back from applying for a job we really want, pursuing a meaningful relationship, or trying a new activity or hobby we’ve been curious about. Negative feelings about our bodies can also affect our experiences with sex and intimacy, causing us to prefer “lights off, shirt on” sex or not allowing us to fully enjoy or respond to a partner’s affection.

While it’s unlikely a single blog post can resolve years of self doubt, if we can give you one or two real-world suggestions — or even some food for thought — that helps facilitate a positive change in your self-perception, then we’ll call it a successful day at FGG.

Stop deferring compliments

Let’s play a little game: Imagine you’re filling your water bottle in the office kitchen on Friday morning when a co-worker exclaims, “Your hair looks amazing today!” Or one of the other moms at the playground tells you how much she loves your shoes, or that your new shirt is fabulous. What about when your husband or date tells you that you’re sexy? What goes through your mind in those moments, and how do you respond?

Too many times, we brush off compliments because they make us feel awkward or unworthy. Or, worse still, we respond by putting ourselves down: “Oh, no! My hair is a disaster today with this humidity!” “Really? I think this shirt makes my arms look huge. But your shirt is adorable.” “Whatever. I’m sweaty and gross from carrying the groceries inside; there’s no way that’s sexy.”

Why can’t we stop pushing back and simply allow ourselves be appreciated? Hearing something positive about ourselves — especially about our appearance — doesn’t have to be transactional. We don’t have to automatically counter with something we don’t like, or to look for a way to even the playing field by complimenting the other person.

The next time someone praises your appearance, your body, your sense of humor, or any of your unique characteristics, there are three really simple things you need to do: Smile genuinely, say “thank you,” and believe the person who said it.

That’s it. The more accustomed you are to accepting compliments graciously, the better your chances for well-developed self esteem. You might even try writing down these positive observations about yourself, or repeating them back to yourself in the mirror or during moments of self doubt. Telling yourself “you’re attractive and desirable” might feel awkward at first — you might even laugh. But it’s been shown that self-talk is a powerful brain-changer, and you also might start to believe it.

Always play up your strengths

With your ears and mind open to receiving positive feedback, it should be just a short hop to identifying your strongest attributes — physical or otherwise. Even if it’s hard for us to express or show outwardly, each of us can identify something about ourselves that we like when we look in the mirror. Perhaps you have gorgeous eyes, or ultra-thick, shiny hair. Or maybe it’s your killer legs or a smile that lights up your whole face. My best friend is fond of joking that the headline of her fictitious online personal ad would read: “Possesses super-soft skin. . . and an 8-bit Nintendo.” And it’s certainly no coincidence that I prefer lower-cut, V-neck tops to turtlenecks.

Whatever your favorite parts, help them look their best with the right care and grooming, or the accessories to make them stand out. Give your pretty feet some pampering and a colorful summer pedicure. If you’ve got an hourglass figure, buy a dress that defines your lovely waist. Take care of your beautiful teeth with good oral hygiene and regular visits to the dentist. Or experiment with different makeup techniques that make your green eyes sparkle or your brown eyes smolder.

Although neither confidence nor a person’s worth can be measured in body parts or physical traits, there’s something to be said for starting small and building up from there. Stepping out into the world feeling positive about even a few things about your appearance can be a seed for change in other parts of your life, too. In the same way crossing a couple of easy items off a to-do list can build momentum, knowing that you have a knock-em-dead [insert your fave trait here] can help make it easier to feel love — or even just acceptance — for the areas of your body that don’t make you as happy.

More than the sum of your parts

Beyond the bounce of a great hairstyle or the allure of impressive cleavage, there’s a whole body waiting to be understood and appreciated. Despite — or perhaps because of — the familiarity that comes with living in our own skin every day, many of us don’t often consider all the positive things our bodies do on a daily basis. What’s worse, we often try to hide, cover or ignore whole areas of our bodies because of the extra weight we carry.

But think about it: Extra weight or not, your body is both an amazing machine and a refuge. The same legs that feel “too big” manage to carry you through every day, up the stairs and down the street — even through exotic places and new experiences. For the moms out there, the stretch marks that become all you can see when you view your tummy are the evidence of loved and cherished children your beautiful body carried, nourished and birthed. And the arms you might feel ashamed to bare because of the way they flap or roll are the same arms your friends or family run to when they’re hurting, or scared, or need to be reassured. Wearing a size 8 or 28 is irrelevant in these situations, so why should size be so prevalent in how much we appreciate our bodies?

Tune in to your body

Of course, body confidence isn’t as simple as flipping a switch or we’d have done it already and I’d be talking to myself here. For some of us the process takes our whole lives and involves professional reinforcement. But activities that connect you to your body can also help foster the process. At FGG, we’ve talked about how everything from stretching to yoga to the great orgasms can enhance the mind/body relationship while also improving health and energy. Some women also find confidence through specific activities in which they feel they excel — or through which they just feel a comforting “I’m just like everyone else here” normalcy.

I’ve made no secret about the fact that the water is my happy place. And though I began taking aqua classes to improve my fitness, I’ve noticed other changes in the three months since I began attending regularly. I stand straighter now. I’m more conscious of the way my muscles work together. And, on very rare occasions, I actually feel the same fluidity in my body outside of the pool as I do in the water.

If you’re still searching for your physical happy place, try another FGG favorite activity to help access your body’s more subtle graces: The self-portrait project. Focusing regularly on locating new body angles to photograph can be a powerful tool in making peace with (and finding love for) your body. Seeing yourself from new perspectives may even help you begin to see what someone might mean when s/he says “You’re so pretty,” or even “You’re so sexy.”

Listen to your friends and family

This is possibly the strongest argument of all for self worth, and yet one that is grossly underestimated or ignored. No matter what our age or current position in life — married, dating, single, parenting or not, on top of the world or in a state of reinvention — each of us has some type of support network. Sometimes it’s a nuclear family; other times it’s an assortment of friends who fill the same role. The point is, we have people around us who see us for who we are and who love us.

I’ve often considered the double standard many of us are tempted to buy into: The notion that our plus-size friends or family members are awesome, beautiful, diverse, lovable people who enrich our lives — without stopping for a moment to consider that they likely feel the very same way about us. How is it possible to be so quick to see the beauty in others, yet so reluctant to admit it in ourselves?

The next time a friend shares that she loves how you look in a particular photo, try to stop yourself from immediately thinking she’s crazy because you had your eyes closed, or because it’s not taken from the most flattering possible angle. Instead of looking for double chins, try to see what she sees in the picture. Is it the joy spreading across your face as you break into laughter? Is it the glow of feeling loved by those around you? Is it the curl of your grin that indicates you just told a hilarious story? Or maybe it’s the pride you’re exuding upon accepting your college degree or while watching your child take his first steps.

Ultimately, beauty is more than perfectly straight teeth or cellulite-free skin. It’s the intangible light that glints from women of every size and shape, every single day. Sometimes it catches in ponytailed hair as she does the dishes, and sometimes it’s reflected in smoky, bedroom eyes. Where will someone see it today in you? And will you be brave enough to recognize and embrace it?

We want to hear your stories of self confidence and beauty. At what point in your life have you felt the most irresistible, and how did body image play into that experience? How do you tap into your reserve of confidence and desirability? Do the other plus-size women in your life realize their own beauty?

Surf Diva Co-Founder Izzy Tihanyi doing what she does best

There’s a group of vacationers who book cabins every July at the same Lake Huron resort where my family and friends spend the week. We call them “Extreme Family.” The Extremes don’t believe in our brand of lazy and relaxing vacation, a carefully crafted mixture of swimming, sunning, volleyballing, grilling, drinking, and playing every card and board game you can name. Instead, they prefer to remain in sporty motion every possible second. They are led by a board shorts-clad matriarch whom we watched wind-surfing daily while eight months pregnant with her daughter (a child we later dubbed “Extreme Baby”). If the kids in our group build sand castles, The Extremes pitch a tent and 14 high-flying “extreme” kites on the beach. If our group rents a jet-ski, The Extremes will no doubt begin water skiing in pyramid formation. That’s the way it is with The Extremes — they do all of the things that seem impossible or impractical to do.

I share the story of Extreme Family not just because it amuses me (although, let’s be honest — it totally does), but because it perfectly captures my attitude and assumptions about activities like surfing. Surfing has always seemed “extreme” to me: exotic, implausible, unrealistic–especially for an overweight Midwesterner like myself. “I/we don’t surf,” I thought. “Only super-fit daredevils like The Extremes take up sports like that.”

It took just one phone call with Izzy Tihanyi, co-founder of Surf Diva Surf School for women, to shatter that myth for me. An instructor and competitive surfer, Tihanyi and twin sister, Coco (the “Diva” counterpart to Izzy’s “Surf”), established San Diego, CA-based Surf Diva in 1996 to introduce women of all ages to the sport in a fun and encouraging environment. Thanks to Tihanyi, I learned (and now you readers will, too!) that fat chicks “abso-lutely” can surf, and that this sport is more accessible than some of us may think.

How does being overweight affect a woman’s ability to surf?

Turns out there are both challenges and benefits to being a bigger girl with a surfing jones. On the plus side of being plus-sized, Tihanyi says, “You stay a lot warmer in the water; you don’t get as cold because you have your own personal insulation. I’ve noticed I can stay in the water longer than most of the guys out there who have 6% body fat.” Tihanyi takes me back to the days of science class in referencing water-dwelling animals whose biology maintains a layer of fat beneath their skin for warmth. Like seals and walruses, she says, “I’m more suited to surviving in the ocean.”

And once you’re standing on the board, neither your weight nor your weight distribution (top heavy vs. pear shaped, etc.) affects your buoyancy or ability to ride the waves. As long as you have the strength and stamina to paddle and manage your board in the water, what your weight affects more than anything is your pop-up. Also called a “pop,” this is the maneuver that takes you from your belly to your feet on the surfboard, and it’s a challenging one to master at any weight because it requires considerable strength and flexibility. Imagine an explosive push-up that requires gripping the sides (“rails”) of your board and using your arms to press your torso up while you simultaneously pulling your knee under you and sliding it up toward your chest.

“That’s kind of a hard maneuver,” Tihanyi agrees, before talking me through the “Izzy Twist,” a pop-up modification she invented for use by her “more voluptuous students.” Rather than sliding the knee straight up toward your chest, the Izzy Twist involves opening your knee to the side so it can go around your belly or chest or any other generously proportioned area that’s in the way. Tihanyi explains the maneuver to me three times (even suggesting I visualize it by getting into push-up stance on the floor) before suggesting I check out the full description in her book, Surf Diva: A Girl’s Guide to Getting Good Waves, which she co-authored with sister Coco.

If you don’t feel comfortable attempting a pop-up because of your size, flexibility, joint issues, or any other reason, there are still exciting ways to ride the waves. Tihanyi suggests trying stand up paddle boarding (SUP), a sport that emerged from Hawaii and involves (you guessed it) standing and paddling on a huge, 12-foot board. The board’s extended length, combined with the use of the paddle, make it more stable than either a shortboard or a longboard. “Imagine being in a kayak but you’re standing up!” Tihanyi explains. “You can paddle [out] on flat water, so you’re not popping up, and you can do it no matter what size you are.” As an added benefit, stand-up paddle boarding can be done on lakes and rivers, making it even more accessible for landlocked or otherwise ocean-less girls.

The bottom line, according to Tihanyi: “You can surf in the ocean no matter what your weight is. You can lay on a board, you can paddle and you can catch waves. The only difference is you’re going to need a bigger board.”

Gear for the plus-size surfer girl

Because proper board size varies by an individual’s height and weight, it’s important to select the right board for maximum possible flotation. Board lengths begin at six feet (these shortboards are used by “rippers,” advanced-level surfers who chase the more dangerous rip tides), but beginners should start with the smoother, more graceful longboard. To that end, Tihanyi recommends big girls choose a board at least 10 feet long and three and a half inches thick. At 5’7 and a size 18, Tihanyi has found her ideal board length to be 9’6. Once you’re set for a board, she says, “it’s really important to find the right wetsuit. And that, my girls, is tricky.”

Wetsuits are designed to cling like a second skin (and you thought wrestling your Spanx made you crazy!), but they’re also designed to insulate and retain body heat, while protecting you from the effects of colder water, winds and, in some cases, sunburn. “I wear a men’s extra-large, and I’ve found that fits me better than a women’s 18,” Tihanyi says. “[Surf Diva] carries sizes up to a men’s 3x. We’ve fitted wetsuits on women up to about a size 26, and the men’s 3X tends to fit them. Most men’s wetsuits go up to size 3X or larger. I’ve never found a women’s wetsuit past a size 18.”

Fortunately, this is where FGG comes in handy, because we did locate ladies’ wetsuits in extended sizes. Sea Dreams offers fashionable wetsuits for women of all shapes, including a full-length wetsuit in sizes up to 26. We also spotted a pink & black shorty suit in sizes to 4X (comparable to a 22/24) available online at TommyDSports.

If you go the men’s suit route, keep in mind that the arms and legs will likely be too long. Roll them up if it’s a rental, or consider having the suit tailored (yes, it’s possible, though you’ll need to locate a professional in your area) if it’s your own. And if you’re between sizes, always go up a size because of the suit’s close-fitting nature.

Surfing skill doesn’t depend on your size

“It really depends on your flexibility, body strength and core strength,” Tihanyi says, going on to describe an experience with two her recent students – one much lighter and leaner than the other. Although many people guessed by appearance that the thinner man would be more successful, she says, “The heavier guy tore it up while the skinnier dude couldn’t stay on the board. The bigger guy was all core strength – if you have a lot of core strength, you can surf remarkably well.”

To excel as a surfer of any size, Tihanyi recommends training your body by adding both flexibility and strength. Yoga, stretching or Pilates are all great for developing the fluidity you’ll need to move with your board in the water. (There are even surfing-specific yoga workouts you can use for training.) Beyond that, Tihanyi says, “Get in the pool and do some laps. Swimming is all upper body strength, which you’ll need for paddling the board.” In addition, the cardio will make a big difference when you need stamina out in the water.

Resources for beginning surfers

While there are plenty of books, Web sites and Youtube videos out there to teach jargon or demonstrate certain techniques, Tihanyi strongly recommends classes for the brand-new surfer. “You’ll learn faster and have more fun, and you won’t give up,” she says, along with stressing the importance of informing the school ahead of time if you have special needs. “We have plus-size surf instructors [at Surf Diva], and we’re very fat-friendly.”

Tihanyi’s own Surf Diva book includes photos of surfing women who encompass all ages, sizes and experience levels. The idea is to make the sport relatable, Tihanyi says. “It demystifies surfing and takes away fears. It acknowledges that, yeah, you can be afraid of [surfing] if it’s new, but that’s something that we can overcome together.”

While Surf Diva specializes in classes for women, you can take surfing lessons — everything from one-day classes to extended camps — almost anywhere there’s coastline and surf-friendly conditions. A quick Google search of “surf lessons” and your preferred city/state/country will yield tons of options, or you can try an aggregate site like CaliforniaSurfingLessons.com. As always, word of mouth and a close reading of online reviews are savvy ways to help ensure a positive experience.

Be the “best surfer in the water”

“I call surfing ‘the lifetime achievement sport,’” Tihanyi says. “Keep it fun, don’t make it competitive. Don’t try to compare yourself to anyone else. Surfing’s not a team sport, it’s an individual sport – so it’s just about you having fun. One of my favorite students was from Oregon. It’s hard to estimate weight, but I’d guess she weighed over three hundred pounds. And she had the best attitude. Our motto at Surf Diva is: ‘The best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun.’ And by that motto, she absolutely rocked it. She was catching waves in – she caught some of them on her knees – and we all cheered her on. She was an amazing woman and I hope she’s still surfing today.”

Toward the end of our conversation, Tihanyi shares some advice that resonates big time with our own FGG mission: “Don’t wait until you feel like you’re ‘strong enough.’ The more you surf, the better shape you’ll be in and the better you’ll feel. Don’t wait until you’re ‘thin enough.’” I can practically hear the surf pounding in the background as Tihanyi gets philosophical: “You’re in the ocean . . . and you’re in water . . . and you’re in nature  . . . and the sun is out . . . and that, in itself, is beautiful. And that’s all that matters.”

Phrased that way, the whole idea of fat girls surfing doesn’t seem so extreme after all.

Girls, share your surfing (or other “extreme” activities) with us – did trying something that felt daring change your perception of yourself in any way? Has this Guide changed your attitudes about activities that seem out of your reach? Let us know by leaving a comment.

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image by marco sickofgoodbyes

What are some good at-home workouts for beginners?

Whether your goal is weight loss, stress relief, improved flexibility or just stronger muscles and more energy to keep up with household chores/kids/the demands of an average day, the fact is our bodies need to move. Here at FGG, we’ve presented fat-girl-friendly exercise options as diverse as hiking, dance lessons, health club memberships, yoga, indoor rock climbing and – most recently – water aerobics. But what about those of us who aren’t ready to (or interested in) working out in public? Fortunately, the list of at-home workout options is miles long; unfortunately, it can be tricky to find the right starting point, especially if you want to ease your way into becoming more active. That’s why we’re glad to help narrow the search.

(We probably don’t need to say this, but just in case: always get the green light from your health care provider before beginning any new exercise routine, especially if it’s been a while since you’ve worked out).

As always, the best place to start is by understanding your goals. Are you looking for a cardio workout to get the blood flowing? Movements to increase your strength and flexibility? A fun way to get yourself up and off the couch? Or maybe there’s a particular genre of fitness you’ve always wanted to try — something like hip-hop dance or aerobic striptease? Opt for an activity that holds interest for you or risk throwing away your money on DVDs that will only gather dust on your shelf.

For one of the most basic at-home activities, walking,  Leslie Sansone’s “Walk Away the Pounds” series is a tried-and-true fat-girl staple, thanks to easy movements, Sansone’s focus on low-intensity variations, and a perfect-for-rookies one-mile workout that includes a warm-up and cool-down all in 20 minutes. (Note: Don’t sweat the water-filled, two-pound weights Sansone recommends; you can replace them with any hand-held or wrist-worn substitute, grab a couple of soup cans, or just complete the movements sans weights.) Sansone also offers several toning videos that are great for beginners, and her style is upbeat and motivational (if a little chirpy for me some days).

Two examples of routines for plus-sized women by plus-sized women are “Just My Size Yoga with Megan Garcia” and “Look Great, Feel Great: Plus-Sized Pilates.” Both videos feature real-sized hosts most fat girls will identify with, leading viewers through a range of beginning movements with thorough instructions. User reviews absolutely rave about “Just My Size Yoga” and Garcia’s approach, while indicating that “Plus-Sized Pilates” may be for ultra-beginners, as it moves very slowly and features more instruction than continued movement. While this may not provide the start-to-finish workout some desire, it could be helpful for those who are unsure of Pilates and want to try some moves before upgrading to a full routine.

For more ideas and reviews from both real users and the pros, check out Exercise Videos Reviews or Collage Video. And, in addition to tell-it-like-it-is user experiences, you can also find sample clips for many videos on Amazon.com. Your local library may also have some titles for check-out, so take a test drive before investing if you’re skeptical.

Don’t be afraid to think outside the DVD box. Today’s at-home exercise options are (thankfully) far more diverse than in the aerobics-and-crunches days of yore. Nintendo’s Wii Fit Plus alone has revolutionized the concept of working out in your living room by pairing video game fun with moves that promote cardio, strength and balance benefits. With options to customize your workouts and track your progress while choosing activities ranging from hula hooping to snowball fighting to juggling, Wii Fit works hard to take the boredom out of becoming more active.

Another at-home option may even been at your fingertips right now: ExerciseTV is carried by many cable providers, including Comcast, AT&T and Tivo, and the On Demand menu offers dozens of programs each month that you can complete whenever you like. Typical programming includes beginning yoga, 20-minute cardio, walking for diabetics, and sculpting workouts with Kim Kardashian (no, seriously). Workout levels range from beginner to the very advanced. The ExerciseTV Web site also provides training clips and full workout videos available for download. I liked the real body shapes (tummies! hips! arms!) represented by the “Make Me Over 40-Minute Workout,” but the range of motion was more demanding than I expected (a ton of squats), so consider this more of an more intermediate video.

Help add to our list by sharing your favorite at-home exercise routines in comments.

super gurrl by JamieBates

We’ve all been there: Saturday morning’s long, impatient to-do list competes with the more compelling siren song of a warm blanket and a good book. Or a jam-packed day at the office – complete with a two-hour lunch delay to solve the latest crisis – burns this morning’s stockpile of energy down to embers. Or on the one day you get to sleep in, the kids decide to wake an hour and a half early to place an order for Mickey Mouse pancakes. While everyone faces days that test their endurance, the extra weight (and sometimes the negative self-talk) that fat girls carry in addition to our everyday burdens can make it tough to find an energy boost when we need it. Next time life demands a Superwoman setting, try refueling your energy reserves with one of these techniques.

Move it or lose it

It doesn’t take a physicist to grasp that whole “a body at rest stays at rest” law of motion deal. The more we sit without doing something active, the more inclined we are to. . .  sit without doing something active. So get up, already (this is one of those times when I need to take my own advice). Push back from the cube desk every 30 minutes and walk a lap around the office, fill your water bottle, etc. Set an egg timer and clean like crazy for exactly 10 minutes. Do five of anything resembling a jumping jack. Walk for just five minutes, then assess if you want to continue moving. For many people, the simple act of getting the blood flowing and the heart beating a little faster is all it takes to shake off the afternoon drag.

What’s your cup o’ tea?

When faced with an early morning or tough afternoon, many of us automatically reach for the caffeine boost of coffee or soda. Next time, consider swapping that Diet Coke for a cup of tea, which can provide energizing benefits without dehydrating you or posing caffeine’s risk of addiction. Popular choices include rooibos tea (antioxidant-rich and said to help soothe headaches and muscle aches, as well as improving digestion) and teas made with spearmint (light, refreshing taste and benefits said to include improved digestion and a limiting of excess hair growth on women – bonus!). Check out TeaBenefits.com for ideas about the tea that best suits your health and mood.

DIY mantra

Stuart Smalley had “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” My best friend posts song lyrics or Bible verses on Facebook when she needs to pick herself up or focus. As ridiculous as it sounds, my own “daily affirmation” came from a fortune cookie I received last summer: “You are capable, competent, creative, careful. Prove it.” (I figured if a cookie takes the time to call you out in no uncertain terms, it’s probably wise to listen.)

Having a mantra doesn’t have to be boring, trite or sound like a corporate mission statement — it’s simply about identifying what drives you. What’s the motivating force behind your job, your activities, your relationships or your choices? Are you working toward a family? A home? Better health? An established industry name? If you can connect to the root idea of what makes a task important, you may be able to find the reserves to push through it with gusto.

Make like Gumby

Back in November, Tee published the (awesome) Fat Girl’s Guide to Stretching and we learned how easy — and energizing — it could be to incorporate basic stretches into our daily routine. All those expert tips and sage advice? Still true! the important thing to add is that regardless of your lifestyle, whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a student, a high-profile corporate exec, or working two jobs to pay rent, simple stretches are a take-anywhere, try-anywhere cure for flagging energy in just a few minutes. You don’t need equipment and you don’t need total privacy (which is more than we can say for the next tip) or intensive training, because moves as simple as neck stretches and shoulder rolls provide big benefits and can be done right from your desk.

Gimme an ‘O!’

We’re no longer in the Victorian age, ladies, so I’m just going to say it: orgasms are good for us. Whether achieved solo or with a partner, the release of endorphins orgasms provide is similar to that of a runner’s high, and the benefits include everything from reduced stress levels to pain management to curbed appetites. Not bad for something that feels great, right?

It may seem counter-intuitive to recommend an activity that provides such deep relaxation (and frequently, sleepiness), but a clear mind and a 20-minute power nap will often do wonders for both attitude and productivity. Plus, not every burst of energy is physical; feeling empowered and energized can just as easily be a mental strategy. How much more confidence and enthusiasm do you project when you feel good about yourself and your body? And what better way to connect with your body’s innate awesomeness than through some, shall we say, quality time and a toe curler (or two)? I rest my case — and ask that you not try this in the office.

It’s essential

Aromatherapy evokes or enhances different moods through scent, either in the form of candles or essential oils. Small amounts of the concentrated oils can be sniffed from a vial or jar, applied to pressure points like the temples, feet, or wrists, or heated in a diffuser to fill a room with fragrance. To revitalize and energize, consider scents like tea tree, mint, basil, lime, cedar, rosewood, ginger and frankincense. Oils and candles are available at retailers like Bath & Body Works, as well as smaller, niche stores and online vendors. Check out AromaWeb for more information.

Pump up the jams

Over dinner last month, my 50-something friend Iris confided the secret of her recent weight loss and sudden take-no-prisoners approach to life: Quite simply, she got a new attitude. “It’s Patti LaBelle,” she said with a grin. “I get on my treadmill and as soon as ‘New Attitude’ comes on, I’m ready to rock!”

Whether your own musical magic trick is an “anthem song” like Iris’s, or just a tune that takes you to a particularly confident, empowered time and place, music is a powerful tool – so make it work for you when you need it most. Flood your headphones with the iPod mix of songs that always gets your blood pumping (mine always includes “Hazy Shade of Winter” by The Bangles). Or choose a song with lyrics that speak to your mood and blast it while you work, cook, drive, fold laundry, or just sing at the top of your lungs.

Judge if you will, but all it takes is the opening pulse of Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” to remind me of the 4 a.m. lakefront reality check/pep talk delivered by a dear friend last summer. In a moment of flagging confidence and confusion about the future, he helped me cut through my fears and self sabotage as Gaga wailed and waves crashed in the background. A year later, I still play that song when I need a reminder that Mike was right and everything’s “gonna be okay. . . (just dance).”

Regis, I’d like to phone a friend

If you’ve read this far, you may have noticed that I frequently mention my friends when I write–they’re my extended (and surrogate) family and, often, my inspiration. Our friends are able to see the amazing qualities we possess but can’t always acknowledge in ourselves. So it stands to reason that these are the same people who may have a motivating trick or two up their sleeves when we’re feeling drained. Reaching out to a friend via phone, text or e-mail takes only moments, but the belly laugh or the calibration with your truest self that s/he provides may be what you need to feel rejuvenated.

How do you stay energized? Where do you turn for an energy boost when you most need it? Tell us in comments.

We asked, and you answered: “What’s the FIRST word that comes to mind when you think of yoga?” From your 100+ responses, we randomly selected a winner:

::drumroll::

Sherri, who wrote “***energizing***” as her one-word association with the word “yoga.”

Congratulations, Sherri!

Please email your mailing address to: letters AT fatgirlsguidetoliving DOT com so we can send your copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley.

Thanks for playing along, everyone! Tee and I got a kick out of your creativity and humor when answering this question. And Sherri and anyone else who picks up a copy of this book: please write to tell us what you think of it–we love reader mail! Stay tuned, as we’re planning more reader giveaways in the future.

One of our first Fat Girl’s Guides covered how to practice yoga when your boobs and belly are, shall we say, significant enough to render certain poses difficult without a skilled instructor to offer alternatives. Now we’d like to offer our readers a free copy of Plus-Sized Yoga: Beginners Yoga for People of All Sizes by Donald Keith Stanley. A yoga student for many years, Stanley worked with yoga instructors and students to develop this guide for “the rest of us,” dispelling the myth that you have to look like a cover model to practice yoga. The book also covers the many benefits of yoga, including improved posture, stress relief, and improved focus and sleeping patterns – benefits Toni can happily attest to since returning to practice at the beginning of this year.

To enter, comment here with the FIRST word that comes to mind when you hear the word “yoga,” and you’ll be automatically entered in the drawing. (One entry per person and you must enter a valid email address).

The contest closes Wednesday, March 10 at 11:59 pm CST. A winner will be chosen at random from the comments, and will be notified by email within 24 hours after the contest closes.

Comfortable in my own pants

I love yoga. The reasons are many: it’s a low impact activity (perfect for my myriad prior injuries), practice can be adjusted to suit just about any ability level (no need to take one of those overachieving “power yoga” classes to reap its benefits) and body type (I am a master at adjusting poses to suit my ample lower belly), and it makes me feel fantastic, inside and out (I leave class feeling both relaxed and energized – unlike anything else physical I do, except maybe for sex!).

Let’s face it: yoga pants are inexpensive and easy to find at just about any major retailer. Those yoga pants are just fine, and fortunately, you don’t need any specialized equipment to practice yoga. But if you want comfortable, well-made, sturdy, flattering yoga pants that will last you for years, check out these beauties from Land’s End. The fabric wicks away moisture from your body and prevents the growth of bacteria–distinct advantages if you’re a sweaty Betty like me. They’re also nicely insulated–I never feel the cold when walking to and from yoga in our freezing Illinois winters–and I just love the thickness and firm flexibility of this fabric.

The only down side to these yoga pants is the price: $48.50 for plus (IX and 2X) and tall sizes (where regular and petite pay $42.50). However, my pear-shaped, size 20-but-pushing-22-for-a-while-now bod fits into their regular XL (listed as an 18-20). Also, I only buy these on sale, and they are marked down once or twice a year–sign up for email deals on the Land’s End home page (they arrive almost-daily but there are new offers all the time) and become a fan on Facebook, where unique specials sometimes pop up. Finally, check your local Land’s End at Sears stores for in-store sales that aren’t advertised on the web and the Land’s End Outlet stores if you have one in your area (I once found the yoga pants for $28 at a Sears store).

Whatever your budget (and as a feast-or-famine freelancer, I love a good bargain), it’s always a good idea to have some items that really work in your wardrobe and are built to last. If all this yoga-in-comfy-pants talk has you excited to try yoga, check out the Fat Girl’s Guide to Yoga, and look for an upcoming Stuff We Love on yoga tops soon. And as always, share your fave finds in the comments section.